VOICES IN RELATIONSHIP: THE SIGNIFICANCE OF A FATHERS INFLUENCE ON
WOMEN’S DEVELOPMENT OF VOICE
by
JILLIAN MARIE SCHMIDT-LEVESQUE

A THESIS SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE
REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF MASTER OF ARTS
in
THE FACULTY OF GRADUATE STUDIES
GRADUATE COUNSELLING PSYCHOLOGY PROGRAM

We accept this thesis as conforming to the required standard

……………………………………………………..
Janelle Kwee, Psy.D., Thesis Supervisor

……………………………………………………..
Marvin McDonald, Ph.D., Second Reader & Research Coordinator

……………………………………………………..
Chuck Macknee, Ph.D., Third Reader

TRINITY WESTERN UNIVERSITY
Month day, 2015
© Jillian M Schmidt-Levesque and Janelle Kwee

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ABSTRACT

Although literature acknowledges that fathers are critical figures in women’s lives, and
the daughter-father relationship is crucial for women’s development of self, this understanding
has been paired with a focus on negative developmental consequences instead of emphasizing
the positive aspects found within the daughter-father relationship. This study was designed to
combine two controversial and impactful areas of research, daughter-father relationships and
women’s development of empowerment. Four daughter-father dyads were selected for inclusion
based on the daughters’ self-reported positive relationships with their fathers. All four daughterfather dyads identified as Christian and active members of Evangelical culture. Throughout the
narratives spirituality was hugely influential in supporting daughters’ identity development.. In
order to capture the essence of the inner experiences daughters and fathers have voiced in
relationship with one another, the qualitative feminist method the Listening Guide was
employed. Through participants’ narratives, voices were identified which spoke of relationship
(voices of autonomy, silencing, empathy, yearning, acceptance, approval, attunement, parental
guidance, connection, and resistance). Through experiences in connection with their fathers, the
daughters were able to begin to organize their sense of self.

Key words: Listening Guide: Voices in relationship, daughter-father relationship; secure
attachment; positive relationships; Christian fathers; Christian daughters’; women’s development
of self

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

ABSTRACT .................................................................................................................................... ii
LIST OF FIGURES
FIGURE 1: Voices in Relationship..................................................................................101
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS .......................................................................................................... vii
CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION ...................................................................................................8
CHAPTER 2: LITERATURE REVIEW ......................................................................................12
Women’s Development .....................................................................................................12
The Development of Women’s Sense of Self in Relation .....................................12
Early Theories of the Self ......................................................................................13
Recent Theories of the Self ....................................................................................14
The Self According to Feminist Psychologists ......................................................16
Relational-Cultural Theory ......................................................................18
Relational-Self Theory .............................................................................21
Fatherhood in Historical Perspective .................................................................................22
Present Day Depictions of Fatherhood ..................................................................25
The Involved Father ................................................................................27
The Absent Father ....................................................................................30
A Fathers Unique Contribution..............................................................................32
The Daughter-Father Dyad ....................................................................................34
Conclusion .............................................................................................................36
Rationale ............................................................................................................................38
Personal Interest .....................................................................................................39

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Purpose of This Study ............................................................................................40
CHAPTER 3: METHODOLOGY ................................................................................................41
Research Paradigm as the Base for Methodological Rationale .........................................42
Recruitment and Sampling .....................................................................................48
Measures ................................................................................................................49
Rationale for use of the Listening Guide ...........................................................................51
The Listening Guide ..........................................................................................................53
Steps of the Listening Guide ..............................................................................................56
Step One: Listening for the Plot and the Listener’s Response...............................56
Step Two: Composing ‘I poems’ ...........................................................................57
Additional ‘we-poem, she-poem, he-poem’ element .............................................58
Step Three: Listening for Contrapuntal Voices .....................................................58
Step Four: Composing the Analysis ......................................................................59
Quality and Rigour .............................................................................................................60
CHAPTER 4: RESULTS ..............................................................................................................64
Voices in Relationship .......................................................................................................64
Voice of autonomy.................................................................................................64
Voice of silencing ..................................................................................................70
Voice of resistance .................................................................................................76
Voice of connection ...............................................................................................80
Voice of attunement ...............................................................................................84
Voice of approval ...................................................................................................88
Voice of acceptance ...............................................................................................90

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Voice of yearning ...................................................................................................92
Voice of empathy ...................................................................................................94
Voice of parental guidance ....................................................................................96
Participant Stories ............................................................................................................102
Anne .....................................................................................................................102
Gerry ....................................................................................................................109
Voices of Anne and Gerry ...................................................................................115
Jenny ....................................................................................................................116
Graham .................................................................................................................126
Voices of Jenny and Graham ...............................................................................130
Penny....................................................................................................................132
Randal ..................................................................................................................139
Voices of Penny and Randal ................................................................................144
Monica .................................................................................................................146
John ......................................................................................................................152
Voices of Monica and John..................................................................................158
CHAPTER 5: DISCUSSION.......................................................................................................160
Implications ......................................................................................................................172
Research ...............................................................................................................172
Clinical .................................................................................................................175
Strengths and Limitations ................................................................................................175
REFERENCES ............................................................................................................................177
APPENDIX A: Online Screening Consent Form ........................................................................186

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APPENDIX B: Informed Consent Form .....................................................................................188
APPENDIX C: Interview Questions for Daughters.....................................................................191
APPENDIX D: Interview Questions for Fathers .........................................................................192
APPENDIX E: Relationship Scales Questionnaire .....................................................................193
APPENDIX F: Telephone Interview Screening Questions .........................................................196

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INTRODUCTION

“We tend to think of any one individual in isolation; it is a convenient fiction…There is
no such thing as a single human being, pure and simple, unmixed with other human
beings. Each personality is a world in him/herself, a company of many. That self, that
life of one’s own which is in fact so precious through so casually taken for granted, is a
composite structure which has been and is formed and built up since the day of our birth
and of countless never-ending influences and exchanges between ourselves and with
others…These other persons are in fact therefore parts of ourselves, as we have had our
relation with, and as have thus become parts of us…intended or not.” - Joan Riviere (as
cited in Chodorow, 1986, p. 116).
One of the most unique relationships that women encounter is that with their father.
Supportive evidence displays the importance of fathers as key roles, valuable players, and vital
influences in daughters development (Allgood, Beckert, & Peterson, 2012; Brok, 2005; ByrdCraven, Auer, Granger, & Massey, 2012; Coley, 2003; East, Jackson, & O’Brien, 2006; Endes,
1997; Hartwell-Walker, 2012; Kieffer, 2008; Secunda, 1992). Often the researchers of parentadolescent relationships (Barrett & Morman, 2006; Bronstein, 1984; Harris & Morgan, 1991)
downplay the importance of fathers on daughters’ development (Pleck & Hofferth, 2008, in
Allgood et al., 2012). While existing literature points to the various levels of father involvement
(Cabrera & Tamis-LeMonde, 2013; Cabrera, Tamis-LeMonde, Bradley, Hofferth, & Lamb,
2000; Casper, 1997; Day & Lamb, 2003; Finley & Schwartz, 2004; Lamb, 2004; Lewis & Lamb,
2003), and sheds light on the psychological, emotional, and developmental benefits of a positive
and secure relationship with a father (Amato, 1994; Benware, 2014; Bernier & Dozier, 2002;
Mallinckrodt & Wei, 2005; Paredes, Ferreira, & Pereira, 2014; Punyanunt-Carter, 2006;
Punyanunt-Carter, 2007; van IJzendoorn, 1995), there is an apparent need for research focused
on the innermost beings of these individuals in relationship with one another.
In the past decade, there has been a shift in women’s developmental theory from feminist
psychologists that have been increasingly vocal and articulate about their dissatisfaction with

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existing models of female development (Andersen & Chen, 2002; Benjamin, 1998; Brown &
Gilligan, 1992; Chodorow, 1986; Gilligan, 1993; Jordan, 1997; Miller, 1986 & 1990). As Joan
Riviere argues, a relatively new theory suggests that the development of women is marked by a
particular conception of human relationship (Chodorow, 1986). Instead of viewing the world as
individuals standing alone, it is argued that women see a world comprised of connective
relationships (Gilligan, 1993). Thus, a woman’s individual development is greatly shaped by her
connections with others (Miller, 1986).
The topic of the self has been salient in feminist philosophy for a long time as it is pivotal
to answering questions about personhood, identity, the body, and agency (Meyers, 2010). While
previous assumptions of self-development (Freud, 1920 & 1955; Erikson, 1950) have been
pivotal into shaping the psychological and philosophical landscape, such conceptions of the self
minimize the personal importance of interpersonal relationships, eclipsing family, friendship,
passionate love, and community (Meyers, 2010). Researchers have since begun to describe
relationship, as a movement of relations and of mutual initiative and responsiveness (Jordan,
1997). Kohut (1984, as cited in Jordan, 1997) emphasized the ongoing need for relationships
and points to the importance of others in shaping our self-image and maintaining self-esteem.
Miller (1990) suggested that a girl’s sense of self-esteem is based in the feeling that she is part of
a relationship and is actively involved in maintaining it (Miller, 1990). Girls and women often
feel a sense of effectiveness arising out of the emotional connections they are in, and enjoy
feeding back into them.
Research now points to connective and responsive relationships as fundamental to
psychological development, as without women lose a sense of self (Brown & Gilligan, 1992; see
also Andersen & Chen, 2002; Benjamin, 1998; Brown & Gilligan, 1992; Chodorow, 1986;

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Gilligan, 1993; Miller, 1986; Miller, 1990). Miller (as cited in Gilligan, 1993) emphasized that
girls and women attempt to make and maintain relationships. Paradoxically, women also keep
aspects of themselves out of relationship because the fear of losing the relationship and losing
the self is greater than the loss of voice (p. xxiv). Unfortunately, though girls and women pursue
relationships, they are sometimes difficult to obtain. Many women are more likely to find
themselves in the kind of relationship that suppresses the full participation and expression of
their ways of seeing and acting (Miller, 1990). Often, it is not about wanting or needing to be
independent or dependent, but about the mutual desire to be in relationship with others and to
contribute to the other (Miller, 1990). While women’s developmental theorists have made great
gains in identifying women’s roles of development in connection with significant others, there is
a deficit in examining the positive relationships that have fostered and empowered strong women.
This project is undergirded by the assumption that a woman’s relationship with her father
influences her psychological development, self-esteem, identity, the ability to relate to others,
and self-regulation. Additionally, this study is my1 effort to combine two controversial and
impactful areas of research daughter-father relationships and women’s development of
empowerment. Through the feminist relational qualitative methodology of the Listening Guide
(Brown & Gilligan, 1992) I, the researcher, hope to capture lived experiences daughters have
voiced in relationship with their fathers. By listening to what the participants say, and how they
speak about their experiences in relationship, I hope to honour their stories by creating an avenue
1

The use of the first person here is used intentionally to indicate my presence in this project as
both writer and researcher. It is my intentions moving forward not to remain an objective
presence, however enter willingly and fully into my research with the participants of this study,
other members of the research team, and the research process. Although use of the first person is
not consistent with the publication standards of the American Psychological Association
(Publication manual of the American Psychological Association (6th ed), it is appropriate with
the Listening Guide approach to conducting qualitative research. This is explained in further
detail in Chapter 3.

VOICES IN RELATIONSHIP
for authentic self-expression.
.

.

10

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CHAPTER 2: LITERATURE REVIEW
Daughter-father literature is a varied and conflicted area of familial research lacking in a
cohesive, comprehensive, and qualitative review. Although it is often assumed that men have an
important influence on child development, the supportive evidence is difficult to locate (Lewis &
Lamb, 2003). The purpose of this chapter is twofold: to evaluate key materials related to the
roles and influences of a father in empowering women’s development of the self, and to identify
the role of voice within the daughter-father relationship. My intentions for this review are to
increase familiarity with the foundational research that underlies and informs the
multidisciplinary and controversial view of fatherhood as a construct within women’s
development, and to discuss this research from a critical methodological standpoint (Allgood,
Beckert, & Peterson, 2012; see also Barrett & Morman, 2006; Dadson, 2005; Lamb, 2004). It is
important to note that it is not at all my intention with this literature review to imply the need for
a father as a crutch in women’s development. Rather, it is aimed at outlining the roles fathers
play in empowering their daughters’ development of self. This literature review attempts to
highlight the strengths and weaknesses of current conceptual frameworks and prepares the way
for further qualitative study. Above all, it is my hope that the review will act as an advocate,
elucidating the importance of the daughter-father relationship.
Women’s Development
The development of women’s sense of self in relation. In the past decade, there has
been a shift in women’s developmental theory originating from feminist psychologists. These
psychologists have been increasingly vocal and articulate about their dissatisfaction with existing
models of female development and the female self (Jordan, 1997; see also Chodorow, 1986;
Gilligan, 1993; Miller, 1986; Miller, 1990). Current research has shifted away from a theory of a

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separate self to a perspective of relational being (Jordan, 1997). Prominent in psychological
theory, the concept of the self has evolved to conclude that women are relational being who form
connections through their relationships with the self and with others (Chodorow, 1986; Gilligan,
1993; Jordan, 1997; Miller, 1986; Miller, 1990). In order to fully understand how women
develop in relationship with their fathers, it is essential to further refine our understanding of
women as relational beings.
Early theories of the self. The topic of the self has been salient in feminist philosophy
for a long time; it is pivotal to answering questions about personhood, identity, the body, and
agency (Meyers, 2010). Several biases influenced by the social-political context in western,
democratic societies have shaped clinical-developmental theory about the self (Jordan, 1997).
Traditional psychological theories of development have long viewed the self as a primary reality
and unit of study (Jordan, 1997). Typically, the self has been seen as separated from its context,
a bounded, contained entity that has both objective and subjective qualities (Jordan, 1997). The
ability to differentiate is thought to be characterized by the growth of an autonomous,
individuated self working toward increasing self-control, agency intention, the capacity to use
abstract logic, and to become self-sufficient (Jordan, 1997). Previous writers who studied early
psychological development such as Freud (1920 as cited in Miller, 1990), or Erikson’s (1950 as
cited in Miller, 1990) theorizing about the entire lifespan tend to see all development as
separating oneself out of the matrix of others. Major support for the separate model of the self
came from Freudian theory, specifically his understanding of the psychic. Freud understood the
ego as coming into being to protect the person from the internal impulses and external demands,
and was void of a relational function (Jordan, 1997). Furthermore, Freudian theory stresses the
power of innate instinctual forces, the development of increased internal structure, and freedom

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from dependence on others for gratification of needs (Jordan, 1997). Attainment of satisfaction,
motivated by desire or need, was thought to be the primary goal of behavior, therefore shaping
the self (Jordan, 1997).
Erikson’s ego identity schema (1963) concludes that a sense of self and identity is
predicted early on the establishment of autonomy (Jordan, 1997). According to Erikson’s
schema, the first stage of development is basic trust, after which the aim of every stage until
young adulthood is based on various forms of increased separation of self-development (Miller,
1990). Such philosophical conceptions of the self minimize the personal importance of
interpersonal relationships, eclipsing family, friendship, passionate love, and community
(Meyers, 2010). Dependency is dismissed as a defective form of selfhood, the goal being the
elimination of child caregiving responsibilities (Meyers, 2010). This view of the self ignores the
multiple sources of social identity constituted by one’s gender, sexual orientation, culture,
socioeconomic status, age, and ethnicity (Meyers, 2010). Likewise, these conceptions deny the
complexity of the intrapsychic world of unconscious fantasies, fears, and desires and overlooks
the ways in which such material may intrude upon conscious life (Meyers, 2010). While
intertwined in the roots of several fundamental theories that claim human motive is the highest
form of existence, the notion of “a self” does not seem to fit women’s experiences (Miller, 1990).
As such, the basic relationality of development is lost in early theoretical conceptions.
Recent theories of the self. More recently, the clinical realm has emphasized the
ongoing need for relationship through the entire lifespan. Fairbarn (1946 & 1952) and Guntrip
(1953, as cited in Jordan, 1997) have distanced themselves from earlier models of the developing
organism. They have stated that, “It is impossible to gain any adequate conception of the nature
of an individual organism if it is considered apart from its relationship to its natural objects, for it

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is only in its relationship to these objects that its true nature is displayed” (p. 12). Psychoanalyst
and developmental researcher Daniel Stern points to a model of “being with the other”, in which
the infant and his or her caregiver participate in a mutually regulated relatedness (as cited in
Jordan, 1997). Earlier symbolic interactionists have been involved in developing a relational
point of view, emphasizing the importance of “being with others” (Jordan, 1997). Basseches
(1980, as cited in Jordan, 1997) stated, “Existence ceases to be seen as being composed of
independent monads” (p. 13). Jean Baker Miller (1990) took Erikson’s theory of identity past
infants’ development of a sense of basic trust to point to another important dimension in the early
stage of all infants – where the young child begins to act like the main caretaker. In doing so,
Miller (1990) noted that the infant begins to develop an internal representation of her or himself
as a kind of being in relationship. This is the beginning of a sense of self-development, which
reflects what is happening between two people, a self-knowing by being in relationship (Miller,
1990). Out of this interplay of experience, one develops a sense of self.
Object relations theorist, Nancy Chodorow, sees the self as relational in several respects
(Chodorow, 1986). She noted that an adult cares for every child, and every individual is shaped
for better or worse by this emotionally charged interaction (Meyers, 2010). From infancy, the
child experiences a sense of comfort as the other is also comfortable and only as both are
engaged in an emotional relationship that is moving toward greater well being. This is in
contrast to moving toward a separation of the self (Miller, 1990). In this sense, the infant begins
to develop an internal sense of her or he as actively involved in the interplay of both participants
(Miller, 1990). As a result of having needs and feeling moments of frustration, the infant
becomes differentiated from its primary caregiver and develops a sense of separate identity,
producing a distinctive personality (Meyers, 2010). By selectively internalizing elements of their

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experience with other people, children develop characteristic traits and dispositions (Meyers,
2010). Moreover, Chodorow (1986) attributes the development of a key interpersonal capacity
to nurturance; a caregiver who is experienced as warmly solicitous is internalized as a good
internal mother. Children thus gain a sense of their worthiness by internalizing the nurturance
they receive and then, in return, direct toward themselves. They learn to respect and respond to
other people by internalizing their experience of nurturance and projecting it toward others
(Meyers, 2010). For Chodorow, the rigidly differentiated, compulsively rational, and stubbornly
independent self is a defensive formation of the self. It is a warped form of the relational self
that develops as a result of a fathers negligible involvement in childcare (as cited in Meyers,
2010).
The self according to feminist psychologists. An important impetus for shifting to a
different paradigm of the self in developmental and clinical theory has come from feminist
psychologists (Jordan, 1997). Feminist researchers (Chodorow, 1986; Gilligan, 1993; Jordan,
1997; Miller, 1986; Miller, 1990) emphasized that the development of women is marked by a
particular conception of human relationship. Instead of viewing the world as individuals
standing alone, women see a world comprised of connective relationships (Gilligan, 1993). Thus,
a woman’s individual development is greatly shaped by her connections with others (Miller,
1986). Although a shift in theory has shown that development takes place within relationships,
Miller (1990) highlighted that women in particular have been assigned to the realms of life
concerned with building relationships, especially relationships that foster development.
Development in women is marked by a particular conception of human relationships in which
imagery of relationship shapes the narrative of their human development (Gilligan, 1993).
According to Gilligan (1993), lives are not molded on direct paths, yet are implicitly built around

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relational trajectories; “Women’s sense of self is organized around being able to make and then
to maintain affiliations and relationships, for the sense of self is not tied to belief in efficacy of
aggression but to the recognition of the need for connection” (p. 49).
One of the central features of women’s development is the premise that women desire to
develop and expand contexts of connection with others (Miller, 1986). The direct act of being in
relationship is widely different than using relationships to develop contextual ideas of the self,
both within and outside of connection. In other words, women’s sense of self becomes
organized around being able to make and maintain affiliations and relationships (Miller, 1986).
Kohut (1984, as cited in Jordan, 1997) emphasized the ongoing need for relationships and points
to the importance of others in shaping our self-image and maintaining self-esteem. Miller (1990)
suggested that a girl’s sense of self-esteem is based in the feeling that she is part of a relationship
and is actively involved in maintaining it (Miller, 1990). Girls and women often feel a sense of
effectiveness arising out of the emotional connections they are in and enjoy feeding back into
them. This is in direct contrast to earlier theories, which argued that developing a sense of power
is based on solitary action (Miller, 1990). From this interactive perspective, the movement of
relating and of mutual initiative and responsiveness began to describe the central organizing
dynamics in women (Jordan, 1997).
Relationships define the essential process through which women view and make sense of
the world, but they can also be damaging. Women may lose their voice and be left searching for
connection. Connective and responsive relationships are fundamental to psychological
development, as without; women lose a sense of self (Brown & Gilligan, 1992). Miller’s work
(as cited in Gilligan, 1993) emphasized that girls and women attempt to make and maintain
relationships. Paradoxically, they also keep large parts of themselves out of relationship because

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the fear of losing the relationship and losing the self is greater than the loss of voice (p. xxiv).
The model of being in relationship, which is pursued by girls and women, is, unfortunately, not
always easily obtained. For many, they are more likely to find themselves in the kind of
relationship that suppresses the full participation and expression of women’s ways of seeing and
acting (Miller, 1990). Often, it is not about wanting or needing to be independent or dependent,
but about the mutual desire to be in relationship with others and to contribute to the other (Miller,
1990).
Although bringing the experiences of women to light seems straightforward, it becomes a
radical endeavor when viewed in the context of the extensive history of women’s development
literature. For girls and women, issues of femininity and the development of feminine identity
do not depend on the achievement of separation or individuation; however, the female comes to
be known as she is found through and in relationships with others (Gilligan, 1993). While
previous theories of development have rested on the framework of development as a process of
separation from others, Miller (1986) believed this notion stemmed from an illusion, a fiction
that men are encouraged to pursue but women are not. In general, women have been assigned to
the realms of life concerned with building relationships, especially relationships that foster
development (Miller, 1986). The following theories further refine women’s developmental
theory and shed light on relational counterparts of personality development.
Relational-cultural theory. Relational-cultural theory reinforces the argument of
the importance of researching women in relationship with others to further understand women’s
self-developmental pathways. Relational-cultural theory is a framework with roots in feminist
and psychodynamic theories. It is built on the assumption that meaningful, shared connection
with others leads to the development of a healthy “felt sense of self” (Jordan, 1997, p. 15, as

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cited in Frey, 2013). These meaningful and mutual connections nurture differentiation and felt
sense of self and are in direct contrast to theories promoting separation-individuation (Frey,
2013). While traditional models of psychological development view separation-individuation of
the self as the prerequisite for the ability to achieve relationship intimacy, relational cultural
theory asserts that intimate relationships are the true conduit to the development of the sense of
self (Frey, 2013). Interdependence rather than independence is the developmental pathway to
intimacy and to an evolving, complex felt sense of self (Frey, 2013). To characterize the
theoretical assumptions of relational-cultural theory, the theory’s emphasis on relatedness is
outlined by four central assumptions for growth-fostering relationships: 1) mutual engagement
and empathy; 2) authenticity; 3) empowerment; and 4) the ability to express (Frey, 2013)
In relational-cultural terms, connection occurs in relationships that incorporate these four
relational characteristics. Frey (2013) defines mutual engagement and empathy as mutual
involvement, commitment, and sensitivity in the relationship, including a willingness to impact
and to be impacted by another person while in the relationship. Authenticity is defined as the
freedom and capacity to represent one’s feelings, experiences, and thoughts in the relationship,
but with an awareness of the possible impact of this authenticity on the other person. Emphasis
on empowerment is defined as the capacity for action and sense of personal strength that
emerges from the relationship. Lastly, the ability to express refers to the ability to share, receive,
and effectively process diversity, differences, and conflict in the relationship, and to do so in a
way that fosters mutual empowerment and empathy (Frey, 2013). Studies show that
disconnections, whether situational or chronic, occur when these characteristics are absent
(Jordan, 2010, as cited in Frey, 2013). It is theorized that the chronic absence of these qualities
in important relationships results in a pervasive lack of interpersonal connection and a sense of

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isolation leading to distress (Frey, 2013; Miller, 1986). Further, research has observed that
relational disconnect fosters the internalization of negative and growth-inhibiting relational
images (Frey, 2013).
Support for the relational-cultural theory theoretical framework is backed by a
considerable amount of research regarding the contribution of relational qualities such as
belongingness, social connectedness, authenticity, mutuality, and loneliness to psychological
adjustment (Frey, 2013). Liang, Tracy, Taylor, and Williams (2002, as cited in Frey, 2013)
looked at the assumption that relational quality rather than the structural components of
relationships is the most significant contributor of growth in relationships. In other words,
connectedness is elevated above structural components such as sex and duration of contact.
Liang et al. (as cited in Frey, 2013) found that mentoring relationships—characterized by
authenticity, engagement, and empowerment—significantly predicted higher self-esteem and
decreased loneliness in college women beyond that predicted by structural variables such as
ethnicity match and frequency of interaction. In his 2013 study, Frey found that a lack of
relational quality predicts increased psychological distress. This was in contrast to the opposite
view that psychological distress leads to impaired relationship quality. Indeed, increased
relational quality led to lower psychological distress, and the relational predictors accounted for
significant variance even after accounting for troubling family experiences. These findings
suggest that engaged and authentic relationships may provide a buffer against the impact of
problematic family experiences (Frey, 2013). Overall, the studies by Liang et al., (2002) and
Frey (2013) support the assumptions that conceptualize relational development as predictors in
the development of a healthy sense of self.
The theoretical underpinnings, and the research backing such assumptions, highlight the

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importance of women’s development through healthy, growth fostering relationships. Shifting
developmental theory away from concepts of separation-individuation has made great gains in
understanding the developmental process of women in relationship. The proposed theory stands
as an argument for the necessity of understanding how relationships aid in women’s
development of sense of self, an understanding necessary for research purposes.
Relational-self theory. Our understanding of women’s development through relational
counterpoints makes way for Susan Andersen and Serena Chen’s (2002) interpersonal socialcognitive theory of the self and personality. This relational-self theory describes the
development of knowledge of the self via the exploration and linking with knowledge about
significant others, where each linkage embodies a self-other relationship (Andersen & Chen,
2002). A significant other is defined as any individual who is or has been deeply influential in
one’s life and in whom one is or once was emotionally invested (Andersen & Chen, 2002). Thus,
significant others may include members of one’s family of origin such as parents or siblings as
well as people encountered through close family relationships, peer groups, and those outside of
family relationships such as therapists, or spiritual leaders. Andersen and Chen’s (2002) concept
of the relational self assumes that each of these chosen significant others are linked to the self,
with each linkage capturing relatively unique aspects of the self. These links are shaped in part
by ties with significant others whether or not these individuals are present physically or
symbolically. The theory focuses on the ways in which the self is related to specific
individuals—namely the significant others in one’s life—and provides distinction from how the
self is related to these significant others as opposed to social entities or groups (e.g., the woman’s
relationship with her father as opposed to her relationship with her peer network). The central
argument proposes that the self is relational even to the point of becoming entangled with

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significant others and that this has implications for self-definition, self-evaluation, self-regulation,
and most broadly, for personality functioning as expressed in relationship with others (Andersen
& Chen, 2002).
This theory fits well within the conceptual knowledge of women’s development with its
argument that relations linked to the self carry great importance for each individual. Although
the theory is not the only choice of relational evaluation, the theory of the relational self and
personality has several broad, overlapping propositions that pair well with the prior evidence
presented in support of the unique characteristics within women’s relational development.
In an effort to expand the conceptual understanding of women as they develop within the
daughter-father relationship, we must further look at fathers roles in child development.
Fatherhood in Historical Perspective
Although it is often assumed that men have an important influence on their children,
literary review found less research on fathers in comparison to other family relationships (Barrett
& Morman, 2006). Current research has sought to advance the argument that fathers play a
significant role in the process of raising children, but fatherhood remains a conflicted and varied
arena of academic discourse (Barrett & Morman, 2006; Giesbrecht, 2007; Lamb, 2004).
Summarizing fatherhood in a historical perspective seems difficult as, historically, research has
often focused on men’s public achievements and has largely ignored men’s private lives,
especially their roles in families as fathers and husbands (Mintz, 1998, as cited in Booth &
Crouter, 1998). Since the 1920s, scholars, theorists, researchers, policy makers, and laymen
have held curiously ambivalent attitudes towards men’s roles within the family system (Booth &
Crouter, 1998). Although the family man may be admired as a nurturer, partner, protector,
mentor, advisor, role model, or authority figure, popular culture has been more likely to depict

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men in negative ways such as aloof, distant, inept, violent, or neglectful (Booth & Crouter, 1998).
Compelled by the media’s portrayal and the cultural depiction of men as inadequate fathers in
popular television characters such as Homer Simpson, Archie Bunker, and Tim “The Tool Man”
Taylor, we often find ourselves overlooking less entertaining ideals such as the warm and
nurturing Full House patriarch Danny Tanner, and the effortlessly entertaining Cliff Huxtable of
The Cosby Show (Booth & Crouter, 1998). Michael Lamb (as cited in Day & Lamb, 2004)
writes, “The dangers of oversimplification and overgeneralization are exacerbated when the
available evidence is scanty, selective, and perhaps open to contradictory interpretations” (p. 48).
Information depicted by the media is often written from subjective and judgmental perspectives,
frequently with persuasion or self-justification in mind, hindering our ability to objectively
decipher the truth (Day & Lamb, 2004). Despite the inevitable differences in emphasis and
interpretation as social and historical contexts shape both popular and scholarly conceptions of
children, families, and parenting, it is necessary to view our understanding of family
relationships and the nature of father involvement in light of recent history (Booth & Crouter,
1998; Cabrera & Tamis-LeMonda, 2013; Cabrera, Tamis-LeMonda, Bradley, Hofferth, & Lamb,
2000). For my purposes in order to point to the important and influential role of men as fathers,
this overview follows with a brief review of men’s familial roles.
A powerful depiction of fatherhood in the Western World, reveals the authoritarian
Colonial father. Fathers were viewed as all-powerful patriarchs who wielded power over their
families (Pleck, & Pleck, 2007, as cited in Day & Lamb, 2004). Colonial America was a
hierarchical society where paternal and husbandly authority was part of the ‘Great Chain of
Being’ that bound every being in a line of decreasing authority with God as the head (Mintz,
1998, as cited in Booth & Crouter, 1998). Fathers were viewed as moral teachers who were to

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instruct their children in basic literacy, craft skills, and religion (Booth & Crouter, 1998; Cabrera
et al., 2000; Day & Lamb, 2004; Lamb, 2004). According to Lamb (2004), “By popular
consensus, fathers were primarily responsible for ensuring that their children grew up with an
appropriate sense of values, acquired primarily from a study of the Bible and other scriptural
texts” (p. 3). In the increasing industrialization of society in the nineteenth century, fathers left
their small farms and businesses to seek employment away from the home (Cabrera et al., 2000).
Around the time of industrialization, primary focus shifted from moral leadership to
breadwinning and economic support for the family (Day & Lamb, 2004; Lamb, 2004).
According to LaRossa (1997, as cited in Cabrera et al., 2000), the predominant construction of
fatherhood in the nineteenth century had, at its core, the necessity of the fathers role as provider
for the family. In doing so, fathers left child-rearing responsibility to the mothers (Cabrera et al.,
2000; Day & Lamb, 2004). The constant presence of mothers as children’s primary caregivers
reinforced the implicit assumption that the father-child relationship had little impact on
children’s development (Cabrera & Tamis-LeMonda, 2013; see also Cabrera et al., 2000). In the
following century, the Great Depression and World War II drastically altered familial roles,
elevating public concern for men in families. Many unemployed fathers saw their status lowered
by the Great Depression (Booth & Crouter, 2000). In fact, the disparity of the Great Depression
revealed many men to be poor providers. Many men who could not fulfill their role as
breadwinners lost self-respect, became immobilized, stopped looking for work, turned to alcohol
and became self-destructive or abusive to their families (Booth & Crouter, 2000; Day & Lamb,
2004).
The social revolutions of the 1960s and 1970s restructured not only the role and
expectations for women and mothers, but also those of men and fathers. It can be argued that

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nothing has changed family life more in the twentieth century than the dramatic increase in
mothers’ labor force participation (Cabrera et al., 2000). Mothers have always participated in the
work force in some form, but between 1830 and 1940, women were primarily involved in family
businesses or worked in factories until they married (Cabrera et al., 2000). Statistics show that in
1950, the proportion of married women with preschool children in the work force was 12%. By
1997, this proportion had risen by two-thirds, to 20% (Cabrera et al., 2000). According to Spain
and Bianchi (1996), as the rate of maternal labor force participation increased, so did the
enrollment of children in childcare facilities. By 1995, there were almost 10 million children
under six years old who were in non-parental care because their mothers were employed
(Cabrera & Tamis-LeMonda, 2013). According to Mintz (1998), “One of women’s historians’
great accomplishments has been to demonstrate that women’s relationship to work and
production has structured their status, roles, and self-image” (p. 5). By revealing that gender
roles are cultural and ideological constructs, studies of women’s history have inspired a wideranging effort to understand how and why men’s roles within the family have changed over time
(Cabrera et al., 2000).
Present day depictions of fatherhood. In contrast to earlier conceptualizations of
fathers roles that often focused on breadwinning, researchers, theorists, and practitioners no
longer cling to the simplistic belief that fathers fill a one-dimensional role in their families
(Lamb, 2004). The twentieth century has been characterized by a variety of social movements,
which have fundamentally changed the social and familial culture in which children develop.
Currently, social changes are forcing adjustments in both popular and scholarly
conceptualizations of fathers, mothers, and families. We have seen an evolution of father ideals
from the colonial father, to distant breadwinner, to the modern involved dad, to the sex-role

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model, and most recently, the father co-parent (Pleck & Pleck, 2007, as cited in Cabrera et al.,
2000). From the mid-1970s to the present, society has increasingly expected fathers to become
involved in the lives of children in a nurturing and caregiving capacity (Finley & Schwarz, 2004).
Fathers are no longer regarded solely as providers and protectors, but are now expected to play
an expressive, nurturing role in children’s lives and to actively contribute to their children’s
development (Amato, 1994; Day & Lamb, 2004; Finley & Schwartz, 2004; Lamb, 2004).
Researcher Mintz (1998, as cited in Booth & Crouter, 2000) describes the shift, “On this side is
the ‘new’ father and husband, far more involved, nurturing, and emotionally sensitive than the
distant, disengaged dad of a generation ago” (p. 23).
Recent media images of men in families reveal very different faces compared to earlier
historical depictions. Popular films like Daddy Daycare (2003), a gender-role-reversal film
featuring a subtext critical of maternal employment, and Mrs. Doubtfire (1993), the story of a
divorced father cross-dressing as a nanny to remain close to his children, suggest that men can be
even more attuned and nurturing than woman (Fustenberg, 1988, as cited in Booth & Crouter,
2000). A study by Booth and Crouter (2000) was concerned with identifying the roles of fathers.
They found that many men reported they were more prepared than in the past to play an active,
nurturing role in the lives of their children and are able to participate more equally in child care
and domestic chores (Booth & Crouter, 2000). In an article outlining the shift from patriarchy to
a more egalitarian approach, Blankenhorn (1995) writes, “although it is easy to exaggerate the
extent of change, men are more likely than their predecessors to accompany their wives to
prenatal examinations, attend their children’s birth, change diapers, drop off children and pick
them up at day care centers, assume some day-to-day responsibilities for their children’s
wellbeing and perform some housework” (p. 1). Research shows that fathers in intact, two-

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parent families used to spend between 30% to 45% as much time with their children as mothers
did, but now spend 67% as much time as mothers on weekdays and 87% as much time on
weekends (Cabrera et al., 2000). While descriptive accounts of fathers relative accessibility to
children are informative, they fall short of elucidating what fathers do when they are available,
and why they do what they do (Lamb, 2004).
While current attempts to broaden the conceptualization of fatherhood have stimulated
considerable debate among researchers, theorists, policymakers, and the public at large regarding
the diversity of family types and parental roles, history fails to answer the question, “What now?”
(Cabrera & Tamis-LeMonde, 2013). Different father types will increasingly shape children’s
attachments, socio-emotional competencies, linguistic and cognitive abilities, and orientation to
family and work. These will allow for the continued transformation of fatherhood ideals once
again (Cabrera et al., 2000). Historical, cultural, and familial ideologies inform the role fathers
play and undoubtedly shape the amount of time fathers spend with their children, the activities
they share with them, and the quality of the father-child relationship (Day & Lamb, 2004; Lamb,,
2004; Lewis & Lamb, 2003). It is important then that we look at the value and magnitude of the
involved father to further conceptualize the fathers role in child development.
The involved father. After conducting a systematic review, longitudinal evidence
of the effects of fathers involvements on children’s developmental outcomes has generally been
in agreement that the involvement of fathers is important for the development and welfare of
their children. There also seems to be general consensus within the literature that fathering is
multidimensional in nature (Habib, 2012; Lamb, 2004). The initiators of the most recent father
involvement measurement scales were Michael Lamb and Joseph Pleck. In an effort to expand
the conceptual understanding of father involvement and to further refine its quantitative

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measurements, Lamb, Pleck, and Levine (1985, as cited in Day & Lamb, 2004) proposed a threepart typology of father involvement that includes engagement, accessibility, and responsibility as
the key factors. Engagement includes a fathers direct interaction with his child (Allgood, Beckert,
& Peterson, 2012; Day & Lamb, 2004; Lamb, 2004). Accessibility refers to a fathers physical or
psychological availability to his child (Allgood, Beckert, & Peterson, 2012). Responsibility
involves providing for the care of the child and is distinct from the performance of care (Allgood,
Beckert, & Peterson, 2012; see also Day & Lamb, 2004; Lamb, 2004). Each of the three-types
has been agreed upon by many researchers (Allgood, Beckert, & Peterson, 2012; Cabrera et al.,
2000; Day & Lamb, 2004; Lamb, 2004; Lamb, Pleck, Charnov, & Levine, 1985) as important for
understanding the types of involvement that directly relate to a child’s wellbeing, and has since
been a catalyst for quantitative developmental research.
In an attempt to identify the effects of increased paternal involvement on children, many
studies have compared the status of children in more traditional families with that of children
whose fathers either shared or took primary responsibility for childcare (Lamb, Pleck, Charnov,
& Levine, 1985). Children with highly involved fathers were characterized by increased
cognitive competence, increased empathy, less sex-stereotyped beliefs, and a more internal locus
of control (Day & Lamb, 2004). Fathers emotional investment in, attachment to, and provision
of resources for their children were also found to be associated with the wellbeing, cognitive
development, and social competence of young children (Cabrera et al., 2000). In addition,
fathers appear to be important players in the development of children’s emotional regulation and
self-control (Cabrera et al., 2000). Studies have also found that paternal involvement in
children’s schooling in both single-father and two-parent families is associated with children’s
greater academic achievement and enjoyment of school (Cabrera et al., 2000). While an increase

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in the amount of time fathers spend with their children may reflect changing conceptions of
fatherhood, they also appear to be sensitive to macro-and micro-economic circumstances,
specifically with increased rates of maternal employment, joint work schedules, flexible work
hours, irregular work schedules, and home-based work (Casper, 1997). Studies have shown that
the more mothers earn relative to their husbands, the more likely fathers are to care for their
children (Casper & O’Connell, 1998). Evidently the extent of benefit from paternal involvement
has been found to exceed previous research studies focused solely on the role of the mother in
child development.
Though one can assume fatherhood roles and expectations have evolved for the better,
much research points to an increasingly fatherless society (Blankenhorn, 1995). While research
focused on the involvement of fathers has yielded many results, studies focused on the absence
of a father figure have shown even more. The ecology of family life is continuing to change, and
thus, many children will grow up in the next century without their biological fathers (Cabrera et
al., 2000). The latest figures from Statistics Canada continue a decade-long shift in the makeup
of lone-parent families, with single fathers now numbering more than 305, 000 nationwide in
2011, up from 280,000 recorded in the 2006 census. These statistics do not shed light on the
reasons for this increase, and neither do they reflect the quality of increased involvement. Still,
they suggest a shift from the previously mentioned colonial-era ideals. Many men are prepared
to take on a more involved and nurturing role, but one of the most profound social changes in
recent years has been the increasing absence of fathers from children’s homes. Comparatively,
in order to continue to accentuate the significance of the father in child development, it is
important to look at the negative effects resulting from fathers absences.
The absent father. In 2011, Statistics Canadian found that roughly 12% of

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Canadian children lived in homes separate from their fathers. Before reaching the age of 18,
more than 12% of Canada’s children are likely to spend at least a significant portion of their
childhoods living apart from their fathers (Statistics Canada). Blankenhorn (1995) stated,
“Never before in this country have so many children been voluntarily abandoned by their fathers,
never before have so many children grown up without knowing what it means to have a father”
(p. 1). Close to 1-in-5 (19.3%) of children aged 14 and under lived with a single parent in 2011,
up slightly from 18.0% in 2001. Of these 1,078,575 children, 82.3% lived without their fathers in
single-mom families (Statistics Canada). A fundamental paradox of our time is that the
celebration of male involvement in families has been accompanied by a decline in the actual
amount of time men spend in families (Booth & Crouter, 1998; Cabrera et al., 2000). Although
many men are prepared to take on the more involved and nurturing role, men are also spending a
declining proportion of their adult lives as fathers and husbands as a result of delayed marriage,
unmarried cohabitation, and divorce (Mintz, 1998, as cited in Booth & Crouter, 1998). Fathers
are increasingly portrayed as involved carers for their young children, but there is mounting
anxiety regarding the absent father (Skevik, 2006). Anna Skevik (2006) wrote, “both images are
intimately tied up with developments in modern societies…simultaneously, the instability of
modern families imply that the proportion of fathers living apart from their biological children is
at a historical high” (p. 1). This increase in father absence is particularly troubling, as changes in
family structures have correlated in a host of developmental, behavioral, and psychological
concerns.
Many children are now growing up in nontraditional families where their fathers do not
reside in the family home (Cabrera et al., 2000; East, Jackson, & O’Brien, 2006). Burgeoning
correlational research in the 1950’s was comprised of studies in which researchers tried to

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understand fathers roles by examining fatherless families (Day & Lamb, 2004). The assumption
was that, by comparing the behavior and personalities of children raised with and without fathers,
they could estimate what sort of influence fathers typically had on their children (Day & Lamb,
2004). In the 1980s, conceptual and empirical research was designed to explore the ways in
which divorce and the transition to fatherlessness might influence children’s development.
These studies found there to be many ways in which paternal absence influences children. Lamb
(2004) discussed five key ways paternal absence may influence children: (1) without a father,
there is no co-parent, someone to help out with childcare, participate in tough decisions, and take
over demands of child care; (2) economic loss frequently accompanies single motherhood and
economic disadvantage is a reliable correlate of poorer educational and psychological
performance; (3) social isolation and continuing (though diminished) social disapproval of single
or divorced mothers and children may lead to emotional distress and less adaptive functioning;
(4) the perceived, and often actual, abandonment by a parent may cause psychological distress in
children; (5) conflict between parents can have cancerous effects on children’s socio-emotional
wellbeing and behavior (see also Cabrera et al., 2000). The evidence suggests that fathers
absences may be harmful because many paternal roles—economic, social, emotional,
psychological and physical—go unfilled or inappropriately filled in these families.
The absence of a father has been found to be consistently associated with poor school
achievement, diminished involvement in the labor force, early childbearing, and heightened
levels of risk-taking behavior (Cabrera et al., 2000). In a Norwegian study looking at fatherchild contact after parental break-up, results found poverty to be a strong indicator of loss of
contact, and economic safety (Skevik, 2006). Family dynamics have long been considered
central to understanding high-risk behavior among adolescents. In a study of teen mothers’

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experiences of becoming sexually active participants described living without a father figure as
an important context for becoming sexually active (Burns, 2008). Burns (2008) concluded that
fathers absences were a powerful and overriding risk factor for early-onset sexual activity and
subsequent teen pregnancy. Similarly, Grimm-Wassil (1994, as cited in Burns, 2008) reported
that girls with absent fathers had great difficulties forming lasting relationships with men; they
either avoided males completely or became sexually aggressive. Children raised without a
biological father in the household were found to have younger average ages of first sexual
intercourse than children raised in households with a father present (Mendle et al., 2009).
Finally, from a structured questionnaire, researchers noted that children in rural China
experiencing life without fathers had increased state anxiety (t = -5.80, P < 0.001) and lower selfesteem (t = 39.54, p < 0.001) when compared with other subjects (Luo, Wang, & Gao, 2011).
There are multiple theoretical and empirical explanations for the association between fathers
absences and children’s development. The point of this review has been to outline the detriments
of fatherlessness in order to emphasize the importance of fathers.
A fathers unique contribution. To take my review beyond studies of father
involvement and absence and to explore the pathways through which fathers ultimately affect
their children, it is necessary to argue for the significance of fathers as unique from mothers.
The direct effects of fathering are especially salient when fathers and mothers’ interactions differ
(Day & Lamb, 2004). Until recently, little research has been done in this country or crossculturally on parent sex differences in the child-rearing process (Bronstein, 1984). Fathers affect
their children both directly and indirectly, and the pathways to which we have developed our
research question require that we shed light on the contributions only a father can make for his
children. Some researchers have argued that the difference in parental roles is gender-based.

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Fathers biological and socially reinforced masculine qualities predispose them to treat their
children differently than do mothers. For example, fathers are more likely than mothers to
encourage their children to be competitive and independent and to take risks (Cabrera et al.,
2000). Fathering has been studied to a lesser degree than mothering (Barrett & Morman, 2006).
Empirical research has traditionally been dominated by a quantitative research paradigm that has
been influence by a “motherhood first” approach to parenting (Dadson, 2005). North America’s
cultural construction of fatherhood and its consequences help to explain how fathers have been
neglected for nearly a century of developmental research (Rohner & Veneziano, 2001, as cited in
Barrett & Morman, 2006). The perception that mothers play a more influential role in the
parenting process has barred many researchers from seeing fatherhood as an essential construct.
Supportive evidence displays the importance of fathers as key roles, valuable players, and
vital influences in children’s development. Further evidence tying together the individual roles
of fathers and daughters’ developmental trajectories is needed. Often the literature on parentadolescent relationships downplays the importance of fathers on daughters’ development,
especially when compared to mother-daughter relationships (Pleck & Hofferth, 2008, as cited in
Allgood et al., 2012). For example, children continue to report feeling closer to their mothers
than their fathers, knowing their mothers much better than their fathers (Nielson, 2001), and have
reported disclosing highly personal information to their mothers with more frequency than to
their fathers (Mathews, Derlega, & Morrow, 2006). Yet the overwhelming conclusion is that
fathers make significant and unique contributions to their children. Until recently, research has
mostly ignored the specific impact of the father on the daughter outside of basic psychological,
physiological, biological and emotional development. Barrett and Morman (2006) wrote that a
relatively small but growing body of literature is convincingly arguing that fathers have an

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enormous influence over a host of psychosocial outcomes for daughters. As research
occasionally points to the unique characteristics of the father-daughter relationship, it is
important to identify existing research. I will outline several studies in an attempt to further
demonstrate the importance of the father-daughter dyad on child development.
The daughter-father dyad. Punyanunt-Carter (2006 & 2007) has shown that a girl’s
father is one of the most influential people in her life from infancy to adulthood (PunyanuntCarter, 2006; Punyanunt-Carter, 2007). Their study suggests that the relationships between
fathers and daughters strongly influence daughters’ sense of self and how they communicate
with others (Endres, 1997; Punyanunt-Carter, 2006 & 2007). The influence of fathers on
daughters has resulted in a host of significant outcomes. When looking at the communicative
patterns between fathers and daughters, Punyanunt-Carter (2007) looked through the lens of
attachment theory and found that daughters with secure attachment styles reported higher levels
of communication satisfaction and significantly higher levels of relationship satisfaction than
daughters who had avoidant attachment. Pruett (1997) identified, that fathers influence their
daughters through voice. Where fathers voices are missing through physical or emotional
absence, verbal silence, or verbal abuse, there can be self-doubt, a decreased sense of personal
and gender identity, insecurity, anxiety, apprehension, emotional emptiness, resentment towards
men, lack of personal boundary setting, aimlessness, and lack of calling and purpose (Pruett,
1997). Results also pointed to daughters’ decreased empowerment and lower facilitation of their
life calling without fathers voices of identity, affirmation, and love (Pruett, 1997). In a study of
African-American adolescent and young women, Hanson (2007) observed that increased
perceived closeness with fathers was associated with higher grades. Similarly, a study conducted
by Cooper (2009) reported that father-daughter relationship quality was positively correlated

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with daughters' level of academic engagement. According to Williams (1996), the quality of
fathers interactions with their daughters influenced daughters’ career choices.
A lack of a father figure in women’s lives has been studied to further understand the
development, psychological and sociological effects of fathers absences (Ellison-Burns, 2008). .
Studies focused on the association of risk behavior and psychological functioning point to the
increase of depressive symptomology in adolescent girls when they are entrenched in a
conflicted father-daughter relationship (Barrett & Morman, 2006; Coley, 2003; Harris-Peterson,
1997). Tessman (2005) indicated that the internal images of fathers are transformed in their
absences in ways that can often interfere with children’s attempts to process the loss and the
ensuing change (as cited in Ellison-Burns, 2008). This disruption in the moral processing
mechanism can result in acting out behaviors and often include high-risk activities. A
phenomenological study conducted by East, Jackson and O’Brien in 2006 was aimed at
exploring women’s perceptions about relationships with their fathers within the context of a
father-absent childhood. They found that growing up without fathers disrupted the relationships
these daughters had with their fathers (East et al., 2006). The perceived lack of interest these
daughters felt from their fathers resulted in expressed feelings of hurt and diminished respect
(East et al., 2006). Furthermore, participants felt that their fathers were unable to provide them
with the relationship that they desired (East et al., 2006). The father-daughter relationship is also
associated with daughters' perception of body image (Elliot, 2010). A negative connection has
been found between daughters’ perception of closeness in relationship with their parents and
eating disorder symptomology (Gutzwiller-Jurman, 2010). These results and others like them
indicate that daughters’ motivation and psychological wellness are directly related to their
relationships with their fathers at some level.

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Although academic research is sparse, popular culture, biblical texts, and self-help
psychology books often address the father-daughter relationship (Endres, 1997). One of the
greatest avenues of self-report found in popular culture is how fathers influence their daughters'
choice of mate, their ultimate ability to have healthy relationships with their husbands, and their
overall sexual and social confidence (Barrett & Morman, 2006; Kieffer, 2008). For most
daughters, their first encounter with a masculine figure is their fathers (Barrett & Morman, 2006;
Kieffer, 2008). Therefore, a woman’s initial identification for what men should resemble is
based on their fathers example (Secunda, 1992). Williamson (2004) argued that fathers roles are
very important to their daughters’ psychosexual development, noting that in order to acquire
proper gender identity, daughters need a healthy intimacy element in the relationships with their
fathers. For the daughters, an optimal experience with their fathers includes forming the capacity
for intimacy with otherness.
Conclusion
It is evident that over the last three decades, fathers have embraced much broader and
more diverse definitions of their roles. They have also been increasingly willing to engage in a
broad array of activities typically viewed as components of mothering (Lamb, 2004). Major
changes particularly in economic circumstances and maternal employment have made way for
the titration of smaller changes, such as the extent to which fathers devote time for activities with
their children (Day & Lamb, 2004). Multidimensional conceptions of fathers involvement have
fostered new theoretical models and empirical testing of the relations among measures of
fathering. At the same time, it raises questions about how and why dimensions of fathering vary
across developmental and historical contexts, and how they jointly contribute to the life
trajectories of children and families (Day & Lamb, 2004: Cabrera & Tamis-LeMonda, 2013). In

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an attempt to understand paternal influences on child development, in-depth considerations about
the roles, functions, the impacts of father-child relationships, the effects of fatherless lifestyles on
child development, and the processes that lead to these circumstances were all considered in
broad contexts. By taking on a broader, more inclusive perspective of fathers roles, we can
recognize the appreciable variations that exist both within and between fathers (Lamb, 2004).
Although an historical perspective takes into account the developmental history and
outlines the ever-changing ecology that defines fatherhood today, sensitivities to diversity in
fatherhood studies and a lack of qualitative explanation highlight the potential contribution of
studying fatherhood in relationship with daughters. Fink, Buerkel-Rothfuss, and Buerkel (1993)
note, “the father-daughter dyad is perhaps one of the least defined and most misunderstood of
relationships” (as cited in Endres, 1997). As Allgood et al. (2012) observed, fathers can have a
profound impact on daughters’ development; yet of all the potential family dyads, the fatherdaughter relationship is the least studied. Thorough review has revealed little scholarly
information on the healthy father-daughter relationship. As fathering research has progressed, it
has become apparent that the associations with desirable child outcomes found in most research
is with positive forms of paternal involvement, not simply involvement per se (Cabrera & TamisLeMonda, 2013; Lamb, 2004). In addition, while most fathering research historically has been
taken from the perspective of fathers and mothers, researchers now recognize the potential
importance of examining father involvement from the perspective of the children (Finley &
Schwartz, 2004). There is something unfamiliar in the discussion of the roles of fathers with
their daughters at this point in our psychoanalytic and cultural history, and it comes at a time in
which gender categories are being creatively and vigorously challenged (Harris, 2008).

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Rationale
My review of the literature has revealed little scholarly information on healthy daughterfather relationships. Researchers are increasingly recognizing the potential importance of
examining fathers involvement from the perspective of their children (Finley & Schwartz, 2004).
My proposed study is an effort to expand the conceptual understanding of fathers influence and
to further refine the qualitative measurements of the daughter-father relationship. Though
developmental research has supported the idea that the quality of parenting a daughter receives
from her relationship with her father can have long-term psychological implications, the
qualitative research realm needs further exploration. Women’s developmental theories have
made great gains in identifying women’s roles of development in connection with significant
others; however, there is a deficit in examining the positive relationships that have fostered and
empowered strong women. This study is my effort to combine two controversial and impactful
areas of research—daughter-father relationships and women’s development of empowerment.
Not only does this study allow for the combination of two ideals which are frequently
sought—the empowerment of women and strong daughter-father relationships—to my
knowledge, it is one of the first efforts to elucidate the voices underlying the daughter-father
relationship. The voices spoken by a father, whether they are attunement, connection, security,
or protection, and the voices spoken by women within positive relational connections have
largely been ignored in connection to each other. This project is undergirded by the assumption
that the voice a father speaks into his daughter is a significant aspect of psychological
development, self-esteem, identity, the ability to relate to others, and self-regulation. Although
history sheds light on the psychological, emotional, and developmental benefits of a positive and
secure relationship with a father, there is an overwhelming need for research focused on the

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innermost beings of these individuals in relationship with one another.
This study sought to discover how to empower fathers to truly be present for their
daughters. This research is not designed to further patriarchal narratives that suggest fathers
further their daughters development, but rather suggest a submission of reality to another person.
While feminist research highlights certain assumptions that would suggest non-compatibility,
recent theories of self argue that women develop in relationships, and benefit from connective
experiences. Instead, this study is designed as a much different dance, opening discourse and
promoting alliterating messages for both men and women. I am not suggesting that daughters
should remain dependent on their fathers, but rather that fathers play a key role in facilitating the
exact opposite—women who are empowered with a strong sense of self. Therefore, this study is
designed to give space for voice expression, for both daughters’ and fathers. In looking at the
daughter-father relational picture, I hope to have highlight strengths that have previously been
ignored.
Personal interest. Some of the most powerful sadness I have experienced in my
personal relationships with family, friends, and within my clinical practice have been with
women who grew up without their fathers. My passion for this topic has grown exponentially as
I continue to encounter women who have faced pain, disparity, lack of wholeness, and loss of
connection. I was privileged to grow up with a father who spoke into my life and helped
positively shape my identity. The gifts of relationship, love, development, freedom, security,
and blessing from my father have been crucial in leading me to pursue this study which seeks to
identify what went right in our relationship. In conducting this study, I hope to identify the
voices that are working underneath the daughter-father relationship and the factors that
contribute to the development of strong, independent women. I also hope that thesis results will

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serve as an encouragement for those who are struggling relationally, and that it stands in
preparation to empower women to reach their full potential, by studying positive relational
connections. Clinically, through identification and discovering a greater sense of meaning—in
other words, an important or worthwhile quality or purpose—we can gain insight into the inner
workings and begin to help women heal wounds made from absent or poor father figures.
Purpose of This Study
As the literature argues, fathers influence in relationship with daughters has a significant
impact on daughters’ internal development. The academic and clinical research response thus far
have largely been focused on the role of the involved father in daughters’ development, the
development of quantitative measures of fathers involvement, and on fathers roles in their
daughters’ academic achievements. In the past few decades, a substantial and growing body of
literature has indicated that fathers make a significant contribution to the developmental process
of their daughters (Allgood, Beckert, & Peterson, 2012; see also Barrett & Morman, 2006;
Cabrera & Tamis-LeMonda, 2013; Day & Lamb, 2004; Endres, 1997; Lamb, 2004). Although it
has been acknowledged for some time that fathers are critical figures in women's lives, this
understanding has been paired with a focus on the negative consequences in emotional, social,
cognitive, and psychological development instead of emphasizing the positive aspects found
within the relationship. Furthermore, current qualitative exploration of daughter-father
relationships has argued for the influence of fathers over a host of important psychosocial
outcomes for daughters, such as communication and closeness. However, to my knowledge,
these studies have yet to explore women’s voices within such a dynamic relationship or the
fathers role in voice development. Due to the importance of the daughter-father relationship in
women’s development of self, my study will contribute to the academic literature about the role

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of fathers in their daughters’ development of internal Voice.
This study will be guided by the following research question: By listening to relational
voices, what occurs in the daughter-father relationship that influences daughters’ Voice
development?
Gilligan and colleagues (2003) suggest that voice is central to a person’s identity; it is “a
footprint of the psyche bearing the marks of that person’s history, of culture in the form of
language” (p. 157). As a woman discovers who she is, it is possible for her to experience
multiple voices, which are woven together to represent the many parts of herself (Gilligan et al.,
2003). The voice’s of individuals are both the literal words they are saying to communicate
themselves to others, and also an expression of their authentic experience of themselves. The
construct of voice is inherently relational, relationships are shaped by, and shape who we are
(Mcbride, 2013). For our purposes, the term ‘Voice’ in our research question will refer to the
participants inner Voice, the representation of the embodied expression of self. Because of the
multi-layered nature of participant’s experiences in relationship, the term voice(s) will be used
when referring to the dominant voice, and the many voices within the dominant voice that coexist (Gilligan et al., 2003). In other words, when speaking of relational voices, we are referring
to the voices at play in the participant narratives, as identified by the Listening Guide analysis.

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CHAPTER 3: METHODOLOGY
The purpose of this study is to look at the inner psychological world of secure daughterfather relationships. My purpose is to gain a better understanding of how fathers influence their
daughters’ development of voice. The daughter-father relationship and the role of ‘voice’ in the
development and expression of the inner self is rather subjective; therefore, I will explore the
daughter-father relationship through a relational-voice methodology that is intended to look at
the sense of self-empowerment women gain through their experiences in relationship with
significant others. I will explore these significant relationships by listening deeply into women’s
individual stories. This section outlines the research design used for this study, the sample of
participants, inclusion and exclusion screening criteria, methods of recruitment, assessments
used to determine participants’ appropriateness for this study, and the procedure for data
collection and analysis. After stating my purpose for this study, I will conclude with a mention
of methodological rigour.
Research Paradigm as the Base for Methodological Rationale
Psychological research has spent much time absorbed in competing views of the social
sciences. According to Burrell and Morgan (as cited in Cohen et al., 2007), we can most
profitably approach these conceptions by examining the explicit and implicit assumptions
underpinning them through axiological, ontological, epistemological, and methodological
inquiry. With an in-depth understanding of the paradigms that guide the educational and
psychological research we propose, I will begin by identifying the worldview that most closely
reflects my own, addressing the paradigm assumptions of the proposed design and the
implications of these assumptions for my results. The following is an argument for study,
aligning with both the constructivist and transformative paradigms and operating from a unique

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worldview emphasizing the shared reality of relationships.
While searching for a method that best suited my goal to explore women’s experiences in
relationship with their fathers, I was drawn to qualitative research. A significant part of this
attraction is due to its situated activity that locates the observer in the world (Mertens, 2010).
Qualitative methods are well suited for research that is intended to provide an in-depth
description, consisting of a set of interpretive and material practices that make visible the inner
world of an individual (Mertens, 2010). A qualitative research approach makes room for the
content of the data to be determined by the individual respondent, while allowing for the
systematic documentation of those complex experiences (Murray, 1998, as cited in Stewart,
2007). This approach allows the researcher to delve into the human experience with a focus on
better understanding and clarifying specific human phenomena. A qualitative approach seems
most appropriate to fulfill my goal of exploring the psychological world of participants in order
to better understand the factors that contribute to their development as strong independent
women.
Qualitative research through a constructivist lens adheres to a way of viewing the world
that opposes more traditional and deductive quantitative research methods. The constructivist
paradigm can be perceived as an alternative way of viewing the world opposed to positivism.
One of the biggest ontological differences and basic tenets of constructivist theory states that
reality is socially constructed (Mertens, 2010). According to work by Ponterotto (2005), in
marked contrast to positivism’s naïve realism (single objective reality), constructivism holds to a
relativist position that assumes multiple, comprehensible, and equally valid realities. As quoted
in Mertens (2010), “the concepts of disability, love, minority and hate are socially constructed
phenomena that mean different things to different people” (para. 1). Reality is socially

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constructed, therefore multiple constructions can be revealed, some of which may be in conflict
with each other. Additionally, these perceptions of reality may change throughout the process of
the study. The Listening Guide method exemplifies these ontological assumptions, as the
researcher allows important concepts in the study to emerge as constructed by the participants
(Mertens, 2010). Basic assumptions guiding the constructivist way of thinking point to
relationships as the central way of knowing. The Listening Guide places emphasis on
relationship as a way to access participants’ realities and to reveal how their social formations
have impacted who they are. The Listening Guide emphasizes the relationship as an important
element in accessing the participant’s reality; these paradigmatic assumptions support the
constructivist framework that views relationships as the central way of knowing.
Guba and Lincoln (2005) outlined one of the central tenets of constructivist thinking
which is the inability to partition out an objective reality for the research participant who is
experiencing, processing, and labeling the reality (para. 7). Defined as a form of philosophical
idealism, values based upon idealism allow constructivist thinkers to see that the world exists,
but recognize that individuals construe it in unique ways (Cohen et al., 2007). The individual
can choose to act singly or together; social reality is not viewed on the societal or organizational
level. Constructivist inquiry is also often referred to as subjectivist, discovering how different
people interpret the world in which they live. We all hold a set of meanings that we use to make
sense of the world, which then influence how we choose to behave within it. The constructivist,
therefore, opts for a more personal and interactive mode of data collection; the inquirer and the
inquired-into are interlocked to the same process (Mertens, 2010). It is assumed that data,
interpretations, and outcomes are rooted in concepts and persons apart from the researcher
(Mertens, 2010). Thus, the aim of research is often to search for meaningful relationships and

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discover the consequences of actions. Proponents of constructivism emphasize the goal of
understanding lived experiences from the point of view of those who live it day-to-day
(Poncetto, 2005).
According to Brown and Gilligan (2005), voice, resonance, and relationship are three key
qualities necessary in understanding human experience. Stewart (2007) defines ‘voice’ as the
expression and awareness of the self, and the needs of that self. ‘Resonance’ includes the
manner of such expressions and, paradoxically, voice is called forth by resonance.
‘Relationship’ can be defined as comprising the atmosphere surrounding and informing the self,
one’s needs, and the needs of others. Voice depends on resonance or relationship in that
speaking relies on and is affected by being heard. The Listening Guide method offers “a
pathway into relationship rather than a fixed framework for interpretation” (Gilligan, 1992, p.
22). By entering into relationship with the participants, researchers are gifted the opportunity to
better understand the participant’s reality by allowing him-or herself to engage fully in the
process of constructing and interpreting the experiences of the participants (Mertens, 2010).
Brown and Gilligan (2005) perceive this as an opportunity to make explicit the relationship
between the interviewee’s voice and silences and the researcher’s voice, silences, and
interpretation. Viewing relationship as a construct in women’s development, a constructivist
qualitative method allows the voice of each participant, including the resonance of each voice
and its relational elements, to fully emerge.
Although constructivist paradigm considerations support the appropriateness of this
method through the relational nature of the research question, the Listening Guide is also a
feminist method, which falls under the transformative paradigm. A transformative approach
recommends researchers to place themselves in the midst of the action, side-by-side with the

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participants, working together to bring about social transformation. By placing themselves in the
midst of diverse groups that traditionally have been marginalized, transformative researchers can
find data at the heart of the matter. Similar to constructivism, multiple versions of what is
perceived to be real are recognized in the transformative paradigm (Mertens, 2010). However,
transformative researchers may go one step further by addressing the factors that give privilege
to one form of reality over another. Transformative inquiry also finds great value in historical
realism, believing that social, political, cultural, economic, and ethnic factors shape virtual
reality, and that gender values have crystallized over time (Guba & Lincoln, 2005). The
transformative paradigm studies not only the context, but the socially constructed identity of the
individual in his or her setting. Martusewicz and Reynolds (1994, as cited in Mertens, 2010)
state that “understanding and improving the lives and relations between women and men,
economically, socially, culturally, and personally” exemplifies the goals within the
transformative paradigm. The Listening Guide provides opportunity to involve research
participants in the analysis and interpretation via check-in’s with participant stories. This
involvement occurs after team analysis. My study seeks to understand the influence of fathers on
their daughters’ development, and to allow their voices to be heard. This is an arena that has
largely been ignored in academic study, and fits well within the transformative framework.
The transformative approach respects diversity because its epistemology suggests that not
only is the relationship between the knower and the would-be known interactive, it also involves
identification of the cultural complexities in that relationship (Mertens, 2010). This is important
because in order to address the imbalance of power within relationships, we must understand
what is valued as knowledge (Schmidt, 2014). According to Schmidt (2014), transformative
researchers recognize that they cannot assume understanding of the fullness of individuals

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without seeking to empower them to use their voice. Research guidelines should not be derived
from objective theory but should be found in communities (Schmidt, 2014). Giving diverse
communities (in this case, daughter-father relationships) the opportunity to place insights into the
research process allows researchers to reflect on what is truth in knowledge. Respecting
diversity involves transparency and reciprocity; Mertens (2010) refers to it as “An explicit
connection is made between the process and outcomes of research” (“Transformative Axiology”
para 2). The researcher must be open to a lack of fit within our current theoretical and
philosophical frameworks, as well as be transparent and openly acknowledge the crucial role of
participants. Rather than positioning oneself as a distanced observer, the Listening Guide
method allows the researcher to lead a relational role; free to study whatever they are drawn to
by their interests and values in the ways the researcher deems appropriate. This relational-voice
method also allows the researcher to utilize the results in ways that can bring about positive
consequences, serving not just the researcher but all participants and team members involved. It
is not easy to be open and vulnerable, and I see it as an honour to conduct research that offers
reward.
Adopting both a constructivist and transformative pragmatic lens lends great value to
research purposes. As a an active member of the research field, it would impede my intentions
and my purposes moving forward if I adopted a view opposed to the social and relational view of
reality formation. Likewise, I would not fit within a research paradigm that refuted my
involvement and relationship between researcher and participant. The Listening Guide method
allows the integration of my pragmatic beliefs and makes room for both the researcher and
participant’s values to emerge.

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Recruitment and Sampling
Selected from a pool of participants for this study were four biological daughter-father
dyads. Although women’s developmental research (outlined in Chapter Two) points to the
importance of a masculine figure in women’s lives, for the sake of this study, I chose to include
biological fathers only. All adult daughters were between the ages 19-30 and were in selfreported positive relationships with their fathers, with varying degrees of closeness. Each of the
daughters in this study had completed at least some post secondary education, with one daughter
having completed her graduate degree. At the time the study was conducted, one of the
daughters was a children’s pastor, one worked in real estate, one in media production, and the
other as a clinical counsellor. All of the daughters were selected based on their positive
relationships with their fathers and strong development of the self. The latter was initially selfidentified, then verified later through assessment. All adult daughters were chosen based on their
willingness to share in-depth their relational experiences with their fathers. These included their
childhood and adolescence, their past and current relationships with their fathers, and their
experiences in relationship, both positive and negative. To qualify for inclusion into this study,
the daughter participants had to not currently reside in the same home as their fathers. My
purpose in only including daughters who no longer live with their fathers is to make explicit the
daughters’ independence from their fathers. I assumed that the daughters’ identity formation and
physical independence from their fathers would result in their having self-identities sufficient for
the purposes of my study.
The fathers in this study were asked to participate because of their daughters’ evaluation
of strength in relationship. The fathers must have been able to reflect on the role they played in
their daughters’ development and how this has contributed to their becoming the women they are

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today. All four fathers had completed some post secondary education, and were all over the age
of 40. One father was a veterinarian, one was a psychologist, one was a health inspector, and the
other was a business investor. From the fathers reflections on their contributions to their
daughters’ development, I hoped to establish what may have occurred implicitly and explicitly to
help shape or hinder the development of his daughters internal Voice. I also made the
assumption that the fathers would be able to retroactively assess their relationship with their
daughter with less bias than would be likely if the fathers were still attempting to actively parent
their daughters in the closeness in shared living quarters.
Though not intentional within the screening process, all of the participants identified as
Christian and active members of Evangelical culture. Network sampling used for recruitment,
asking individuals who saw the recruitment to pass on the details of the study to women they
knew, could have accounted for this. From the participants’, I hoped to gain a deeper and richer
understanding of how the psychological, relational and spiritual dynamics of Christianity were
influential on the daughter-father relationship, and daughters development of internal Voice.
Measures. The daughter participants were selected for this study if they presented with
the necessary values included for the study after my assessment. For my purposes, it was not
necessary to assess the fathers relationship and strength of the self, or his self-identified
relationship with his daughter. The daughters were initially asked to complete the Relationship
Scales Questionnaire (Griffin & Bartholomew, 1994). The Relationship Scales Questionnaire
contains 30 short statements drawn from Hazen and Shaver’s (1987) attachment measure. On a
5-point scale, participants rate the extent to which each statement best describes their
characteristic style in close relationships. Five statements contribute to the secure and dismissing
attachment patterns and four statements contribute to the fearful and preoccupied patterns. From

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this brief measure, we were able to screen participants by looking at their general orientation to
and desires to be involved in close relationships, romantic relationships, or orientations to a
specific relationship such as between daughter and father.
Participants whose results were consistent with a secure attachment pattern according to
the Relationship Scales Questionnaire (Griffin & Bartholomew, 1994) were followed up with a
brief, semi-structured telephone interview, explaining the purpose of the study in greater depth,
and the inclusion and exclusion criteria. This also gave me as the researcher an opportunity to
personally screen the potential participants for appropriate fit for the study, and use the phone
call to ascertain their fluency in spoken English. The telephone interview provided a way to
further assess participants’ abilities to self-identify and to assess their self-reflective capacity.
The telephone interview was also used to clarify that the daughters were able to reflect on and
assess independence of the self, while retaining a relational connection to their fathers.
Additional telephone screening was conducted in anticipation that some women may have
experienced empowerment from their fathers in ways that could be deemed inappropriate, such
as those associated with abusive levels of closeness. National surveys of adults have found that
nine to 28 percent of women say they have experienced some form of inappropriate affection and
distrust from their fathers (Hartwell-Walker, 2012). As boundary lines for appropriate and
inappropriate behavior are subjective to each individual dyadic relationship, I was aware of the
potential of participant harm, and the negative effect this could have on the data. In anticipation
of this difficulty and keeping in line with the purpose of this study, participants were screened
during the telephone interview for their experiences of positive nurturance, as associated with
freedom and voice.
Participants were recruited for this study via online advertisements on social media and by

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word of mouth. Three of the daughter-father dyads were recruited from British Columbia’s
Lower Mainland, and one dyad was recruited in Northern Alberta. Sample size decisions in
qualitative research are made according to the adequacy of the observations. In other words, the
goal is to identify the salient issues to the extent that the themes and examples are repeating
instead of extending (Mertens, 2010). Due to the rigorous and extensive time involved in the
Listening Guide method, the sample size of four daughter-father dyads was chosen with the
understanding that it would allow for the best study possible within the researcher’s time
constraints. We as the research team will understand we have gathered enough data based on
Charmaz’s (2006, as cited in Mertens, 2010) recommendation to stop after reaching data
saturation, when fresh data no longer sparks new theoretical insights, nor reveals new properties
of the core theoretical categories.
Rationale for Using the Listening Guide
An historical perspective takes into account the developmental history and outlines the
ever-changing ecology that defines fatherhood as a construct in women’s development.
However, sensitivities to diversity in fatherhood studies and a lack of qualitative research on the
daughter-father dyad highlights the potential contributions of voice-relational research strategies.
There exists a perpetual component within the innermost being of those involved in relationship
that requires an in-depth methodological approach to fully capture the inner experiences of the
relationship. The Listening Guide method is designed to open a way to discovery when this
discovery hinges on coming to know and understand the inner world of another person (Gilligan,
Spencer, Weinberg, & Bertsch, 2003). A relational method, such as the Listening Guide, is
intended to recognize the layered nature of psychological processes and to interpret
psychological behaviour within a relational and cultural process (Ohlmann, Kwee, & Lees,2014).

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This qualitative research method uniquely offers a path into the complex and multilayered nature
of human experience and expression. It touches on the interplay between self and relationship,
psyche, and culture, all of which are necessary to fully understand how the relationship has
contributed to an understanding of the self through voice.
According to Gilligan et al. (2003), each person’s voice is distinct, a footprint of the
psyche. It bears the marks of that person’s history, culture, and the myriad ways in which human
society and history shape the voice, leaving imprints on the human soul. Voice is viewed as a
central way of working, a channel of connection, and a pathway that brings the inner psychic
world of feelings and thoughts into the open air of relationship where it can be heard by oneself
and others (Brown & Gilligan, 1992). Different fields of research and academics very in their
definition of voice, yet for my purposes I will refer to voice as a way of speaking or
communicating that takes the silent and invisible inner world and makes it audible or otherwise
visible to another (Gilligan et al., 2003). I choose voice because it is an embodied selfexpression that connects the individual’s culture and their inner psychological world. Voice
because it is embodied, a tangible, and visible form of an idea, quality or feeling, connects rather
than separates psyche and culture. The collectivity of different voices that compose the voice of
any given person, including its range, harmony, tonality, pitch, and rhythm, is always embodied
in culture and in relationship with oneself and others (Gilligan et al., 2003). Voice is the literal
words someone is speaking, but also an authentic experience and expression of the self. As such,
the construct of voice is inherently relational. The Listening Guide method can be used as a way
to encourage women to use their voices to share their stories within the context of relationship.
The Listening Guide method paves the way to allow the proposed researcher to capture
the essence of the inner experiences daughters have voiced in relationship with their fathers. I

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proposed that the voices operating as agents and/or missing from the unique daughter-father
relationship would be discovered through voice-relational methodology. I also expected to see
how these voices have shaped the daughters’ development of self. This relational method
recognizes the layered nature and the various contexts and diversities of fathers roles,
expectations, and behaviours that are meaningful to them. While previous historical and
quantitative research has failed to understand the inner world of the individual, my chosen
method is oriented toward this kind of discovery. Specifically, I will use it to discover how
fathers contribute to their daughters’ development of inner voice through a positive, and
meaningful relationship.
The Listening Guide
The Listening Guide is a method of psychological analysis that draws on voice,
resonance, and relationship as ports of entry into the human psyche (Gilligan et al., 2003). By
combining the understanding of women’s psychological development with the theories of human
development, researcher Carol Gilligan (1993) arrived at a working theory that suggests that
women’s psychological development is potentially revolutionary. Gilligan et al.’s (2003)
research found that girls often struggled against losing their voice and created an inner division
in order to maintain close relationships with significant others. Girls were found to be carriers of
unvoiced desires and unrealized possibilities, leading them to conclude that the study of
women’s psychological development needed to begin with listening to women’s voices and
hearing differences between the voices of women and men (Brown & Gilligan, 1992; Gilligan,
1993). Brown and Gilligan (1992) found that when women spoke about themselves in
connection, they shared about experiencing a relational crisis, or a giving up of voice for the sake
of having good relationships. These assumptions included the premise that human development

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occurs in relationship with others and, as such, our sense of self is inextricable from our
relationships with others (Gilligan et al., 2003). Gilligan et al. (1992) also found that when they
engaged more deeply with the psychological struggles they were hearing as they listened to
women and girls, their attention was turned to developing and formulating a systematic method
for interpreting movements and listening to the complexities of voice in relationship (p. 20).
These previous studies by Gilligan have paved the way for further discovery. As a strong
supporter of relational psychological practice, the findings suggest a possible way to interpret the
stories and narratives of other people. I sought to understand what relationships are good and
beneficial for women, through exploration of voice (Brown & Gilligan, 1992). This opportunity
to view women’s development of voice as a unique and positive experience may make a
difference not only for the participants, but also for those who listen. By using women’s own
words and descriptions of their experiences, depth and richness is added to the researcher’s
understanding. The Listening Guide also uniquely empowers the researcher, who is encouraged
to bring his or her whole self into the research process, adding their use of knowing, sensing, and
dyadic interaction to the data gathered (Gilligan et al., 2003). Each step requires the researcher’s
voice to be explicitly brought into the process, making it clear who is listening and who is
speaking in the analysis (Brown & Gilligan, 1992). This requirement is not meant to sway the
participant or to alter the validity of the findings; rather, the goal is to allow the researcher to
enter authentically into relationship with all participants.
The Listening Guide method comprises a series of sequential “listening’s”, each designed
to bring the researcher into relationship with a person’s distinct and multilayered voice by
attending to distinct aspects of a person’s expression of her or his experiences within a particular
relational construct (Gilligan et al., 2003). Guided by a voice-sensitive approach, the researcher

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listens to a person’s story at least four times and begins to sort out different voices that run
through the narrative. These different voices compose a polyphonic orchestral rendering of its
psychology and politics (Brown & Gilligan, 1993). The term “listening” describes the way of
working that joins the researchers conversations with women by listening to audio, and reading
over interview transcripts (Brown & Gilligan, 1992). This approach to listening is centered on a
set of basic questions; who is speaking and to whom, what stories are they telling about
relationship, and in what societal and cultural frameworks (Gilligan et al., 2003). With these
questions, a carefully selected research team reads the interview transcripts through multiple
times, with each attending to a particular aspect of the narrative (Gilligan et al., 2003). The act
of reading is thus transformed into the act of listening, as the process of listening requires the
active participation on behalf of both the speaker and the listener (Gilligan et al., 2003). The
need for a series of “listening’s” arises from the assumption that the psyche, like voice, is
contrapuntal, two or more independent voices simultaneously co-occurring (Gilligan et al., 2003).
The method is designed to allow each person’s voice to amplify aspects of the self.
When using the Listening Guide, the researcher takes in different voices and follows the
participant’s movement creatively through the interview (Brown & Gilligan, 1993). In addition,
it is imperative to note that each listening is not simply an analysis of the text; rather, it is
intended to guide the listener in tuning into the story being told on multiple levels and to
experience, note, and draw from his or her resonances to the narrative. No single step or
listening is intended to stand alone, just as no single representation of a person’s experience can
be said to stand for that person (Gilligan et al., 2003). The “listening’s” of each step will be
rendered visually through underlining and/or highlighting the text, using different colored pencils
to represent each listening (Gilligan et al., 2003). Each listening is also documented through

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notes and interpretive summaries written by the researcher throughout each step (Gilligan et al.,
2003). The marked interview transcripts, notes, and summaries are retained to help the
researcher stay close to the text and provide a base for later interpretations.
Selecting the Listening Guide for the method of analysis was a decision made after much
study and vigorous thought. Because of the subjective nature of the daughter-father relationship,
and with the researcher encouraged to explicitly enter into relationship with participants, the
analysis of the data gathered will frequently include the use of personal pronouns. The “I” will
refer to the principal investigator (myself), and the ‘we’ will refer to the formed research analysis
team. For our purposes, the research team will include the principal investigator, the thesis
supervisor, second reader, and all members of the data analysis team.
Steps of the Listening Guide
Step one: Listening for the plot and the listener’s response. This step involves
reading through the text and listening for the plot, the main events, by attending to the stories
that are being told. The first read-through of the interview pays attention to the story being told,
the geography of this psychological landscape, and the plot (Brown & Gilligan, 1993). The goal
at this stage is for the listener to begin to identify what is happening (what, when, where, with
whom and why), and to become familiar with the participant’s narrative. The listener will be
mindful of repeated images, metaphors, dominant themes, contradictions, and absences within
the social context of the story.
Step one also requires the researcher to attend to her or his own response to the narrative,
explicitly bringing ones own subjectivities into the process of interpretation, identifying his or
her social location, emotional responses, and emerging thoughts and feelings. (Gilligan et al.,
2003). As we go through the interview text, we will notice and reflect on where we find

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ourselves feeling a connection with the participant and where we do not, how this particular
person and this interview touches us, what thoughts and feelings emerge as we begin to listen,
and why we think we are responding this way (Gilligan et al., 2003). Going against former
methodological scripts that have pointed to the role of the researcher as an objective observer,
this step actively focuses on and documents the researchers’ response to what is being expressed.
It is similar to a clinician who identities their countertransference to their client in the hope that
doing so will prevent confusing their personal experiences with those of their client, facilitating
better empathy and connection within the relationship. In a similar way, we want to be aware of
how our personal biases and experiences are affecting us so that we can more fully understand
and connect to our participants’ narratives.
Step two: Composing ‘I poems’. The second listening focuses on the voice of the “I”
who is speaking. This is done by following the use of the first-person pronoun, picking up on the
associative stream of consciousness carried by the first-person voice. By focusing solely on the
‘I’ pronoun, the associated verb, and little else, the subjectivity of the participant is moved to the
foreground (Gilligan et al., 2003). Brown and Gilligan (1992) argue that this step is a crucial
component of the relational method. Tuning into other persons voice’s and listening to what this
person knows about him or her self before delving into the periphery of who they are is a way of
coming into relationship that works against distancing ourselves from that person in an
objectifying way. When constructing the ‘I poem’, we first underline every first person “I”
within the passage chosen, along with the verb and any seemingly important accompanying
words. We then pull out the underlined “I” phrases, maintain the sequence in which these
phrases appear in the text, and place each phrase on a separate line, like a line in a poem. The I

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poem picks up on an associative stream of consciousness carried by a first-person voice, running
through a narrative rather than being contained by the structure of full sentences.
During the second step, we listen for the “self”, for the voice of the “I” speaking in the
relationship. It is intended to bring us into relationship with the participant. This occurs by
allowing the sound of her voice to enter our psyche and by discovering how she speaks of herself,
before we attempt to speak of her (Brown & Gilligan, 1992). Thus, we include the participant’s
voice in our description of her in our attempts to know her on her own terms, discovering how
her voice resonates in our own psyche, and responding emotionally and intellectually to what she
says (Brown & Gilligan, 1992). According to Brown and Gilligan (1992), as the participants’
words enter our psyche, a process of connection begins between their thoughts and feelings and
our responding thoughts and feelings. In other words, the participants affect us and we learn
from them, about them, about ourselves, and about the world of relationship.
The additional ‘we-poem, she-poem, he-poem’ elements. Due to the relational nature of
this study, and the intent to better understand how messages are communication in the daughterfather dyad, we decided to create an additional element to represent how each daughter-father
spoke about they other. These additions are not part of the original Step two Listening Guide,
but were adapted from similar research (McBride & Kwee, 2014), for the purpose of more richly
understanding how each participant spoke about their relationship, and the influence this had on
their life.
Step three: Listening for contrapuntal voices. This step offers a way to listen for the
counterpoint—the contrapuntal element—in the text being analyzed. In other words, we
endeavor to hear the multiple layers of the narrative being told. It is during the third step that, by
attending to how participants talk about relationships, we will seek to identify how participants

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experience themselves in the relational landscape of human life (Brown & Gilligan, 1992).
Listening for the contrapuntal voices offers a way to develop an understanding of several unique
layers of a person’s expressed experience as it pertains to my research question (See Chapter 2).
The research question shapes the listening, which may be based on the theoretical framework
guiding the research (See Chapter 2).
While steps one and two work toward establishing the story line and the psychic
landscape, the third step is designed to sort through the different strands in the interview and
selecting the ones that speak to our research question. The development of these “listening’s”
for contrapuntal voices is an iterative process. We begin with an idea about a possible voice,
create an initial definition or description of this voice, continue to listen for it, and then assess
whether the definition of this voice makes sense and whether or not it illuminates a meaningful
aspect of the text (Gilligan et al., 2003). This process entails reading through the interview two
or more times, each time tuning into an aspect (voice) of the story being told within the person’s
expression of her or his experience. We then specify the voices we will listen for and determine
what the markers of a particular contrapuntal voice are or, more simply put, how we will know
this voice when we hear it. To ensure the process is clearly defined we listen for just one voice
at a time, and the appearance or evidence of this voice is underlined in a chosen color to mark it
(note that some contrapuntal voices may be underlined/highlighted several times). For the
purpose of this study that involves several interviews, the contrapuntal voices may evolve out of
the analyses of many different interviews through a process of going back and revisiting this step
several times over, each time revisiting, reading for voices that have been redefined or newly
defined through in-depth analysis.
Step four: Composing the analysis. During the final step, following a final listening to

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each interview, the analysis team works to now pull together what has been learned about the
participant in relation to the research question, and an essay or analysis is composed. The many
voices, which had been teased apart, are then returned to the relationship with one another in the
final analysis as the listener captures the complexity of the person’s narrative. During the
analysis several questions may be considered; what have you learned about the research question
through this process, and how have you come to know this? What is the evidence on which you
are basing your interpretations? What has been learned through the entire Listening Guide
process? As the proposed study requires the analysis of several interviews, the analyses will be
examined in relationship to one another, illuminating similarities in the themes that may begin to
emerge across several interviews, as well as making note of the distinct differences between
them.
Following this phase of analysis, I, the researcher, met, with each participant, to share my
experiences of the participant’s story, and invited participant’s experiences and responses about
participating in the project. This allowed for the research to be further involved in relationship
with the participant. Transformative in nature, this also added richness to the interpretations by
allowing the participants a chance to review their stories, and by entering again into relationship
with them.
Quality and Rigour
Several steps were taken to enhance the rigour of the data analysis. To examine the
quality of our qualitative research, I have looked at Mertens’ (2010) five categories of
assessment: credibility, transferability, dependability, confirmability, and transformative.
According to Guba and Lincoln (2005), credibility parallels internal validity in that it
attempts to free the data from extraneous variables. Several strategies can be implemented to

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protect against this, such as prolonged and persistent engagement, peer debriefing, member
checks, progressive subjectivity, and triangulation. To achieve credibility, prolonged and
persistent engagement will keep the involvement of researchers close to the community of
interest and will provide sufficient distance from the phenomenon under study to accurately
record observed actions (Mertens, 2010). During the data collection and analysis process, my
research team met frequently to discuss the interviews and the interviewer’s experiences as well
as reflect on the researchers’ own experiences acquired through the “listening’s”. By using a
team of researchers, claims were based on sufficient data to support them, and the process of
analysis and interpretation will remain visible to all members.
The transformative element of member check in’s was used to ensure that the researcher
was checking in with the participants, staying true by honoring the relationship between the
researcher and the participant. Since the listening guide method employs a team approach, peer
debriefing was also utilized to seek verification about the constructions that were developing as a
results of the data. I as the researcher, wrote in a journal throughout the research process in order
to monitor my own developing constructions and to document the process of change from the
beginning of the study to the end. At times, I shared these reflections with my research team so
that my peers could challenge and confront any biases I might have held, allowing them to
provide insights into how they may have changed as the study progressed.
Transferability is similar to external validity and may be increased through thick
descriptions and multiple cases. It allows the readers of the research to make judgments based on
similarities and differences when comparing the research situation to their own (Mertens, 2010).
Throughout my report, I attempted to provide enough detail to allow the reader to make such
judgments and to have sufficient understanding of the research setting, participants, and method.

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It is my goal to include thick descriptions to enable readers to make judgments about the
transformative applicability of the research findings to their own situations, as well as aid in
possible replication.
Dependability can be identified as the qualitative parallel to reliability (Guba & Lincoln,
2005). In the constructivist paradigm, change is to be expected but it should be tracked and
publically accessible (Mertens, 2010). To check the dependability of my study, the supervisor,
the second reader, and all members of the research team periodically checked in to see if I have
been making mistakes in the conceptualization of the study, data collection and analysis, and
reporting of results. Dependability was also achieved through the process of sharing the data
with the team members and the participants. The study proposes the use of semi-structured
interviews to ensure consistency across participants in the questions I as the researcher ask. I,
the principle investigator conducted all interviews, and the analysis team was kept consistent
throughout the data analysis process. It was my intention to remain consistent throughout the
research process, ensuring dependable results.
Confirmability can be identified as the qualitative parallel to objectivity (Mertens, 2010).
Through a team approach, I was accountable to others and made explicit my assumptions
underlying the interpretations of the data. Given the relational nature of the study, this allowed
an additional opportunity for creating relationships at each level of data collection and analysis.
The research team were female second-year graduate students in the Master of Arts in
Counselling Psychology at Trinity Western University, my supervisor and second reader, all of
whom were trained in Listening Guide analysis. Additionally, each team member was selected
for her unique ability to both intellectually and intuitively relate to the narratives of others. This
research team aided in the process of analysis by confirming findings, engaging in dialogue

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about the personal process, and providing support throughout the rigorous data analysis
procedures.
Lastly, transformative criteria in qualitative research are centered around concerns for
social justice and human rights (Mertens, 2010). Lincoln and Guba (1985, as cited in Mertens,
2010) describe transformative as a form of authenticity, a validity that refers to providing a
balanced and fair view of all perspectives in the research study. Attention to voice is a unique
feature of the Listening Guide method in that it allows the researcher to seek out the participants’
voices and attends to how these voices are influenced by cultural discourse. We attempted to
seek out those voices that have been silenced, and included those voices however contradictory
they might be. Consistent with the transformative paradigm, my intension is to not keep the
results gleaned of this study private, but to share with the participants, team members, and the
academic and broader communities at large.

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CHAPTER 4: RESULTS

I designed this study to examine the inner psychological world, and innermost being of
secure daughter-father relationships. My purpose was to gain a better understanding of how
fathers influence their daughters’ development of ‘Voice’. This is particularly important,
considering the ever-changing ecology that defines fatherhood as a construct in women’s
development, and the apparent need for research focused on the innermost beings of these
individuals in relationship with one another. The daughter-father relationship, and the role of
‘Voice,’ in the development and expression of the inner self is subjective, therefore, we as a
research team, explored the daughter-father relationship through a relational-voice methodology,
the Listening Guide. This relational method focused on the sense of self-empowerment women
gain through experiences in relationship with significant others. The Listening Guide method
paved the way to allow us as researchers to capture the essence of the inner experiences
daughters voiced in relationship with their fathers. We used this method as a way to encourage
participants to use their voices, allowing us to relate personally to the participant narratives,
while also considering the socio-cultural background which may have influenced these women’s
stories (Brown & Gilligan, 1992). As a research team, we anticipated that common themes and
patterns would emerge among participant narratives, and discovered great complexity within the
verbal relationship. This chapter describes each of these voices, providing examples of how each
voice is interpreted and expressed within the participant narratives. Following voice description
is an analysis of participant stories, and the collective stories of each daughter-father dyad.
Voices in Relationship
Voice of autonomy. The voice of autonomy was the first voice our team identified, due
to its dominant presence among all participant narratives. All eight participants use the voice of

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autonomy, however, this is a voice daughter participants used with particular frequency. When
using this voice, it is clear that each participant is thinking and speaking on her own behalf. This
voice allowed researchers to experience the uniqueness of each individual participant. When
participants express the voice of autonomy, they speak about their ability to be aware of, and to
reflect, on their own desires, wants, motives, urges, and felt sense of emotions. When using this
voice, participants convey an understanding of their origins, and then through rational decisions,
chose either to endorse, follow, postpone them, or to reject them.
In some parts of participant narratives, the voice of autonomy was easily identifiable;
however, at times, researchers struggled to separate the voice of autonomy and the voice of
resistance. Similar to the voice of autonomy, the voice of resistance represented the participants’
desires to make their existence known. However, the literal act of resistance does not necessarily
require the participant to be autonomous, rather the participant could resist for the maintenance
of relationships. Unlike the voice of resistance, the voice of autonomy appears to represent a
much deeper understanding of self. Participants use voices of autonomy to communicate both
experiences of self, and the experiences of self and others. When participants speak in this voice,
they say, “I am free to be who I am”, “I am different than you”, or “I am free to have my own
voice.” In listening to their narratives, the participants’ desires to establish their own identities
and become their own people, within the context of relationship, became apparent.
The voice of autonomy is often used as a way to self-identify. When coding participant
narratives for the voices of autonomy, we were drawn to participant’s embodied expression of
self. Participants use this voice when they speak of their awareness and ability to reflect on their
own desires, wants, motives, urges, and emotions. We identify this voice when participants
made global statements about the nature of self as: self-sufficient, strong, knowledgeable,

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informed, independent, worthy, confident, opinionated, and free. This voice also refers to the
freedom and security participants felt in being their own person. When daughter participants
express themselves using the voice of autonomy, they make statements such as; “this is part of
who I am”, “I have my own boundaries”, “I never felt pressured to walk a certain way”, and “I
was okay to have my own opinion, and have my own voice.”
Anne speaks using the voice of autonomy when she describes the messages her father
taught her about her personal strengths as a woman. She shares, “I could be myself, and that was
strength, my femininity or the woman part of me didn’t make strength look any different from
any other kind of strength. Strength is strength, and if you want to be in the kitchen, or want to
be out fighting crime, or you want to be out doing whatever, you can do it… I can do it.” This
comment highlights Anne’s felt freedom to be the woman she wants to be, her strength is found
in being Anne, rather than being a woman per se. In another participant narrative, Jenny, uses
the voice of autonomy to describe her strengths as a woman. She says, “My independence is a
big deal to me…like I’m a woman who wants to be independent and who makes my own
decisions, and choses to be a strong woman.” In Jenny’s narrative, her use of the voice of
autonomy and her use of the word “choice” illuminates her personal role in the development of
her strength. Randal also speaks using the voice of autonomy when he says, ‘I wanted to do
it…I’m accomplished in education and professionally, so I wanted to do things well.” Here
Randal uses the voice of autonomy to identify, and make his motives and personal choices
known. As there are many more examples to choose from, it is clear the dominance of this voice
used throughout participant narratives.
Participants use the voice of autonomy when self-differentiating themselves from others.
They use this voice as a way to further self identify by making distinctions or comparisons

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between self and others. All four daughter participants use this voice when distinguishing
themselves from others, such as mothers, fathers, siblings, mentors, or friends. Penny speaks
using the voice of autonomy when describing her relationship to her family. In her story Penny
contrasts herself as different than her older sister, she says, “My sister is more academically
inclined than I am…I was doing my best, and so I didn’t care if my grades were not as high”, and
“I was motivated to work hard because my doing well doesn’t look the same as my sisters…and
I remember sitting and being like hey, I don’t think I want to do that.” Another daughter,
Monica, uses this voice when differentiating herself from her mother. She shares, “lots of people
have told me my whole life, your’re like your mom, your’re so much like your mom…but the
more I grow up I realize I’m different.” In both stories, Penny and Monica use the voice of
autonomy to self-differentiate themselves from others. The message we gather from these two
participant narratives, is that the voice of autonomy was used both as a way for participants to
voice who they are, as well as, who they are not.
Participants also speak in the voice of autonomy to convey elements of, or desires to
further, change and growth. We hear this in three of the daughters’ narratives. Penny’s narrative
exemplifies this, when she describes her view of self, she says, “I’d say I’m just starting to
understand myself, I think growing up and moving out and spending more time knowing who I
am in my own house, as a wife, and developing my own life, I can feel I’m free to be me.”
Monica also speaks using the voice in this way, when she shares experiencing a level of personal
growth since becoming pregnant. She shares, “I have realized how independent I am…I’m very
much like now, ‘I’ll do that, I’ll do this’, if I want something done I’ll just do it myself, I always
desire to do it myself on principle.” When Anne tells her story, she also uses the voice of
autonomy to describe her growth in self-identity. She shares, “I had just turned 20 while I was

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over there, and my parents didn’t believe in traveling together until you were married because of
what that looked like…I wanted to go stay at [redacted] parents place…and I realized I was in
love with him, and we were going to get married.” Note, in all three of these examples, when
participants speaks using the voice of autonomy, the change and growth identified places their
story in motion. The voice of autonomy was not a static voice, but rather symbolized personal
transition, growth, and change.
When we continued to read through the narratives, listening for the voice of autonomy, as an
analysis team we noticed that fathers often spoke about their autonomy in parenting. The fathers
use their voice of autonomy when teaching and imparting, and when advocating for their
daughters’ own autonomous expression. It became apparent that daughter participants’ were
more focused on voice protection, while the fathers in this study focused on voice promotion.
When asked about his role in Anne’s identity development, Gerry shares, “I just tried to
encourage her to explore and learn and to grow, and to be her own person and be comfortable in
her own skin, I think that was something I wanted for her.” In John’s story he shares, “I was
open in letting her be the person that she wanted to be and tried not to intentionally or
unintentionally bring my own, who I thought she could be or should be based on my own
perception.” In Gerry and John’s responses, they advocate for their daughters, encouraging each
to discover and express her own voice of autonomy, not the one he thought she should have. We
note further examples of the fathers role in promoting the voice of autonomy when the daughters
make statements such as, “the message I always got from my dad was, be you”, “with my dad, I
could voice my own opinion”, and “he never tried to change me into someone else.” All four
daughter participants speak using the voice of autonomy when describing the freedom they felt
to use their voice, as promoted by their fathers.

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Also, all of the fathers in this study promoted the voice of autonomy by encouraging their
wives, the daughters’ mothers, to use their own autonomous voices. Watching how their fathers
treated and respected their mothers, two of the daughters described the freedom they felt in using
their voice, after seeing dad promote moms’ expression. Monica shares in her story, “he gave
me freedom…I think that has to do with marrying my mother too…so I think my father had open
hands with my sister and I in this way, respected us as well.” Anne’s story is similar, she shares,
“him and my mom, the way he treated her…my mom is really strong, really vocal, really
independent, and I never felt or saw that cause tension for him…there was always room for my
mom to be the person she wanted.” Seeing a father promote the expression of autonomy with
her mother, modeled freedom for daughters to speak out using this voice.
The participants are aware of, and reflect on, different social and cultural constraints,
such as the social roles, norms, cultural prescriptions, and expectations of other people. When
participants use the voice of autonomy, they are clearly mindful of these demands, constraints,
and expectations, and rationally decided whether to follow, ignore, or to actively fight against
them. An example of this is found in Anne’s story when she describes the cultural influences she
grew up with, in her family home. She says, “I grew up in a house that there was always
midwives over, we were always talking about midwifery, and sexuality, and woman’s
strength…this was always the message that I got.” Anne also speaks using the voice of
autonomy when describing her own embodiment of these values, she says, “I’ve become pretty
second wave feminist, in that I really believe woman are oppressed…it would be like you are
free to be who you are, and this was the message I always got from my dad.” In Monica’s story,
she speaks using this voice when she shares, “I never felt pressure to be pure, I never felt
pressure to walk in a certain way, or do something specific…when my dad would pull me aside

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and say…this is our blessing for you, and this is what we want from you.” When the voice of
autonomy appears in this way, it often leads participants to speak using the voice of parental
guidance. However, we as researchers distinguish the voice of autonomy from the voice of
parental guidance by identifying autonomous self-promotional behaviors, from modeled
behaviors, or vicarious learning.
Lastly, the voice of autonomy materializes when participants identify self-determined life
goals, criteria for living life, and moral standards in which to pursue. We observe that the
participants create these rules and goals based on individual awareness of needs and capacities,
and by taking into consideration the needs and goals of other people. Speaking out using the
voice of autonomy, Anne tells the story of being a little girl, and declaring to her parents what
she wanted to do when she grew up. She shares, “So I remember sitting down with my parents,
and like having a sit down with them and having a family meeting…and saying, I want to be a
criminologist, I’m going to be like Jody Foster, I’m going to fight crime!!” Using the voice of
autonomy another daughter Penny, explores her identity in relation to her beliefs and values
system. She goes on to say, “I think my identity as a Christian…it is a big deal as an adult and as
a married person, if I don’t want to go to church every week, no one is going to be there to make
me.” These statements using the voice of autonomy, speak strongly to the care and consideration
of her own life, in determining goals for the future, and moral standards to which she adheres.
Voice of silencing. When analyzing the interviews, we notice participants’ voice of
autonomy is opposed by the use of the voice of silencing. Voices of autonomy appear when
participants feel freedom to speak out using their own voices, and voices of silencing manifest
when participant’s voices are oppressed. The voice of silencing is traditionally been used in
other Listening Guide research (Gilligan et al., 2003) to represent the participant’s inability to

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speak of their experiences. Gilligan et al.’s (2003) research found that girls often struggled
against losing their voice, in order to maintain close relationships with significant others.
Gilligan et al. (2003) found that girls carry unvoiced desires and unrealized possibilities, giving
up their voice for the sake of having good relationships. Likewise, the participants in this study
were unable to speak of their experiences when faced with oppressive messages, and often gave
up their voice to maintain relationships.
When speaking using the voice of silencing, participants often describe feeling ill fitted
or incapable of accomplishing their life goals, dreams, and desires. We define the voice of
silencing here as an inability to achieve, stand out, or accomplish what the individual desires to
do. In her story Penny speaks using the voice of silencing as she describes feeling discouraged
never measuring up to her older sister. Sadly, she shares, “I would automatically compare
myself to [redacted] or to my friends…that was hard for me, coming right after her because it
was like [redacted] gets an A and she doesn’t even study and then I come along.” In this
example, the voice of silencing manifests, describing Penny’s inability to be herself and the
pressures she experiences to measure up to her sisters and friends.
In Gerry’s story, he uses the voice of silencing to describe feeling overwhelmed, and
incapable of helping his daughter through her suffering. He shares, “when their overwhelmed
you don’t know what to do. You feel inadequate, and ill-prepared and you should know…when
you try and be helpful and its not working then you can easily feel confused and overwhelmed.”
When Gerry’s uses this voice in his comment, we struggle to differentiate the voice of silencing
form the voice of yearning. The voice of silencing and the voice of yearning are similar in that
they both speak of absence, a craving for something unfelt. However, unlike the voice of
yearning, the voice of silencing does not lead to a questioning of the way things happened. The

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voice of silencing instead is static and sacrificial, a giving up for the maintenance of the
relationship.
In their story, Randal and Penny, both use the voice of silencing when describing the
pressures they place on themselves, and the sacrifices they make for the maintenance of their
relationship. Penny shares the story of feeling pressured to go to school, and be an academic
because this was something she thought her dad valued and wanted for her future. She shares,
“he is very academic and schooling has always been very important to him, I was stressed out
because I wanted him to be proud of me for doing this…honestly, I want to be a mom, I feel like
people discredit that as a career.” She goes further to say, “I had these expectations, I was doing
something only because I thought that he would be more proud of me if I did something more
academic.” Although Penny feels the desire to be a mom she experiences silencing by the
pressures to go to school, maintaining her dad’s pride.. She says, “for me, I thought if I was to
be a mom he wouldn’t be proud of me for that…I thought he wanted me to do academic things
because that’s what I see him model.” Interestingly, her father Randal tells a similar story,
having to sacrifice time with his family in order to provide for his family long-term. He shares,
“I look back on photographs with them when they were little…and I think I didn’t have the
opportunity to really enjoy that time…I was an overachiever, and thought doing it right meant
being better than everybody.” He goes on to share, “we didn’t have a choice, I was the only
income, I was it, if I didn’t do it, if I didn’t work, we couldn’t move forward.” Both Penny and
Randal use the voice of silencing when speaking about giving up their voice, for the sake of the
other.
The voice of silencing was also materializes when participants express feeling like they
do not have the space, or freedom to use their voice, and speak up. The participants in this study

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use this voice when describing their experiences of being silenced by another’s voice, silenced
by the crossing of personal boundaries, or when silenced by societal and cultural biases. In her
narrative Penny shares feeling unheard when fighting with her mother and sisters. She tells a
story of growing up in a household of woman, which often meant that in arguments she was
forced to give up her own voice for the sake of others. She says, “me and my mom communicate
in the same way, you say something and then we blow up because of that one thing, and you just
don’t feel heard…all of us girls will cry, have a moment, and get up and we just have to storm
away…nobody was on my side and no one was able to communicate to me in a calm way that I
needed to understand, or share where I was coming from.”
Jenny tells a similar story, she shares, “My mom and I are exactly the same in that we
get pretty fiery, and will get mad really quick…and I have conversations with my mom
expressing my point of view…I didn’t tell them some things for a long time, when I did tell
them, like the initial reaction hurt my feelings.” Anne also tells the story of silencing in
relationship with her father, when he crossed a personal boundary she had. Note the use of the
voice of silencing in her story when she shares, “everything was like, ‘its free, its free, its free’
I’m not speaking into your life, and this whole thing, where like I remember this was the only
time I had an out and out fight with my parents, and he was, my dad really took a hard line, and
got really defensive and angry…this was coming out of a place of you should not go.” All three
daughters were forced to give up their voice of the sake of their relationships. Opposing the
voice of silencing, this study seeks to provide participants the opportunity share their experiences
in a way that empowers them to communicate without losing voice.
The voice of silencing also represents participant experiences of silencing in the context
of societal and cultural gender scripts. Throughout their story, Gerry and Anne, are both very

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vocal about the silencing they experience in their lives due to gender biases. Gerry notes feeling
that extant cultural and societal views of the value of women challenge his desires to encourage
and teach Anne to explore becoming a woman. As a professional surrounded by feminists, and a
family of strong woman, he is highly aware of women and their distinction from men. His voice
of silencing is clear when he says, “I think, to have a point of view that valued women and their
differentness from men, and yet their potential and their power was always distressed with the
inequality…it shouldn’t be a gender thing, but there are gender differences.” Similarly, Anne is
aware of the silencing she has faced in regards to her identification as a woman and speaks out
using the voice of silencing when discussing her frustrations with the negative connotations of
men who are emotionally expressive. She says, “it made me sad sometimes for men around, or
it’s been hard for me with my husband because that’s just never been allowed…when there is
sensitivity from the men, it’s like oh you’re a sissy or whatever right.” Her use of the voice
exposes the sadness she feels when cultural and societal expectations oppose her ideals.
One daughter-father dyad, Jenny and Graham, share similar stories about the silencing
they continually experience in the context of religious scripts. Graham’s use of the voice of
silencing is apparent when he discusses the value of dating within the church. Graham describes
experiencing tension between wanting his daughter to be happy, while still upholding the values
of the church. Speaking using the voice of silencing he shares, “as soon as you’re a single girl in
the church, every guy is after you…things I do not understand, if you spend time with a guy its
called a one-on-one, I’ve never heard of that…. for girls even talking to guys its considered
leading them on. Dad and I are not a part of this culture fully, in the eyes of the church that is.”
Unsurprisingly, Jenny told a similar story of feeling that religious biases within her faith system

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limit her. Her use of the voice of silencing is very clear when she says, “I think it is hard as a
Christian woman, because…I’m told in the church that I have to be submissive.”
When listening to the narratives further, we as a research team notice that father
participants spoke using the voice of silencing when they feel a lack of freedom, or a lack of
invitation to speak into their daughters during developmental stages. This is evident across the
narratives, as fathers experience silencing in their perceived inability to connect with their
daughters femininity, or during their transitions into womanhood. There seem to be a common
narrative suggesting that, because the fathers are men, they are unable to speak fully into their
daughters’ womanhood. The common cultural suggestion is to leave this up to the daughters’
mothers. In his story, John goes as far as to say that, at the time, he didn’t allow himself to speak
out, simply because he isn’t female. When asked to describe the role he plays in his daughters
identity development as a strong woman, John shares, “I can’t but say that her mom and
grandmother…the father can speak into a certain aspect of that, but again her mom speaks into
what it is to be a woman…the dad gets to a place and there’s just a realm that you don’t enter
because you are not a woman, so you’re not going to understand…there’s a feminine piece that
only mom can speak into.” He is fully silenced by his perceived lack of freedom to speak to his
daughters femininity.
We note very little content in the narratives about dads speaking into daughters’ bodies,
except through physical affection. When telling her story, Penny describes her dad usually
having lots to say, but there were moments she wanted him to step in, and take on a more vocal
role in her dating life. Speaking in the voice of silencing, Penny says, “I think for the most part
he didn’t really step in, when I was actually getting married, right away, he didn’t really have
much to say…even growing up and all of the sudden becoming interested in boys, things like

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that, he was very quiet about that…especially not having boys in my life besides him.” Anne
shares a similar story about bringing potential boyfriend she met doing street ministry home for
dinner. She shares, “I was dating this one guy who was super casual…like totally great
guy…and he was like ‘hey [redacted] it’s nice to meet you’ and my dad totally was like ‘grrr’…
yeah he wasn’t impressed.” It became clear when reading the narrative, that there was general
silence around puberty, eating disorders, dating, and beauty that is marked by a literal silence of
fathers not speaking.
Voice of resistance. When reading through the narratives, it becomes evident there is a
relationship between the voice of silencing, voice of autonomy and the voice of resistance. As a
research team we initially coded the voice of resistance as a voice of autonomy, when
participants speak about self-differentiation and promoted their own sense of self. While the
voice of resistance is similar to the voice of autonomy, we note, throughout the narrative,
moments where the voice of autonomy presents as stronger and louder, more pushing away from
the other. When there is, or appears to be a push or pull on participant’s autonomy, the voice of
resistance emerges. We note instances in the narratives where participants resist as a reaction, yet
do not necessarily speak autonomously. In these cases, we code using the voice of silencing,
because resistance seems to be present to maintain the relationship, rather than to protect self and
autonomous expression. For this study, we code the voice of resistance as a stronger version of
the voice of autonomy. We code the voice of resistance in eight of the participant narratives,
however due to individual expression, this voice looks slightly different in each participant’s
story. It is important to note, that the absence of the voice of resistance in one fathers narrative,
is also marked by little use of the voice of autonomy.

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The daughter participants speak using the voice of resistance as a way to protect their
autonomy, by expressing, and sometimes fighting for what they want, need, desire, or deserve.
When the women speak in the voice of resistance, they are animated, speak with confidence, and
ensure they are clearly understood. For example, Monica tells the story of feeling pressured by
her parents to participate in a bat mitzvah type party for her 13th birthday. Using the voice of
resistance she declares, “I mean I look back…at the time I was 13 years old and I was like, Mom,
Dad this is not what I want! I don’t want a huge party this is weird! I don’t want this! This
getting blessed, I don’t know about this!” In her story, Anne remembers a moment in her
childhood where she felt unheard, and she fought for her parents to take her vocational career
ideas seriously. She says, “I was really interested in the idea of being a criminologist, cause I
had read…silence of the lambs…I remember sitting down with my parents and was like, were
having a family meeting, you’re taking my brother’s career goals seriously and not mine! I want
to be a criminologist, take me to Alcatraz!” Using the voice of resistance, Anne and Monica
stand up for what they want and need from their parents in order to be seen and taken seriously.
The voice of resistance appears in the narratives, when participants use the voice to fight
for relationships. The research team notes that daughter participants use the voice of resistance
in moments where they perceive their fathers as coming in too close, pushing on their
boundaries. Anne uses her voice of resistance to fight for her relationship with her would-be
husband. She describes feeling furious, when her father crosses her boundaries by stepping into
her relationship, and stifling her freedom to make her own choices. She shares, “my parents
flipped out, like they freaked out! I was like, “Fuck you guys, if I wanted to do that, it would
have happened a long time ago, because I lived on my own, and he lived on his own, like you
can’t control everything I do…I was like you don’t own my body.” In her story, Anne uses the

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voice of resistance to defend her boundaries, fight back, and promote her right to think for
herself. Fighting back against her father, Monica also describes an incident in her story where
she had to stand up to defend her choice behaviors. She remembers her father punishing her for
something of which she was not guilty. Using the voice of resistance to stand up for herself, she
says, “he yelled at me, and he accused me of doing something that I know I didn’t do, and he
sent me to my room, and I was crying, and yelling, I know I didn’t do this!” This is a crucial
point in Monica’s story, as this was the only part of her narrative where we observe her use of
the voice of resistance. Although, the daughter participants use the voice of resistance to stand
up to their fathers, the voice of empathy was often used in conjunction to facilitate repair. In
Anne’s story, the use of empathy follows her use of the voice of resistance, when she remembers
looking at her father after she asserted her boundaries. She goes on to say, “ he was broken, like
a wounded child, he looked so wounded…my dad was broken, cause he realized in his heart he
crosses a boundary he shouldn’t have.” The voice of empathy follows Anne’s voice of resistance
as she gets in tune with her fathers suffering. In the same way, Monica continues her story, she
shares, “and suddenly I see this little card come through the bottom of my door…my dad had
written me this card, an apology.” These examples from Anne and Monica’s narratives,
illustrate the freedom felt, and the awareness of others when speaking using the voice of
resistance.
Anne’s use of the voice of resistance in her story, compared to other narratives, is
particularly dominant. Anne speaks using the voice of resistance several times when opposing
cultural gender scripts. Anne describes growing up in a home that was absent of any gender
divide, and continually cultivated curiosity. She says, “there was never this gender divide, oh
those are flowery things, I can’t do that, or violin, you can’t do that, or you shouldn’t play

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sports.” As a child, Anne remembers wanting to become involved with a male-only sports team.
Using the voice of resistance she shares, “I wanted to play baseball with the boys...I was like, I
don’t want to play softball with the girls, I want to play baseball, it’s a real sport!” When facing
silencing by cultural gender biases, Anne uses her voice of resistance to speak out against
oppressive messages. In another example from Anne’s story, she uses the voice of resistance to
oppose cultural expectations in regulating male emotional openness, and vocational
opportunities. When describing her experiences with men, feeling unable to express their
emotions, she shares, “ugg what are you feeling...because emotions even for my brother are so
strong in my family from the men, the norm. So when people weren’t like that I was like what’s
wrong with you! Why are you so emotionally constipated! I’ve seen so much freedom for men,
and my dad’s relationship with women is so fantastic!” In this case, Anne’s voice of resistance
speaks out against gender scripts, both for her, and for others. Anne’ voice of resistance is
unique from other participant’s in that she employs it to oppose silencing for others apart from
herself or her close relationships. Instead, Anne uses her voice of resistance to address the
oppressive messages of women on a grander scale. It is evidence in her dominant use of this
voice, how important this is to her.
For the fathers, the presence of the voice of resistance is scarce. Like the voice of
autonomy, we found that the fathers employ the voice of resistance to advance their daughters’
positions in life. One example of this appears in Randal’s story, as he uses the voice of
resistance to oppose religious methods of parenting. In his story he shares, “[redacted] and I
both mocked parents who read all the parenting magazines, and books, and went to the classes.
They would then try to share their experiences with, and we would avoid those people like the
plague.” He goes further to say, “the books wanted me to show her (Penny) what a man has to

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do and these things, and I was like screw that! That’s stupid! It’s so artificial!” Randal’s use of
the voice is not intended for his own benefit, but the betterment of his daughter.
Voice of connection. Not surprisingly, as we asked the participants in this study to reflect
on the daughter-father relationship, all the participants use the voice of connection.
Consequently, we are easily able to identify the voice of connection and experience warmth in
witnessing the unique bond that these fathers and daughters share. Some participants employ the
voice of connection more often than others, yet participants keenly utilize this voice of
connection. As this study asks about women’s experiences in relationship with their fathers in
relation to their independence and strength, the times when women spoke about connection and
autonomy together were important to make note of in answering the research question. This
manifests in Monica’s story when she speaks using the voice of connection, she shares, “the
more I grew up, the more I realizes I’m quite a bit like my dad.” Following, she speaks using the
voice of autonomy when she says, “It affirmed that I could, that I was okay to have my own
opinion, and have my own voice.” Another daughter, Anne, speaks using the voice of autonomy
to share, “it would be like you are free to be who you are, and this was the message I always got
from my dad was like, be you.” She follows her comment by speaking using the voice of
connection, she says, “I mean even implicit messages, my dad was always beading or like
drawing flowers with me.” In these instances, it was through connection and safety with dad,
that the daughters are able to experience the freedom to be themselves. Refer back to the voice
of autonomy and the discussion section for further participant stories and examples.
This voice describes a joint pairing, the sharing of experiences among the daughter-father
dyads. When participants use this voice they speak of relatable experiences, emphasizing their
identification as the same. Anne shares, “I’m just really seeing the desires of our hearts are so

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similar.” The depth and richness in each dyad relationship becomes obvious when participants
speak using the voice of connection. Participants also employ the voice of connection to
symbolize closeness in relationship. In his story, Gerry shares, “ I think that Anne and I have
always been very close. I’ve always felt close to her.” Some of the markers for this voice were
words such as; “shared”, “closeness”, “deep”, “unique”, “joy”, “the same”, “connected”, and
“similar.” When participants use these terms, they are often celebrating and accentuating the
importance of their daughter-father relationship.
Using the voice of connection, several participants speak of shared activities and interests
they enjoy together in relationship. Graham captures this in his story, when he shares, “we
climbed Mount Kilimanjaro together…we did it, father and daughter. We have that kind of
relationship. We also did T-ball, we did sporting things, we did skiing…we went snowmobiling,
that’s what we did together.” He goes further to describe what this communicated to his
daughter Jenny. He shares, “I remember communicating, we can do things together.” The voice
of connection is loud in Graham’s interview, as he speaks about his enjoyment in spending time
with his daughter. This was evident when he makes statements such as, “we had a real special
bond, that we had this kindred kind of thing”, “I think were really close”, and “it was just easy,
we just did it, and enjoyed it together.”
Gerry describes feeling connected with his daughter Anne, through the fun they have
together. As he expresses feeling joy when he spends time with Anne, he notes, “I enjoy her
company, we have fun together, we always have, we’ve done things together.” He goes on using
the voice of connection when describing the similar interests he and Anne share. He says, “We
both have a bit of an artistic bent or flare that we share together so that’s fun, it is a mutual
experience that we share.” This connection between Gerry and Anne appears even more

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strongly when Anne speaks about their relationship in the same way. Speaking using the voice
of connection, Anne shares, “playful, like we’ve always had fun creating and laughing together.
We always enjoy doing fun stuff, and like laughing…I remember from a young age being
creative with him…he would always like to do it with me.” As she describes this deep bond she
has with her father, she describes why she feels so connected, she says, “I think this is such a
huge part of my identity, like we shared that. He wasn’t one those parents who was like I’m
going to send my child to violin lessons, no were going to do this together.” In other words,
Anne’s shared experiences with her father influenced her identity development by conveying
positive messages about her value and worth. Anne also uses the voice of connection when
sharing a beautiful story about her feelings of joy, getting to accompany dad to work. She
describes how special she felt when she would get to skip school, just to have a special day with
dad. She describes her experiences using the voice of connection when she says, “I would bring
my dolls with me and it would be such a big deal, it would be like daughter and dad taking over
the campus and it would happen all the time, or sometimes I get out of school to hang out with
him, which is like so crazy but so amazing!” Anne uses this example to describe the openness
she felt in relationship with her dad, and shows the effort he made to spend quality time with her.
The daughter participants spoke using the voice of connection as a way to distinguish
their relationship with their father as unique from any other relationship. When asked to describe
her relationship with her father, Penny uses the voice of connection to illustrate the special bond
between daughter and dad. She shares, “I think we have a little bit of a weird little connection
because we’re both middle children. I’m the middle of three girls and he’s the middle of three
boys. I think we understand each other in that a little bit extra, it’s a different connection than
what I have with my mom…that a little bit of a special thing we have” In another story, Jenny

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emphasizes, “I think because I do consider myself to be a lot like him in my temperament, so I
think in that way we, I think that we just feel like I am a lot like him, and I have a piece of him in
me, so I think this will forever connect us…and I think of our sense of humour, it is just like
weird, we share a lot of weird like poop jokes.” Another daughter, Anne, also emphasizes the
uniqueness in her relationship with her father. She goes on to share, “I think it’s a daughter and
dad thing, like if I wanted something I could just be like ‘ohh dad, take me for a chai, come on,
take me’ where as my mom would be like maybe we will go out sometime, but my dad would be
like okay let’s go!” A few of the fathers in this study also speak of the uniqueness of the
daughter-father relationship. In his story Randal describes, “there is nowhere else that a girl can
feel this level of connectedness to any other human being in that part of her life…the way a
father overpowers and envelopes her in an embrace.”
In this study, we hear this voice when fathers describe a change in relational connection
as the daughters transitioned into adulthood. Randal expresses feeling greater intimacy in his
relationship with Penny in her adulthood. He notes this when he shares, “ there’s a certain
different kind of depth to the relationship that wasn’t there when it was more one sided, now the
relationship has some giveback…as a an adult it’s a richer kind of thing because now she
chooses it, she chooses to share her inner being with me, she chooses to be present.” John also
speaks of Monica’s transition to adulthood, and it’s impact on their relationship. He observes,
“Now it’s becoming more two-way…we have the privilege of being with them…it’s so
gratifying in this way.” Daughter participants also note a shift in connective experiences as they
transitioned into adulthood, but instead of speaking about the development of equality like the
fathers, we noticed a shift in their description of the types of shared activities. Now as an adult,
Jenny uses the voice of connection when describing a change in the activities she shares with her

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father. She says, “we live in the same city, and we can just go get together and get a beer, how
nice is that!” Anne also speaks to this when she shares, “now my research interests are the same
as his…and it’s really cool that we can share as more equals now.” Reading through the
narratives we as researchers noted that the voice of connection was evident throughout the entire
life span, but the way in which the daughters and fathers connected with one another evolved,
and morphed over time.
Coding for the voice of connection had great impact on me as the researcher. Providing
space for participants to commemorate their relationships was deeply moving, bringing our
entire research team to tears several times during the coding process. This allowed us to reflect
further on the matchlessness of daughter-father relationships. It was an honour to celebrate each
daughter-father dyad.
Voice of attunement. Given the information gleamed from the literature review, and the
parent-child dynamic present in the daughter-father dyad, it was no surprise when reading
through the narratives that the voice of attunement appears prominently. As an analysis team,
we notice the participants employing the voice of attunement when they became aware of, and
responded to another. When using this voice they identify how the other feels, for example,
whether they were happy, sad, interested, engaged, or in distress. As the participants express
more about their relationships, we notice the voice of attunement manifests as a voice of
openness, one person coming alongside another. The voice of attunement is marked by
statements such as; “I can see me and I can see you”, “I make an effort to know you” and “I
don’t need you to be me.” For the daughter-father dyad, this voice often emerges when
describing an interactional pattern of one person coming, and one person followingthe parent
leading the child, or vice versa. For father participants, this often looked like joining daughters

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in interests and activities. This does not necessarily require that the father fully enjoy the
activity, but rather that fathers see daughters in this exchange, and make efforts to follow. For
example, Gerry says, “Your position alongside a daughter changes as you walk that journey, she
walks in front of me, and I watch carefully.” The voice of attunement presents predominantly
among the fathers narratives, however daughter participants also speak in the voice. Daughter
participants use the voice of attunement as a way of speaking about their fathers. They speak
using this voice to describe their fathers emotional and behavioral transparency. For example,
Jenny shares, “just seeing the way my dad was a boss to people…I don’t know if that would be
humble or more so sacrificial, like self-sacrificial.”
When the fathers in this study spoke using the voice of attunement they describe
moments encountering their daughters, while seeing, and letting them be. In his story, Gerry
uses the voice of attunement to discuss his role in allowing his daughter, Anne to make her own
decisions, and try new things on her own. When asked to describe his role in Anne’s
development, he shares openly about his experiences of “letting her be.” He shares, “I guess if I
saw something that was threatening her I might say can we talk about this, can I tell you what I
see that I’m worried about? The rest of the time I just wait and see what happens, which is a
similar thing. We often have conversations, she’s got tons of ideas and it’s always interesting to
hear those and how they evolve, I find more curiosity about how she’s doing that, what her
thinking is, rather than an attempt to say this is how it should be done, sit and see what her
thinking is.” This comment confirms his role in fatherhood as watchful, seeing his daughter, but
not necessarily having to agree, or engage equally.
When the father participants used this voice, they also note being aware of their
daughters, but feel no need to join them, or step in. In his narrative, John uses the voice of

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attunement when describing his difficulty understanding his daughters’ relationships during high
school. He shares, “I think this was an area, I think one thing I tried to understand is her
relationships with others. Sometimes during her teenage years, she would associate and connect
with other people…I guess a word that comes to mind right now is social.” Though John
describes himself as introverted, and a man of few words, his use of the voice of attunement
speaks of his ability to see and understand his daughter Monica, without necessarily having to be
the same. He goes further to share, “being social, or understanding that social aspect of her was
important. Again I guess that was understand who she was.” In essence, John uses of the voice
of attunement powerfully when describing seeing Monica, and making an effort to know her, and
understand her, while recognizing his desire to remain separate.
As an analysis team, we note that all daughter participants speak using the voice of
attunement to describe how they view their fathers. Interestingly, all of the daughter participants
speak about their fathers displaying emotional openness. Anne uses this voice more than any
other daughter participant. When she speaks in this voice, she highlights her fathers emotional
transparency. She says, “he is really sensitive, like in the most beautiful way, and I feel like it’s
given me such an incredible picture of whole person masculinity, so I was able to see his
softness…like if I brought something I know for sure he would cry and say he was sorry, and he
would want to make things better.” In another example, she reflects on her fathers role in her
life. She shares, “Gerry was my father, Gerry in all his weakness and all of his strength, he was
an individual, he didn’t need to assume a role, he parented from whom he was.” Monica also
speaks about her fathers emotional availability. In this case she shares, “I always knew that he
was a human inside, so very, he just showed his emotions to us, to me especially as well…If he
was sad about something he would cry, if he was happy he would be smiling and laughing…So I

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never, his emotions I saw as real…it was very transparent what he was feeling.” Because of
their dads’ emotional openness, daughters are able to attune to dad, and understand what he is
feeling.
As we read through the narratives, the research team notices that the voice of attunement
speaks about a level of enjoyment in relationship that was different than the voice of connection.
The voice of attunement describes enjoyment in seeing the other person, sometimes followed by
an openness to come and follow, without having to equally engage. The voice of connection on
the other hand, described participants shared experiences in common interests. Unlike the voice
of connection, this voice appears when participants speak about enjoying each other regardless of
the level of engagement and shared interest. When participants employ this voice they speak
about their enjoyment simply being, and seeing another.
For Anne, this is evident when she shares how her father would join alongside her to do
crafts and art activities. She goes on to explain, “My dad was always beading or like drawing
flowers with me…he would say like, ‘ohh good colour choice on those flowers’, and whenever
my dad would go away he would always bring me back a new art supply.” Jenny describes
seeing her dad at all of her events, even when he was busy at work. Using this voice she says,
“he always comes to anything that I’m doing, so if I’m like at field hockey games, school plays,
and stuff he is always there for it.” Interestingly, her father Graham also uses the voice of
attunement when speaking about his role in her life. He shares, “she did all those goofy little
dance classes and things like that…she did ballet, she did tap dancing, she did those kinds of
things…I was just following her footsteps.” To Graham, it does not matter whether or not he
enjoyed ballet; his enjoyment comes in witnessing his daughter, and following her lead. This
daughter-father example describes the voice of attunement beautifully.

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Voice of approval. While coding for the voice of attunement, we observe moments
throughout the narratives where participants speak about being aware of and responsive to one
another on a deeper level. We see a voice emerging as a way of special seeing, a beaming with
pride over the person’s accomplishments, character, beauty, and spirit, which we code as the
voice of approval. While all eight participants speak in the voice of approval, it is more
dominant amongst the daughter narratives. Unlike the nonjudgmental voice of acceptance, when
reflecting on their relationships the daughter-father dyads often make positive judgments about
one another in the voice of approval. Anne shares, “when I would tell him a story about if I had
been really generous or connected to someone, he would tear up, out of pride I think, so then that
to me said that those were important characteristics to him, and that he was pleased I was
developing those characteristics.” The daughter participants speak about seeing their fathers full
of pride, which show them that they are seen, and they are pleased in who their daughters are, or
what they do.
When the daughters use the voice of approval, they also routinely employ it to celebrate
their fathers, and to describe the way they see their fathers delight in them. In most cases, this is
a voice daughters use to brag, in a humble way, about their fathers. Given the positive, relational
nature of this study, it was no surprise to hear daughters talk this way about their fathers.
Anne she describes knowing her dad appreciates his relationship with her, because of
moments where she sees him looking on her with pride. She says, “I just get this sense that he
looks on me with so much pride and joy, I think of him watching him in certain moments and
like beaming, just beaming.” An example of this comes from Anne’s interview, where she
describes remembering her father beaming during her thesis defense; “I think back to my thesis
defense, like he sat, and just, he just cried through the whole thing, just cried, like ‘this is so

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amazing’ and I just looked dad…and knew I wouldn’t want to be a daughter to anyone else, and
I think, I know he wouldn’t want to be a father to anyone else.” Another daughter, Penny speaks
using the voice of approval when describing how her father approved of her decision to become
a stay at home mom. She shares, “he was just like, ‘that is awesome, if that’s what you want to
do, that is what you want to do, I think everything about you, I see you as an amazing mom. I
think that is one of the characteristics God has given you to be a mom’ he just affirmed in me,
you’re going to be a mom one day, and you’re going to be an amazing mom.”
The daughter participants also use the voice of approval to speak favorably of their
fathers. Jenny uses the voice of approval when identifying characteristics she believes describe
her dad. She says, “He has this quality where he will step back in situations, and let other people
get lots of credit.” She shares an example of this, when she told him she was proud of him on a
daughter-father trip. She shares, “I told him I was proud of him one time, when we went and
hiked Kilimanjaro together and he made it to the top, and that made him cry which is really cool
because he doesn’t expect a lot of praise, so when he did it meant a lot, so yeah, I think he is a
quiet and humble man.” Monica also speaks highly of her dad. Speaking in the voice of
approval, Monica characterizes her father as “loving” when she shares, “My dad is genuine and
loving…his heart beats for other people. He is not a selfish person, he wants to help other
people, help other young men, help us, help me, help the people in the church, in the community,
he is just very loving towards people.”
While the voice of approval occurs consistently throughout all the narratives, the words
each dyad employs when speaking in the voice of approval is unique. When using the voice of
approval, each daughter makes apparent how special her dad is to her, and each father

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demonstrates how proud he is of his daughter. It was a special opportunity for us as researchers
to hear each individual story.
Voice of acceptance. Originally, we chose to code the voice of approval and the voice of
acceptance as one voice. As an analysis team, we noticed that the voice of acceptance is distinct
in its non-judgmental nature. When using this voice, participants include neither negative nor
positive judgments. Consequently, we code the voice of acceptance separately. The voice of
acceptance describes a total freedom, love, and acceptance for who you are. For fathers, the
voice of acceptance lets daughters be, and communicates, ‘it is okay to be you’. This voice
appears when participants make global statements such as: “dad affirmed that I could do
anything”, “you can be anything”, “he was affirming in the things I wanted to do”, “I never felt I
couldn’t be my own type of person”, “I was safe to be me”, “whatever you want, we will make it
happen” and “I never felt judgment from him.” The voice of acceptance was also represents
forgiveness in these narratives. Even through moments of silencing and resistance, all daughterfather dyads express feeling that they can come back together, and facilitate a repair. While the
fathers may not necessarily agree with their daughters’ actions, the voice of acceptance conveys
love, and freedom.
When women speak in the voice of acceptance they often express their gratitude for their
fathers unconditional love and acceptance. An example of this comes from Anne’s interview,
where she uses the voice of acceptance to describe her thankfulness for the role her father played
during her eating disorder treatment. She shares, “the way my dad was I think protected my
relationship with my dad, because I never saw him as the bad guy, he got to be my safe person.”
At a time where Anne felt the way her mother was caring for her was hurtful, her fathers
acceptance allowed Anne to feel safe and cared for. She goes further to describe the way her

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father saw and accepted her, apart from her illness, she shares, “my dad and the way he related to
me and illness was the most profound thing, I needed it, I needed him to not talk to me about the
eating disorder, because it made me feel like he saw me as something other, bigger than that.”
This comment illuminates the transcendence and reprieve her fathers acceptance was for Anne,
during such a difficult time in her life.
Jenny recounts her struggles with perfectionism, and her difficulty in slowing down and
allowing herself to make errors freely. She describes her fathers role in allowing, and even
encouraging, her to make mistakes. Using the voice of acceptance she shares, “I was told that I
don’t have to give 100% all the time, he would constantly tell me that and be like, it’s okay if
you mess up I don’t care.” For Jenny this is transformative, while at times she struggles and is
self-critical, her father provides safety and freedom to be imperfect. She goes further to say,
“I’m so thankful for my family, they were awesome, I can’t think of a time where I made a
mistake, and they were bad about it.”
All four of the fathers employ the voice of acceptance, as a way to embody their own
flaws, and to accept their struggles that come with parenting. In Gerry’s interview he shares,
“the struggles and the joys of parenting come out of not giving up, not persisting, and believing
and hoping and praying for the best, right now it’s going well. I appreciate and am thankful for
that but stuff can happen. I’ve come for enough in life to realize that you never know what
tomorrow, today is going to being, probably more challenges, but I recognize them and try and
embrace them.” This comment highlights Gerry’s perseverance in taking struggles head on, and
his acceptance of his part in it, whatever that may be. Similar to Gerry’s story, John describes
the adjustments he made during his daughters developmental transitions. He shares, “it was
difficult some times adjusting to the transitions because we are all in transition, we all change in

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different ways, I guess sometimes if we get stuck in being a father in a certain way…that can be
harmful. But we are called to evolve, I evolved and made some changes but the core is always
love and that she was valued, these are non-negotiable.” John uses the voice of acceptance to
emphasize not only the difficulties he has encountered while weathering his daughters
developmental transitions, but also to describe his full acceptance and value in who she is,
regardless of her difficulties.
Voice of yearning. We identify the voice of yearning in all eight of the research
participant narratives. Even though this study screened for positive daughter-father
relationships, we knew based on the literature review, that participants would speak about
feelings of longing, grief, and sadness. We code for the voice of yearning when participants
describe wanting more than what they receive in relationship. For example, Anne shares, “I wish
that my dad would have called more and said hey I miss you, want to hang out.” Other times,
the voice of yearning describes something unfelt. At times, both daughters and fathers seem to
want more out of their relationship with each other. In her story, Anne shares, “I think he
(father) could have spoken up more and said it’s okay to not be perfect at everything.” Daughter
participants also use the voice of yearning as a voice of the future. Daughter participants speak
in the voice of yearning to identify their hopes and dreams for future experiences. This reveals
that the voice of yearning is not just a voice used to speak into pain and suffering, but was also a
voice denoting feeling hopeful, and dreaming of future possibilities.
Penny uses the voice of yearning to describe her desire to have had her dad more present
during her arguments with her mother in the past. When asked if there were moments in her
story where she wished her dad had stepped in more, and had been more present, she remembers
feeling alone in her attempts to navigate her tumultuous relationship with her mother as a

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teenager. She shares, “I wish that he would have stepped in more…was there to mediate it
because we’ve seen that now like how he can step in and how helpful it is to just have a
mediator, a calm person in the room, especially with my mom because we’re so similar.” She
describes how the absence of her father affected her, she says, “I almost wished that he would
have, I looked back to big fights that had a lot of healing over them with me and my mom and
wished that he would have stepped in more to be, it was kind of like, where were you when we
had huge fights.” In Penny’s story, her voice of yearning exposes her wishes to have had her dad
more available to her, during difficult times.
In another example, Jenny remembers yearning for her father to step in and help her
through a tumultuous time in her dating relationship. Not having much experience in dating,
Jenny remembers seeking counsel from her father, only to have him respond differently than
expected. Through the voice of yearning she says, “I would come to my dad and be like dad
help me, and also my dad being like ‘okay’ and not saying anything, and waiting and seeing
what happens was hard for me, so I had to kind of go back to my dad and be like okay this is
hard, and I need you. I’m not sure if this is right, should I do this or that, and coming back to it.”
She remembers in this moment yearning for more explicit advice from her father. She says, “I’m
always like what the heck does this mean? I still never know explicitly, like sign me up and tell
me what to do, that would be much easier.”
The fathers use the voice of yearning when discussing their roles as fathers. Three of the
father participants speak with this voice when describing mistakes they made, when speaking
about their parenting skills, or when discussing hopes and dreams for their daughters future.
When reflecting on his role as a father, Gerry notes feeling like he is not always able to
communicate his intentions clearly. Using the voice of yearning he explains, “I think that my

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intent and my goal and my wish didn’t always play out that way. Sometimes you get busy, you
get preoccupied. Other things can take precedence and that can interfere with what you do, how
you spend your time, and how you manage your relationships, in this case, with your daughter,
with my daughter.” When we asked Graham, what did you communicate to Jenny? Graham
uses the voice of yearning to describe his hope that Jenny would understand his intentions. He
shares, “I would hope Jenny understands that no matter what I’ve said, what I’ve done, what I’ve
encouraged, what I’ve forced, what I’ve done, whatever, its because I really love her…I’m really
hoping that everything that she, everything that we do, she knows its because I really love her,
we’re (her mother and I) were trying to do the best for her.” In the fathers comments we see
Gerry and Graham use the voice of yearning, as a way of navigating the loss they experienced at
times in relationship with their daughters.
Two of the daughter participants, Penny and Jenny, employ this voice when speaking
about their future hopes for their own husbands and children. To the question, if you were to
have a daughter one day, what would you hope for in her relationship with her father, Jenny
responds, “I hope my daughters can go on family vacations and just be loved, and be told that
they are loved by their dad, like mine. I also hope they have weird inside jokes with their dad
like I do with mine, and just be comfortable and know they could talk to their dad.” In answer to
the same question, Penny also speaks using the voice of yearning. She says, “I want them just to
know that their dad is super involved in our kids lives, and that he loves them…and that you tell
your daughters that you love them and that you’re proud of them.”
Voice of empathy. We discovered the voice of empathy when coding for the voice of
yearning. Similar to other voices, participants tend to employ the voice of empathy in
conjunction with other voices. When participants speak with the voice of yearning they often

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continue speaking in the voice of empathy, as a way of getting in tune with their suffering. The
voice of empathy enters into the dark pathos of pain and suffering. When participants speak of
their sorrow, the voice of empathy allows them to take perspective, and as a mechanism for
forgiveness. In a study focusing on the daughter-father dyad, we find that the voice of empathy
particularly marks participants’ ability to understand and share the feelings of the other. Similar
to the voice of attunement, the voice of empathy identifies the feelings, thoughts, and attitudes of
another, but goes beyond identification, to include vicarious experiencing. All research
participants employ the voice of empathy, however, different dyads use it in their own nuanced
manner. The daughter participants speak with the voice of empathy when vicariously
experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and attitudes of their fathers. The daughter participants use
the voice of empathy in relationships to take perspective of others. Father participants, on the
other hand, use the voice of empathy to take perspective for self. Fathers speak in the voice of
empathy as a way to reason with their difficult experiences, or when seeking forgiveness. Both
daughters and fathers voice expressions were coded using the voice of empathy, however they
look slightly different, empathy for others verses empathy for self.
Using the voice of empathy, Anne beautifully tells the story of seeing her father struggle
to become involved with her eating disorder treatment. Speaking about her dad, she shares,
“there was a lot of pain growing up in my development, so I wonder how that played into things,
like I wasn’t really sick in high school, if I hadn’t been if he would have felt like he had more
room to speak up about things, or be more directive…especially too like as I’ve grown up, I can
look back and say that’s got to be one of the most difficult things in the world, like my parents
are therapists and if they have someone struggling in their family, that they love so much, like
how do you. I imagine at some points he felt caught…how to deal with his own daughter.” In

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another example, Anne describes her fathers experience of losing his dad at a very young age. In
the voice of empathy she says, “I think that, the deal is my dad’s dad died when he was very
young…so my dad never really had the experience of like having a father really, so I think he
related more to having a mother. I think sometimes my dad didn’t know how to be a dad, so I
think he was just being him. Which meant I think he could just be his own person too, but I
think there were surprises for him being a dad.” In both examples, Anne speaks with the voice
of empathy to get in tune with her fathers suffering.
John employs his voice of empathy when discussing his own feelings of sadness, over
feeling ill-prepared to be a father. In his story he describes learning some things that he wished
he had discovered earlier. He shares, “I would say one of my challenges is that I found now that
now in this season of life where I’ve been a supervisor over other adults, I’ve seen that play itself
out more, because I wasn’t in that role when the girls were children. When it became that, I
found that was no inherent thing for me to tell people what to do. I could see how that played
itself out in my parenting style too.” John goes further to discuss how this lack of knowledge
affects him. He says, “That’s one of those learnings, wow, maybe if I was a supervisor and had
oversight with people during the time that the girls were younger, that would play itself more in
my parenting, it was a challenge to bring forth things at times, because it was not something that
was natural for me.” John employs his voice of empathy to describe difficulties he had during
parenting, and it is clear that he uses it as a mechanism for taking perspective.
Voice of parental guidance. As a research team, we struggled to operationalize the
voice of parental guidance. The themes that emerged in this voice made it difficult for the
research team to decide what to capture. After extensive review, we conclude that the voice of
parental guidance encompasses many ideas. This voice is an imparting voice, focusing on

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training, guiding, skill teaching, moral guidance and ethics. The voice of parental guidance is a
mutual voice, built on modeling and vicarious learning. In the participants’ stories the voice of
parental guidance appears when a daughter comes to her dad, and the dad comes toward his
daughter. Daughters expect that their fathers are supposed to show them the way. Based on
participant narratives, the fathers are both intentional in their teaching, and focus on empowering
daughters to take on tasks of their own. In all four of the daughters’ stories, they speak about
carrying on their fathers legacy as they create their own families. It is clearly important to the
daughters that they pass down the moral values they were taught, and, in particular, the faith
aspect of their family through generations to come. For daughters, this seems to be a way of
carrying on the good teachings, and the good character of their father, as they look to the future
and have their own children one day.
Speaking in the voice of parental guidance, all four daughters talk about what their
fathers taught them about men. In Penny’s story, she thanks her father for teaching her about
men, and what qualities to look for in a husband. Using the voice of parental guidance, she
describes her father teaching her about men by his own modeling of behavior. She says, “first of
all, modeling us who we should be with and how they should treat their wives, by the way my
dad treats my mom. I think that was important, growing up for me to have him be that consistent
in his teaching and always showing me, and always being in the background.” This voice is used
as a way of communicating and teaching her about men, based on her fathers own modeling of
behavior. Anne employs both the voice of parental guidance, and the voice of resistance, when
describing her hopes for her own future daughter(s). Speaking with the voice of parental
guidance, she says, “I think were able to have those conversations and look forward to those
things because of the family home I grew up in, which was really a lot of self awareness, a lot of

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messages about freedom, and a lot of quality time. Even my dad being a scholar and
academic…my dad talks about his feelings for a living, so I want my kids to know girls or boys
that they can be whoever they want to be.” For Anne, it is important that she pass on the
messages she received from her father to her own children.
Two of the daughter participants, Anne and Jenny, speak about their fathers teaching
them procedural tasks, so they may be independent, and able to take care of themselves. For
Anne, a defining theme in her relationship with her father is his teaching. She shares, “I noticed
a big part of our relationship actually was him doing things for me, or him teaching me certain
things, like if I need he help he would teach me how, like teaching me how to drive standard, for
a wedding gift he bought me a tool kit…he taught me how to paint my room, he would do it with
me…but he taught me.” Similarly, in her narrative, Jenny discusses the role her father had in her
becoming capable of moving out on her own. She goes on to say, “I have always felt like my
dad has taken his role as parent to teach me how to do things so I would be able to do them on
my own. Like we always had chores, and rules.” She describes what this looked like when she
says, “my dad always made sure to teach how to do stuff, not just do it for us, like paint things,
fix things…gave me opportunities to learn to be on my own and survive.” It is apparent that the
teaching of procedural tasks facilitated in the daughters’ growth and independence.
Although we see the voice of parental guidance used throughout the daughters’ stories,
the use of this voice is dominant within the fathers narratives. This is no surprise, given the
construct of father as “teacher” identified in the literature review.” When fathers speak with the
voice of parental guidance, it is apparent they were taking their fathering role seriously. While
all four fathers use humour as a way of telling their story, this voice appears with an earnest
quality. When employing this voice, the fathers talk about their parental responsibility to keep

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their daughters safe. This voice also communicates fatherly duties, and responsibilities, that
contribute to the betterment and well being of their daughters. Gerry describes his battle in
finding the right balance between when to step into Anne’s life, and when to hold back, while
still thinking about her safety and setting boundaries. He shares, “I always tried to think about
the safety boundaries but within limits. They should be reasonable, age and stage appropriate
limits, whatever risk I allowed and encouraged had built-in safety.” He describes the difficulties
growing up in a metropolitan city, compared to his own experiences growing up on a rural
country farm. He goes on to say, “in a city their just different, there is safety parameters and
then lots of discussion and stuff about the risk and sometimes I agonized over that. What are the
parameters around that ensure some kind of safety that’s reasonable? Like a curfew thing, the
difference is learning in terms of both sides…I want you home because then you’re safe.” When
queried in his interview if Gerry meant protecting his daughters personal agency while also
encouraging her to take responsibility, he replied, “exactly, responsibility, this is a reasonable
limit, and yes there are circumstances that I would be open to change.” This example paints a
beautiful picture of Gerry’s willingness to teach his daughter and keep her safe, even if he does
not necessarily have the all the answers.
In particular, John notes his intention to teach his daughters about the marriage
relationship through example. In preparation for his daughter becoming a wife, John hoped his
own modeling of relationship with her mother, taught her how to take care of the marriage
relationship. Speaking using the voice of parental guidance, he shares, “I hope I taught them that
they would know that relationships are not just based upon strength, or relationship is not just
based on the flowery outside shell and a mask, but there are times when you have battles, you
have challenges in relationships, so that strength would come when they understand or when

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they enter into relationships with their husbands that that would play itself out.” He goes further
to discuss his own role in this when he says, “I hope they learned to not just put on a mask, play
all the niceties of life and that there’s going to be times when you need to seek forgiveness and
that they would see that, and that I would be a model example of this with my wife.”
Apart from some common themes, the voice of parental guidance appears unique to each
daughter-father dyad. The ways in which the fathers taught and modeled behavior, and the ways
in which the daughters receive and carry out the lessons learned looks different for each dyad.
Perhaps, this is what made this voice difficult to identify and code. However, working through
this as an analysis team, we are able to come to a working definition of this multi-dimensional
voice.
Similar to other Listening Guide research (Kwee & Mcbride, 2014), we are able to
identify relational voices as we explore their relationship to one another. The voices we hear
throughout participant’s stories are best understood when we view them in a cluster of
relationship to one another. Given the relational nature of the voices, and their use to
communicate relational stories, it is important that the cluster represent both the literal voices
spoken in the daughter-father dyad, and the voices as they connect to one another. On one piece
of the cluster are the voices that represent participants’ experiences receiving oppressive
messages in relationships, yearning for something unfelt, or the giving up their voice for the
maintenance of the relationship. On another arm of the cluster are the voices that represent
participants’ freedom, confidence, and safety in the self. On the left are the voices that represent
deep, connective experiences between daughters’ and dads’. We place the voices most related to
one another closest together, such as the voice of acceptance and the voice of approval. We
locate the voices of autonomy and resistance side by side; to represent both voices assertion of

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boundaries, and the autonomous expression of self. We code the voice of resistance as a stronger
form of autonomy, thus its distance is representative of its relation to each other. We place the
voice of empathy centrally, to demonstrate empathy as a buffer for many voices. While the
cluster is generalizable across all four daughter-father dyads, there are instances where voice
positioning varies slightly, based on the expression of the voices throughout each unique story.
See Figure 1, for the cluster of voices.

Silencing

Yearning

Empathy
Parental
Guidance

Approval

Connection

Relational Self
Women’s
Development

Acceptance

Autonomy
Attunement
Resistance

Voices in Relationship

Figure 1. Voices in Relationship: The relationship of participant’s coded voices.

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Participant’s Stories
Anne. Anne tells the story of growing up with a father who was, and is, intentionally
involved in her life and activities, a man who endeavors to see her, and affirm her development
of identity and character. As Anne describes her experiences in relationship with her father, she
speaks to an intimate and playful relationship, often filled with fun, creativity, and laughter. It is
evident throughout Anne’s story how valuable connective experiences are for their relationship.
Anne attributes much of her identity development to daughter-father shared experiences. She
voices, “I think this is such a part of my identity, we shared that…we’re going to do this
together.” Recounting from a young age, Anne speaks of her and her fathers shared interest in
visual arts. She says, “If I wanted to do a craft, he would do it with me, if I was beading, he
would do it with me.” Anne recalls seeing her dad as being someone who has always been there
for her. She shares, “I feel really in tune with where he is at, and I think he feels like he is in
tune with where I’m at.” While conflict arose within the connective experiences at times, the
relationship has come full circle. Now as a married woman, Anne reports searching for and
finding ways to continue this connective bond, which she says, “is cool, because it hasn’t always
been this way.”
Anne’s story is also one of conflict. When I asked Anne to discuss what she remembers
her dad explicitly telling her about her identity, and who she is, Anne expresses tension
experienced between yearning for her father to speak out into her life, and being relieved that
there was not any. She goes on to share, “While there wasn’t much conversation from my father
about my identity explicitly, a part of what I really valued in my relationship with my dad, was
that there wasn’t any.” As Anne details her experiences, she tells a sad and painful story from
her developmental years. She describes her dad as steady and nonjudgmental even during the

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prolonged crisis of suffering from an eating disorder. At times, Anne questioned her fathers care
for her because he did not get as involved as she may have hoped in her eating disorder treatment
or play the “bad cop” in the re-feeding phase. Due to her dad’s capacity for emotional
expressiveness and receptivity, Anne was able to confront him. This created the space for a full
and honest expression of both Anne’s feelings of pain and grateful appreciation.
While thankful for her fathers security during such a difficult time, Anne continues to
express curiosity towards how her eating disorder may have affected her fathers ability to speak
explicitly into her life. Anne recounts, “I wonder how that played into things…if I hadn’t been
sick, I wonder if he would have felt like he had more room to speak up about things, or to be
more directive?” While there seems to be openness in the relationship between Anne and her
father, there also appears to be some degree of contradiction in her story. On the one hand, she
describes feeling that she could not get enough; on the other hand, she had so much. She paints a
picture of a father who is receptive but not initiating. Something in her wants his initiation, but
something in her pushes against him when he does. The oscillating in Anne’s experiences of
feeling both wishful and safe and secure are openly expressed in statements made throughout the
narrative, manifests here in her “I poems”:
I miss
I mean in some ways
I don’t think there was much conversation
I really value that there wasn’t
I miss that he wasn’t like this, and this
I miss that he wasn’t a certain type of person
I wished that was there

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I’ve been so relived; that it wasn’t there, that it didn’t happen
…I never felt from him like I couldn’t be my own type of person

I was really sick in high school
I wonder how this played into things
I remember having a fight
I kept thinking, why aren’t you speaking out about this
I called him on it
I can look back
I never saw him as the bad guy
I think this protected my relationship…
I needed him to not talk about my sickness
I think the way he related to me and my illness was the most profound thing
I need it
I needed him to not talk
I felt like he saw me as bigger than that
The last statement here in Anne’s “I poem”, seems to act as a catalyst for further
reflection. She remembers receiving several implicit messages from her dad, encouraging
freedom of self and showcasing the pride he felt about the woman she was becoming. Anne feels
that, throughout her life, her dad demonstrates a sense of pride in who she was, and is growing
into, and that he has been intentional in showing this when he has had the opportunity. She says,
“I do see him do the implicit messages though…when I would tell him a story about if I had
been really generous to someone…he would tear up…this would tell me those were important

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characteristics to him, that he was pleased I was developing those characteristics.” Her fathers
emotional openness allows Anne to experience how he truly feels about her. She says, “I get the
sense that he looks on me with so much pride and joy. I think of him watching me in certain
moments just beaming.” Throughout her narrative, Anne stresses the inherent value of being
“just so free to have [her] own path.” Anne’s narrative exposes the level of freedom she
experienced and a felt sense of security in her identity development. The freedom and acceptance
she experiences in being herself, which her father affirms through his emotional availability and
openness, impact her identity development. Evidence of this appears here in her “I poem”:
I never felt like I couldn’t be my own person
I felt like
I was free to be who…
I am
I would tell him a story
I think, that said to me those were important
I think he was pleased I was developing
I just get the sense he looks on me with such pride
I think of him watching me
I see him…just beaming
As her father promotes freedom to be herself, Anne gains her independence and strength.
When Anne reflects on what shaped her dad’s parenting style, she shares that his intentionality
was significantly influenced by his own pain from losing his father during childhood, as well as
by his feminist values, which include family relationships and vocational commitments. Anne
describes her dad as an androgynous role model who places more emphasis on being free to be

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oneself, than being a strong woman or a strong man, per se. When asked how her father
contributed to her identification as a strong woman, Anne responds, “The messages that he
communicated to me about being a strong woman, weren’t so much about being strong…. what
it meant to be a woman, was that I could be myself.” She also notes that, according to her father,
“what it meant to be a woman, wouldn’t look much different than what it looks like to be a man,
you are free to be who you are.” Anne provides evidence for the freedom to oppose gender
scripts in sharing a story of being a young girl wanting to play on the boys’ baseball team. She
recalls saying enthusiastically, “I don’t want to play softball with the girls; I want to play
baseball with the boys. Baseball’s a real sport!” She remembers her fathers response clearly. He
had replied, “You want to play baseball on the boys team? Okay; we’re going to play baseball!”
This narrative further highlights the story of opposition to gender scripts, which contributed
significantly to the maintenance of Anne’s felt sense of freedom. Listen to her “I poem” as she
describes her freedom:
I always got the message…be you
I was like
I wanted
I did want
I could be myself
I was strength
I happened to be a woman
Anne’s dad also represents commitment in men to have the freedom to cultivate
softheartedness, rather than hyper-masculinity. This leaves Anne with the desire to pass on her
dad’s legacy as she parents her own future children. Her vision is for them to be free to be who

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they are as either men or women. She goes on to speak of how emotional openness among the
men is the norm in her family. She shares, “I’ve seen so much freedom for men and my dad’s
relationships with women are so fantastic, everyone trusts him, like everyone.” She explains that
her experiences of her dad as emotionally expressive helped to affirm the idea that he was safe –
“just a safe, calm person.” Anne shares that this teaches her to believe that men are safe. She
says, “I think it made it, it was men were safe to me, men weren’t different than everyone else.”
She shares, “Everybody was a person, I can see their personhood rather than their gender.”
While she appreciated the gift of emotional openness, she also speaks of having had a difficult
time with seeing her father upset. She says, “It’s hard for me to see him sad. He’s my dad. He
is so special to me.” Further, she observes, “There is no one in my life that will have a role quite
like that, and so when he is sad it’s hard for me…not to protect him.” This narrative shows the
presence of mutual attunement in Anne’s relationship with her father. Anne believes she has
been gifted the opportunity to experience moments such as these with her father, an experience
she says others do not get to appreciate, “My relationship with my dad is unique, most people
would never get that.”
When asked if Anne experienced moments when she felt that her dad had crossed a
boundary, she offered a poignant example. A major relationship rupture had occurred, which
centered on Anne’s relationship with her would-be husband while they were still dating. The
conflict centered on Anne’s freedom to navigate decisions about her body and sexuality. She
shares the story of a time her father sadly showed up differently than he ever had before. She
said to her father, “You don’t own me or my body.” She had also told him, “You can’t control
everything I do.” Thus far, Anne’s story of freedom in her relationship with her father has been
transparent; the rupture highlights the direct contradiction to previously set boundaries that had

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facilitated the maintenance of her independence. Astonished, Anne now says, “I had never seen
him like, or that from him before…. Everything was like, it’s free, it’s free, it’s free, I’m not
speaking into your life…. but he took a really hardline.” Anne’s resistance speaks to the direct
disregard of her boundaries. She had previously built those boundaries in order to maintain
freedom for her independence, sexuality, and for her own body. In the face of silencing, Anne
fought openly for her freedom. This resistance appears in her “I poem” narrative:
I fought back
I was furious
…This for me was huge
I still see it vividly in my mind
I would say
I can deal for myself
Not surprisingly, there were severe ramifications for Anne and Gerry’s relationship. I
asked Anne how she and her father repaired their relationship, and she looked at the floor. In her
narrative she shares, “In that moment I had never been afraid of him, and I was terrified of him.
I had seen anger from him. I had never seen that before.” She describes wanting to pull away
from her father, but also attuning to his own sadness and brokenness. She describes, “My dad
was so broken cause he realized in his heart he crossed a boundary he shouldn’t have crossed.”
Anne and her dad’s relationship was resilient to this rupture, however, as they were able to
recover from this and move towards honouring her adult boundaries. In the face of silencing,
Anne found the freedom to fight for her autonomy, and place boundaries in the relationship. It
appears the rupture in the relationship was central in providing space for Anne to experience
standing up for herself, and teaching her about relationship resiliency.

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It is evident, both through speaking with Anne, and through team analysis, that Anne is
an insatiable woman. The treasure she has in her relationship with her dad, which carries over
into her adulthood and into professional life, touches us as researchers.
Gerry. When Gerry shares his experiences in relationship with his daughter, Anne, he
radiates with enthusiasm and authenticity. Gerry’s story is, in some ways, similar to Anne’s.
Although there have been moments of pain and suffering, their relationship is, in the end, one
characterized by closeness and connectivity. As Gerry reflects on his relationship with Anne, he
describes feelings of both physical and emotional closeness, as well as enjoyment when they are
in each other’s company. As he tells his story, he makes statements such as, “I think that Anne
and I have always been very close; I’ve always felt close to her,” “I felt like we have had a good
connection, and I enjoy her company,” and “We have fun together, we always have.” Teasing
this out even further, he notes how he sees himself as connected to Anne. In doing so, he reflects
on the similarities they share. In this regard, he says this, “I think we share similar interests. I
think that we think in some ways in a similar fashion, so we like to share ideas together.” This
comment indicates that his experiences with his daughter are connective due to the similarities
between the two. This sticks out to him as he describes, “We both have a bit of an artistic bent
or flare that we share together so that’s fun. It isn’t competitive, but a mutual experience we
share.” Gerry repeats himself often, emphasizing the value he feels in shared ideas, both
personally and professionally. The importance of these shared moments stands out as he vividly
describes how rewarding it is for him. He says, “It’s been pleasurable; it’s been satisfying; it’s
been rewarding. I had no idea how that was going to go, but the evolution has been exciting for
me.” He uses the word “evolution” to describe the shift that has taken place over time, and the
development of the relationship in unique ways. He goes further to say, “We are two

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individuals, and quite different, so the connection has required and allowed for the development
of a relationship between us to be unique.” It is apparent that Gerry feels pleasure in developing
a connective relationship with his daughter. Beaming, he shares, “Anne and I, I’ve always
labeled her as my favorite daughter, and she would always respond with, ‘I’m your only
daughter.’ I think we share an understanding of the uniqueness in this little interchange.”
He reflects on the excitement he has felt over the years, watching Anne develop into a
strong woman. When asked to explain this further, he shares the story of Anne’s perseverance as
a child, determined to keep up with her older brother. He tells the story of a girl, who despite the
four and a half years difference saw herself as an equal, and did not let the age differential slow
her down. This created difficulty and heartache at times. Gerry shares, “Sometimes I think this
was devastating for [Anne] when she saw herself coming up short simply because she didn’t
have the four years’ experience and maturity.” Nonetheless, her determination was limitless. He
remembers seeing her overcome this obstacle during that time, by finding her own identity apart
from her brother. He shares, “It didn’t take her long to overcome that obstacle. It was exciting
to see that, to see her be able to hold her own and develop into her own person, instead of
somebody who’s trying to catch up, or compete with her brother.” Gerry contrasts his daughters
efforts with his own involvement in her identity development. This, he recognizes, may not have
been conscious, but he attempted to encourage her to be her own person. He promoted selfexploration. He says this, “I just tried to encourage her to explore and learn, and to be her own
person, and to be comfortable in her own skin. This is something I wanted for her.” With a
desire to be supportive in this self-exploration, he says he made himself available to Anne
through, “listening, asking, encouraging, talking with her, and being thoughtful.” In doing so,

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Gerry fostered an atmosphere that created the space for Anne to be whoever she wanted to be,
not somebody who she thought she or anyone else wanted her to be.
This freedom does not come without its difficulties. As Gerry reflects on this part of his
life, he describes many moments of missed opportunities. For Gerry, the challenge comes in
discovering the balance between free reign and safety. He ponders, “The challenges would be,
you could see some things sometimes were experienced as criticism and lack of validation.”
Gerry sought to avoid giving Anne the impression that he was criticizing or invalidating her;
however, this left Gerry feeling conflicted in terms of upholding his parental authority, while
also providing encouragement and free reign. He shares, “That was a little hard to learn, how
those two fit together.” Anne’s “free voice” and individuality, he describes, aided him in
understanding how to influence and direct her. He describes, “She was pretty clear when she
was happy, and when she wasn’t was pretty clear. You get the opportunity to think about those
reactions and what you can do to influence them in a positive way.” Despite giving Anne the
message that “she can do anything she wants”, Gerry often felt silenced by the reality of certain
limitations. As a father, Gerry remembers feeling saddened whenever he had to deliver a caveat
of reality to Anne. He shares, “It can be misunderstood and misconstrued, and maybe not
valued.” In spite of these barriers, Gerry’s story reiterates his determination to help support and
encourage healthy risk-taking. His feelings about his role in Anne’s identity development are
captured in this section of his “I poem”:
I’m sure there were missed opportunities
Anne, I think, is sensitive
I guess we all are to some extent
I think parental authority was a challenge

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I think, how those two fit together
I get an opportunity to think about it
She grew and our relationship grew
She helped me learn
I think her responses
She can do anything she wants
I think as a parent your wisdom and experience help you see
I think this was the challenge for me as a parent, as a dad
In parallel with Anne’s story, Gerry describes the importance of challenging gender
scripts. He shares, “I’ve always thought in terms of how to help Anne…[in terms of] deciding
trucks or Barbies, being able to make her own choices about that aside from cultural, and societal
biases about that, or even peer biases about that.” Gerry describes his familial background, he
says, “I grew up with feminists.” In his own family, he notes, “There were also strong women.”
He describes adhering to a point of view that emphasizes the value of women and their
differentness from men. With some frustration in his voice, Gerry shares, “Yet women’s
potential and their power is often distressed with the inequality. I didn’t want that for her, for
Anne.” From this, Gerry concludes, “There are many different keys and ways I think to seek and
strive for equality, that should be an individual thing, it shouldn’t be a gender thing.” Gerry’s
passion for achieving equality and individuality apart from cultural gender descriptions seems to
have been born out of his own life experiences. Gerry shares, “I know when I first went into the
counselling profession, I discovered that being a male was advantageous. There weren’t very
many males around. You didn’t necessarily have to be good; all you had to do is be a male.”
His experiences of this left him fostering sensitivity in terms of helping his children grow and

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develop into who they were and what they wanted to be, not who they needed to be. This seems
to be a common message throughout Gerry’s narrative. He latches on to any opportunity he had
to take action, and to be open to discussion. He explains, “This aided my own personal growth
as a father and to her as a woman and as a young child into a young adult.”
Gerry tells the story of his own childhood and upbringing. Gerry is the youngest of nine
siblings by 12 years. Gerry shares his story of growing up in an era where “parenting was, ‘Do
as I say.’” He remembers never appreciating those demands, yet conforming to them out of fear
of what would happen if he did not obey. This left him feeling silenced and unable to speak for
himself. In a tragic farm accident, Gerry tells the story of losing his father when he was only ten
years old. In not having a father from age ten, he shares, “I struggled with parenting, being a
father, because I didn’t have one from age ten.” As a father, Gerry remembers suddenly
experiencing a parenting paradigm shift; he suddenly found himself in unchartered territory. His
vulnerability reveals itself when he shares, “I struggled with parenting. I had no personal
experience with that. I struggled with that in a conscious way and didn’t know what to do.”
Unlike other participants, Gerry experienced being an older parent, waiting until later in life to
have children. This, he shares, “made for interesting challenges in terms of parenting.” As he
looked at the floor, Gerry admitted, “I am hard on myself around that; my ideals don’t always
materialize.” In the face of difficulty, Gerry discovers that this journey becomes easier when he
aligns himself alongside his daughter. In his story, a shift occurs. He recognizes his own
limitations, yet this seems to create strength in his relationship with Anne. Listen to his story
captured in his “I poem”:
I need to hear
I disadvantaged myself

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I didn’t have the perspective
I think it’s a journey
In my position alongside my daughter
That changes as I walk, that journey
I carry
She walks in front of me
I watch carefully, whatever happens happens.
It is important for Gerry that he has the space to discuss both the successes and
difficulties in his relationship with Anne. He shares, “It’s easy to avoid those kinds of things.”
Gerry is deeply moved when he watches Anne struggle through her own share of difficulties.
Gerry recognizes he was often the source or cause of some of her pain. Regarding this, he says,
“I always worry and wonder. I don’t want to be the source or cause, but sometimes I was.”
Remembering a specific period of Anne’s life, Gerry recognizes he may not have been as helpful
as he would have liked. With some difficulty he shares, “I don’t think in the beginning I was as
helpful as I could have been in terms of some of her issues that she struggled with.” He
describes feeling inadequate and ill-prepared, which often left him feeling overwhelmed. He
openly shares, “When you try and be helpful and it’s not working, then you can easily feel
confused and overwhelmed.” Conjuring some empathy for himself, Gerry continues on to say,
“I think it took me a while to figure out how to come alongside her.” Gerry’s story is one of
steadfastness; in moments of struggle it was important to him that he not give up. He expresses,
“In those moments, it’s important not to give up, but to persist with it, and pray to seek and
learn.” Gerry’s ability to face his struggles head-on was deeply moving as we continually read
through his narrative. This was emphasized when he shares, “You embrace and try even if you

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don’t want to. If you don’t then you lose out, you don’t grow, and the relationship doesn’t
grow.”
It is Gerry’s hope that he continues to have a fun and enjoyable relationship with his
daughter. He says, “I have never felt like I wanted to sell Anne or give her away or anything.
By and large it has been a positive experience. She has never done anything that would be make
me even entertain that thought.” During celebrations and events, whether birthdays,
anniversaries, or graduation, Gerry tells the story of being humbled by the gift he has in his
children. Although he has had some difficulties throughout his parenting journey, it is apparent
how positively his relationship with Anne has impacted him. In closing, Gerry shares, “Anne
has always brought satisfaction and pride in terms of being able to see her grow and develop.”
Voices of Anne and Gerry. Anne’s story is composed of a melody of relational voices.
Often speaking using the voice of autonomy, Anne continually speaks of her independence,
resiliency, and strength. Common narratives throughout highlight her experiences of feeling free
to be who she is and emphasize that her strength is not found in her accomplishments, gender, or
sexuality, but manifest in simply being Anne. Anne sees a very clear picture of herself in
relationship, and speaks for what she want more of in the relationship. Voices of resistance and
silencing arise when Anne describes facing pushback. This demonstrates that Anne experiences
freedom to internalize the capacity to resist. Anne often speaks using the voice of yearning, i.e.,
a craving for something unfelt. While Anne consistently feels safety and security in relationship
with her father, a part of her reflectively wishes for more directive and explicit messages
throughout her developmental years. This leads to questions about the way things had happened,
and often includes entertaining the “what-if.” The voice of connection resonates loudly
throughout Anne’s story. Here, we see a girl, who is connected, in relationship, with her father,

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and who continually experiences great joy in finding similarities between “[her] father and
[herself].” The voice of connection often occurs with the voice of approval. When she speaks
about her fathers sense of pride in who she is and who she has become, it becomes clear just how
unique and heartfelt her relationship with her father truly is.
Gerry’s story is a powerful one, filled with the voice of silencing. He uses the voice of
silencing to speak about cultural and societal biases he has encountered in his own life, as well
as, vicariously, in Anne’s life, in his role as a father. When describing his own life experiences,
Gerry often uses the voice of silencing to recount hindrances in his ability to parent in the way he
set out to do. This is evident when he shares his heartbreaking story of losing his father at such a
young age. Following the voice of silencing, Gerry often speaks using the voice of resistance.
He uses the voice of resistance in the face of silencing to create upheaval, working as a catalyst
for change. Throughout his narrative, the use of the word “watchful” highlights his voice of
attunement. Gerry’s story reveals his efforts to come alongside Anne, exercising her own
autonomous expression, as a pre-condition for his voice of parental guidance. Gerry employs the
voice of parental guidance as an imparting voice. He uses this voice when guiding Anne,
teaching her certain skills and tasks, and empowering her through his own modeling and moral
leadership. There is no doubt that Gerry and Anne’s story speaks to the depths of their love for
one another. Both stories reflect a relationship that is one of a kind and irreplaceable.
Jenny. I asked Jenny to tell me a little about her identification as a strong and
independent woman, and to describe what this looks like in her life. In our interview, she
seemed eager to discuss this with me, and responded enthusiastically. She says, “I think that it is
so important to me, as a woman I want to be able to be independent, and want to be able to make
my own decisions, to be a strong woman.” From the beginning of her interview, Jenny clearly

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indicates that she places high value on fighting for her independence in the face of silencing.
She shares about her difficult experiences at times being a Christian, and a woman of faith. She
begins to speak about her desires to remain independent, opposing what she was taught in
church. She says, “I’m told in the church that I have to be submissive.” Opposing the biblical
scripts she has been taught for many years, Jenny says is a work in progress. She says, “I think
I’m still exploring, and seeing, and learning what this means for me.” I am instantly drawn to
Jenny’s commitment, to not just accept what she has been told by others, but also rather find her
own path of embodied integration. Her journey is further exemplified in her I poem:
I do think
I want to be able to make my own decisions
I want to be independent
I think
I want to be strong
I think this is hard as a Christian, and a woman of faith
I’m told in the church
I have to be submissive
I’m still exploring, and seeing and learning
What this means for me
Jenny describes her relationship with her parents, while close, has never been a hindrance
in her freedom of expression. She says, “I think that even though I’m so close, I don’t think our
relationship is a hindrance to my independence in anyway.” She continues, “I think they
probably help me to be more independent, because they promote I’m the one who gets to figure
thing’s out.” When I asked Jenny how she knew she was independent, she smiled and replied, “I

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think I’ve never not been myself.” Jenny speaks of finding a balance in her growing up years
between knowing what she wanted, and going for it. She says, “I’ve always been confident in
being who I was, I just needed to know what I wanted and go for it.” She emphasizes strongly,
“I was always in sports, and always told I could do anything and never felt because I was a
woman I couldn’t do something.” Breaking her comments down into her I poem exposes her
directedness and strength behind her words:
I’m a woman
Doesn’t mean I can’t do anything
I think this was a big thing growing up
I was always in sports
I could do anything
I was a woman
I don’t even really think being a woman holds me back
This idea, has never been part of my personal reality…in any way
Given the opportunity to reflect further, Jenny continues to connect the dots in
operationalizing a definition of independence. She voices, “Maybe knowing what I want isn’t
what independence means to me, and it’s more like I can function on my own.” She makes a
dramatic statement about the formation of independence as, “less performance and what I do, but
more my identity as independent.” This statement speaks to Jenny’s embodied experience of
independence, not because of what she did, but embodied in how she felt about herself. This
powerful message is manifest in her I poem narrative:
I think
I’ve never not been myself

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I’ve always been confident
In being who I want
I do think independence is knowing
I know
I can function on my own
My identity is independent.
She goes on to describe her vision of a ‘strong woman’, a woman who is competent in
who she is, and who makes her own decisions. Even though Jenny feels capable of doing things
on her own, and being her own person, she suggests that promoting her independence, does not
mean that she cannot be in relationship with others. She shares, “Just because you’re
independent…doesn’t mean you can’t be that way if you’re with someone else too.” For Jenny,
her closeness in relationship with her parents during her developmental years provided her with
the safety needed to explore who she was. She says, “I think my parents have taken their role as
parents, to teach us how to do things so we would be able to do them on our own.”
Jenny continues her story by identifying characteristics she would use to describe her
father, offering believable rationale. As she speaks about her fathers character, Jenny’s face
flushes and she smiles, beaming with pride for the man she calls her “dad.” She tells the story of
growing up alongside a man, who was very patient. She shares, “he never really gets angry, he
will let us mess up and let us be noisy, he is just very slow to anger.” She goes on further to
identify her father as a man of few words, she says, “he’s quieter, he has this quality where he
will step back in situations, and let other people get all the credit…I told him I was proud of him
one time, and that made him cry, which is really cool, because he is such a quiet and humble
man.” Jenny speaks of her fathers emotional openness, saying, “when we went and hiked

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Kilimanjaro together and he made it to the top, and that made him cry, which is really cool
because he doesn’t expect a lot of praise.”
Experiencing emotional openness and availability from her father is an integral piece of
Jenny’s story. She shares always knowing what her father was experiencing emotionally. She
observes, “If I was in trouble, or if he was mad, I could see it… if he was fiery… I could see it.”
In her present relationship Jenny continues to recognize her fathers felt emotions, she notes, “I’m
really visually seeing and feeling him…I can see what my dad is feeling, and he may be even
getting more sensitive as he gets older!” she jokes. Similar to Anne’s story, Jenny speaks of the
difficulty she experiences while seeing her father sad and upset. She says things like, “He would
just get sad about some things, like if he was disappointed” and “thinking of sad dad gets me,
like he cried when I went to Australia in the airport”, and also “he was wiping his tears away,
and that get’s me.” Her difficulty in seeing her dad upset, she claims, emerges specifically in her
desire never to feel like she was the cause of her fathers pain and sadness. Jenny shares, “like he
wears it, I can see it.” In other words, Jenny was able to easily attune to her fathers emotional
state, even without words. Her I poem denotes her experiences of self in relation to her fathers
emotional expression. Note the dichotomy between welcoming and finding value in the
openness, paired with her apprehensiveness of her role in her fathers felt emotional experiences.
I told him
I was proud
I remember
I was really in trouble
I think, which would suck!
Like, I did something really not good

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I would do that
I would see that
I went to Australia
I saw some tears
I don’t know why
I don’t like to think about sad dad
I don’t ever want to be the cause
Jenny’s story reveals that her fathers vocational commitments played a big role in her
experiences of him. She expresses, “I see him as a business man, his businesses have been a big
part of growing up.” She tells a story that opposes traditional gender scripts of a fathers
involvement solely as familial provider. She tells the story of feeling connected with her dad
through his vocational achievements, fully understanding the character and nature of her father
through these visceral experiences. She says, “Just seeing the way my dad was a boss to
people…it would just be all about building the other person up.” Through laughter she tells the
story of always seeing a familiar poster hanging on the wall in her fathers office that read, “Don’t
fire them! Fire them up!” Her story speaks of a father who was sacrificial both in business and
personal relationships. She shares, “He is humble, and sacrificial.” Jenny speaks of her
experiences in her fathers vocational achievements as a catalyst for her own growth and
development. She remembers tagging along with dad to the office as a connective experience,
feeling like she was welcome to join alongside her dad, even as a young child. She says, “Our
worlds combined…growing up, going to the office with dad” to go as far as to say, “Hey! I even
worked for my dad for a while.” This aspect of Jenny’s story highlights the openness that is
present in her relationship with her father. There appears to be an exchange of information that

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was open for Jenny to see, and receive. Jenny’s story is unique from the other participants, in
that she experiences her dad in multiple roles, outside that of “father.” Rather, her experiences
of her dad were integrated in the open invitation to join him in several areas of his life.
Sadly, this vocational openness caused a major rupture in their relationship. Jenny tells a
sad story, remembering a time she was really mad at her dad, for a long period of six months. In
her story, she describes her father as engaging in a business transaction with an individual who
took advantage of her father, thus creating consequences for her entire family. As her fathers
business ventures connected to Jenny’s image of her father as safe and secure, this shook the
relationship, causing Jenny to pull away. She shares, “It made me really mad, if he hadn’t gone
into work with this person, this wouldn’t have happened.” During this time, Jenny speaks of
taking on a protector role over her mom and sister. She further explains, “I was mad at him for
the way he made my mom feel…it put a lot of pressure on my mom.” This upset in relational
security lead Jenny to use the voice of resistance, speaking out about how she felt. This voice
appears here in her I poem:
I was really mad
I felt a bit of tension
I felt mad…that he would
I was mad…for the way mom was feeling
I was like
I’m mad at you
I’m not going!
Thankful for emotional openness, Jenny goes on to share that a repair was made on a
daughter-father trip to hike Mount Kilimanjaro. She speaks of experiencing silence the entire

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way up the mountain, forcing her to become acquainted with her suffering, which fostered a felt
sense of empathy for her dad. She shares, “I was alone thinking for a long time.” She
articulates, “I was just like, this is stupid, dad tries so hard, and his intentions are always out of
love for us.” Further, she switches from speaking about her personal experiences, to attuning to
the feelings her father might be experiencing. This demonstrates Jenny’s ability to take
perspective of others in relationship. She articulates, “he is probably hurting, his feelings are
probably hurt.” Experiencing openness in relationship with her father, Jenny was able to talk to
her father about how she felt, and shared, “I told him I was proud of him.” She recounts that this
helped them move past repair, and fostered a connective moment between daughter and dad.
Referring to herself as a “daddy’s girl”, Jenny remembers sitting on her fathers foot, and
dancing around the kitchen. She speaks in detail, describing connective experiences as an
important element of her daughter-father relationship. Examples of these are family trips, quad
riding, sharing a love for Shania Twain concerts, and ballet lessons. As a child this led Jenny to
feel important, and worthy of her fathers time; she says, “all of my childhood memories are
about quality time together…I hope my daughters one day get to go on family vacations, and just
be loved, and be told they are loved by their dad like mine.” Today she says it contributes to
further intimacy in their adult relationship. Jenny describes a shift in the types of activities she
shares with her father now as an adult, she says, “I want to go out with him, I want to grab
drinks with him, go travelling.” Jenny’s story speaks of a transition in the types of activities her
and her father shared together, however the intent behind these activities continues to be
connection, and delighting in one another.
I noticed during Jenny’s story a shift in the way she spoke about her connective
experiences with dad. As she spoke about her earlier years, her story was centered from her

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fathers perspective, identifying how dad made an effort to know her. This highlights the voice of
attunement, a joint paring of experience where Dad made an effort to follow his daughter in her
own pursuits. Her voice is highlighted in her I poem:
I was so a daddy’s girl
I remember sitting on his foot
Whatever, I am doing, he comes
I graduated
I remember travelling
I remember having fun times
I don’t think dad wasn’t there
I could call him on his cellphone
However, when she speaks of her current relationship, she speaks of her own experiences in
relationship, voicing her independence in choosing to remain connective, verses her father
creating space for shared time. She says, “It’s not like I’m doing it because I need to, or because
I can’t do something else.” This narrative emphasizes a transition from feeling seen, to feeling
closeness and enjoyment in relationship. When I queried the notion I sensed in Jenny’s story,
that her father and her were learning together, she responds, “Yeah exactly! It’s been really cool,
and I think he likes it too.” Listen to the voice in her I poem, as she speaks of her present day
relationship with dad:
I surprised him
I’m glad were living in the same city
I know that he really likes it
I’m glad we can get a beer

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I know he is thankful
I think like he,
I just know
Jenny describes her feelings of appreciation for her fathers freedom in allowing her to
make mistakes. She says, “I was always allowed to make mistakes…I can’t think of a time I
made a mistake and they got mad at it.” She shares the story of “a stupid mistake” she made in
grade nine, trying to fit in at her new school. Her story unfolds as she allows a bunch of her
friends to drink her fathers expensive scotch. She shares, “I had no clue what scotch was, and
that it was really expensive, but I wanted to be cool.” As she speaks candidly, she shares that her
dad knew what happened; yet didn’t say anything, and waited for her to come to him. After
avoiding coming forward with what she had done, her father approached her calmly asking what
had happened. She remembers, “He just asked me what had happened and like listened, listened
for my reasoning why.” She says, “I learned in that moment from that I didn’t have to be like
that for people to be my friends.” While she remembers being punished for allowing her friends
to drink underage, her father used the opportunity to reaffirm her character, rather than punish
her for her mistakes. Jenny recalls her fathers messages about who she was, were just as strong
as who she didn’t have to be. She shares, “he forgave me all the time…we are close, so we talk.”
Similar to other stories, Jenny often seeks refuge in her father for voice expression.
Jenny shares that she often finds herself in conflict with her mother, seeking a safe place with her
father to share her point of view, and feel heard. She refers to her father as “moderator”, when
“sometimes I am over here, and my mother is on the other side…and he is just in the middle
ground, he is neutral.” She describes a current experience, being romantically involved with a
man whose life circumstances create complications for their relationship, and circumstances that

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typically fit outside the families’ sought after beliefs and values. While this has been a time of
great pain and heartache for Jenny, she goes on to say that her dad continually offers her advice
without judgment. She remembers, that when he father first found out about her relationship, he
disagreed with the choices she was making. Although he was unsure if her choices were the best
for her, he continued to seek her point of view in an effort to understand her more fully. She
says, “he was listening and trying to hear my perspective on it, but still was unsure, but never
hurt me in his concern.” She goes further to say “he has just reaffirmed what I wanted, and what
I thought, it was nice to feel good about the situation, even thought tough, and to have my dad
around and available.” It is apparent how much of a firecracker Jenny is, and we celebrate
together her experiences of shining bright in relationship with her father.
Graham. Graham is very vocal when describing his experiences in relationship with his
daughter Jenny. While he says he can’t speak for Jenny, he is certain that she knows how deeply
he enjoys his time with her. He opens his story by sharing, “it is very enjoyable relationship, we
like our time together.” Graham refers to Jenny as a sponge, someone you want to be around.
He speaks of their relationship as two-way, where Graham listens to what she has to say, he
shares, “what she has to say is valid.” As he shares his story, Graham reflects on Jenny’s
leadership ability. He laughs as he remembers her as a young child, leading the family and
organizing clean up. Graham shares, “she was tidy up tom, gets everybody doing
things…Jenny’s always trying to encourage everybody.” Describing his daughter in a few
words, he chooses the word “energy.” Graham’s eyes light up as he describes the positive
energy Jenny brings into a room with her. As he tells his story, he shares, “when Jenny’s in a
room she is one of those people who provides the spark…she keeps everybody moving forward.”
Secondly, Graham uses the work “motivator.” He goes on to say, “Jenny keeps people

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motivated, and she keeps me motivated. People like to be around her, I like to be around her.”
Taking the opportunity to revel in his pride for his daughter, he continues to make known who
she is.
When listening to Graham’s story, it seems that he, like the other fathers, desires to
impart some intentional messages to his daughter. One of the things Graham shares he wanted to
communicate with Jenny as she grew up was that she was capable of achieving anything she put
her mind too. He responds by saying, “one of the things I wanted to try to do all the time was
make her realize whatever she’s trying to shoot for, she could do it.” In many ways, he describes
seeing his daughter internalize this. From an early age, he recalls Jenny’s ambition to try
anything she could get her hands on. Graham describes that he assessed Jenny’s insatiable
ability to soak up experiences and learn as a gift. While Graham describes never setting the bar
at unattainable heights, he goes on to say, “We did encourage her to do so much.” At this point
in his story, he pauses to think further. Graham remembers when Jenny was in middle school,
meeting with one of her teachers in her gifted program. He recalls her teacher warning him and
his wife about Jenny’s tendency to strive for perfection. He goes on to share, “one of her
teachers made us realize that Jenny doesn’t have an off switch…you can’t get an A++.” He has
a moment where he realizes that he may be pushing her too hard. Reflecting on this, he shares
his concern when he says, “I hope we weren’t pushing her negatively or in a harmful way as
parents.” Learning from his experiences, Graham shares, “it made me realize with Jenny, her
learning ability, she is going to burn out…if I don’t keep an eye on her.”
Graham’s story is full of shared experiences with Jenny. It is apparent throughout his
narrative that he loves doing things together with his daughter. He explicitly says, “She is a
person who you really want to do things with.” Having both sons and daughters, Graham

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discusses the importance of doing the same activities with his daughters as he shared with his
son. Graham was intentional to oppose gender biases in raising his children, creating and
making available the same opportunities for all his children, regardless of their gender. He
shares, “we can do things together, and she doesn’t have to be male or female to do them. She
can do the same things with me, I could do with her brother.” He further explains this by making
statements such as, “we climbed Mount Kilimanjaro together, I didn’t do that with me son”, “we
did T-ball”, “we did skiing”, and “I didn’t treat her only like a little girl, she did dance, but we
did all kinds of stuff.” In particular, Graham remembers their mutual love of Joseph and the
amazing Technicolor play with Donny Osmond, and listening to Shania Twain. He laughs and
says, “We have similar values, like Shania Twain, is Shania Twain a value?” This narrative is
similar to that of Anne and Gerry, the dyads enjoy spending time together without feeling
pressured to solely engage in stereotypical feminine activities.
Reflecting on his kindred bond with Jenny, he speaks about hiking Mount Kilimanjaro
together. Painting a picture of the feat at hand, he describes the amount of energy, and
endurance needed to get to the top. While he never thought he would achieve anything like this
in his life, he says Jenny pushes him to accomplish his dreams. He shares that a lot of the times
she was leading, pushing through for the both of them, climbing up while hanging on to her belt.
During a moment on the hike when they were right in the crater his sleeping bag broke. Graham
describes the scene, sleeping on the ice slopes, freezing, with nothing but hot spots for his feet
and hands. He goes on to say, “Jenny packed them all over on top of me and this gave me a
different approach, because as much as I have taken care of her, she took more care of me on that
trip than I her.” His comment speaks to the mutuality in his relationship with Jenny. A similar

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theme emerges throughout other participant stories. Emphasizing uniqueness, Graham shares,
“myself and Jenny, we chase dreams together.”
At times, Graham seems to contradict the messages he imparted to his daughter. While
his narrative speaks openly of his intentionality to promote and allow freedom for Jenny,
encouraging her to engage in any activity, regardless of the cultural and societal biases, he goes
on to negate this message at times. He shares, “While I participated in those things with her,
there was safety there.” As he speaks he describes feeling protective. While there was nothing
Jenny couldn’t do that his son could, he still watched over his daughter, more so than his son.
He shares, “she’s still a girl, she’s still my little baby.” As he speaks, he struggles to articulate
his point. Graham remembers when Jenny first went away to university, and traveled for a year.
While he thinks this was good for her, he spent many nights worrying about her safety. He
shares, “I know she knows she can just pick up the phone, she’s never out there by
herself…she’s 23 now I guess.” He struggles to share this part of his story. It seems as if his
desires to keep Jenny safe, risk silencing the message of freedom he values promoting. Listen to
his story through his I poem:
I don’t know, I participated in those things with her
But there was safety there
I still watch over my daughter
I think you still want to
She’s still a girl
She’s still my little baby
I’ve never hid anything
She went away to university

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I think Jenny learned the world is a great big place
I know she knows
She’s 23 now…
Graham shares his story of joining a community group through church with Jenny. He
remembers her sharing something with the group, which left him feeling shocked, and thrown for
a loop. He describes his feelings, “I was still in shock…we weren’t the first people she told, and
I think she consciously did that because it’s her life.” As he remembers this part of his story, he
takes Jenny’s perspective. He shares, “I think she had the courage to know that was completely
okay, I think that took a lot of courage from her to do that.” As he reflects on Jenny’s confidence
and independence, Graham seems to mourn the loss in relationship. He says, “I hope that she
appreciated the fact that we would not be devastated in community group.” He finishes his
sentence by saying, “she has such courage and confidence to trust us in community group as
equals, I think that is from how we brought her up, there’s no way I could do that, no way!” This
was a struggle for Graham, seeing Jenny transition to adulthood, and realizing he may not be the
first person she comes too for advice and help any longer.
Graham’s story ends with a message of hope. He speaks using the voice of yearning, as
he describes what he hopes his story portrays. He expresses feeling hopeful, “I would hope
Jenny understands that no matter what I’ve said, what I’ve done, that I encouraged her, what we
have forced, or what we have done, whatever it is, its because I really love her.” Confidentially,
Graham shares that while he may not have answered questions clearly, he really enjoyed sharing
his story.
Voices of Jenny and Graham. Jenny’s story was not dominated by any one particular
voice, but rather all voices fully present themselves, and intertwine together in her narrative.

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Jenny starts out the interview confidently speaking in the voice of autonomy and resistance, as
she opposes religious scripts, and their attempts to silence her self-expression. She tells stories
of her developmental years from the voice of attunement, noting the many ways in which she
saw and understood her father, and he her. She later switches to speaking in a voice of
connection, as she highlights her present enjoyment in shared connective experiences. As part of
attuning to her dad, Jenny often uses the voice of empathy to take her fathers perspective, and
uses her voice of empathy as a mechanism for forgiveness. The voice of yearning is quite absent
from her story, apart from her hope to have daughters one day, who understood as she did, just
how much their dad loves them. Jenny exuberates life as she shares her story.
The dominant voices in Graham’s story are the voice of acceptance, and the voice of
connection, as he tells the story of his experiences in relationship with a daughter, who teaches
him as much as he aims to teach her. He uses the voice of acceptance when speaking about his
daughters free spirit, and when he describes the freedom he gave for her to try new things. He
speaks using the voice of connection when sharing the gratification he feels when chasing
dreams together with Jenny. These included for example, climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, playing
baseball, and enjoying theatre together. Graham uses the voice of parental guidance to describe
his responsibility in keeping his daughter safe. Coincidentally, the voice of parental guidance
often leads to the use of the voice of silencing. At times, Graham speaks in the voice of
silencing, when feeling bound by responsibility. He recalls often questioning the point of
asserting his parental opinion, when he saw how much pain it caused her. Speaking with the
voice of yearning, Graham hopes that, regardless of his mistakes, Jenny understands, that every
decision he made has been because he loves her, and he has her best interests at heart.

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Penny. It was a privilege to share the room with Penny. As our interview with her father
suggested, it was no surprise that Penny is a woman who speaks with unwavering poise. Penny’s
story is unique, in that she is the middle child of three girls. Coincidentally, she speaks of the
similarities in sharing the middle child role with her father. She says, “I’d say we have a little bit
of a weird little connection because we’re both middle children…I’m the middle of three girls
and he is the middle of three boys.” She shares, “he just gets I think the forgotten middle…he
understands that when there’s something else going on with the other two girls…he gets me.”
Sharing the middle child role with her father is very important to Penny, as it connects them in
ways that her two sisters do not get to experience. Immediately, she describes having a
matchless relationship with her father, a relationship that, over time, has become much different
than her relationship with her mother. She says, “I think we understand each other a bit extra,
it’s a different connection than I have with my mom.” Instead, she expresses her delight in the
reality that her father sees, hears and understands her in ways that only he can. Reflecting on
this, she says, “He gets that with me, that’s a little bit of a special thing, only we have.” She
describes her relationship with her father as open. She provides an example of this by reflecting
on the ability to talk to her father about anything she wants. She says, “I never feel like it is the
wrong time to ask him anything.” She goes on to emphasize further that not only does her father
create time and space for her to come to him, he remains open, even if she brings information he
may not want to hear from Penny. She expresses, “even if it’s something that he doesn’t want to
hear, or doesn’t want to talk about, he sill will answer in the best that he can.” She laughs,
recollecting moments when she would go to her father in an investigation of information she
wasn’t privy to. In doing so she says, “sometimes even if I wanted to ask something that is none
of my business, he would still give me a nice answer, he was very open with that.” Penny

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particularly appreciates the memory of specific moments in relationship where her father
welcomes her.
We observe an important extension of Penny’s unique bond with her father in how she
speaks about aspects of her relationship, as different from that of her sisters. She tells the story
of growing up with an older sister who often paved the road for her success. Because the typical
pattern of life is that older children often get to experience major milestones first, Penny is
delighted to be the first to get married. She describes how this opportunity created an opening
for something new, for her father and her to share together. Together, they took a journey in
unchartered territory. She describes, “we have something special because I got married first.”
She tells the story of getting to go through the marriage process with him, and witnessing how he
processed the life transition. She speaks up; sharing that this wasn’t an easy journey, for her
father had a difficult time letting his first married daughter go. She says, “It was hard for him to
let go of one of his daughters and do that whole thing, even like father-daughter dance and all
that stuff.” In support of their open relationship, even though it was hard to do, Penny
remembers her fathers openness in expressing the difficult he was experiencing. She says, “he
told me that it was hard for him, he knew that, he didn’t want to let go.” Penny describes this
moment as an integral part of their relationship story. When queried what this meant for Penny,
to experience with her father, she replied, “It would be a big word I would use to describe our
relationship, it said to me, you’re mine…and that matters.”
When asked what she remembered her dad telling her about her identity, she references
moments in her life where her father intentionally praised her for both the good things she
achieves, and through the more difficult times of her life. She describes her struggles during
childhood when comparing herself to her older sister, and attempting to keep up with her

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academic achievements. She says, “I definitely wasn’t as academically inclined as [redacted]
was”, “that was hard for me coming right after her because it was like [redacted] gets an A and
she didn’t even really study, and then…I come along.” As she spoke she looked at the floor,
moved by the memory of her experiences. In her I-poem she describes:
I think
That was hard for me
I come along
For me, it was difficult
I had
I was a late reader
I was
I tried so hard
I did my best
She shares a similar story in which she felt unable to approach her father about her lack
of desire to continue academically towards a chosen vocational endeavor. She describes the
pressures she felt to achieve great things. She shares, “I know that’s what my dad wants for me,
he wants me to be able to support myself and be strong and independent.” Due to her fathers
professional successes, Penny expresses feeling pressure to achieve, seeing how important
academics and schooling have been for her father. She says, “He’s very academic and schooling
has always been very important to him.” She continues, speaking of her hesitation in using her
voice, and standing up for what she wants. Penny identifies, “I was stressed out mostly because I
wanted him to be proud of me for doing this.”

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In one past instance, this desire to identify with her father pushed Penny to hold back
from voicing her concerns, until she no longer was able to hold them in, and she broke down
crying. She remembers, “I was crying because I was so overwhelmed with everything.”
Silenced by the pressures she felt to achieve, Penny eventually shared with her dad the desires
she has to be a mom. At that time, she spoke up, “Honestly, I want to be a mom, that’s what I
want to be.” To her surprise, Penny’s father spoke out against her perceived expectations,
saying, “I think that’s awesome, I think everything about you, I see you as an amazing mom.”
Silenced in the face of familial expectations, Penny believes, in that moment, her father spoke
out against her faulty beliefs, and consequently empowered her to drop all expectations she had
placed on herself, and from others. She speaks confidently, “I was doing something that I was
really only doing because that’s what I thought he would want of me, or be proud of me in, but
for being me… he was proud of me…not what I did.” She observes that this moment within her
story stands out as one of the most significant. She shares, “I think that probably shaped me into
who I am now, because I know that as long as I did what was best for me, and not what other
people were doing well…I could do me.” In this moment of Penny’s narrative, we see a shift in
her voice, from speaking in the voice of silencing, to speaking using the voice of autonomy.
When compared to her previous I-poem, the shift is further identified:
I want to do that
I’m thinking about it
I remember
I was like
I said
I want to be a mom

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I feel like people discredit that
I had this big moment
We note celebration in Penny’s journey to find her own voice when she responds to a
request to share how her father spoke about her identity. Coincidentally, without knowing,
Penny reacts to this question in a similar way as her father. She answers in a few ways, initially
saying, “I think my identity as a Christian”, and “as a woman of righteousness.” Penny refers to
the importance her parents placed on going to church every week. She goes on to say, that while
this was modeled for her as a child, as an adult, it is her choice to attend church, and choose
whether or not to continue growing in her faith. She says, “as an adult, if I don’t want to go to
church every week, no one is going to make me.” She speaks of the choice she has made to
continue living out her Christian faith; “If I don’t want to go to church, nobody would care, or
keep me accountable to going.” While Penny illuminates that this is a personal choice she makes
for herself, she describes the influence her father has, through constant modeling of
“consistency”. Penny sees that her father teaches her about God, through the modeling of his
own personal relationship with God. She describes seeing him “spending personal time to do
that, as he memorizes bible verses…consistently reading his Bible…doing his devotions.” She
says, “It wasn’t this grand display, but it was the subtle things her did.” She shares memories of
asking her mom, “Where’s dad in the morning”, finding him in his room doing devotions, and
eating breakfast at the same time. Penny identifies how her faith influences her relationship with
herself, seeing her faith and value in Christ, as the aspect of her identity she celebrates most.
“Consistency” is a word that continues to ring throughout Penny’s narrative. While she
laughs while speaking about her fathers tendency to be, “a creature of habit”, joking, “he pretty
much ate the same breakfast for the past 20 years”, her story illuminates the safety she finds

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within his consistent behavior. When speaking back to Penny, “dad is consistent”, she seems
moved to reflect on this further. She goes on to say, “dad was consistent, as a man…it taught me
that consistency is important…because that’s how my dad always was.” Clarifying, she
expresses, “I think that modeled to us…that was important, growing up to me, to have him be
that consistent, and always showing me, and always being available in the background when
letting me be.” This statement paints a powerful picture of Penny’s ability to learn from her
father implicitly, rather than explicitly. She finishes by reiterating, “I would think that’s more
important than being visible, being like you can do it and you are a strong woman, and you are
independent.” Penny says this helped motivate her to explore and learn more about herself,
saying “I think it embed itself in me when it’s like consistent for my whole life when I was little
to now grown up and married.” The impact her fathers consistency has had on Penny’s life story
is evident in her desire for her own children to experience a consistent father. She proclaims,
“I’m looking for that kind of dad for my own children.”
While Penny identifies having an open relationship with her father, there were moments
in her story where she yearns for him to speak out, and play a more vocal role in her life. She
describes moments in her life where she wished her dad had spent less time in the background,
and more time in the forefront. She says, “I think for the most part he didn’t really step in, like
when I got married, he didn’t have much to say until it down to the crunch.” Her desires are
explained through her I-poem, make note of the hesitancy in her voice:
I think
I don’t know
I actually was
I think

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I mean
I don’t think
The hesitancy in Penny’s voice, suggests that while she wishes for this, she may not
always feel full freedom to ask. She follows up the voice of yearning with her use of the voice
of empathy, making statements such as, “I think he might be a later thinker”, “I don’t think he
really thinks about it until all of a sudden”, and “I bet he has little freak out moments.” It seems
to be difficult for Penny to speak out when wanting to ask for more from her father. When
queried about the effect this has had on her, Penny says, “I think that it would have really
affected me because I did look up to him so much…to think that he didn’t approve, would have
made me so upset.” For Penny, there seems to be an internal battle between craving for
something unfelt, but also beaming with pride, and gratitude for what she does have in her father.
She shares, “he was very intentional with what he said.” Transitioning forward, she ends this
section of her story by making a joke; she says “I think now that I look back, I wonder…he
probably gave himself a really good pep talk before he had an important discussion with me.”
As Penny speaks using the voice of empathy her voice appears much stronger than when
speaking using the voice of yearning, this is picked up in her I-poem:
I guess
I think
I think now,
I look back
I wonder if he even probably has himself a really good pep talk
I think he would never
Know what I mean

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I actually, that stuff you asked
I was talking about the other day
I had high expectations
I just told him
When asked, “Fathers are?” Penny replies with enthusiasm, “extremely important.” She
speaks of the intentionality in her relationship, now that she no longer lives at home. She says,
“I think it’s more obvious to me that he appreciates our relationship, now that I don’t live at
home.” She continues further with statements that allow us as researchers to see through the
window into the life of Penny when she says, “he will text me all the time, tell me he misses
having me around”, “he will text me and tell me I love you”, and “he will text me that he’s
thinking about me throughout the week and stuff like that, and he will do the little emojis, he will
do a heart and there’s a little guy with a turban, I don’t know why, but he thinks that’s him.” The
warmth Penny exhumes as she shares her experiences texting with dad, open our eyes to see
truly how special their relationship is.
Randal. Randal, the father of three girls, shares his experiences growing up surrounded
by women. When listening to Randal’s story, it seems that he, like the other fathers, would do
anything for his daughter Penny. Randal describes his role in his daughters life as sacrificial. He
shares, “I think I would view my relationship with the girls as self-sacrificing.” As soon as
Randal became a father, he recalls making the decision to put his own personal decisions, drives,
and interests second. He says, “I had my own personal desires…as an individual, and those just
kind of disappeared.” While this was hard for Randal, he remembers always being willing to
give himself up for his children. He recalls having to put his own intentional effort into choosing
his family first, as no one else would make him do it. He clarifies, “this wasn’t a requirement for

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the position, but it was just what I wanted to do.” Randal still remembers doing homework with
his girls. While he despises grade school math, night after night he was consistently there. He
says, “I despised it partly because…I would have to read the book, and then teach a kid who isn’t
say interested in math…I would rather almost do anything else.” Having accomplished much
academically and professionally, Randal notes that it was important that he take a different
approach to parenting. Reflecting on his fathering roles, he says, “I didn’t want to dominate
things at home.” In doing so, Randal remembers avoiding reading parenting magazines and
taking classes through his church. He goes on to say, “my wife and I both sort of mocked
parents who read all the parenting magazines, and books, and went to the classes. When they
would try and share their experiences with us, we would avoid those people like the plague.”
While he admits, this was not because he knew everything; he hoped his family life would
unfold differently than his vocational career.
From the moment his wife became pregnant with Penny, Randal remembers praying for
her. He shares, “I prayed from the time we knew [redacted] was pregnant with Penny, that she
would find good relationships in her life.” It was his hope, he shares, that Penny would grow up
to have a heart for God, and that she would become a woman of righteousness; for Randal, this
part of his narrative is critically important. While Randal often uses humour to communicate his
story, his seriousness in this part of his narrative emphasizes how important it is to him for
Penny’s identity to be rooted in her faith. He shares earnestly, “ this was critically important
because all the other things don’t really matter.” Prayer shows up several times throughout
Randal’s narrative. He speaks about his duty to pray for his children everyday. He recalls
putting his children to bed every night, and praying for them, even when they appeared
disinterested. He says, “I just did that, from the time they were little babies, till now.” Like

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other fathers in this study, Randal hopes that by modeling his own faith life, he conveys the
importance of having a heart for God. He shares confidently, “My own faith, and how I wanted
to conduct myself as a Christian… is the all encompassing nature of my life. It’s a significant
thing in my life and so I think she sort of osmotically absorbed that.” It appears that Randal
takes pride in his consistent nature, he shares, “it didn’t feel artificial…I would convey truth to
her in my behavior.”
Randal recounts being more involved in his daughters’ life as they began dating. One of
the ways he did this was by enforcing a rule that, before his daughter could go out on a date, he
had to meet her suitor. While he believes that most of his friends thought he was odd, Randal
insisted he get to know the individual his daughter dated. He shares, “what kind of father would
I be if I didn’t convey her ultimate value in my life, to this guy who’s coming along and asking
to borrow her?” Using an example he says, “if somebody wanted to borrow my car, and that’s
just a piece of metal, not something that is of intimate worth to me, I would find some things out
about them.” Recently, Randal has discovered that he has not always communicated this
message as explicitly as he thought. He tells the story of his youngest daughter coming to him to
ask, “Why do you need to meet him first?” He says, “I guess I sort of realized I didn’t
specifically tell her.” As he talks about his relationship with his daughters, it becomes clear that
Randal often plays the role of protector. Listen to his story as he describes his role, noting the
value he places on ensuring the safety of his daughters:
One of the rules I made
The boy had to come and talk to me
I wasn’t trying to chase them away
I was just simply

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I was quite clear with them
What kind of father would I be if…
I didn’t convey her ultimate value
I would ask questions
I ultimately want to get to know the boy that would borrow her for a date
I would find out some things
I would convey some of myself to them
Randal was the first participant to discuss aspects of his story that he regrets. Taking
such pride in being sacrificial, Randal shares feeling regret over moments he put himself first.
He tells the story of being in veterinarian school, wrapped up in the busiest time ever in his life,
educationally. He remembers looking back on photographs, from when his daughters were
young, thinking on what he missed during that stage of their life. He shares “I didn’t have the
opportunity to enjoy that time, them being in that stage of life, the wonder of those initial
moments of life.” Randal shares about the pressure he felt to make good by his family. He
describes, “I had one crack at doing this school thing right, and it didn’t help I was an
overachiever…I could never study enough.” Randal describes feeling saddened over his lack of
involvement in her life during this time. He speaks of another memory, remembering when his
daughter was 10 months old, and was colicky. He shares, “I would stay up late to study. And I
would hold her in my arms, pacing around and I would flip my pages, and make notes for hours
every night.” As he reflects on this rich memory, he shifts from speaking in the voice of
silencing to the voice of empathy. Using the voice of empathy, Randal describes choosing to
sacrifice time with his family to provide in the long term. This change in voice emerges in this
section of his I poem:

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My only regrets
In order to be self-sacrificial…
I couldn’t be present
I was in veterinarian school
I was the busiest
I look back on photographs
I didn’t have the opportunity to really enjoy that time
I had one crack at doing grad school
I was an overachiever
I thought doing it right meant being better than everybody
I thought I was the one who was losing out
I had to
I was it
If I didn’t do it, we wouldn’t move forward
Not surprisingly, like other father participants, Randal speaks of transition in his story as
his daughter moved into adulthood. He recalls noticing she wasn’t a little girl anymore when she
went away to Capernwray for school. He remembers, “when Penny came back, there were
palpable differences, there was a separation, like an emotional separation.” This moment stands
out in Randal’s story, as it marks for him a shift in seeing his daughter transition from childhood
to adulthood. He says, “There was a distinct difference in how we interacted with her.” He
smiles as he realizes his hope for Penny has come true as he shares, “she is becoming a woman
of righteousness. All those thoughts, notions, and prayers that I had for 20 years, before she was
even born…they are coming true.” This part of Randal’s story is powerful, hearing him describe

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his previous hopes for his daughter as now coming true. With this transition, Randal describes
delving deeper into relationship with Penny. He reflects, “as an adult it’s a richer kind of thing,
because she chooses it now. She chose to share her inner beings with me, with us. She chooses
to be present.” This comment displays the role reversal of parent-child, to adult-adult. While
Randal is forever Penny’s father, their relationship is growing, allowing them to connect on a
richer level. He shares, “so that was where the big sort of shift came for me, and I think it just
got more, you know, it became more entrenched over time.” To Randal, this is not the end of the
story; instead he says, “one day I will get my new body in heaven, and my hope is that she would
understand the depth of my love for her.” After listening to his narrative, it is apparent than
Randal speaks of his story as if it is constantly in motion. We see this clearly in his response to
the closing question, “My relationship with Penny is?” “evolving.”
Voices of Penny and Randal. Penny primarily speaks throughout her narrative in the
voice of attunement. Penny’s voice of attunement denotes the openness she experiences in
relationship with her father, where she is Penny, and he is dad, and intentionally they make an
effort to know one another. The voice of attunement often becomes a catalyst for the voice of
acceptance in her story. She describes her fathers acceptance as non-judgmental in instances
such as her choice of husband, academic achievements, choice of activities, and faith. Penny’s
voice of acceptance also describes her fathers intentions in letting her be, and displaying a
freedom of love and acceptance for who she is.
Penny speaks with the voice of silencing when discussing her experiences of being the
middle child, which often lead to a voice of resistance, and a desire to make her self-known. At
times in her story, Penny reveals a voice of yearning, however, she quickly covers it with the
voice of empathy, perhaps due to her desire to not upset or speak poorly of her father. To close

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Penny’s story, I highlight one final statement she uses to fill in the blank when asked, “my
relationship with myself is?” She replies confidently, “I’d say I’m just starting to understand
myself, I think as I develop my own life, and start my own family, I can feel like I’m starting to
understand myself.” This powerful statement reiterates Penny’s heart for self, growth and
development. Her story is not finished, but only getting started. Her voice of autonomy shines
bright here in her I poem:
I do say
I’m just starting to understand myself
I think I’m growing
I am
I am
I think
I develop my own life
I can feel it
I’m just starting to understand myself
Penny….
Randal tells his story using various voices at different times. When speaking in the voice
of silencing, he discusses feelings of regret, due to his inability to uphold his sacrificial values
while attending university. The voice of silencing also appears throughout the narrative to
describe moments where he feels he missed out on spending time with his family, or was unable
to be present. It is important to note that Randal does not employ this voice of silencing as a way
of apologizing, rather, it emerges when he tells of personal losses, and missed opportunities.

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Randal’s story is very hopeful. He often speaks using the voice of yearning, as he describes his
hopes for his daughter to grow into the woman God created her to be.
The voice of connection appears to describe the shift in his relationship with Penny, as
she transitioned from childhood to adulthood. He uses the voice of connection as a way to
describe the presence of depth in relationship, as he transitions from seeing Penny as his
daughter, to his sister in Christ. For example, speaking using the voice of connection, he shares,
“I remember quite distinctly this notion that she was no longer my child, but actually my sister in
Christ, now as being an equivalent in some ways.” While this is rare, Randal employs the voice
of parental guidance when offering moral guidance and leadership. In his story, Randal speaks
using the voice of parental guidance as a way of navigating his parental responsibilities, such as
when his daughter began dating. While no one voice dominated over another, all these voices
connect to create the story of Randal, a story describing the evolution of both his relationship
with Penny, and his role as a father.
Monica. When Monica speaks abut herself it is with self-confidence and humility. It
becomes obvious quickly when listening to Monica that she is secure in who she is, welcoming
both her strengths and misgivings, as part of identity makeup. Monica tells the story about
growing up with a dad who intentionally saw her and was involved in her life and activities. She
refers to her father as, “genuine” and “full of integrity.” When asked if she could describe her
relationship with her father, Monica’s first response is, “I think, I have always felt warmth in
relationship with my father.” Monica paints a picture of a father who is human, reflecting that
they both accept each other’s positive and negative qualities. She says, “seeing human
imperfection in my dad, I have become okay with imperfections in me.” When she looks back
on this now, she says, “I would say that I knew my dad was a human being, there was flaws in

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him…he just showed his emotions to us, to me especially.” Through this emotional openness,
Monica is always aware of what her father is feeling. This has been part of her coming to
understand her father, she describes, “if he felt like he did something wrong, he would apologize
to us, if he was sad about something, he would cry, if he was happy, he would smile and be
laughing.” Monica reflects on her fathers emotional transparency as critical in furthering her
understanding of who her father is. In experiencing this emotional connection, Monica feels that
she can trust her father. She describes, “I just knew my dad would come through for me, I
trusted my dad with anything.” For Monica, the way her father showed up for her is evident, not
only in their relationship, but also in his relationships with others. She goes further to say, “and
not just with me, but even with other people too, if he said he would something, then he was
going to do it to the best of his ability.” Throughout most of her narrative, Monica beams with
pride, as she speaks of her father. She shares, “his heart beats for other people… my dad is so
genuine…he is not a selfish person, he wants to help other people, help our family, help me.”
After sharing, we saw in her smile and the glisten in her eyes, how moved Monica was in
reflecting on her relationship. Monica’s story is believable, it is apparent by the genuineness of
her responses and her enthusiasm in sharing with me.
Monica describes herself as independent and free-spirited. She remembers for the most
part, that her parents allowed her free spirited nature to shine bright, and they encouraged her to
speak her voice into the family space. When speaking about her freedom of voice, she makes
statements like, “I was okay to have a voice”, “In our house it was never a bad thing”, “with my
dad, you could voice your opinion”, and “he would always hear me, and he would listen to me.”
Specifically, Monica speaks of her father allowing her to form opinions, and recalls that he
listens to her fully while reflecting his understanding. She tells the story of struggling in high

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school academically, and feeling pressured to make vocational decisions. She recalls always
wanting to be a teacher. However, during the last few months of grade 12, she felt her dreams
began to change, considering that teaching may not be the right choice for her. Monica describes
feeling tension, and insecurity in not knowing what else she wanted to do vocationally. She
says, “I didn’t know what else I wanted to do, I didn’t like school…” She describes feeling
affirmed, in having her dad listen to her, and join with her in prayer, as she journeyed through
the unknown. In doing so, she describes, “I know through all of that my dad supported me
whole-heartedly in what I was doing… there is no pressure…we just want you to be the best
version of you.” She makes known her experience in her I-poem:
I wanted
I’ve always wanted to be a teacher
I didn’t want to be a teacher
I didn’t know what else to do
I didn’t like school
I like being educated, but…
I didn’t love school
I have a heart for the underdog
So I took teachers assistant
I got started working in the church
I know through all of that, my dad supported me
In what I was doing
I know he would
There was no pressure

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But, he knew I could
Her mother and fathers relationship influence Monica’s freedom for voice expression.
Monica’s speaks with curiosity as she queries, “I wonder if my dad allowed me to have a voice
because my mother always had a voice?” Monica describes having a mother, who is a strong,
independent, and free woman. She describes her mother as she says, “my mother is anti-box”,
you say woman are like this, one way, my mom will say ‘No women are not like that!’ women
are anything they want to be.” In witnessing her fathers gentle, listening responses, empowering
her mother, Monica has learned that he will allow her to explore and develop her own voice too.
Monica speaks about this saying, “I think because of his relationship with my mom…I think my
father had open hands with my sister and I in a similar way, that respected what I had to say.”
Monica describes father as biblically patriarchal, in her respecting his role of head of
household. She spoke of her father parenting based on biblical principles. When I asked if she
thanks her father for anything in particular, she answers immediately, saying, “I think the major
thing would easily be the faith aspect of our family.” She expresses gratefulness that he brings
faith into the family home. She tells the story of her parents growing up in difficult households,
upheld by strict religious principles. Monica speaks about this saying; “I would thank him for
breaking those chains generation to generation…he was very purposeful in raising my sister and
I, in a faith filled home.” Like others in this study, Monica’s identity as a Christian is of great
importance to her. Even though faith was a large part of Monica’s upbringing, she appreciates
the opportunity to discover what this means for herself. Monica describes the freedom she has
felt in discovering who God is, and what he signifies to her, on her own. She says, “I’ve been
over this in counselling, but I truly had the freedom to get to know God for me…I don’t think I
have now any major misconceptions about who God is.”

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While Monica believes strongly in her own understanding of who God is, at times she
didn’t always experience her parents’ desires to raise her as a godly woman, to fit with her
desire. She tells the story of turning 13, when her parents wanted to throw her a bat mitzvah type
party to commemorate this occasion. She describes the party as a way her parents wanted to
symbolize her coming of age, and to speak about the importance they felt that she remain pure
until marriage. She believes this party was a direct contradiction to the freedom she had to voice
her opinion, and be heard and understood. She speaks of the silencing she experienced, in being
lead to do something she felt embarrassed to participate in. Monica was very vocal with her
parents about this at the time, describing her feelings of embarrassment, and uncertainty when
making statements such as, “I don’t want a huge party, this is weird!” “I don’t want this!” “This
getting blessed, I don’t know about this”, and “Mom, Dad this is not what I want.” Her
resistance to this developmental experience, and the voicing of her concerns is evident in her I
poem:
I think a lot of it started when…
I turned 13
I mean
I don’t want this huge party!
I don’t want this!
This is weird!
Mom, dad I don’t want this!
I was 13!
This is not what I want…

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Looking back on this, she sees the importance in the event, and hopes she is able to have
something similar for her own future children. Separating from her teenage embarrassment,
Monica is able to see the value of her parents’ blessing. She says, “the blessing that my parents
gave me, placed a huge impact in who I am now.” She adds to the story saying, “my dad pulled
me aside, and told me what my name means.” She shared that he told her, “Monica means, who
is like God.” Learning the meaning of her name greatly influences how she lives her life. She
goes further to describe this pivotal moment in relationship with her father, as a reassurance that
she could do anything. She says, “it affirmed what I was capable of doing, and that it was okay
to just be you, and to go do that.”
As Monica’s story continues, she begins to describe a shift in her relationship with her
father, as she moves through her developmental years to adulthood. In concert with John, she
shares of times when she sees mutuality in relationship, empowering her to step in and help her
dad in ways she couldn’t as a child. She describes a time of great sadness in her family, when
her grandparents died. She remembers her parents being consumed by their grief, and she speaks
of the opportunity to step up and care for her family as a gift. She remembers, “I felt like I could
take care of my family.” She shares, “my sister being younger than me really didn’t
understand…I was able to just being there for her.” Working through this difficult time, Monica
remembers feeling that her father appreciated her graciousness and courage in rising to the
challenge and caring for her sister. As Monica speaks, her eyes light up, as she says “my dad
says, ‘thanks Monica, for being there for your mom and I’…I know my dad was appreciative of
this.” It was through her experience of sadness that Monica feels she was able to help her dad,
and reciprocate the help he always offers her. This was pivotal in deepening their relationship.
She ends by reflecting, “I hope there are more in the future…I gain wisdom as I get older.”

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As Monica prepares for motherhood, she hopes that her children experience similar
opportunities with a father. She hopes that her children will witness the emotional transparency
she saw in her dad. Monica wants her children to see their dad as human, and understand that
they are not going to be perfect, but there is a great gift in getting to know, understand, and be
with one another. She says, “My dad isn’t perfect, but I like how I turned out, I think I turned
out okay.” She reiterates the importance of this when she says, “All the emotions, you see that,
and it will help you grow in relationship with others, and teach you it’s okay to be you.” As she
laughs, Monica continues by saying, “and that our kids would know their dad is weird, and my
dad was really weird too!” The statement highlights the joy Monica experienced in relationship
with her father. Her ability to joke during times of seriousness, allows us to experience their
relationship as such.
To close, Monica reflects on how she is beginning to see some of her fathers qualities, as
similar to her own. She describes their similarities as a way she continually feels connected to
her dad. She says, “I think it comes more and more as I see my dad in me, that’s a way I feel
connected to him.” Throughout her life, Monica recalls others telling her that she is like her
mom. While she appreciates this comparison, she also takes the time to reflect on the goodness
she feels deep inside, when she discovers parts of her dad in her. To Monica, the way she sees
other people respect her father, is a source of great pride for her. She comments, “I take pride in
being his daughter, because of how he has lived his life, I’m like, that’s my dad!”
John. When listening to John’s story, it seems he, like the other fathers, enjoys speaking
about his daughter Monica. To describe his relationship with Monica, he quickly responds,
“lovable.” Unbeknownst to John, he and Monica answer the same question with similarity. He
describes his relationship with his daughter as open, expressing, “Monica and I have an open

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relationship as far as expressing our emotions to one another.” He speaks of his role in the
promotion of this emotional openness. He says, “I think that is one area we (her mother and I)
have tried to encourage is to express themselves.” John further clarifies by explaining, how
important it was for him to allow Monica to be the person she wanted to be, and not try to mold
her into who he thought she should be. He proclaims, “letting her be the person that she wanted
to be, and not try intentionally or unintentionally to bring my own, who I thought she could or
should be.” John’s desires to understand Monica fully, accepting and allowing her to be
whoever she wants to be, resonates as a common theme within John’s narrative. Although he
says, “this wasn’t easy.” For John, this required conversation and observation of what she was
doing in life, and what she loved to do. He sighs, as he remembers this often did not turn out the
way he had planned. He tells the story of Monica being heavily involved in music, engaging in a
regimented discipline of practicing the piano. He say, “music was quite important to her, it was
necessary to be open to allowing her to express herself in that way.” Although his intentions
were pure, when music started to get bound up, and very structured, that seemed to shut his
daughter down. These reflections of his experiences of being open, and the effort he put forth in
trying to understand his daughter appear in his I-poem:
I have a fairly open relationship
I think that is one area we encouraged
I found that Monica
I felt
I had tried to understand who she was and offer to her when I could
I wasn’t always perfect in this area
I think openness, in regard to letting her be her own person

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I thought she could be
Being open to allow her to express herself
I love music as well
He remembers that Monica possesses a need for affirmation through physical touch. He
shares that for example, “by giving her hugs”; gave her the feeling that she was loved. This
physical touch created a medium for connection. Although, John describes himself as someone
who is not overly “touchy, feely” he feels that in order to truly understand Monica for who she
is, he willingly steps outside of his comfort zone. Taking perspective, John makes a statement
about his ability to reach Monica, noting, “Sometimes I wasn’t always perfect in this area.” This
highlights the similarity in Monica’s experiences of her father, a man who although was not
perfect, strived to do good by their relationship. John’s intentionality in fathering his daughter is
clear throughout his narrative.
John describes himself as “somewhat of an introverted type.” He shares that engaging
with others socially is something that pulls him out of his comfort zone. Having a daughter, who
is an extrovert, and values social relationships, is something that John has had to make an effort
to understand, particularly during her teenage years. He shares his struggle by saying, “ I think
one thing I tried to understand is her relationships with others. Sometimes during her teenage
years, she would associate and connect with people I didn’t necessarily approve of.” He goes on
to say, “It was important that I be open to those friendships, and allow her to have her own
friends based, regardless if I necessarily understood.” This is part of John’s personal
development. Seeing his daughter engage in social relationships, John shares, helps him be open
to the benefits of having friends over and interacting with people more often. He expresses, “she
probably helped me grow in that…by watching her, she drew that out more in me.”

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Similar to other fathers in this study, John desires that his daughter understand that she is
valuable, and unique in the eyes of God. John speaks firmly, “she is created specifically and
uniquely by God for what she is designed to be.” There is no doubt in listening to John’s
narrative that communicating to Monica that he loves her and views her as important and unique
is fundamental for him. He says, “Hopefully through that she would understand she has value as
a person.” He describes wanting her identity to be routed in her faith, and supported by her
understanding of who God is. When speaking about faith and identity, he says, “I wanted her
identity to be routed in her faith, I felt that was important for me to impart to her.” The role of
speaking into his daughters life spiritually was of great importance to John. While his desires to
impart to her this message of value is, “obviously not something I could do ideally…I can’t
control this by putting a box around her as a father”, it is the catalyst for John’s vision of himself
as a father. John accomplishes this by modeling Christ in his own life. He says, “the lord is very
key and important to my even being on the earth, it’s because of him I get to be a part of their
life.” By doing so he hopes, “this is unique to us as individuals, letting the girls find out by
exposing them, and letting develop their own understand, was important to having that identity
affirmed.” John desires that his daughter understands how her Christian faith plays an important
role in her identity makeup. Allowing Monica freedom of choice, John speaks of imparting his
wisdom through modeling in his I-poem:
I think she has various gifts and qualities
Her identity had to be routed to me in her faith
Her understanding of who God is
I felt that was important
Reflecting on that through my fathering

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My role as a father
It was important for me, to identify and help her express her identity
Modeling through my own life
Letting her be
I guess that’s important to understanding, and having her identity affirmed
At times in his story, John speaks apprehensively of his ability to father in the way that he
hoped he would have been able too. As we listen to John’s story, we get the sense that although
he is empathetic towards himself; he is quick to point out areas of imperfection. John’s yearning
to speak out more, during certain crises or situations in his daughters life manifests here in his Ipoem:
I’m a man of a few words
I’m a diverted type
Sometimes I wouldn’t express in a way they would hear me
I didn’t speak into her life
I felt…
I didn’t really move into their life at times as much as…
I wanted to.
I see that
When asked to discuss Monica’s identification as a strong and independent woman, John
had a difficult time identifying his role in her development. John feels that this was an area in
her life that her mother and grandmother speak to more freely. He says, “I can’t say I had a role,
but her mom and grandmother were key.” Sadly, for John, he feels like he is unworthy and
incapable of speaking into certain areas of Monica’s life, because he isn’t a woman. John shares,

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“the father can’t speak into certain aspects as well as her mom speaks into it, her mom knows
what it is to be a woman.” While he recognizes that he now finds a place in this area, during
puberty, he recalls felling unable to enter, simply because he isn’t a woman. He says, “I’m not
going to understand all the things they go through physically, psychologically, and emotionally”
and “there’s that feminine piece that only mom could speak into.” We feel a sense of sadness as
we read through this piece in John’s story. It seems as if gender scripts silence, and his inability
to express his own femininity, impair John’s treasured intentionality, silencing the freedom he
feels to enter into certain aspects of his daughters’ life.
Similar to other father participants, John speaks about the transition in relationship as his
daughter moves from childhood to adulthood. It is an area of mutual learning, as John navigates
his role as a father, now that his daughter is an adult. He says, “that’s been a transition, when we
are used to that parent-child relationship…then trying to understand we’re adults now” He
speaks of the transition using the statement, “child to peer.” This statement explains, the change
he experiences, from protecting his child, and at times asserting his authority, to laying back and
seeing his daughter eye-to-eye. He comments, “we’re together on this…yes I’m older, but
you’re an adult now, and get a say.” He reflects on the gift it has been to see Monica feed into
his life. He says, “now through her experiences, and through her knowledge, she is feeding into
me, where I’m starting to learn more from her than I have in the past.” John speaks of mutuality
in relationship with Monica. He describes this shift, “now it’s becoming more two-way,
sometimes I think as I get older…I can receive from my children…I’ve seen them develop their
own giftings.” While John has embraces these changes, he reports that some aspects have not
changed. He shares, “at my core is always love, and that she is always valued, those are non-

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negotiable.” While John’s understanding of his role as a father evolves and changes, his positive
view of his daughter is unshakable.
When asked, “daughters are:” John responds, “The apple of a fathers eye.” This
sentiment rings true throughout the narrative. He goes further to say, “my relationship with
Monica is full, there are areas that need filled in, but the fullness and richness of it, I am thankful
for.” Monica touches John, and he enjoys reflecting on their relationship. He has hopes for men
in the future that they would continue to grow as men and as fathers. He closes by saying,
“fathers are speakers of life, and they can be takers of life too, I think it’s imperative, that they be
instead speakers of life.”
Voices of Monica and John. Monica’s narrative overwhelmingly communicates the
voice of autonomy and attunement. She uses the voice of autonomy to speak of the freedom she
experiences in having her own voice, and the ways she discovered this voice throughout her
developmental years. In this freedom, Monica often speaks using the voice of resistance. Within
the safety and security of the relationship, Monica speaks against silencing, and stands up for
what she believes, particularly in moments such as changing vocational careers, and resisting her
parents’ desires when they didn’t fit with her own. She mostly uses the voice of attunement to
refer to her fathers emotionally transparency. When Monica uses the voice of attunement, she
clearly makes a distinction between herself and others. These voices of attunement often lead to
her use of the voice of approval. Monica beams when reflecting on the joy she experiences in
relationship with her father, and her gratefulness for all the work he has done in her life. When
she speaks about her experiences in relationship, she often uses the voice of connection. She
seems to cherish the qualities she sees in herself, as similar to those of her father.

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The dominant voices in John’s story are the voice of attunement, and the voice of
parental guidance, as he describes his relationship with his daughter, and his perceived role as a
father. He uses these voices when speaking about his role in guiding his daughter towards
identity discovery, gifting her freedom of self-discovery, and putting effort into getting to know
her more fully. He also employs these voices when speaking about the responsibility he has in
teaching her about faith, and offering moral guidance through his own self-modeling. At times,
John speaks in the voice of yearning, taking a reflective stance on missed opportunities. When
he speaks about Monica using this voice, he recalls of moments where he wished he had said, or
done more. The voice of silencing also appears when John discusses his inability to be available
during puberty, simply because he is not a woman. The only time in his interview when he
speaks in the voice of resistance is when John describes warning his daughter as she began to
date, saying, “You don’t go to somebody who doesn’t love Jesus.” It is unclear whether John
was speaking using the voice of resistance to stand up for his own beliefs and values, or was
standing up for the betterment of his daughter.

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CHAPTER 5: DISCUSSION

The purpose of this study was to gain an understanding of the fathers role in daughters
Voice development. We believed that in conducting this study we would discover more about
what occurs in the daughter-father dyad, that contributes to the daughters development of
internal Voice, and the voices that are nuanced within the relationship. Although the literature
review revealed that the fathers role in his daughters identity development was important, we
discovered that more occurred within the relationship than father involvement and quality time.
We discovered amongst the participants of this study that in fact, fathers play an eminent role in
their daughters’ development on many levels. An extensive analysis of participant narratives
using the Listening Guide method, revealed how relational experiences with her father contribute
to a daughters development as a woman. An in-depth analysis of participant’s stories exposed
the voices that coexist within the daughter-father dyad. These voices that exist within the
daughter-father relationship were found to be shaped by, and shape who the participants are.
Although each daughter-father story was unique, we as researchers heard common themes and
patterns among the narratives. This chapter includes a presentation of data discovered through
analysis, highlighting common themes and patterns as they relate to the research question.
Following, a description of the study’s contributions to research and clinical work, strengths and
limitations, and future recommendations for research will be made.
According to our findings in the literature review, evidence of the effects of fathers
involvements on children’s developmental outcomes, has generally been in agreement that the
involvement of fathers is important for the development and welfare of their children. Research
has found that children with highly involved fathers were characterized by increased cognitive
competence, increased empathy, increased emotional regulation, strong self-control, and greater

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academic achievement (Cabrera et al., 2000; Day & Lamb, 2004; Lamb et al., 1985). Research
has suggested that the relationships between fathers and daughters strongly influence daughters’
sense of self and how they communicate with others (Endres, 1997; Punyanunt-Carter, 2006 &
2007). Developmental research has emphasized that the development of women is marked by a
particular conception of human relationship (Chodorow, 1986; Gilligan, 1993; Jordan, 1997;
Miller, 1986 &1990). Instead of viewing the world as individuals standing alone, we now know
that daughters see a world comprised of connective relationships (Gilligan, 1993). Thus,
daughters development is greatly shaped by her connections with others (Miller, 1986).
According to Gilligan (1993), lives are not molded on direct paths, yet are implicitly built around
relational trajectories; “Women’s sense of self is organized around being able to make and then
to maintain affiliations and relationships, for the sense of self is not tied to belief in efficacy of
aggression but to the recognition of the need for connection” (p. 49). Therefore, it is well known
that women’s identity development is likely to be influenced by their father. The daughter-father
relationship is thus used as a channel to develop contextual ideas of the self, both within and
outside of the daughter-father connection. This emphasizes the ongoing need for father
involvement and points to the importance of the father in shaping daughters’ self image, and for
her making sense of the world (Brown & Gilligan, 1992).
All of the dads in this study shared the value of the “involved dad”, and purposely
invested time in their relationship with their daughters. This was evidenced in both the literal
time the fathers spent being present in their daughters lives, and their joining in shared activities.
In this study, as a research team, we distinguished between these two facets by coding for the
voice of attunement and the voice of connection. For example, when speaking using the voice of
attunement the daughters spoke about their fathers physical presence at all of their activities,

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sports games, academic events, dance recitals, and graduations. When the fathers spoke about
their involvement in their daughters’ lives they described seeing their daughters, and made an
attempt to engage daughters with quality time. Often the voice of attunement was spoken within
the father narratives as a way of understanding their daughters. While this was not always easy,
the fathers all made an effort to know their daughters, and took the time to understand who they
are, not who they thought they should be based on their own preconceptions. Although the
fathers involvement was intentional, this did not always occur in the way they intended. In spite
of professional and occupational barriers that prevented the fathers from being fully present at
times, the daughters did believe their fathers presence was intentional in their lives. This seemed
to not only foster a sense of connection between daughter-fathers, but also showed the daughters’
they were valuable and worthy to be seen.
The voice of connection, while similar to the voice of attunement, was used to describe
the sharing of experiences between daughters and dads. When participants used this voice they
spoke not just of seeing and attuning to one another, but equally engaging in shared experiences.
Examples from the narratives include shared interests in visual arts, mountain climbing, Shania
Twain concerts, research interests, and beading. Given the relational nature of this study, it was
no surprise that the theme of connection arose within the participant narratives. It was through
experiences in connection with their father, that the daughters were able to begin to organize
their sense of self. Miller (1976) suggests women’s self is rooted in connection. She goes on to
say, “women’s sense of self is organized around being able to make and maintain affiliations and
relationships” (p. 93). We can determine based on the literature and the constant presence of
connection illuminated throughout the participant narratives, that a fathers connective
relationship with his daughter contributes to her identity development. This voice of connection

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also contributed to the celebration of each unique daughter-father dyad. The voice of connection
provided space for participants to reflect on their close and connective experiences in
relationships, allowing both participants and researchers to feel warmed by the bond shared
between daughter and dad.
All daughters reported feeling safe in their relationships with their fathers. This seemed
to evolve not only from the involvement of dad in their lives, but also through the fathers
emotional transparency, and consistency of his behavior. Interestingly, all daughter participants
spoke about being aware of and connecting to their fathers emotional experiences. When they
spoke about their relationship in the present, they described seeing their dad and knowing when
he was happy, sad, angry, or distressed. For the daughters, this seemed to foster a sense of safety
in being who they are, and provided freedom for their own emotional expression, modeled by
dads’ own behavior. This emotional openness, led to the discovery of the voice of acceptance.
The daughters in this study felt they could approach their fathers with anything, and the fathers
felt they were open and accepting. In a number of stories the daughters felt able to confront their
fathers, or express difficulties and hardships in their lives, knowing that their fathers would
respond non-judgmentally. All the daughters spoke of a “freedom to be”, which allowed them to
willingly engage their fathers during times of pain and suffering. Research has shown that
women keep large parts of themselves out of relationship because the fear of losing the
relationship and losing the self is greater then the loss of voice (Gilligan, 2003, p. xxiv).
However in contrast, the women in this study, felt freedom to voice their concerns and
difficulties in a way that didn’t require them to rid of their voice, because their fathers were safe,
and openly available. For the daughters this was transformative. It allowed the daughters in this
study to receive grace for their mistakes, and facilitated an open and safe discovery of self.

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The fathers in this study delighted in their daughters, and displayed this through their
enjoyment in and approval of their daughter beyond basic attunement. When they spoke about
their daughters, they spoke using the voice of approval, a celebration of the person, of the
daughter, and her gifts. As an analysis team we coined the phrase, “beaming” to represent the
common theme of fathers “beaming” with pride over their daughters accomplishments, and
developing character, beauty, and spirit. There were a number of examples used throughout the
narratives to demonstrate dad’s care and pride such as, daily texting, attending events and
activities, bringing coffee, and crying at graduation ceremonies. While the father participants
displayed their approval explicitly, the daughters spoke about the implicit messages learned from
experiencing their fathers approval. For one daughter, this showed her that she was seen, and
that her father was pleased in who she was, what she had done, and the characteristics she was
developing. Daughter participants also spoke about being praised for who they were, not just for
their academic achievements. For one daughter, her fathers messages of approval apart from the
number of A’s she brought home helped her see value in being her, rather than comparing herself
to others. This seemed to parallel career development, in the sense that dad was able to
appreciate daughters becoming who they were in their career choices and transitions.
Specifically, all four father participants spoke about the pleasure they have experienced in seeing
their daughters make career choices, and work through career transitions. Although, this was not
necessarily an easy road, the fathers approval was not contingent on the level of success, rather
the women the daughters were developing into, whoever that may be.
Unique to this study was a shift in the ways that dads enjoyed and delighted in their
daughters when they developed common interests or hit common developmental experiences,
such as setting up a business or having beers with dad. This transition was marked by the

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transition of daughters from childhood to adulthood. Interestingly, the daughters also spoke
about the greater level of enjoyment in relationship with their fathers now that they have the
capacity to connect on a deeper level. One daughter for example, explored the pleasure she has
received over getting to connect with her father over shared research interests, as she prepares to
embark on her doctoral research. There seemed to be a deeper level of connection, and
appreciation for the adult relationship, that looked different than the parent-child relationship.
Interestingly, all dads spoke about the transition in their fatherhood roles when the daughters
became more independent, and transitioned from child to peer. For two of the fathers this has
been an enjoyable experience, experiencing a mutuality in relationship, where their daughters
feed into their lives.. For the other two fathers, this has been a difficult transition, letting their
daughters go as they assert their independence, and transition into womanhood. It is difficult to
determine whether this shift in the ways that dads and daughters enjoyed, and delighted in one
another was due to daughters’ transition into adulthood, or the currency of the memories
described. We can determine however, that the daughters’ transition into adulthood marked a
shift in mutuality in relationship, where fathers began to notice their daughters feed into their
lives, and daughters felt their fathers were open to their influence and ideas.
In this study, all the daughters spoke in autonomy and differentiation and were able to
assert boundaries when their fathers overstepped their speaking voices in a way that was
oppressive. When speaking in the voice of autonomy, participants spoke about their ability as a
person to be aware of and to reflect on their own desires, wants, motives, urges and understood
emotions, while choosing to either follow or reject them. Gilligan (1992) believes that silencing
occurs both to women’s literal voice at times, but also to women’s ways of being who they are.
Research has found that a girl’s struggle of whether or not listen to herself, is a crisis that is

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centered on her struggle to separate her voice from the voices of others (p. 51). The daughters’
dominant voice of autonomy spoke against cultural, societal, and relational scripts, as a way to
make clear who she knows herself to be. Instead of giving up their voices, daughter participants
choose to speak out against those messages from their fathers that did not fit with their
experiences of self. By speaking out against the silencing whether consciously, or unconsciously,
daughters in this study developed the freedom to be independent. Going beyond their
identification as independent for the screening purposes of this study, the daughters
demonstrated through their narratives an embodied expression of independence, a voice of
independence.
In addition, the fathers discernment around the tension between speaking and listening is
influenced by the daughters voice and her expressed needs and boundaries. For the fathers, they
were challenged to find a balance between listening and speaking, between receptivity and
expressivity. The fathers stories highlight moments when they had to decide whether or not to
push forward for the protection of their daughter, or pullback to allow for learning and
exploration. This wasn’t always easy for the fathers, their desire to protect their daughters from
their own struggles, often increased the probability of silencing messages. A common theme
emerged amongst the fathers narratives between promotion of freedom and voice, verses the
protection of voice and pain and suffering. Too much influence, or not enough resulted in
silencing, fighting, yearning, connection, disconnection, growth or silence. Because of the safety
experienced in the relationship, the daughters spoke out against these oppressive messages, and
felt freedom to voice their concerns in relationship with her father.
This relationship between the voice of autonomy, the voice of resistance, and the voice of
silencing is an important finding. In the face of oppressive scripts, women spoke using their

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voices of autonomy and resistance to protect their internal Voice. The interaction between
autonomy and silencing was almost always met with resistance. Daughters were not afraid to
speak out, and fight for the maintenance of their boundaries. However, there were times when
daughters would give up their voice, for the maintenance of their relationship with their father.
Gilligan et al.’s (2003) research found that girls often struggled against losing their voice, in
order to maintain close relationships with significant others. Girls were found to be carriers of
unvoiced desires and unrealized possibilities, giving up their voice for the sake of having good
relationships. In this study, moments where daughters felt they were at risk of losing their
fathers approval, they frequently withheld their voice in an attempt to maintain their fathers
sense of pride. This contradicts earlier findings, where women felt an openness to come to their
fathers with anything. As a result, we can determine that the nuanced dance between receptivity
and expressivity facilitated daughters unique development of Voice. There is not a “recipe” that
fit all of the dyads, or would fit all the daughter-father relationships. Some daughters needed
more space, others needed more direction, and the balance in this was negotiated differently
across development.
All of the daughters spoke about experiencing conflict with their mothers. All of the
mothers had a lot of influence in the family home and equally shared responsibility for discipline.
When the daughters spoke about their independence it was evidenced that the mothers own
independence and strength had an influence on daughters’ development. Matching their mothers,
the daughters’ use of autonomous voice often created conflict between the dyad. However, two
of the daughter participants spoke about their desires to have their father available to mediate
mother-daughter conflicts. In one participant story, fighting with her mother was a constant
during her teenage years. When her father was present, she describes his involvement as

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“mediator” as essential to the maintenance of the daughter-mother relationship. Similarly, two
of the daughters spoke of their fathers speaking on their behalf, to their mothers, and helping
their mothers understand their point of view. In this, we see dad’s role as “mediator” illuminated
in both his understanding, and his expression of daughters voice to mom.
All of the daughters identified times when they wished their dads spoke more into their
lives, specifically during pivotal developmental moments such as puberty, eating disorder
struggle, career change, and dating/transition to marriage. The freedom the daughters felt, at
times left them yearning for their fathers to speak explicitly into their lives. All four fathers
commented on their inability to speak into certain areas of their daughters’ development. One
father participant described feeling overwhelmed, where another father spoke of feeling unable
to enter into the realm of womanhood during puberty, and physical development. Apart from
physical affection, nothing was mentioned about fathers speaking into their daughters bodies.
Both daughter and father participants spoke mostly about daughters developing character, and
her spirit. Two of the daughters spoke about the silencing they felt around their fathers
expressed concern about their physical contact with men, such as hugging and traveling with
their boyfriend before marriage. Although, the fathers did not speak about this explicitly, they
often opposed, and oppressed the daughters’ voice when encountering moments as such. Silence
around puberty, eating disorders, beauty, and dating seemed to coincide with the daughters voice
of yearning. The difficulty fathers seemed to have speaking to the daughters bodies was paired
with the daughters’ voices of yearning and silencing. Where one voice was missing or silenced,
the other voices were craved. A woman’s voice and body are similar in that they are both
avenues that provide access to the self (Gilligan, 1993). According to Gilligan (1993), women’s
bodies, like women’s voices, have been a dominant site of the rule of silencing patriarchal

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gender scripts. For women both the body and spirit are unified, together in the person. This
appeared to be a theme among the father narratives, a perception of womanhood and character as
separate, one being more body and one being more spirit.
The relationship between the voice of yearning and the voice of empathy was also
important. When participants spoke of their sorrow, they used the voice of empathy to take
perspective, and as a mechanism for forgiveness. In the face of silencing, the voice of empathy
was used to enter into the dark pathos of pain and suffering. As this study looked at the
daughter-father dyad, the voice of empathy was marked by the participant’s ability to understand
and share the feelings of the other. When daughters spoke using the voice of empathy they
described vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and attitudes of their fathers.
Although the daughter participants yearned for more explicit connection, it seemed they were
able to understand their fathers intensions by coming to an understanding of others internal
experiences. Father participants on the other hand, used the voice of empathy to take perspective
of self. They spoke using this voice as a way to reason with their difficult experiences, or when
seeking forgiveness. From the interaction between the voice of yearning and the voice of
empathy, we determined empathy was the key to maintenance in relationship. Without empathy,
perhaps the daughters would continue yearning for things unfelt, and connection in relationship
may be lost.
When the voice of empathy was spoken throughout the narratives, it often shifted from
the usual nuance of what empathy is about. The relationship between the voice of empathy and
the voice of silencing, and the voice of connection was an important finding. If the voice of
connection is about promoting relationship in an enhancing form, the voice of empathy as
spoken by the participants becomes a controversy piece of internalizing barriers in the service of

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maintaining connection (see Figure 1). However, without the voice of empathy daughters and
fathers are not allowed to make mistakes and be in relationship. The voice of empathy therefore
becomes a road way to this, understanding that its context does not necessarily have to silence,
but allows participants to connect to something that is better, in self and relationship. We noted
that the voice of empathy when followed by the voice of connection, buffered against silencing
for the sake of the relationship. Speaking in the voice of silencing Anne shares, “I think I lost
this a bit too, or felt like that was silenced some in my life, or in my relationship with him later
on.” Following speaking in the voice of empathy she shares, “but he waited and held his tongue,
I’m sure that is a really hard thing to do.” In Anne’s narrative the voice of connection follows
the voice of empathy when she says, “He had a similar experience with a mentor that really
fought for him and like gave him room to be himself, so he will share stories in that way about
how he connects in his own life”. In this example we see the voice of empathy as a relational
buffer, close to self and connection in closeness. The cost of relationship for the daughter-father
dyads is not always detrimental to the relationship, the wounding is not always the ultimate
story.
All four dads were “believable” because they demonstrated respect for women
consistently in other areas of their life. All four fathers were described by the daughters as well
respected by other women, and were consistent in their portrayal of women as valuable beings.
All of the daughter participants spoke in the present, when describing their experiences seeing
their fathers interact with other women. In particular, the daughters described how their fathers
treated their mothers in the same way they treated their daughters. In a number of stories women
reflected on the freedom and independence their mothers had in relationship with their fathers.
In addition, two of the daughters determined that it would be hypocritical for their father to treat

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their mother differently than they did them. For the daughters, this fostered further sense of trust
and safety in relationship. The messages dad portrayed about women’s identity, freedom of self,
and value in relationship were authentic given his consistency in his treatment of all women.
While not intentional within the screening process, all four dyads identified as Christian.
Research has examined how religion influences many areas of relationship, including
communication style, sexuality, gender roles, happiness, personal development, and relationship
stability. Giblin (1997) understands spirituality as “the experience of seeking to make meaning
of one’s life and to sense the connectedness and interconnectedness across life as informed by
relationship with the divine” (p. 321). Spirituality is understood as an inclusive dimension of an
individual’s life that influences emotions, thoughts and behaviours (Giblin, 1997). In the
narratives, spirituality was hugely influential in supporting daughters’ identity development. The
fathers in this study spoke about the importance of their daughters’ identity as rooted in their
faith. The daughters’ identity in God seemed to be a strong factor in their understanding of self,
and their self-identified value as women. Two of the daughters expressed the desire to thank
their fathers for the faith aspects of their families, for their identity was not tied to earthly things,
but to their value found in Christ. All daughter-father dyads acknowledged the importance of
spirituality as a significant influence in their maintenance of relationship. Spirituality, and
religious practices seemed to connect the daughters to their fathers. As we listened to the
participants tell their stories, we heard a common theme of deep connection in relationship. The
participants felt like their faith in God gave them meaning and purpose in their relationships, and
often guided and directed them. Spirituality seem to nurture this deep connection, the daughters
experienced feelings of richness and belonging that were profound in the daughters’ journey of
identity formation.

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Implications
Research. My review of the literature has revealed little scholarly information on
healthy daughter-father relationships. Researchers are now recognizing the potential importance
of examining fathers involvement from the perspective of their children (Finley & Schwartz,
2004). This study was an effort to expand the conceptual understanding of fathers influence and
to further refine the qualitative measurements of the daughter-father relationship. Though
developmental research has supported the idea that the quality of parenting a daughter receives
from her relationship with her father can have long-term psychological implications, the
qualitative research realm requires further exploration. Women’s developmental theories have
made great gains in identifying women’s roles of development in connection with significant
others; however, there is a deficit in examining the positive relationships that have fostered and
empowered strong women. This study was designed in an effort to combine two controversial
and impactful areas of research, daughter-father relationships and the empowerment of women’s
development.
Not only does this study allow for the combination of empowered women and strong
daughter-father relationships, to my knowledge, it is one of the first efforts to elucidate the
voices underlying the daughter-father relationship. The voices spoken by a father, whether they
are attunement, connection, acceptance, or approval, and the voices spoken by women within
positive relational connections have largely been ignored in connection to each other. This
project is undergirded by the assumption that the voices a father speaks into his daughter is one
of the greatest pieces in her development of, self-esteem, identity, love, and self-regulation.
Although history sheds light on the psychological, emotional, and developmental benefits of a
positive and secure relationship with a father, there is an overwhelming need for research

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focused on the innermost beings of these individuals in relationship with one another. This study
sought to empower fathers to truly be present for their daughters. I do not mean to suggest that
daughters should be dependent on their fathers, but rather that fathers play a key role in
facilitating the exact opposite—women who are empowered with a strong sense of self. In
looking at the father-daughter relational picture, we highlight strengths, and the nuances of
voices in the daughter-father dyad that have previously been ignored.
The lack of voice from fathers in regards to their daughters bodies found in this study was
an important finding. It leads us as researchers to ask questions in regards to the freedom fathers
felt to speak into their daughters’ bodies. Is the Madonna-whore paradox paralleled in a “good
man/bad man” relationship to women whereby men are stuck in either the pole of objectifying
women as sexual commodities or relating to them on a purely spiritual level the only option?
Perhaps there is over caution in a society where incest is all too common about seeing daughters
as whole embodied persons. As well as, maybe we simply lack the language to communicate
and speak to women’s bodies and sexuality. There seems to be a split between the allowance of
freedom of voice, and the freedom of body, when both are equal reflections of a women’s sense
of self. Further research is required to fully understand the silencing fathers experience in
relationship to their daughters womanhood.
Feedback from the daughters and fathers was that the interview was both pivotal and
beneficial. Reflecting on the daughter-father relationship deepened their appreciation for one
another, and provided the space to reflect on the importance of the relationship above and
beyond birthdays and holidays. For all dyads, the interview process was highly enjoyable. How
can communities foster the celebration of the daughter-father dyad, and open the dialogue to
foster this in a healthy way? Can we create a discourse for dads to praise their daughters, reflect

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on them, and what went well in their relationship? Given the benefits the participants gleaned
from our study, this could help the community foster positive relationships between daughterfather dyads on a grander scale. Research designed to open dialogue between daughter and dad
on a community level could provide potential benefits in the promotion and development of
women’s internal Voice.
Culturally, the sample was limited to biological, Caucasian, Christian dyads from an
above average socio-economic status. All fathers were married to their daughters’ mothers, and
report that the mother was an important influence in the daughters’ identity development above
and beyond the role of the father. This study’s results are limited to a unique population sample.
This study may have yielded different results if the sample size, and selection of participants
varied culturally and religiously. Given the participants identification as Christian, faith in the
daughter-father relationship becomes an important implication. The results suggest the daughterfather dyads embody greater emotional closeness, because they share beliefs that are
foundational to their understanding of life and relationship. This shared understanding seemed to
deepen relational intimacy, by providing a common faith, which connects them. Given these
results, research focused on the impact of faith, and Christianity on the daughter-father dyad and
women’s development of self would further qualitative inquiry. Further areas of study may
include recreating this study with non-biological daughters-father dyads, such as with a mentor,
friend, grandfather, uncle, or stepfather, or with participants of different cultural, and religious
backgrounds. Additionally, this study could be recreated examining the mothers role in
daughters’ development of self, or if the mothers’ influence impacted the role the father’ had in
daughters development of Voice.

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Clinical. In conducting this study, we as researchers identified the voices that coexist
within the daughter-father relationship and the factors that contribute to the development of
strong, independent women. By understanding how positive relationships with a father figure
contribute to a daughters development of self, we can begin to see how this unique relationship
impacts the daughters’ future experiences of self. Clinically, through identification and
discovering a greater sense of meaning, in other words an important or worthwhile quality or
purpose, we can gain insight into the inner workings and begin to help women heal wounds
made from absent or poor father figures. Let this thesis stand as a way for clinicians to further
understand what goes on in the daughter-father dyad, when counselling women who have
experienced pain from their fathers. I hope that this thesis has also served as an encouragement
for those who are struggling relationally, and stands in preparation to empower women to reach
their full potential.
Strengths and limitations. The relational nature of the Listening Guide method used in
this study allowed researchers to engage with participants on a personal level, facilitating full
immersion in the data. Not only did this aid in the data analysis process, but also gave the
opportunity for participants to share their experiences in relationships. A feminist-relational
method, the Listening Guide allowed the active involvement of me as the researcher into the
process, and facilitated inter-subjective understanding between the researcher and the
participants. This was valuable in correcting the patriarchal bias often present in social science
research (Mertens, 2010). Understanding that voice takes shape, and bears mark on the body of
the participant’s history, and of culture, leaving imprints on the soul, allows the researcher and
the participants to fully experience an authentic relationship (Gilligan et al., 2003).

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The Listening Guide is a particularly useful tool for discovery research, uncovering new
questions to pursue, and focusing on learning from individual experience. It requires the active
engagement of the researcher throughout analysis and is intended to be a guide or a basic
framework of steps rather than a set of prescriptive rules to be followed. The researcher must
make decisions with regard to how each step is to be implemented, and thus, the Listening Guide
is not for the light-hearted. A limitation of this study is that it is very time-consuming.
However, it is also very rigorous, allowing for highly developed and in-depth data analysis.
Although direct guidelines for data analysis are provided, room for creativity can be a limitation
in that there was at times a struggle to differentiate between the readings. This limitation is
countered by the strength of the team approach, which offered dialogue and insight, which as
peers we worked together to deconstruct ambiguity.

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APPENDIX A
Online Screening Consent Form

Online Screening Consent Form (Adapted from McBride, 2014)
VOICES IN RELATIONSHIP: THE SIGNIFICANCE OF A FATHERS INFLUENCE ON
DAUGHTERS DEVELOPMENT OF VOICE
Principal Investigator: Jillian Schmidt-Levesque, M.A. Student in Counselling Psychology,
Trinity Western University.
Supervisor: Janelle Kwee, PsyD, Faculty of Graduate Studies, Counselling Psychology, Trinity
Western University.
Purpose: The purpose of this study is to investigate women’s experiences of relationship
with her father. Due to the growing body of literature pointing to the role a father plays in
his daughters development, researchers will seek to understand what took place in the
daughter-father relationship that contributed to the daughters development of the self.
This study was designed to inform the academic and broader community about the positive
relational strengths that can be derived from a positive daughter-father relationship.
Procedure: The method chosen to conduct this research values the unique experience and
input of each woman and the way each individual women speaks about her relationship
with father. To be able to participate in the interview portion of this study, you must be a
woman between the ages of 19 and 30. Based on your answers to the following
questionnaire, you may be selected to participate in phase two of study- the interview
portion. For the interview portion of this study, you will participate in a semi-structured
interview where the researcher will ask you questions about your relationship with your
father, and what contributed to your individual development. This interview will take place
in the location of your choice, where you feel comfortable sharing with the researcher
about your experiences. This interview will last between 60 and 90 minutes and will be
audio-recorded for transcription at a later time. If you are selected to participate in phase
two of the study, you will be contacted by phone or email, and more details about the next
phase of the study will be provided at that time.
Potential Risks and Discomforts: Participating in this first phase of the study may be
uncomfortable, should you desire to participate in the study but are not selected to
continue in phase two. Not receiving an invitation could occur for a variety of reasons, as
the researchers are looking for women with specific criteria, one of which may be a score,
which is not significant enough to demonstrate the presence of a positive relationship with a
father. Should you not receive an invitation to participate in phase two of the study but
wish you know your score, you will be able to contact the researcher. If at that time the
score you received creates emotional discomfort, a referral for counselling will be provided
from the researcher.

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Potential Benefits to Participants and/or to Society: Completing the questionnaire may help
you think further about your relationship with your father, and how that has shaped you
as a woman.
Confidentiality: Any information that is obtained in connection with this study and that can be
identified with you will remain confidential and will be disclosed only with your permission or as
required by law. If you are not asked to participate in phase two of the study, your scores and
information will be kept in a password protected, encrypted folder on the researcher`s computer
until completion of the study, upon which time they will be securely destroyed. Should you be
invited to participate further in the study, your interviews will be recorded for transcription.
Further details will be provided should you continue in the study.
"Please note that the online survey is hosted by "Survey Monkey" which is a web survey
company located in the USA. All responses to the survey will be stored and accessed in the
USA. This company is subject to U.S. laws, in particular, to the U.S. Patriot Act that allows
authorities access to the records of internet service providers. If you choose to participate in the
survey you understand that your responses to the questions will be stored and accessed in the
USA. The security and privacy policy for Survey Monkey can be viewed at
http://www.surveymonkey.com/ "
Remuneration/Compensation: Upon completion of the online survey, participants will be
asked if they would like to send their email address to the researcher, upon which time
their name will be entered into a draw for a ITunes gift card. There will be further
compensation for participation in the interview portion of the study.
Contact for information about the study:
Contact for concerns about the rights of research participants.
Consent: Your participation in this study is entirely voluntary and you may refuse to participate
or withdraw from the study at any time. However, your withdrawal from the first phase of the
study will prevent you from participation in the second phase of the study.
By clicking `continue` you are indicating that you consent to participate in this study and that
your responses will be used to determine if you are invited to participate in the second phase of
the study. Your contact information will be used to contact you should you qualify to continue
with the study, and will otherwise be destroyed.

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APPENDIX B
Informed Consent Form

Consent Form (Adapted from McBride, 2014)
VOICES IN RELATIONSHIP: THE SIGNIFICANCE OF A FATHERS INFLUENCE ON
DAUGHTERS DEVELOPMENT OF VOICE
Principal Investigator: Jillian Schmidt-Levesque, M.A. Student in Counselling Psychology,
Trinity Western University.
Supervisor: Janelle Kwee, PsyD, Faculty of Graduate Studies, Counselling Psychology, Trinity
Western University.
Purpose: The purpose of this study is to investigate women’s experiences of relationship
with her father. Due to the growing body of literature pointing to the role a father plays in
his daughters development, researchers will seek to understand what took place in the
father-daughter relationship that contributed to the daughters development of the self.
This study was designed to inform the academic and broader community about the positive
relational strengths that can be derived from a positive daughter-father relationship
Procedures: The method chosen is designed to give women the opportunity to freely share
in their experiences. To be able to participate in the interview portion of this study, you
must be a woman between the ages of 19 and 30, and have completed the screening phase of
the study verifying you meet selection criteria. Alternately, you may be the father of a
daughter between the ages of 19 and 30 who has already been selected for participation in
the study. For the interview portion of this study, you will participate in a semi-structured
interview where the researcher will ask you questions about your relationship with each
other, how has this impacted you, and what contributed to your development of a strong
women. This interview will take place in the location of your choice, where you feel most
comfortable. The interview will last between 60 and 90 minutes and will be audio-recorded
for transcription at a later time. During transcription, all the details which may identify
you will be removed if you would like, during which time you will be able to choose the
name to identify your story during the final research report. After the interviews of all the
participants have been collected and reviewed by the research team, the results of the
initial interviews will be shared with you if you so choose. At this time, you will be given the
opportunity to respond, and ask for changes to be made.
Potential Risks and Discomforts: Participating in this study may be challenging for you for
a number of reasons. Although the study is about something positive, you may experience
some emotional discomfort while sharing about your life, particularly if your relationship
with your father/daughter has been or is still sensitive to discuss. The primary investigator,
who has training in counselling psychology, will conduct all interviews. The primary
investigator will not provide counselling herself, but her training will enable her to create a

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safe place for you to share your experience. The researcher will also provide you with a
mental health referral should any emotional distress arise.
Potential Benefits to Participants and/or to Society: Participating in this study will assist
the researchers to better understand how their relationship with their father has
contributed to their development. This will not only help to better inform other clinicians
and researchers about the importance of the father-daughter relationship, but will help to
better understand the role a father plays in empowering women. In addition, it is an
opportunity to celebrate your relationship, to discuss your experiences within the
relationship, the positives, what has been challenging, and what you think may help others.
Confidentiality: Any information that is obtained in connection with this study and that can be
identified with you will remain confidential and will be disclosed only with your permission or as
required by law. Any information that is obtained in connection with this study, and that can be
identified as such will remain confidential, and will only be disclosed by participant permission
or as required by law. All audio recordings, consents forms, transcribed interviews, and data
analysis content will be stored on the principal investigators computer in a password-protected,
encrypted folder. In order to respect confidentiality when working with the research team, all
data will be stored on the investigators computer, and all paper documents used will be collected
and filed in a locked cabinet in the principal investigators office. Audio recordings and
transcripts will be kept until the completion of the research, and Trinity Western University has
approved this study as meeting the requirements for completion of the Masters of Arts
Counselling Psychology program, in which case they will be destroyed. Portions of the data
collection may be kept, by permission indefinitely by the research team for use in further
research among women. Please note these portions will not include any identifying information.
Remuneration/Compensation: To thank you for participating in this study, you will be
given a gift certificate of $25.00 to a local book store or cafe (a few choices will be provided
when setting up the interview time and place), or have the opportunity to chose to have the
funds allotted for your gift card to be donated to the Big Brothers Big Sisters Foundation.
You will also have the option of forgoing your individual compensation, for a $50.00 gift
card for a local restaurant to share with your father (if you are the daughter participant of
the pair) or your daughter (if you are the father participant of the pair) to be able to share
a meal together.
Contact for information about the study:
Contact for concerns about the rights of research participants:
Consent: Your participation in this study is entirely voluntary and you may refuse to participate
or withdraw from the study at any time without losing your reward. Your withdrawal from this
study is not possible after the researcher has removed all the information, which may identify
you, as it will then be impossible to identify who you are. If you choose to keep your own name
as identification for your story in this research, you will be unable to withdrawal from the study
after the data has been integrated into the data set. However, requests to change your name for
publication of the research will be honoured.

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Signatures
Your signature below indicates that you have had your questions about the study answered to
your satisfaction and have received a copy of this consent form for your own records.
Your signature indicates that you consent to participate in this study and that your responses may
be put in anonymous form and kept for further use after the completion of this study.

___________________________________________ _______________________
Research Participant Signature
Date

_____________________________________________________________
Printed Name of the Research Participant signing above

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APPENDIX C

Sample Interview Questions for Daughters
Section 1: Relationship with Father
What did you call your dad/father? What would you like me to refer to him as?
• Tell me about your relationship with your father
• Tell me what you remember your father telling you about your identity
• Tell me about what your dad did that either confirmed or contradicted what he said about you
• Do you think your father appreciated his relationship with you? Why or why not
• Is there anything he said or did that you wished he hadn't, specifically as it relates to how you
see yourself as a strong woman?
• How has your father helped you become a strong woman?
• What did your father communicate or didn’t say that reinforce who you are?
• Has your father hindered your development in any way?
• How has your father fostered/encouraged your independence?
• How could your father have contributed to your development differently? Was anything
missing?
• When you communicated with your father, did you feel heard and understood?
• What let you know that you were understood?
• If you could thank your father for one thing what would it be?
• In what ways do you see yourself as connected to your father?
• In what ways do you see yourself disconnected to your father?
• My Relationship with my father is:
• My relationship with myself is:
• Fathers are:
Section 2: Personal Identification of the Self
• Tell me how you feel about your independence
• Tell me about what your father did that influenced your perceptions of yourself
• How did your relationship with your father shape your relationship to men? What about
relationships in general?
• Do you think you have a strong sense of self? Why or why not?
• If you were to have a daughter one day, have you thought about how your relationship with
her father might influence her?
• If you were to have a daughter- what would you like them to know about their dad? Your
Dad? Men in general?

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APPENDIX D

Sample Interview Questions for Fathers
Section 1: Relationship with Daughter
Tell me about your relationship with your daughter
Did you ever think explicitly about what you wanted to communicate to her?
Tell me what you may have communicated to her without meaning to?
Tell me what you remember teaching your daughter about her identity
Tell me about your experience speaking into her life
Do you think your daughter appreciated her relationship with you? Why or why not
Is there anything you said or didn’t say that you wished had/hadn't, specifically as it relates to
your daughters development?
• How have you helped your daughter become a strong woman?
• What did you as her father says or didn’t say that reinforced who she is?
• How have you fostered/encouraged her independence?
• If you could commend your daughter for one thing what would it be?
• In what ways do you see yourself as connected to your daughter?
• In what ways do you see yourself disconnected to your daughter?
• In what ways did you speak into your daughters life?
• In what ways did you speak into your daughters identity?
• If you could do it all over again, what is one thing that you would communicate to her?
• My Relationship with my daughter is:
• My relationship with myself is:
• Fathers are:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•

Section 2: Personal Identification of the Self
Tell me how you feel about your role as a father
Tell me how your role of a father has impacted you
Do you think your daughter has a strong sense of self? Why or why not?
If your daughter is not married, have you thought about how your relationship with her might
influence her decisions and expectations for dating?
• If you were to pick something you hoped your daughter would know about their dad? Men in
general?
•
•
•
•

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APPENDIX E
Online Survey Questions

Relationship Scales Questionnaire
(Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991; Griffin & Bartholomew, 1994)
Not at all
Like me

Somewhat
Like me

Very much
Like me

1. I find it difficult to depend on other people.

1

2

3

4

5

2. It is very important to me to feel independent.

1

2

3

4

5

3. I find it easy to get emotionally close to others.

1

2

3

4

5

4. I want to merge completely with another person.

1

2

3

4

5

5. I worry that I will be hurt if I allows myself
to become to close to others.

1

2

3

4

5

6. I am comfortable with close emotional relationships.

1

2

3

4

5

7. I am not sure that I can always depend on others
to be there when I need them.

1

2

3

4

5

8. I want to be completely emotionally intimate
with others.

1

2

3

4

5

9. I worry about being alone.

1

2

3

4

5

10. I am comfortable depending on other people.

1

2

3

4

5

11. I often worry that romantic partners don’t
really love me.

1

2

3

4

5

12. I find it difficult to trust others completely.

1

2

3

4

5

13. I worry about others getting too close to me.

1

2

3

4

5

14. I want emotionally close relationships.

1

2

3

4

5

15. I am comfortable having other people depend
on me.

1

2

3

4

5

16. I worry that others don’t value me as much as
I value them.

1

2

3

4

5

17. People are never there when you need them.

1

2

3

4

5

18. My desire to merge completely sometimes
scares people away.

1

2

3

4

5

19. It is very important to me to feel self-sufficient.

1

2

3

4

5

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20. I am nervous when anyone gets to close to me.

1

2

3

4

5

21. I often worry that romantic partners won’t want
to stay with me.

1

2

3

4

5

22. I prefer not to have other people depend on me.

1

2

3

4

5

23. I worry about being abandoned.

1

2

3

4

5

24. I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others.

1

2

3

4

5

25. I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I
would like.

1

2

3

4

5

26. I prefer not to depend on others.

1

2

3

4

5

27. I know that others will be there when I need them.

1

2

3

4

5

28. I worry about having others not accept me.

1

2

3

4

5

29. Romantic partners often want me to be closer
than I feel comfortable being.

1

2

3

4

5

30. I find it relatively easy to get close to others.

1

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APPENDIX F

Telephone Interview Screening Questions
1. Tell me about why you are interested in participating.
a. Query for father as involved and a role model.
2. What are three adjectives that describe your earliest memories of your father?
a. Describe them. – examples? Give me a picture of each of those…connect them to
the little girl relationship with their dad.
3. How would you describe your relationship with your father today?
4.

What did you observe about how your dad interacted with women when you were a
child, including your mother? – Specifically ask about the partner?

5. Did your relationship with your father ever feel too close?
a. Query for inappropriate emotional/sexual closeness
b. – was there ever an uncomfortable sexual dynamic.
c. Did you ever find there were times where your dad needed you to meet his needs
for closeness that were more sexual. Maybe overly affectionate, asked for kisses,
was over affection. It was more about your dad’s needs than yours, didn’t have
the freedom. His needs being met through you.
6. Are you able to commit to about an hour to an hour and a half interview?
7. Have you asked your father if he is willing to participate in an interview?
a. Have participant follow up.
8. Describe: follow up procedures (timeframe for follow up and notification).
9. I am looking to interview recently married women (in the past 0-3 years) who have been
able to develop resilience to sexual shame. If you are a woman who grew up in a
Christian culture, and can speak about your sexual experiences, you may be a good fit for
this study.

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10. If you are interested in participating in this study please see for more information:
This study has been reviewed by, and received ethics clearance
by the Trinity Western University Research Ethics Board