LEARNING TO (DIS)CONNECT: WOMEN’S EXPERIENCES OF SEXUAL
(DIS)EMBODIMENT AND SEXUALITY EDUCATION
by
HAYLEE O’DOHERTY
Bachelor of Arts, Trinity Western University, 2021

Thesis
Submitted in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for
the Degree of
MASTER OF ARTS IN COUNSELLING PSYCHOLOGY
in the
FACULTY OF GRADUATE STUDIES
TRINITY WESTERN UNIVERSITY

January 2024
© Haylee O’Doherty, 2024

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THESIS COMMITTEE

The following committee members attest to

the successful completion of this thesis

Dr. Larissa Rossen, PhD, RCC, Thesis Supervisor

Dr. Janelle Kwee, PsyD, RPsych, Second Reader

Dr. Chelsea Beyer, PhD, RCC, Objective Reader

ii

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ABSTRACT

Traditional versions of sexuality education operate from heteronormative, oppressive,
and reductionistic lenses. As girls develop in these disembodied landscapes, there are
detrimental implications for their ability to connect with their bodies in adulthood. There is a
lack of research on the intersection between embodiment and sexuality education. This study
implemented the Listening Guide to answer the questions, (1) what are women’s experiences
of becoming sexually (dis)embodied? and (2) how are women’s experiences shaped by
sexuality education? A purposeful sample of 10 participants was recruited from British
Columbia, Canada. Three voice groups were found: (1) connection and openness, (2)
disconnection and restriction, and (3) imposition. The co-collaboration of knowledge in this
study led to meaningful insights into the active stance that women take to move into more
empowered and embodied states. Implications of this research include a call to action for
transformation in formal and informal sexuality education in Canada.

Keywords: Sexuality, Sexual Embodiment, Sexuality Education, Women, Listening Guide

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TABLE OF CONTENTS
THESIS COMMITTEE ............................................................................................................ ii
ABSTRACT ............................................................................................................................. iii
TABLE OF CONTENTS ......................................................................................................... iv
LIST OF TABLES AND FIGURES......................................................................................... x
CHAPTER ONE: INTRODUCTION ....................................................................................... 1
CHAPTER TWO: LITERATURE REVIEW ........................................................................... 5
Embodiment .................................................................................................................. 5
What is Embodiment? ....................................................................................... 5
Being Embodied.................................................................................... 6
Embodying the Social. .......................................................................... 7
The Developmental Theory of Embodiment .................................................... 8
Sexuality and Embodiment ......................................................................................... 12
What is Sexual Embodiment? ......................................................................... 12
The Corporeal Body in the Social World ....................................................... 14
The Corseted Body. ............................................................................ 15
The Objectified Body. ......................................................................... 17
The Regulated Body. .......................................................................... 18
Sexuality Education .................................................................................................... 20

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The History of Sexuality Education in the U.S............................................... 21
Formal Sexuality Education ............................................................................ 23
Informal Sexuality Education ......................................................................... 28
Summary ......................................................................................................... 30
Summary and Research Question ............................................................................... 31
CHAPTER THREE: METHODOLOGY ............................................................................... 33
Research Paradigm...................................................................................................... 33
The Listening Guide ................................................................................................... 37
A Series of Listenings ..................................................................................... 38
Listening One ...................................................................................... 38
Listening Two ..................................................................................... 39
Listening Three ................................................................................... 39
Listening Four ..................................................................................... 39
Data Collection ........................................................................................................... 40
Participant Recruitment .................................................................................. 40
Inclusion and Exclusion Criteria ..................................................................... 41
Data Collection ............................................................................................... 44
Data Analysis .................................................................................................. 46
Quality & Trustworthiness .......................................................................................... 47

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Social Validity ................................................................................................ 48
Subjectivity and Reflexivity ........................................................................... 49
Adequacy of Data ........................................................................................... 50
Adequacy of Interpretation ............................................................................. 51
Multicultural Validity ..................................................................................... 52
Personal Connection & Rationale ................................................................... 54
CHAPTER FOUR: RESULTS ............................................................................................... 60
Participants’ Narratives ............................................................................................... 60
Katherine ......................................................................................................... 61
Chelsea ............................................................................................................ 66
Sarah ............................................................................................................... 70
Doris ................................................................................................................ 74
Kelly ................................................................................................................ 77
Celine .............................................................................................................. 81
Kerry ............................................................................................................... 85
Anna ................................................................................................................ 89
S ...................................................................................................................... 94
Kate ................................................................................................................. 97
Voices ....................................................................................................................... 102

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Voices of Connection and Openness ............................................................ 103
Empowered Connection with Self. ................................................... 103
Connection with Others. ................................................................... 108
Departing from the Imposed. ............................................................ 112
Voices of Disconnection and Restriction ...................................................... 113
Disconnection from Self. .................................................................. 114
Disconnection from Others. .............................................................. 118
Disconnection as Protection. ............................................................. 120
Voices of Imposition ..................................................................................... 122
Theologies of the Body. .................................................................... 122
Femininity Ideologies. ...................................................................... 126
The Cycle of Connection to Disconnection .................................................. 130
Focus Group Member Check ........................................................................ 132
CHAPTER FIVE: DISCUSSION ......................................................................................... 136
Contributions to the Literature .................................................................................. 136
Embodiment and Education .......................................................................... 137
Participants in Purity Culture ........................................................................ 138
A Model of the Development of Sexual Knowing ....................................... 143
Embodied Knowing ...................................................................................... 147

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Becoming an Active Participant ................................................................... 149
Implications............................................................................................................... 151
Educational Implications .............................................................................. 151
Formal. .............................................................................................. 151
Informal............................................................................................. 154
Clinical and Research Implications .............................................................. 157
Implications for Women ............................................................................... 158
Strengths ....................................................................................................... 159
Limitations .................................................................................................... 160
Future Directions .......................................................................................... 162
Conclusion ................................................................................................................ 164
REFERENCES ..................................................................................................................... 166
APPENDIX A: Recruitment Advertisements ....................................................................... 179
APPENDIX B: Initial Contact Protocol ............................................................................... 181
APPENDIX C: Consent Form .............................................................................................. 182
APPENDIX D: Interview Protocol ....................................................................................... 185
APPENDIX E: Demographic Questionnaire ........................................................................ 186
APPENDIX F: Debriefing Form .......................................................................................... 187
APPENDIX G: Follow-Up Focus Group Interview Prompts ............................................... 188

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APPENDIX H: Self-Portrait Photograph Consent ............................................................... 189
APPENDIX I: Data Analyst Confidentiality Agreement ..................................................... 190

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LIST OF TABLES AND FIGURES
Table 1. Participant Demographics ........................................................................................ 44
Figure 1. Personal Self-Portrait .............................................................................................. 59
Figure 2. Katherine’s Self-Portrait ......................................................................................... 66
Figure 3. Chelsea’s Self-Portrait ............................................................................................ 69
Figure 4. Kerry’s Self Portrait .............................................................................................. 89
Figure 5. Anna’s Self Portrait ................................................................................................ 93
Figure 6. The cycle of connection to disconnection ............................................................ 131
Figure 7. A model of the development of sexual knowing .................................................. 144

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CHAPTER ONE: INTRODUCTION
Thoughts are like blossoms on a flower—there’s a stem and then a whole root system
beneath them … lasting change requires digging up the roots of one flower and planting
a new bulb to grow the other. These new bulbs are embodied experiences; the soil is
the context that supports our blooming.
Hillary McBride, The Wisdom of Your Body
In European cultural traditions, the body has been predominately understood as an
extended object that is separate from the cognitive mind (McBride, 2021; Merleau-Ponty,
1962); however, maintaining this kind of mind-body dualism limits the full scope of the
living, experiencing body (McBride, 2021).1 Historically, the sexual body has been
understood through biological models, viewing sex and sexuality in adverse and
pathologizing terms such as disease prevention or treatment of disorders (Aggleton &
Campbell, 2000; Hensel & Fortenberry 2013; SIECCAN, 2019; Tolman & Diamond, 2014;
Ussher et al., 2018). More recently, scholars have examined ways that the social domain and
power structures also influence one’s sexuality (Tolman & McClelland, 2011; Ussher et al.,
2018). Some research into sexual embodiment has begun to link the biological and social
strains of sexuality research (Tolman & Diamond, 2014). Sexual embodiment can be defined,
then, as “the felt experience or ‘in-touchness’ with one’s desires and connection to a physical

1

It should be noted that the mind and cognition are not being discarded in the theory of embodiment;
rather the Cartesian dualism of the mind-body is simply being discarded. This dualism will be explored
further in the following sections; however, in order to present the approach of embodiment in
conceptualizing sexuality, the word “body” is employed. The word “body” is used not to swing to the
other side of the mind-body dualism, but rather to acknowledge the innate connection between, and
inability to separate, the cognitive and corporeal. Therefore, to position the language of the present study, I
employed the word ‘body’ as the representation of the whole self: mind, body, soul.

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state” (Siemens, 2018, p. 149). Moreover, sexual embodiment is further characterized by “the
ways our social and historical environments enter into and become entangled with our
bodies” (Tolman et al., 2014, p. 761). In embracing this conceptualization of sexuality, the
present study seeks to explore sexual embodiment in the context of one’s experiences of
sexuality education, specifically during childhood and adolescent.
To link sexual embodiment with sexuality education, current understandings of sexual
health must first be discussed. Sexual health is not merely the absence of disease or
dysfunction; instead it is defined as the state of well-being and flourishing in one’s sexuality
(George et al., 2014). Present views of sexual health do not reduce the concept to an
individual’s biology, but rather include the mental and social domains of human experience
(George et al., 2014). As well, the determinant factors of sexual health involve individual,
interpersonal, community, and societal factors (SIECCAN, 2019). Healthy sexuality is linked
with greater quality of life, mental health, and intimacy in partnerships (Tolman, 2006a;
Aggleton & Campbell, 2000; Byers & Rehman, 2014). Further, sexual health is seen to be a
key component in maintaining healthy development and preventing future negative health
outcomes (Hensel & Fortenberry 2013).
Children and adolescents are in their formative years of identity construction and
value forming; thus, the sexuality education that they receive will provide the framework for
constructing their sexualities and conducting healthy sexuality practices into emerging
adulthood. The World Association for Sexual Health (WAS, 2014) affirms in their
declaration of sexual rights that all people have the right to comprehensive sexuality
education. Education that is grounded in science, cultural awareness, gender equality, and

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pleasure positivity is an essential component in these sexual rights (WAS, 2014).
Understandings of sexual health are broad, with some researchers noting that the term sexual
health is unhelpful as it implies that there is an “unhealthy” form of sexuality (Aggleton &
Campbell, 2000). However, others note the importance of researching sexual health for
greater health outcomes and well-being (Aggleton & Campbell, 2000). Some of the key
features of sexual health and well-being include being educated about reproductive health,
expressing desires and pleasure in safe environments, feeling empowered to make personal
choices about parenthood, being comfortable in one’s expression of their sexuality, and being
able to express love and maintain intimate relationships (Aggleton & Campbell, 2000;
Hensel & Fortenberry 2013). Thus, feeling well-informed and unrestricted in sexual
development is a prerequisite for healthy sexuality (Diamond, 2006). Sexual health
perspectives advocate for the promotion of healthy development, informed knowledge about
sexuality, and comfort with one’s sexuality (Aggleton & Campbell, 2000; Hensel &
Fortenberry 2013). In other words, researchers in adolescent sexuality have begun to view
the development of sexuality not through the lens of risk, but through the belief that such
development is normative (Tolman, 2006b).
Research into sexuality education, mostly reviewed from research conducted in the
United States, has found that institutions bolster oppressive scripts about gender, race, class,
and sexual orientation, specifically for female adolescents, and provide disembodied
education to students (Bay-Cheng, 2003; Francis, 2017; Francis 2019; Kendall, 2014; Lamb,
2010). Throughout a lifetime, many individuals are receiving inconsistent and negative
messages about sexuality that adversely affect the construction of their sexuality (Kendall,

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2014). The focus of sexuality education, internationally, has been on skills training and
providing information that overlooks the desiring, relational body (Allen, 2007a; Bay-Cheng,
2003; Kendall, 2014; Kiely, 2005; Lamb, 2010; Wilmot & Naidoo, 2014). For example, most
students learn how to use feminine hygiene products or how to use a condom in their formal
educations. Although critical information for healthy sexual development, this form of
sexuality education—which operates as the status quo in most Canadian and American
landscapes—is disembodied and detached from the living, knowing body (Lamb, 2010).
Disembodied education can have detrimental effects on developing individuals which can
affect their experience of embodiment into adulthood.
To begin to understand the formation of one’s sexual embodiment, we must first
attune to one’s experiences of sexuality education. Therefore, the present study asks the
following research questions: What are women’s experiences of becoming sexually
(dis)embodied. Secondly, how are women’s experiences shaped by formal and informal
sexuality education during childhood and adolescence?2 One can begin to understand the
formal and informal educational experiences that have informed or disrupted one’s
connection to their body when they reach young adulthood, through this exploration.

2

These research questions include an implicit adherence to the gender binary of man-woman, as the population
of study is women. I do not intend to endorse the gender binary; rather, I acknowledge identities on and beyond
the gender spectrum such as genderqueer, intersex, or non-binary. However, in order to conceptualize the power
structures historically and presently, such as patriarchy and femininity ideologies, the language of gender binary
is critically deployed in this study.

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CHAPTER TWO: LITERATURE REVIEW
This chapter provides a short review of available literature on the psychological
constructs of embodiment and sexual embodiment. Selected research in sexuality education
is also presented, most notably from U.S.-based literature. First, the construct of embodiment
in philosophical and psychological literature is outlined, with the developmental theory of
embodiment (DTE) following. Current understandings of the construct of sexual embodiment
follows, to further focus this study. As well, sexuality development for girls and women is
interwoven throughout this section. The current state of sexuality education, both formal and
informal, are explored. Finally, the present study’s rationale and research aims conclude this
review.
Embodiment
What is Embodiment?
At the intersection of living in and being a body, and the social investment into and
influence on our body, exists the concept of embodiment (Tolman et al., 2014). McBride
(2021) defines embodiment as “the experiences of being a body in a social world” (p. 12).
Moreover, embodiment is defined by our experience of living in our body and our experience
of taking up space with our body in the social world (Tolman et al., 2014). The roots of this
construct emerged as a response to the mind-body dualism that has saturated the collective
consciousness. Philosophical thinkers such as Plato and Descartes suggested this mind-body
dualism and further advocated for removing oneself from the vulnerability of the flesh to
reach self-awareness found in the elevated mind (Robinson, 2020). Historical views of the

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separation of the body and mind inform our present-day conceptualizations of the mind as the
subject and the body as the object (McBride, 2021).
As a response to dualism, Merleau-Ponty in Phenomenology of Perception (1962)
discusses the body as the means by which humans come to understand and perceive the
world. The body is not simply an object that moves around the other objects of the world.
Rather “the body is the vehicle of being in the world, and having a body is, for a living
creature, to be intervolved in a definite environment, to identify oneself with certain projects
and be continually committed to them” (Baldwin, 2004, p. 93). Specifically, within the field
of psychology, William James became one of the first theorists in the emerging field of
embodiment (Winkielman et al., 2015). Putting forward a theory of emotional consciousness,
James (1994) proposed one’s knowledge of their emotions was based on the expression of
these emotions in their body, the “muscular and visceral” changes (p. 205). Thus, James laid
the foundation for further embodiment theorists to postulate how humans come to understand
information and emotion through the body.
Essentially, embodiment can be explored through two phenomena, “being embodied
and embodying the social world” (Tolman et al., 2014, p. 759). These two phenomena are
expanded upon in the following section, which will frame the present study’s
conceptualization of embodiment for the subsequent literature review and guide the aims of
the research study.
Being Embodied. Being embodied has been described through the concept of lived
embodiment which is the awareness of experiencing feelings and sensations (Tolman et al.,
2014). This awareness is expressed as “body-subject,” as the body is not simply the mode in

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which we receive information for our cognition, rather the body itself is capable of
experiencing the world’s interactions with it (Merleau-Ponty, 1986). Our bodies are source of
knowing about the world we live in; therefore, our knowledge of self, others, and the world
cannot be separated from the body (McBride, 2018). Lindemann (1996) further outlines lived
embodiment by distinguishing the experiencing body (or living body)—the body using sense
and perception to experience the environment—from the objectified body, which is the
physical body moving through the social world. These forms of embodiment are further
distinguished from the experienced body, which is our cognitive understanding of the body’s
experiences (Lindemann, 1996). As Young (2005) notes, the “lived body is a unified idea of
a physical body acting and experiencing in a specific sociocultural context; it is body-insituation” (p. 16).
Embodying the Social. Embodying the social is characterized by the notion that
through living in specific social climates and structures of power, individuals will internalize
societal norms and enact appropriate behaviours (Tolman et al., 2014). This process has been
constituted as social inscription (Tolman et al., 2014). As Young (2005) notes, the body is
situated in a culture that inscribes specific expectations on the body. The ways that our
bodies exist in this world have been constructed through our social and political climates
(McBride, 2021). Moreover, as humans (un)consciously take in these ideologies, our
subjective experience of embodiment is being shaped and formed (McBride, 2021; Tolman et
al., 2014). As living bodies, we have the ability to act upon these inscriptions (Young, 2005).
Butler (2015) suggested that individuals may “perform” their bodies to facilitate identity
construction. This phenomenon is known as inscribed embodiment (Tolman et al., 2014).

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As Perry and Medina (2011) summarize in their work on integrating embodiment into
qualitative research, embodiment can be described as an,
acknowledgement of our bodies as whole experiential beings in motion, both
inscribed and inscribing subjectivities ... the experiential body is both a representation
of self (a ‘text') as well as a mode of creation in progress (a 'tool'). (p. 63)
In conceptualizing embodiment through the dual framework of being embodied and
embodying the social, the present study explores how (dis)connected3 women feel with their
body and the nuances of their experience of sexuality. The current study also seeks to explore
how social scripts have become internalized and enacted through their body and how one’s
sexuality is experienced and “performed” through their body. Along with this dual
understanding of embodiment, this study is utilizing the DTE to further conceptualize the
means by which women come to live in relationship with their bodies and how they take up
space with their bodies in the social world.
The Developmental Theory of Embodiment
Niva Piran’s (2014) DTE describes how embodiment is constructed through three
domains: the mental, physical, and social. The DTE also proposes protective factors and risk
factors that correlate with these three domains: physical freedom versus physical corseting,

3

The term (dis)connection is intentionally bracketed to textually embody the movement between connection
and disconnection that individuals experience. Also seen in the title of this project, this grammatical
deconstruction is influenced by the work of post-structuralists who theorize that “one part cannot exist, hence
cannot be experienced, without the other” (Nuyen, 1989, p. 31). The use of this morphological form suggests
further rejection of power structures that limit understanding and, therefore, experience.

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mental freedom versus mental corseting, and social power versus disempowerment (Piran,
2017). In the following section, these domains are explored within the frame of positive
embodiment versus negative embodiment.
As Jacobson and Hall (2018) suggest in their work on integrating the DTE in the
treatment of eating disorders:
Positive/connected embodiment is defined by, feeling ‘at one’ with the body,
embodied power and agency, body functionality/competence … the freedom to
act/take space/move especially in private and public spheres, the freedom to challenge
external standards, body-anchored joy/passion/comfort … clarity of
needs/rights/desires/internal states … the freedom to express individuality through the
body … and the openness to use the body as a source of knowledge in interacting
with the world (p. 77).
Physical freedom involves viewing one’s body as a site of safety, as belonging to
oneself, as free to move in and through physical spaces, and as attuned with physical states
and desires (Piran, 2017). For example, a woman would be considered physically free if she
were able to attune to and be comfortable with the emergence of sexual desires and changes
through puberty (Jacobson & Hall, 2018). Mental freedom is characterized by autonomy in
one’s identity development and the ability to engage with the world in a meaningful way; this
also includes “freedom of voice,” and not being limited by gendered stereotypes (Jacobson &
Hall, 2018, p. 82; Piran, 2017). For example, a woman is mentally free if she can reject the
sexual objectification placed on her by stereotypes and media portrayals, and thus remain the
subject of her sexual experiences (Jacobson & Hall, 2018). Social power involves one’s

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experiences in her community that are characterized by freedom from any other form of
discrimination, having empowered and supportive relationships, and “a positive connection
to one’s embodied social location” (Jacobson & Hall, 2018, p. 85). For example, girls can
experience positive embodiment in this realm if they have at least one empowering person
who models healthy embodiment practices (Piran, 2017).
As Jacobson and Hall (2018) describe, disrupted or negative embodiment is the lack
of connection to one’s body or feeling as though the body is “a site of disempowerment/
vulnerability/ constrained space” (p. 77). Disrupted embodiment interacts with one’s view of
self, externally and internally. This form of embodiment may also include disruptions in
knowing internal states, needs, desires and further, the inability to express these feelings with
others. As well, one may not experience “the openness to use the body as a source of
knowledge in interacting with the world” in a state of disrupted embodiment (p. 77).
The second domain of the DTE is physical corseting which is defined as the
disintegration or restriction of one’s body autonomy and safety (2017). For example, physical
corseting can be experienced when a woman feels that her physical safety has been violated
through sexual harassment or abuse (Jacobson & Hall, 2018). Mental corseting is
characterized by the integration or submission to social norms and scripts (Jacobson & Hall,
2018). Further, the mental realm is corseted when a woman is objectified, seen as deficient
(in other words, always in need of ‘repairs’), and/or is expected to act in line with traditional
objectified “feminine” ways of being (Piran, 2017). When women take on the belief that their
bodies belong to the public world, they begin to internalize the evaluations and judgements
placed upon them, and thus become mentally corseted (Jacobson & Hall, 2018). Lastly,

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social disempowerment is marked by treatment that is harmful or discriminatory and restricts
one’s access to resources (Jacobson & Hall, 2018; Piran, 2017). For example, when women
feel they need to change their appearance to move up their social status, social
disempowerment is found (Jacobson & Hall, 2018).
The DTE offers the present study a lens through which to fully understand the
embodied transitions that occur throughout a woman's lifetime. As an illustration, in a study
comparing Swedish and Canadian women’s experiences of embodiment, Swedish women
were found to have more positive experiences of bodily expression and perception and were
therefore less likely to self-objectify and participate in disordered eating (Gattario et al.,
2020). As well, these women were found to have greater self-esteem and life satisfaction
(Gattario et al., 2020). The DTE provided these researchers a theoretical framework to
explore multiple factors that could be involved in the women’s experiences of embodiment;
for example, social factors were most likely present in affecting the differences in
embodiment for Swedish and Canadian women. The researchers propose that Sweden’s
greater gender equality in education, politics, employment, and health had a profound impact
on the women’s agency and freedom to connect with their bodies (Gattario et al., 2020). In
the same way, the current study utilizes the DTE to analyze the multiple dimensions of one’s
body journey, in order to understand the full scope of one’s direction towards positive or
negative embodiment.

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Sexuality and Embodiment
What is Sexual Embodiment?
Sexuality is entangled in the corporeal and social body. The World Health
Organization (2017) defines human sexuality as
a central aspect of being human throughout life and encompasses sex, gender
identities and roles, sexual orientation, eroticism, pleasure, intimacy, and
reproduction. Sexuality is experienced and expressed in thoughts, fantasies, desires,
beliefs, attitudes, values, behaviours, practices, roles, and relationships. While
sexuality can include all of these dimensions, not all of them are always experienced
or expressed. Sexuality is influenced by the interaction of biological, psychological,
social, economic, political, cultural, legal, historical, religious, and spiritual factors.
(p. 3)
To situate the current study of sexual embodiment within available literature, the
reader must understand the theory that sexuality will be conceptualized through. Theories of
sexuality have historically been split between two paradigms in psychology, the essentialist
and the social constructionist (Tolman et al., 2014). The essentialist holds to theories such as
sexual strategy theory, attachment theory, conditioning theories, and social exchange theory
(Tolman & Diamond, 2014); these theories are based on evolutionary and biological models.
On the other side, social constructionists formulate their understanding of sexuality through
theories such as critical theory, feminist theory, queer theory, intersectional theories, and
embodiment theory. Rather than understanding the human experience of sexuality through
the limited lens of biology, social constructionists develop their knowledge of sexuality as a

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social meaning-making experience. Most notably, embodiment theory stands out amongst the
social constructionist theories, as many have noted that embodiment theory bridges the gap
between the essentialist and the social constructionist views. Embodiment brings together the
biological physicality of human sexuality with the social meaning that emerges from human
experience (Tolman et al., 2014). Sexuality is a complex, multi-faceted developmental
process, relational experience, and dynamic expression that cannot be reduced to its
biological interpretation, nor to its social meaning—both aspects are essential to fully
comprehend the depth of human sexuality.
In line with the two phenomena that embodiment can be explored through, so also
can sexual embodiment be explored through these two avenues—being sexually embodied
and sexually embodying the social world. As noted by Tolman et al. (2014), “embodiment
epistemologically locates the sexual body, and the sexual person who ‘lives in’ any body, in
phenomenology, or the ways in which people apprehend and experience their sexual bodies”
(p. 759). Being sexually embodied refers to an individual’s awareness of the sensations and
feelings in the corporeal body. In other words, this aspect of sexual embodiment can be
defined as “the felt experience or ‘in-touchness’ with one’s desires and connection to a
physical state” (Siemens, 2018, p. 149). Moreover, sexual embodiment is characterized by
connection to one’s knowing and experiencing body (Siemens, 2018). Sexually embodying
the social world can be understood as the inscription on the body, including gendered, racial,
and able-bodied norms that are written into the very fabric of one’s corporeality (Tolman et
al., 2014). A clear example of social inscription, or internalization of these norms, on the
sexual body includes how women are more likely to cross their legs while they sit,

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conforming to the “ladylike” standards of physicality (Impett et al., 2006). Simply, sexually
embodying the social involves the developmental phenomenon of women internalizing the
“male gaze” and dissociating from their own bodily desires and hungers (Impett et al., 2006).
For specifically adolescents, Ussher et al., (2018) describe sexual embodiment as “the
interconnection between the corporeality of the leaking, bleeding, changing body; the
construction of this same body within cultural discourse and practice; and women’s
intrapsychic negotiation of the corporeality and discourse” (p. 113-4). The means by which
women’s bodies are corseted, objectified, and regulated are further explored in the following
sections.
The Corporeal Body in the Social World
In this section, the available literature regarding the ways in which women’s bodies
are corseted, objectified, and regulated is presented. The literature is explored through a
developmental lens of sexuality, with the focus on adolescence as this is the stage of life
where individuals predominantly receive the most explicit sexuality education and where
sexual exploration becomes more dominant. In the past few decades, sexuality has come to
be viewed as an essential component of adolescent development and the formation of one’s
identity (Tolman & McClelland, 2011). Further, the 1995 US National Commission on
Adolescent Sexual Health provides a description of sexual health specifically for adolescents,
which includes, “the ability to develop and maintain meaningful interpersonal relationships;
appreciate one’s own body; interact with both genders in respectful and appropriate ways;
and express affection, love, and intimacy in ways consistent with one’s own values” (Haffner,
1995, p. 10). Research has been conducted displaying that adult health outcomes, sexual

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attitudes, and identity formation begin to take shape as adolescents develop their sexuality;
therefore, the messages received in adolescence have lasting impacts on adulthood (Levin et
al., 2012; Tolman & McClelland, 2011). Essentially, this notion suggests that sexuality is not
static across the lifetime, rather it is a dynamic developmental experience and expression
(Tolman & McClelland, 2011). Diamond (2006) notes that puberty causes changes in the
physiological and physical sense, but also in the psychological sense. Girls begin to develop
perceptions of their changing bodies, feelings about these changes, and how they believe the
world perceives these changes (Diamond, 2006). This notion is particularly the case
regarding their sexuality; adolescents begin to develop self-conceptions of their sexuality
which is inextricably linked with the social environment that they are developing within
(Diamond, 2006).
The Corseted Body. Throughout a woman's lifetime, she is exposed to messages
about her sexuality that attempt to control, restrict, and exploit her (Kendall, 2014). One of
the main motivators for the constriction of women’s sexuality is traditional objectified
femininity ideologies (Curtin et al., 2011). As defined by Curtin et al. (2011), femininity
ideologies are “ideas, norms, and restrictions about what constitutes “normal,” acceptable,
and ideal womanhood. Traditional femininity ideologies emphasize women's passivity,
compliance, concern for others, and agreeableness” (p. 49). These ideologies are most
present in an adolescent’s transition to adulthood, as social scripts and gender roles are
becoming more explicit in their development (Curtin et al., 2011; Tolman & Porche, 2000).
The scripts that women receive through feminine ideologies include how women are not
allowed to claim their sexual needs or desires, as well as the prescription to maintain both

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innocence and availability within sexual relationships (Curtin et al., 2011). As well, such
ideologies involve the loss of a woman’s “voice” which encapsulates the disconnection from
one experiences and desires, in turn negatively affecting women’s well-being, in terms of
sexual health and sexual embodiment (Curtin et al., 2011; Schick et al., 2008; Tolman et al.,
2006). Further, Curtin et al. (2011) found that women who had internalized feminine
ideologies were more likely to be self-conscious during sexual experiences and feel greater
discomfort. Self-consciousness and discomfort in sexual settings prompted lower pleasure
and overall functioning for the women (Curtin et al., 2011).
Gender roles and norms are additional modes in which individuals are corseted in the
construction of their sexuality and embodied selves. One of the main corsets for women is
the social perpetuation of misogyny, which is “best conceptualized as the ‘law enforcement’
branch of patriarchy—a system that functions to police and enforce gendered norms and
expectations, and involves girls and women facing disproportionately or distinctively hostile
treatment because of their gender, among other factors” (Manne, 2021, p. 7). As well, the
formation of gender roles has been shaped by a patriarchal society that limits the experiences
and capacities of both men and women (Siemens, 2018). For example, gender roles teach
girls that they are to be held responsible for the sexual actions of men (Siemens, 2018). These
implicit and explicit beliefs are perpetuated through informal settings such as in families and
peer relationships and in formal institutions such as educational classrooms (Siemens, 2018).
The social corsets are not only placed on heterosexual cis-women either. As Tolman
et al. (2014) state, “there are many people who are assumed not to be sexual or disallowed
status as sexual people predicated on what we are calling ‘disobedient’ embodiments in such

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hierarchies of normality who refute and resist this exclusion” (p. 784). Such disobedient
individuals include but are not limited to, transgender, bisexual, or lesbian women. The
control of heteronormativity and gendered norms remains in the lives of these individuals, as
they are developing in environments that corset their sexual expression and identity
formation. Many of these individuals reject compulsory heterosexuality and embrace their
sexual desires regardless of gender or sexual orientation (Rich, 1980; Tolman et al., 2014).
As noted by Sedgwick (1990), sexuality offers individuals “a site of possibility for the
destabilization and reconstruction of normative values” (as cited in Hines, 2007, p. 112). For
transgender, bisexual, and lesbian women, and others that defy compulsory heterosexuality,
sexuality is used to dismantle these normative values.
The Objectified Body. The patriarchal societies in which girls develop contribute to
the internalization of traditional objectified “feminine” ways of being (Curtin et al., 2011;
Tolman et al., 2006). Women begin the formative years of their sexuality development in an
environment that fosters unrealistic body standards, suppression of desires, and disconnection
from oneself (Impett et al., 2006; Tolman et al., 2006). A woman’s body is objectified and
commodified in a patriarchal society, as outlined by objectification theory; these messages
are received by adolescents who are undergoing major physical and psychological changes
(Schick et al., 2010; Tolman et al., 2006). In other words, they are developing within a
society that wants to see them, but not hear them (Impett et al., 2006). As Holland et al.
(2004) describe, women internalize a “male-in-the-head” framework, which works to
evaluate and objectify their own bodies. Therefore, adolescent girls must learn to live in their
bodies as an object of their social world, to maintain a place in that social arena—they are

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corseted by the size they should be, the way they should move, and the way they speak and
present themselves in the world (Tolman et al., 2006).
Developing girls are learning that natural appearances and processes of their bodies
are unacceptable in their social realm (Tolman & Porche, 2000). For example, Schick et al.
(2010) conducted a study that explored how women perceived their genital appearance and
found that women who had greater dissatisfaction with their appearance were more selfconscious during sexual intimacy. In another study, women were found to have internalized
shame about their menstrual cycles; results displayed that the women who were
uncomfortable with and ashamed of their menstruation had greater negative implications in
terms of their sexual agency (Schooler et al., 2005). As women’s bodies are objectified and
evaluated against the “male-in-the-head” standards, women are not only shamed by natural
processes but expected to modify their bodies.
Women’s breasts (to name just one sexualized body part) have come to embody a
socially inscribed standard of being (Tolman et al., 2014). In a study interviewing eight
large-breasted women, researchers found that the physical experience of one’s breasts was
found to be perceived as a condition of her worth, through the male’s gaze (Millsted & Frith,
2003). Women’s breasts have become disembodied objects of patriarchy, to the extent that
even when women described feeling pride in being large-breasted (as it made them feel more
feminine), their enjoyment of breast size was not based on physical pleasure, but on how they
looked with large breasts (Millsted & Firth, 2003).
The Regulated Body. As noted by Tolman et al. (2014), sexuality research has
pathologized “sexual performance” and “sexual satisfaction.” Women’s experiences of

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pleasure, satisfaction, and performance are regulated and controlled by gendered social
norms and sexual scripts. For example, Muehlenhard and Shippee (2010) found that
heterosexual women were three times more likely to fake an orgasm than heterosexual men.
This study found that women pretended to orgasm to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings
and to please their partner; thus, displaying that sexual scripts regulate how and when women
are to perform in their sexuality (Muehlenhard & Shippee, 2010).
To broaden the scope of research, we must take an intersectional approach to the
study of women’s experience of their sexual body in action. To illustrate the need for
intersectionality theory in sexuality research, the work of Fahs et al., (2018) who outlined the
conflicts inherent in sexuality, pleasure, power, and danger is presented. These researchers
noted that the women having the least pleasurable sex are women of colour, less educated
women, and those from lower socioeconomic status (Fahs et al., 2018). As previously noted,
feminine ideologies have been shown to correlate with lower sexual satisfaction, selfefficacy, and assertiveness; these factors can all be included in sexual well-being (Curtin et
al., 2011). However, Fahs et al. (2018) note that the women who reject the sexual scripts
placed upon them are the ones having the most enjoyable sex and reported greater positive
embodiment. Further, Horne and Zimmer-Gembeck (2005) report findings that adolescent
girls that embraced sexual subjectivity— “having a sense of entitlement to sexual pleasure
and sexual safety” (Tolman & McClelland, 2011, p. 246)—were more likely to be sexually
self-reflective, to have greater sexual body-esteem, and to resist patriarchal ideologies. These
findings further display the dual nature of embodying the social—women are both inscribed

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in their embodiment by social ideologies and norms and, at the same time, inscribing
embodied subjectivities of sexuality.
Despite the extensive research into the patriarchy’s role on child and adolescent
development, we must remain cautious and considerate of the new ideals that are being
placed on girls and women. As noted by Lamb (2010) in her critique of feminist ideals and
their role in female adolescent's healthy sexuality development, research and discussion on
women’s healthy sexuality has once again placed an unmanageable number of ideals onto
women. For example, feminist ideals profess that women must not be passive, completely
embodied all of the time, not influenced by media, reject objectification, feel and recognize
all desires, and “exist always as a subject and never as an object” (Lamb, 2010, p. 299). The
list exemplifies how women continue to be prescribed idealized sexuality. The notion of
never-ending idealized sexuality reinforces the need for researching women’s sexuality
through a developmental theory of embodiment that embraces the nuances and subjectivities
of women. Further, the DTE allows the present study to explore girls' and women’s sexuality
across a lifetime, which is essential for integrating the role of sexuality education in one’s
sexual development.
Sexuality Education
Children and youth are sexually embodied beings; although they may not be sexually
active, their experiences and developments of sexuality have already begun (Fields &
Tolman, 2006). Sexuality education is an essential component of childhood and adolescent
sexuality development, as it provides young learners with not only tools and knowledge in
navigating their sexuality, but also provides a platform to express their voice within the realm

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of sexuality and the ability to be curious about themselves and know themselves further
(Fields & Tolman, 2006). Research has shown that adult sexual health outcomes are linked to
one’s development of sexuality in their adolescence (Tolman & McClelland, 2011). The Sex
Information & Education Council of Canada (SIECCAN, 2019) notes that “comprehensive
sexual health education has the demonstrated ability to contribute to the enhancement of
sexual health and to reduce the incidence of outcomes that can have a negative impact on
sexual health and well-being” (p. 17). Therefore, it is essential to pay attention to and
continue to reform sexuality education in our dynamic social landscapes.
Although the present study is only recruiting participants from Canada and the United
States, the review of literature does not limit its scope to North American research. However,
most of the research on sexuality education comes out of U.S.-based institutions and
populations. Therefore, it should be noted that the following sections are primarily based on
U.S. research, with research from international studies supplementing this literature review.
This section begins with a brief history of sexuality education in the United States. Next,
research on formal and informal sexuality education is explored.
The History of Sexuality Education in the U.S.
The Sex Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS), an
organization that advances sex education and advocates for policy and social change,
published The History of Sex Education (2021). This document states that sexuality
education arose out of social fears surrounding prostitution in the 1900s, contracting sexually
transmitted infections (STIs) during WWI, and the sexual revolution in the 1960s and 70s. In
the early 1900s, there was a widespread belief that the nuclear family was being threatened,

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as rates of prostitution and disease were on the rise. As well, the eugenics movement, which
believed that only white middle-class individuals should reproduce, contributed to the
development of the social hygiene movement. The social hygiene movement advanced
information on the dangers of promiscuous sex, while in turn pathologized all sexuality
except for the “normative” white males. At the same time, sex education was instituted in
public schools in the form of “‘personal purity’ talks” (p. 14). With a great amount of
backlash from these talks, the sex education program was removed. Sex education was
moved to community organizations, with a focus on teaching the white middle-class; Black
populations and young women were given little attention in these efforts.
SIECUS’s (2021) report continues, moving into WWI, STIs were becoming more
widespread which led to abstinence-based education for soldiers. This programming was one
of the precursors to modern abstinence-only-until-marriage programs and became associated
with upward mobility. During this time, there was a growing interest in teaching women
about sex. Sex education went back to public school, with STIs prevention moving into the
classroom as the government began funding sex education. In the 1940s and 50s, Family Life
Education (FLE) programs developed, which prepared young people for marriage and family
transitions (but not necessarily, sex). Despite this more comprehensive move, sex education
programs maintained gendered norms and racist views. In 1964, SIECUS was established
which pushed forward the message “that sex is a part of total health. It doesn’t belong to the
church. It doesn’t belong to the law. It belongs to you—the person” (p. 26). At this point in
history, contraception was still illegal in some states and homosexuality was regarded as a
mental illness, and still illegal in some states. A backlash against school-based sex education

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was emerging from religious organizations, which led to many states rescinding access to sex
education in classrooms.
As stated by SIECUS’s report (2021), with the sexual revolution of the 1970s, the
public divide on pre-marital sex and sex education in classrooms was widening. On one side,
the creation of the birth control pill allowed women to plan pregnancy, in turn radically
shifting norms in social arenas such as the workplace. On the other side, Christian
organizations rallied for the creation of the Adolescent and Family Life Act that implemented
“chastity education” or abstinence-only. Although, with the emergence of the AIDS
epidemic, the debate over whether sex education should be in schools was predominantly
over. SIECUS developed Guidelines for Comprehensive Sexuality Education K-12, which
moved comprehensive sexuality education into many classrooms. Meanwhile, an abstinenceonly-until-marriage curriculum was being developed for more conservative communities,
which “promoted a religious message in public schools, were based on fear and shame,
contained blatantly inaccurate information, and ignored lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender,
and queer/questioning (LGBTQ) youth” (p. 49). As the report concludes, SIECUS
summarizes the pendulum of social change:
it swings forward with momentum as formerly oppressed groups gain the rights, they
had been fighting for only to be punched forcibly backward by those afraid of how
these changes will disrupt their once-comfortable view of the world. Over the last 100
years, sex education has been part of this push and pull. (p. 59)
Formal Sexuality Education
“Abstinence or shame-based sex-ed only teaches us fear and shame. This causes us to
judge others out of fear, ignorance and internalized shame. We end up othering anyone

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who doesn’t fit the prescribed narrative around sexuality and so many people’s lives
and experiences fall between the cracks. Letting people know about their bodies and
identities and the bodies and identities of others can only empower us.” —25-year-old
from Toronto, Ontario
Action Canada for Sexual Health and Rights, The State of Sex-Ed in Canada,
2020
In the APA Handbook of Sexuality and Psychology, Kendall (2014) notes that one can
distinguish between two forms of sexuality education, formal and informal. Formal sexuality
education consists of a curriculum administered by institutions, most notably school-based
sexuality education (SBSE). This form of sexuality education is then divided into two main
sects, abstinence-only sex education (AOSE) and comprehensive sexuality education (CSE).
The other form of sexuality education is informal, which consists of a much broader scope of
influences such as peers, family, and media. Both forms of education greatly shape children
and adolescents in the lifetime construction of their sexuality.
SBSE holds great power in constructing what constitutes normality in the minds of
developing adolescents, specifically in terms of their sexuality (Bay-Cheng, 2003). Research
in this field explores the messages that are being sent to children and adolescents through
their formal sexuality education (Kendall, 2014). These messages are explored through
formal and informal scripts, teachers’ enactments of the scripts, and the complex interplay of
students’ interactions in the classroom (Kendall, 2014). Research has displayed that many
students’ school experience is characterized by heteronormative social scripts, such as using
only examples of male-female relationships (Kendall, 2014). As well, many students’
experiences are characterized by scripts that perpetuate messages about gender, race, and
class that continue to oppress the already marginalized students in the classroom (Kendall,
2014). More simply, Bay-Cheng (2003) summarizes the pitfalls of U.S.-based SBSE,

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(1) SBSE attends exclusively to the dangers and risks associated with teen sex;
(2) SBSE reifies narrow definitions of normal teen sex as heterosexual and
coital; (3) SBSE fails to address the interplay among gender, race, class, and
sexuality, while simultaneously propagating sexist, racist, and classist notions
of sexuality. Through these presumptions and stereotypes, SBSE (mis)informs
teens, projecting a particular message and vision of who and how teens are and
should be. (61)
Bay-Cheng (2003) suggests that the U.S. SBSE system is “saturated with morality and fearbased messages” (p. 64). From supplemental research presented in the following section, one
can infer that these moral and fear-based messages can be expanded to the international
landscape of many sexuality education curricula.
These deficits in sexuality education are not limited to the U.S. school systems. In the
2019 Canadian Guidelines for Sexual Health Education published by SIECCAN, it was
noted that sexuality education has almost exclusively focused on the biology of sexual health
and disease prevention. Further, Action Canada for Sexual Health and Rights (2020) notes in
their report on the state of sexuality education in Canada, that current education is:
•

Not meeting international standards and best practices nor is it meeting our own
2019 Canadian Guidelines for Sexuality Education;

•

Outdated;

•

Not comprehensive;

•

Not monitored or evaluated to ensure high-quality delivery; and

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•

26

Offered by educators who receive low to no support from provinces and
educational systems and whose comfort levels are often low. (p. 5)

In the Irish sexuality education curriculum, Kiely (2005) notes that negative consequences,
such as disease, are most prominent in these programs. Researchers in New Zealand are also
advocating for the introduction of pleasure-oriented teaching to be taught alongside disease
and pregnancy prevention (Allen, 2007a). In analyzing curriculum and textbooks in South
Africa, Wilmot & Naidoo, (2014) found that the information about sexuality was limited and
when sexuality was discussed, heterosexuality was the norm. These deficits perpetuated
violence towards LGBT communities, as they were unseen when students were learning
about their sexuality (Wilmot & Naidoo, 2014). Essentially, the researchers found that the
textbooks and curriculum were serving to oppress rather than to uplift and educate students
(Wilmot & Naidoo, 2014).
In a study conducted in South Africa, Francis (2019) explored what queer youth selfreported needing from sexuality education: they reported needing greater sexuality diversity,
for example. Further, compulsory heterosexuality was found to be a driving factor in the
exclusivity of queer youth (Francis, 2019). Francis (2019) states that it can be assumed that
schools are facilitating sexuality education through the lens of compulsory heterosexuality,
which is maintained through teacher ignorance, discriminatory administration or
policymakers, or religious activists. In another study, Francis (2017) uncovered how
teachers’ narratives and responses to students were characterized by devaluing the
authenticity of bisexual students. As well, the study displayed how those teachers would

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describe these students as simply confused or going through a phase of transition (Francis,
2017, p. 213).
Sexuality education is political (Kendall, 2014). Following French philosopher
Foucault’s work on power and sexuality, Allen (2004) notes that sexuality education
becomes the site where adolescents are controlled in their sexuality. Moreover, the
adolescent’s embodied experiences are regulated to produce gendered and objectified bodies
(Allen, 2004). Many sexuality education curricula omit one of the most inextricable
components involved in sexuality, the desiring and feeling sexual body (Allen, 2004; Fine,
1988; Garland-Levett, 2017). In other words, many sexuality education curricula hold that
adolescents are not sexual subjects (Allen, 2007b). When policymakers and teachers
disregard the body as the location where students learn from and understand through, it fails
to provide the goal of sexuality education (Garland-Levett, 2017). Allen (2004) describes,
“In learning about ‘how sperm fertilizes egg’ the potential reproductive effects of intercourse
are given precedence over the embodied sensual experiences of those engaging in this
activity” (p. 154).
As an example of how sexuality education is both neglected and politicized in
classrooms, Kendall (2014) describes the shrouded agenda of many institutions, with the
term “hidden curriculum” being coined to express such phenomena. The hidden curriculum
is not necessarily found in explicit statements within the formal curriculum. Rather, this
agenda is often characterized by actions such as moving the health class to the end of the day
when the students are tired and not able to be fully present with the material, or not providing
a teacher with whom the students feel safe. These acts display the negligence of institutions

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and policymakers for implementing and maintaining quality sexuality education for children
and adolescents, and further the disregard for support for adolescents in developing healthy
sexuality. Therefore, we must hold SBSE accountable as it maintains a great amount of
power over young learners.
Informal Sexuality Education
To broaden the discussion to the greater social realm, Levin et al. (2012) present three
common sexual discourses that may emerge during adolescents’ sexual development. The
first sexual discourse is the sexual double standard. This entails the belief that men should be
knowledgeable about sexuality and desiring for sex, and women should not but rather
maintain innocence and purity. The second sexual discourse suggests abstinence is
encouraged for many adolescents and negates sexual health practices. The final sexual
discourse reflects the belief that sex and the development of sexuality are natural. These
discourses arise through various informal influences during one’s sexual development, such
as parents, peers, and media (Chmielewski et al., 2020).
To begin, the role of parents in the sexual development of children and adolescents is
presented. The generational effects in sexuality education are prevalent, such as the lack of
comfort with sexuality education being passed down from parent to child (Kendall, 2014). In
research on informal sexuality education, it was found that when parents were not
comfortable with their sexuality it led to less parent-child communication about sexuality
(Byers et al., 2008). Further, the quality, quantity, and context of the conversation were
reported to be just as important as the content of the conversation between parent and child
(Kendall, 2014). For example, in a U.S.-based study conducted by Levin et al. (2012), results

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displayed that many adolescents were receiving abstinence-based messages from parents,
which led to greater discomfort with sexual communication. As well, Lefkowitz and Stoppa
(2006) found that the explicit and implicit messages that parents communicate to their
children about sexuality can set the stage for their sexual-emotional development, including
but not limited to their values, behaviours, and attitudes. The influence that parents have on
their child’s sexual development is extensive, however, informal education does not end with
parents.
As children develop, more information about sexuality is being communicated to
them through their peers and media, rather than through their parents (Kendall, 2014). Levin
et al. (2012) found that adolescents were receiving more double standard messages from their
friends than their parents, but at the same time were receiving more positive-sexuality
messages from them as well. These messages were found to lead to greater acceptance of
rape myths and victimization (Levin et al., 2012). Through social media, television, music
videos, movies, and other media platforms, children and adolescents are being bombarded
with messages about sexuality and representations of “healthy” sexuality (Siemens, 2018).
Specifically, media platforms sexualize and objectify women, and further, the exposure to
these images and messages has been found to have a negative influence on women’s
embodiment (Siemens, 2018). The greater consumption of objectifying media in itself has
been shown to lead to less condom use, greater alcohol use to feel sexual, and negative
sexual affect (Ward et al., 2018). Surveillance of one’s body during sexual acts increases
with exposure to media that is objectifying (Aubrey, 2007). Even further, women internalize
the messages that they are sexual objects rather than sexual subjects, due to the portrayals of

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women’s bodies in media, and take on the belief that their body exists to be seen and used by
others; this leads to lower self-esteem and diminished mental health (Ward et al., 2018).
Summary
It is evident that formal and informal sexuality education greatly impacts children and
adolescent’s in their sexuality development. Much of the research presented in this review
has displayed the negative landscape associated with the U.S. and other international
sexuality education contexts. The focus of much sexuality education is centred on
pathologizing individuals, preventing disease, and maintaining heteronormativity (BayCheng, 2003; Kendall, 2014). Through SBSE that lacks discourse on desire, pleasure, and
sexual diversity, adolescents are learning that their sexuality is meant to fit inside the box that
policymakers and religious advocates have created for them. Through parent, peer, and
media influences, adolescents are most prominently learning that their sexuality must be
characterized by gendered double standards, discomfort with their body, and objectification
rather than sexual subjectivity.
Although the current landscape of sexuality education in Canada and the U.S. and in
some other international contexts is substantially bleak, many researchers and activists have
promoted a path forward. As noted by Grose et al. (2014), SBSE programs provide a
platform where educators, administrators, and policymakers can begin to counter the social
scripts and gender norms that are placed on children and youth. Further, Grose et al. (2014)
found that despite traditional ideologies limiting sexual expression and embodiment,
education has the potential to shift these narratives into ones that empower students and lead
to greater sexual health outcomes. Lamb (2010) advocates for sexuality education that moves

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away from skills training and a focus on disease and pregnancy prevention—despite some
areas in the world not even teaching evidence-based contraception and models of healthy
sexuality yet—and moves toward sexuality education that invites students into a dialogue
about representations of their bodies in media, how gender roles and expectations affect their
experiences, and how their authentic selves can be expressed through their own sexuality.
Educators and policymakers must acknowledge that students are embodied beings and
therefore need to be taught in an embodied manner (Fields & Tolman, 2006).
Summary and Research Question
The task of sexuality education is both a challenging and important one for educators
and for communities. It must educate students to navigate the complexities of their sexuality
and foster the student’s voice and expression as they develop into adulthood. Throughout my
exploration of existing literature, clearly sexuality education, both formal and informal, is not
reaching the standards that are being called for by students and adults reflecting on their
education (Lamb, 2010). A large portion of sexuality education programs in the U.S. and
internationally are focused on the biological realm and providing information and skills
training (Allen, 2007a; Bay-Cheng, 2003; Kendall, 2014; Kiely, 2005; Wilmot & Naidoo,
2014). The deficits in this kind of sexuality education are extensive, such as the lack of
inclusion of LGBTQ+ diversity, the lack of pleasure-oriented conversations, and the lack of
body-based education, to name a few (Francis, 2019; Lamb, 2010).
The contributions of a focus on embodiment to sexuality education are scarce in the
sexuality education literature. However, there is clear evidence that embodiment affects one’s
well-being, and specifically, sexual embodiment affects one’s sexual health and well-being

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(Siemens, 2018; Tolman & McClelland, 2011). That is, nurturing sexual embodiment
addresses key goals of sexuality education. Therefore, we must seek to understand the role
that sexuality education plays in an individual’s development of embodiment. By
understanding one’s experiences of a (dis)embodied sexuality education, we can begin to
further understand their present experience of living and being in their body and how their
body interacts with the social world. Therefore, this study is guided by the following research
questions: (1) what are women’s experiences of becoming sexually (dis)embodied, and (2)
how are women’s experiences shaped by formal and informal sexuality education? In simple
terms, the research question is asking: how does sexuality education (or the lack thereof)
inform or disrupt one’s connection to their body?

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CHAPTER THREE: METHODOLOGY
This section begins with a description of the research paradigm from which I am
conducting this study. Following my paradigm, a description of the methodology chosen for
this study is presented, as well as a rationale for this methodology to approach the research
question. Recruitment and sampling procedures are noted, including the inclusion and
exclusion criteria of participants. Next, the proposed data collection and analysis processes
are outlined, which includes a discussion of the rigour and quality of the methodology
chosen. This section concludes with my personal connection to this project.
Research Paradigm
A paradigm is a lens through which a researcher conducts their investigation. The
current study is grounded in the transformative paradigm, which is informed by feminist and
intersectional theories. The transformative paradigm emerged as a response to previous
research that was being conducted through paradigms that diminished the experiences of
marginalized individuals; therefore, the transformative paradigm was founded on the pursuit
of social justice and achieving human rights for all in and through research (Mertens, 2010).
One of the values held within the transformative paradigm is the belief that the research
process and outcomes ought to be connected to the pursuit of social justice for marginalized
populations (Mertens, 2010). The values of the researcher are inherent to the purpose of the
research (Ponterotto, 2005). Transparency and reciprocity in research are foundational to the
transformative paradigm (Mertens, 2010).
From the perspective of relational ontology, Slife (2004) proposes that all beings are
in community and relationship with one another. Through this lens, the notion that different

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versions of reality exist is embraced (Mertens, 2010). The legitimacy of each version of
reality is challenged, as feminist, queer, and intersectional theorists note that some of these
perceptions of reality have been constructed through privileged lenses (Mertens, 2010).
Moreover, one’s perception of what is real may be embraced simply because it is the
historical norm for the phenomena to be real; in other words, social and political structures
have maintained the “realness” of the phenomena (Mertens, 2010; Ponterotto, 2005).
Therefore, one’s perception of reality must be examined with specific investment into how
that specific family of perceptions perpetuates oppression (Mertens, 2010).
The transformative paradigm suggests that the means by which one comes to know is
centrally shaped by cultural perspectives and power structures (Mertens, 2010). Further, the
pursuit of knowledge is a collaboration between the knower and the would-be knower as they
exist in relationship with one another (Ponterotto, 2005). Research is interactive between the
investigator and the participant, in the transformative paradigm (Mertens, 2010; Ponterotto,
2005). As noted by Creswell (2013), “knowledge is not neutral and it reflects the power and
social relationships within society” (p. 25). Therefore, objectivity in this paradigm is
maintained through reflection on one’s values and power structures in the interactive
relationship. In other words, researchers approach their area of inquiry with a “situated
knowledge” (Mertens, 2010).
Regarding methodological choices within a transformative paradigm, Mertens (2010)
offers three characteristics with ethical implications: (1) oppressed voices must be included,
(2) one must be aware of and address the power inequalities found in the research process,
and (3) a mechanism of pursuing social justice must be explicitly connected with research

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results. As well, researchers in the transformative paradigm must be immersed in the
researcher-participant relationship for there to be a transformative change in the lives of the
participants and social institutions (Creswell, 2013; Morrow et al., 2012; Ponterotto, 2005).
In endeavouring to study oppressed groups, transformative researchers must also integrate
the study of how the oppressors perpetuate their power (Mertens, 2010). Therefore, the
inclusion of social and political power structures and dynamics is integral to the research
(Mertens, 2010).
This study is grounded in feminist and intersectional theories which focus on the
inequalities found in gender identity, sexual identity, race, class, (dis)ability, socioeconomic
status, age, etc. The goal of the feminist and intersectional theorists is the pursuit of
deconstructing social systems that perpetuate all such inequalities (Mertens, 2010).
Specifically for feminist research, the goal is to address the institutional and social systems
that are oppressing women (Creswell, 2013). As this study focuses on the experiences of
individuals that identify as women, the inclusion of feminist theory in orienting the
researcher is essential.
As an acknowledgment of specific theories within an intersectional framework that
are relevant to this study, critical theory, queer theory, and disability theory will be briefly
discussed. Critical theory seeks to empower individuals to overcome the burdens that social
structures of race, class, and gender perpetuate (Creswell, 2013). Queer theory is concerned
with challenging the notion that gender and sexual identities are fixed, as well as
investigating how identity constructions take shape in the social world and how individuals
“perform” in their identity (Creswell, 2013). Finally, disability theory explores what it means

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36

to be included in social settings when living with a disability (Creswell, 2013). Researchers
who embrace a disability interpretive lens view one’s disability as a difference, not a defect
(Creswell, 2013). Situating oneself in feminist and intersectional realms suggests that the
research is being conducted from a political stance (Mertens, 2010). To further illustrate the
political nature of this theoretical framework, feminist and intersectional theorists believe
that multiple versions of reality exist; however, similar to researchers in the transformative
paradigm, they believe that many of these versions of reality have been constructed from
places of privilege (Mertens, 2010). Therefore, the role of the feminist and intersectional
researcher is to challenge the power inequalities that perpetuate oppression (Mertens, 2010).
As noted by Crawford (2013), feminist research is not inherently qualitative, as many
studies have been conducted using quantitative methods of inquiry that push against the
gender norms that constrict women’s agency and identity. Further, feminist research seeks to
not only free women from the stereotypes and ‘unwritten rules’ of society but all individuals
who are being limited in their ability to express their authentic selves by a patriarchal society.
In the present study, however, qualitative methods have been embraced as they allow for the
experiences of sexual embodiment to be understood from an implicit and explicit lens. The
relational cocreation of knowledge in feminist qualitative methods makes space for the
authentic, embodied selves of the researcher and the participant to show up in the research.
The current study seeks to understand the power structures experienced implicitly and
explicitly throughout a woman’s lifetime as she experiences sexuality education. Giving
voice to women that have been silenced serves to challenge the gender and sexual
inequalities present in our society. The primary goal of this study is to understand women’s

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37

experiences of sexual (dis)embodiment, with the secondary goal of understanding how
sexuality education throughout one’s lifetime informs one’s sense of embodiment. As
previously noted, human sexuality is complex and develops over a lifetime; the same is true
for sexuality education, as one’s experience of their education can be vastly different from
another individual’s experience. Therefore, to capture the fullness and complexity of these
experiences, the methodology chosen for this study is the Listening Guide.
The Listening Guide
To study one’s embodied experience of their sexuality, the method chosen must
utilize an embodied means of knowledge acquisition. Further, to understand the complexity
of one’s inner and outer experiences of sexuality and sexuality education, the method must
highlight the implicit and explicit narratives of research participants. Operating from a
feminist transformative approach, the Listening Guide was chosen as the method for inquiry,
as this method offers silenced voices the platform to share their experiences. The Listening
Guide is a qualitative method of inquiry that attunes to the relational, embodied voice. The
multiplicity and nuance of voice represent the interplay between the psychological process of
one’s inner experience with the social and cultural backdrop that marks one’s embodied
presence in the world (Gilligan et al., 2003). The Listening Guide presumes that the voice
embodies the multi-layered psyche of participants, and therefore, multiple listenings of data
are needed to attune to these voices from different lenses (Gilligan et al., 2003).
Resonance and relationship are intrinsic to one’s voice; therefore, the Listening Guide
approaches research from a relational perspective (Gilligan et al., 2003). One of the
implications of utilizing a relational method of inquiry is the question of objectivity. The

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objectivity of the researcher is not regarded as neutrality, as research has most prominently
been conducted historically and presently (Gilligan, 2015). Rather, in the Listening Guide,
the question is not simply concerned with objectivity-as-disconnection—the question is how
the relationship between researcher and participant shapes the evidence collected (Gilligan,
2015). Feminist researchers promote relational research that challenges mainstream methods
of inquiry in psychology, and thereby allows the researcher and participant to collaborate in
mutual knowledge acquisition and creation (Mertens, 2010; Yost & Chmielewski, 2013). As
Gilligan (2015) notes in her introduction to the Listening Guide, by embracing a relational
method, the ethics of such research becomes “an ethic of relationships… The ethical
challenge is the challenge of relationship: how to stay in connection both with oneself and
with others” (p. 73).
A Series of Listenings
Listening One. The first listening in the Guide is Listening for the Plot (Gilligan,
2015). This listening is used to understand the landscape of one’s internal experience and the
external features, such as people involved, people missing, events that are taking place,
where the events are, and when the narrative is occurring (Gilligan & Eddy, 2017). As well,
researchers are listening for themes, metaphors, repeated words, contradictions, or gaps in the
narrative (Gilligan & Eddy, 2017). Within this listening, researchers are reflecting on their
location in relation to the narrative being told (Gilligan, 2015). Personal experiences,
thoughts, and emotions that are coming up for the researcher are reflected upon; the
researcher must identify how these may influence their understanding of the participant
(Gilligan, 2015).

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Listening Two. The second listening is Listening for the I (Gilligan, 2015). The “I”
voice is the first-person voice representing how the individual acts and exists in the world
(Gilligan & Eddy, 2017). In this listening, the researcher is taking out each phrase beginning
with an “I” followed by the subject or verb and listens to them in order (Gilligan & Eddy,
2017). Elizabeth Debold found that when the “I” statements were placed in order, there was a
poetic rhythm and cadence (Gilligan, 2015). Therefore, from the I statements, I poems are
constructed by separating several phrases into stanzas separated by the streams of voice
(Gilligan & Eddy, 2017). Through this process, the listener can hear the voice beneath the
surface of one’s conscious narrative (Gilligan, 2015).
Listening Three. The third listening specified by the Guide is Listening for
Contrapuntal Voices (Gilligan, 2015). In this listening, the researcher is identifying the
different voices that are spoken by the participant (Gilligan, 2015). The content and themes
of the voice are not analyzed in this listening, but rather the harmonies and dissonances
within the voices (Gilligan & Eddy, 2017). Further, there is attention given to both what is
said and what is not said (Gilligan & Eddy, 2017). The multiple layers of one’s voice can be
found in listening for the contrapuntal voices; through listening to the quality and musicality
of one’s voice, researchers can hear the tensions and connections (Gilligan & Eddy, 2017).
Bringing together the data and the research questions is essential as the researcher does not
want to get lost in the collection of voices (Gilligan & Eddy, 2017).
Listening Four. The final listening of the Guide involves composing an analysis by
listening for themes across the participant’s voices. In compiling the data gathered, the
researcher and research team can reflect on any surprises they experienced in reviewing the

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data or whether there was a ‘wow’ moment throughout the process (Gilligan & Eddy, 2017).
The research question is joined with the synthesized data to extrapolate what can be learned
from the data (Gilligan et al., 2003). The researcher enters their voice into the analysis as
they compose the interpretations of the participant’s voices (Gilligan & Eddy, 2017). This
process allows other researchers to potentially question the principal researcher's
interpretations and suggest how the voices may be understood from a different perspective
(Gilligan & Eddy, 2017).
Data Collection
In this section, the details of participant recruitment are discussed, including the
inclusion and exclusion criteria of participants. Following the recruitment protocol, the
means of data collection and analysis is presented.
Participant Recruitment
Participants were recruited through social media advertising and posters (see
Appendix A) on university campuses. The population of interest is emerging adults, which is
the main age group on university and college campuses; therefore, advertising in these
locations was the most effective for recruitment. The social media and print poster
advertisements included a description of the study, as well as the inclusion and exclusion
criteria for participants outlined in the next section. The contact information for the
researcher was also included in the advertisements.
The sampling method chosen was purposeful sampling which involves a deliberate
selection of participants that have criterion-based experiences (Mertens, 2010; Morrow,
2005). This form of sampling contributes to the rigour of the study as the experiences of

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selected participants are specific to the guiding research questions (Morrow, 2005). For this
study, diverse populations were purposefully sampled; in the advertisements, there was a
particular invitation for diverse populations to participate. Snowball sampling was also
involved in the sampling method for this study. This sampling strategy involves participants
recommending additional participants that would be a good fit for the study (Mertens, 2010).
Inclusion and Exclusion Criteria
Participants were emerging adults between the ages of 19-30 who desire connection
and attunement with their physicality. In other words, they are embracing a positive direction
towards sexual embodiment. This is not to say that they had to achieve perfection in their
embodiment, as perfection is less of an issue than stable sexual embodiment. Rather, the
participants had to be in pursuit of “in-touchness” with their sexual selves. This criterion was
included as participants needed to be willing to talking about their sexual well-being and
embracing a stance of sex positivity. This research study embraced the notion that positive
embodiment is a means by which healthier, safer, and more authentic individuals develop. As
this study aimed to transform sexuality education, and thereby teach healthier, safer, and
authentic sexuality messages, the participants needed to embrace positive embodiment as a
guiding direction. In stating this inclusion criterion, this does not exclude individuals who are
disembodied; rather, the individual must merely desire to shift towards positive embodiment.
The participants had to be able to reflect on their experiences in their formal and informal
sexuality education. The participants did not necessarily need to remember specific events,
but they had to be able to actively reflect on their education or the lack thereof and the impact

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that had in their development. Lastly, participants had to be currently living in the United
States or Canada and speak English fluently.
In terms of what excludes individuals from participating in the research, the single
criterion for exclusion was if the participant would become triggered or feel unsafe when
reflecting on their experiences of sexuality. Sexuality and sexual experiences are extremely
vulnerable topics for some individuals to discuss, especially when people have encountered
sexual assault or abuse. However, the complete exclusion of sexual assault or abuse survivors
is not a straightforward endeavour. Individuals may differ in their definitions of sexual
assault or abuse. As well, many individuals have been able to overcome the trauma
associated with sexual abuse and can actively reflect on their experience, which could greatly
inform research into how others can overcome these traumatic incidents. Therefore, women
who have experienced sexual assault and abuse were not explicitly excluded from the current
study. Rather the participant's ability to actively reflect on their experience and cope with the
content of the study without becoming triggered or further traumatized was the excluding
criterion, which was assessed in collaboration and conversation with the potential research
participant during the screening procedure.
Morrow (2006) offers guidance for research on women who have been sexually
abused. To begin, a quote from Barringer (1992) illustrates the importance of including these
voices:
To speak of sexual abuse is an act of courage, an act that defies the authority of the
perpetrator. It is an act that violates the most fundamental rule of survival—silence—
when survival has been, for many victims, the only goal they have been able to

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sustain. Speaking about sexual abuse is an act in which the survivor returns to the
scenes of her psychic destruction to reclaim herself, for herself. (as quoted in
Morrow, 2006, p. 145)
Another research concern is the notion of mutuality. Researchers and the broader landscape
of academia hold great power in the social realm. For survivors of sexual abuse, their sense
of power has been taken from them. Therefore, researchers need to address the power
dynamics in the research relationship and form a relationship that is characterized by respect
and empowerment. The relationship between the knower and would-be known should
enhance one’s process of becoming more informed (ontological authenticity) and the
praxis/social change purpose of the research process (catalytic authenticity), which will be
further discussed in the quality and trustworthiness section. Morrow (2006) also notes the
importance of context for research on sexual abuse victims. Following feminist tradition, the
individual must be contextualized, and researchers must attune to the sociopolitical climate
that individuals are living within. See Table 1 for the participant demographic information.

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Table 1. Participant Demographics
Name

Age

Sexual Orientation
and/or Identity

Racial or
Cultural
Identification

Education

Marital
Status

Katherine

26

Pansexual, bisexual

Caucasian
Canadian

Masters

Single

Chelsea

25

Heterosexual

Caucasian
Canadian

Bachelors

Single

Sarah

26

Lesbian

Caucasian
Canadian

Bachelors

Single

Doris

27

Female

Caucasian
Canadian

Bachelors

Single

Kelly

26

Heterosexual

Caucasian
Canadian

Masters

Married

Celine

26

Heterosexual

Caucasian
Canadian,
Mennonite

Masters

Married

Kerry

25

Heterosexual

Caucasian
Canadian

Bachelors

Married

Anna

21

Heterosexual

Caucasian
Canadian

Bachelors

Engaged

S

24

Heterosexual

Chinese

Bachelors

Married

Kate

29

Pan-romantic,
bisexual, demisexual

Caucasian
Canadian,
Mennonite

Diploma

Married

Data Collection
Firstly, an application to the Human Research Ethics Board was submitted. Once
approval for the project was granted, a pilot interview was conducted. After review of the

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pilot study, recruitment began. When individuals expressed interest in the study, they were
contacted over the phone for a brief screening (see Appendix B for screening protocol). The
screening procedure is helpful for the participants to understand the goals of the study and
the language used in the interview process. As well, through the screening process, the
researcher ensured that the participants met all inclusion. If the participant met the criteria in
the screening, the researcher booked a 90-minute interview time with the participant; this was
conducted over Zoom. Flexibility was offered to participants through accommodations such
as taking breaks, inviting a family member or friend to support the participant, or
shortening/lengthening the interview. The informed consent form was sent to participants
(see Appendix C), which was again reviewed at the beginning of the interview.
The interviews were recorded over Zoom, downloaded and stored on encrypted
hardware under pseudonyms to protect the participant’s privacy, and then deleted from the
Cloud within 10 days of the interview, as per Canadian Tri-Council research standards. The
semi-structured interview was guided by the interview protocol (see Appendix D). As a way
to introduce the study and build rapport with the participant, I described the terminology of
the study in lay language and provided personal examples. Once the interview had finished,
demographic questions were asked of the participants (see Appendix E). Finally, the
participants will be given the opportunity to reflect and ask questions. The debriefing
protocol (see Appendix F) was used, which provided information for the follow-up focus
group and informed participants of support resources. If participants chose to not participate
in the focus group where preliminary findings were outlined, the findings were sent out by

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email. The focus group and email of findings were conducted to invite participants to offer
feedback and reflections on the preliminary analysis of their interviews.
Data Analysis
The first step in the analysis of the data was to transcribe the interviews. The
researcher completed all transcriptions for the interviews, to familiarize herself with the
participants' language, narrative, and voices. The transcriptions produced by Zoom were
used, with a review for any errors in the automatic transcription. The hesitations, pauses,
silences, and non-verbal communications were recorded in the transcript, as one of the
components of the Listening Guide is attuning to what is not said, in addition to what is said.
The researcher also kept a record of her reactions to the transcript, allowing the researcher to
acknowledge her situated knowledge and potential biases (Gilligan et al., 2003; Mertens,
2010).
Once the interviews were transcribed, a series of listenings was conducted. The
analysis was conducted in relationship with other members of the research team; this group
was comprised of fellow graduate students at Trinity Western University. Once the listenings
were complete, the participants were invited to continue in the research process through an
online focus group or email correspondence if they were not wanting to participate in a focus
group. In this follow-up, participants were presented with the preliminary findings of the
research team, such as the major themes and voice descriptions that emerged. The
participants were then given an opportunity to reflect on the analysis, ask questions, offer
feedback, or provide further insights. The participants had the opportunity to accept or reject
the interpretations in the analysis. The focus group procedure allowed for member checking,

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which contributes not only to the rigour of the study, but this procedure also worked to
empower the participants to own and embrace their place in the research study (Morrow,
2005). Further, participants were able to have control over the interpretations being made of
their stories and become active participants in another phase of the data analysis process.
Through this procedure, the location of power in the data analysis process moves away from
the researcher to the participants, which is an inherent component of researching through a
transformative lens (Morrow, 2005). As well, participants were invited to reflect and respond
to their I-poems through a self-portrait constructed of clay. Although, the self-portraits were
not being analyzed, in inviting participants to use their body to create a visual representation
of inner experience, it provided a further elaboration of meaning in the research process. The
participants were mailed the clay in advance, in order for the self-portrait process to be
conducted during and/or following the online focus group. Participants were given the option
to share their artwork with the group, as well as photograph the sculpture for inclusion in this
study’s discussion section.
Quality & Trustworthiness
In qualitative research, the rigour and credibility of a study are described through the
term trustworthiness (Morrow et al., 2012). Within this section, the criteria of quality and
trustworthiness in a qualitative are outlined through the lens of Morrow’s (2005) work on
criteria that transcend paradigms. As well, the criteria specific to conducting quality research
from a transformative paradigm is also noted—specifically, the work of Kirkhart (2005) who
proposed the concept of multicultural validity in transformative research. Throughout these
sections, the present study’s steps to meet these criteria is discussed.

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Social Validity
Morrow (2005) proposes that there are four criteria for trustworthiness, which include
social validity, subjectivity and reflexivity, adequacy of data, and adequacy of
interpretations. Social validity involves the value researchers place on multicultural
competence and the pursuit of social justice (Morrow, 2005). One of the criteria within social
validity is the concept of fairness; fairness denotes that the researcher is recognizing the
differences in the participant’s constructions from their own (Lincoln & Guba, 2000;
Mertens, 2010). As our cultural setting influences how we construct our reality and our
perception of our experiences, the experience of the researcher and participant must be
located within their respective cultural setting. Therefore, the current study sought to
approach each participant from the lens of a ‘situated knowledge,’ and to immerse oneself
into the participant’s world through an analysis of their explicit and implicit experiences
captured through the Listening Guide (Gilligan et al., 2003; Mertens, 2010; Morrow, 2005).
Mertens (2010) also describes the criterion of community for trustworthiness in
qualitative research. The researcher must develop trust with the community of study and
further rapport with the participants (Mertens, 2010). The present study sought to establish
rapport with individual participants through the principal investigator’s self-disclosure of
experiences of embodiment and disembodiment in the interview, as well as providing a safe
and supportive environment for participants to speak authentically. The criterion of
community is further developed through attention to voice, where the researcher can
recognize those marginalized in the community and involve their voices in the study (Lincoln
& Guba, 2000; Mertens, 2010). Attention to voice was captured in this study, as the method

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of inquiry allowed the layered voices of participants to emerge and included quotes from the
participants in the final document. As well, the data analysis process involved bringing the
participants back into the study in a focus group to provide reflection and feedback on the
researcher’s interpretations of their voices.
As well, community can be developed through the concept of reciprocity, which
involves the researcher’s acknowledgment of differences in privilege and further how the
study can give back to the community that contributed to the research (Mertens, 2010).
Finally, the criterion of catalytic authenticity is presented (Lincoln & Guba, 2000; Mertens,
2010). This component involves the praxis/social change purpose of the research process
(Mertens, 2010). The current study is founded on a transformative paradigm that sought to
empower and emancipate the participants involved. Although this study is not focused on
larger social change as the main outcome of the research, working to understand the
structures and scripts that are constraining women throughout their sexuality education and
further providing a space for these participants' voices to be heard is transformative.
Emancipating voice and bringing the participants into the research process is done for the
very purpose of social change and undermining the status quo.
Subjectivity and Reflexivity
Subjectivity and reflexivity are concerned with the researcher’s self-reflection and
relationship to the knower (Lincoln & Guba, 2000; Morrow, 2005). In the transformative
paradigm and the Listening Guide method, the researcher’s subjectivity is embraced as the
researcher steps into the meaning-making process with participants (Gilligan & Eddy, 2017;
Mertens, 2010; Morrow, 2005). Mertens (2010) proposes the concept of progressive

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subjectivity, which is embedded within this criterion. Progressive subjectivity suggests that
researchers must be aware of their biases and constructions; this was facilitated through
journaling my reflections or reactions throughout the research process and consulting with
peers about my potential biases (Morrow, 2005; Morrow et al., 2012).
Specifically, within the transformative paradigm, a criterion for quality research is
critical reflexivity or positionality (Mertens, 2010). For researchers to understand the layers
of voice and narrative in the data, one must have “a heightened self-awareness for personal
transformation and critical subjectivity” (Mertens, 2010, p. 261). However, the researcher
must also be aware of the limits of research and how the complexity and fullness of one’s
subjective experience will never truly be captured through any method of inquiry (Mertens,
2010). Through critical reflexivity, the researcher sought to represent the participants' voices
fairly and equitably (Morrow, 2005). In the current study, the principal investigator used an
ongoing research journal to manage subjectivity. As well, consultation with supervisors and
peers was utilized throughout the data analysis process as is the protocol for employing the
Listening Guide (Gilligan et al., 2003). Subjectivity was also managed through participant
checks of the researcher’s interpretations of the data, which allowed for participants to
correct emerging interpretations or provide further insights (Morrow, 2005).
Adequacy of Data
The third criterion for trustworthiness is the adequacy of data; this involves the depth
of participant interviews and saturation in the data, which goes beyond meeting a certain
number of participants in the study (Morrow, 2005). Data is typically gathered until
saturation has been reached, which means that participants' responses or themes are

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becoming redundant (Morrow, 2005). As described by Morrow (2005), the fewer questions
asked facilitated richer and deeper answers and reflections, in contrast to asking participants
more questions, which may have caused answers to lack depth and nuance. Therefore, the
method of inquiry and the data collection protocol were essential to maintaining the
adequacy of the data. Also within this research criterion is the notion of dependability.
Dependability refers to the fit of the inquiry process for the area of study (Mertens, 2010). In
qualitative research, an emergent design is common; for others to understand the rationale for
these adjustments, these developing changes need to be tracked (Mertens, 2010). Therefore,
for this research to become more dependable and further, more trustworthy, the emergent
design process is explicitly stated.
Adequacy of Interpretation
Alongside the adequacy of data is the adequacy of interpretation (Morrow, 2005).
This component constitutes an accurate representation of the data which involves strategies
for the analysis process and integrating the participant’s voices with the researcher’s
interpretations (Morrow, 2005). The Listening Guide method immersed the researcher into
the data, as they transcribed the interviews, listened to the transcripts from multiple lenses,
and collaborated with the research team in interpretations. Such immersion into the data
greatly contributed to the adequacy of data (Morrow, 2005). Following the analysis, member
checking became an integral component of maintaining the adequacy of interpretations
(Mertens, 2010; Morrow, 2005). It is the responsibility of the researcher to seek acceptance,
rejection, or correction to their interpretations (Morrow, 2005). Member checks were
conducted in the present study through a focus group procedure following the individual

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participant interviews. Member checking also determined the ontological authenticity of the
study, which refers to the individual’s process of becoming more informed as the study
progresses and is found within the transformative paradigm’s criteria for quality research
(Lincoln & Guba, 2000; Mertens, 2010).
Mertens (2010) suggests that confirmability—the ‘realness’ of the data and
interpretations, as tracked to their source—is an essential component of the adequacy of
interpretations. A confirmability audit, which entails following the logic of the data, was
conducted through peer consultation, review of transcripts, and review of the researcher’s
notes (Mertens, 2010). Another criterion presented by Mertens (2010) is the transferability of
the research, which refers to whether the reader can extrapolate the research findings to the
“receiving context” (p. 259). The burden of this task lies with the reader; however, it was the
responsibility of the researcher to ensure thick descriptions of the context and culture of the
research (Mertens, 2010). The current study presented thick descriptions of the research to
ensure the readers can come to informed conclusions about the transferability of the results.
Multicultural Validity
To consider quality and trustworthiness in transformative research, Kirkhart (2005)
proposed the concept of multicultural validity, which can be defined as the “correctness or
authenticity of understandings across multiple, intersecting cultural contexts” (p. 22). Within
multicultural validity, there are five justifications which include theoretical, experiential,
consequential, interpersonal, and methodological (Kirkhart, 2005). The theoretical
justification was considered in this study, through a review of literature that explores
women’s sexual development, the historical and present climate of sexuality education, and

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the explicit and implicit messages that women receive about their bodies. The experiential
and consequential justifications—which involve the congruence of interpretations and
participant experience, and further the consequences of judgements made—were considered
in the current study through member checks in the focus group, as well as informal
conversational checks with the participants throughout their interview to ensure
understanding (Mertens, 2010). Interpersonal justifications are concerned with the quality of
the relationship between the knower and the would-be known (Mertens, 2010). In this study,
the interpersonal justification was considered through the depth of questions asked, the
rapport between participants and researcher, and the creation of a safe environment for
participants to describe their experiences of sexual (dis)embodiment. The methodological
justification is considered, as culturally appropriate measurement tools were utilized, such as
the Listening Guide which is a feminist approach to qualitative research (Mertens, 2010).
The quality and trustworthiness practices presented were employed to ensure rigour
in the research process. However, the principal investigator acknowledges that with
transformative qualitative research, the shape of the research process was subject to
evolution. Therefore, an emergent and flexible research design was embraced. Moreover, the
social validity, subjectivity and reflexivity, adequacy of data and interpretation, and
multicultural validity practices will be emerging as the participants became involved in the
research process and as the principal investigator evolved in her relationship with different
facets of the research process.

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Personal Connection & Rationale
As the primary investigator, engaging with this research from a feminist and
intersectional transformative paradigm, my personal subjectivities interacted with the data. In
selecting the Listening Guide, a feminist relational method of inquiry, I interacted with the
participants' narratives, implicit psyche representations, and contrapuntal voices (Gilligan &
Eddy, 2017). Therefore, my personal experiences and knowledge were welcomed into a
mutual collaboration of meaning-making. As noted above, the transformative paradigm
embraces the subjectivities and acknowledges that the fullness and complexities of
participants were not able to be fully captured in any research method; however, to maintain
reflexivity, I reflected on personal biases and assumptions that may have limited my ability
to immerse myself into the world of the participants (Mertens, 2010). In this section, I share
my connection to this area of research and position myself within the study.
I started down this road of research because I was angry. Angry that I spent my
adolescence and early young adulthood corseted. Angry that my body was regulated by the
religious and societal level power structures. Angry that I was taught that there was only one
way that my sexual body could take up space in the world.
This project started with my desire to confront the harmful messaging of Evangelical
Christianity’s purity culture and stance towards LGBTQ+ individuals. Purity culture refers to
an environment in many religious institutions that is characterized by an emphasis on
abstinence-only-until-marriage, repression of sexual desires, and rejection of LGBTQ+
identities, among other shame and fear-based information and attitudes (Allen, 2013; Daniluk
& Browne, 2008). I wanted to, at last, fight back. I wanted to use my knowledge and

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privileged position to send a message: purity culture hurts women. In another sense, I also
wanted to know I was not alone in my pain. I wanted to feel connected to myself, and to
other women who had similar experiences. It was time for me, and the women who
participated in this study, to reclaim what was taken from us.
Once I began researching, I came to the unsettling, yet unsurprising, realization that
the problem is much deeper and more pervasive. The project shifted, and I broadened the
scope to include researching more wide-ranging realms of sexuality education – the formal
school-based and informal from parents, peers, and media. I want to start by telling you about
my sexuality education.
In my school-based formal sexuality education, I learned only about the biology of
the menstrual cycle and reproduction. In grade 6, the boys and girls were separated into
different classes, where boys were being taught to use condoms and the girls were taught
how to use menstrual products. My formal sexuality education was inconsistent; after grade
6, I never learned about sexuality again in a school-based setting. Over the course of my
schooling, I learned nothing about being a sexual body, having urges and desires, how to
have pleasurable sex, how to negotiate agency over my body, or how to not compare myself
to images of women in the media.
In addition to poor quality and inconsistent formal sexuality education, I was
negotiating my sexual identity and beliefs in a climate of purity culture. My informal
sexuality education was characterized by the notion that the signals and desires of my body
were bad and ‘sinful’. When I felt desire or attraction to someone, I felt an immediate rise of
anxiety in my body. In this culture, there was an overwhelming tone of disgust towards

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sexuality and having sex before marriage, but as soon as an individual got married, they were
supposed to automatically be confident in their sexuality. Alongside this, I grew up in a
culture of compulsory heterosexuality, which means I was never given the space to safely
explore any other sexual identities or orientations. Essentially, I was developing my sexual
self-concept through the lens of heteronormativity and the oppression of authentic sexual
expression.
As most of my friends were also immersed in purity culture, the topic of sexuality
was rarely discussed among friends. On the few occasions that we did talk about sexuality,
the conversation was mainly about how we had to be cautious with how intimate we were
getting with boyfriends because we did not want to become too “tempting”. Conversations
about sexuality were also scarce in my family. I recall only two occasions that I spoke with
my mother about sexuality, and they were about my menstrual cycle and birth control.
Overall, my informal sexuality education was inconsistent and non-comprehensive, which
made me view the topic of sexuality as taboo and only to be talked about for health or
“spiritual wellness” reasons.
When I reached adulthood, my sexuality was a stranger to me. My body was a
stranger to me. If you asked me about my sexual desires, pleasures, or yearnings, I would
have felt voiceless. My voice had been taken from me, my body corseted, and my sexuality
restricted. Not only was harm experienced from the explicit messaging, but the silence from
other teachers, mentors, and institutions that should have me taught otherwise compounded
the harm.

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I attended university and gained distance from the messaging of Evangelical
Christianity. There, my ideas about religion, bodies, and sexuality were all challenged. After
years of internal struggle, I decided to leave religion and the toxicity of purity culture. Not
only were these the effects of purity culture, but also femininity ideologies that saturated my
core beliefs. I thought I had to look a certain way, sound a certain way, and express my
sexuality in a certain way.
I did my own unlearning of the harmful messages that I grew up in, and continue to
be saturated in within the current social climate. Through listening to the experiences of other
women, reading feminist writings, witnessing Canadian advocacy efforts, and more, I am
disentangling the imposed voice from the true and authentic voice. I unlearned the belief that
sexual desire should be suppressed. I unlearned the belief that pleasure should be
disregarded. And, I unlearned the belief that I need to sacrifice living in my authentic,
embodied, sexual self in order to belong. Now, when the feelings of shame and anxiety rise, I
notice their weight and sit with them for a minute. And then, I gently remind them that their
work is done. They can stay for as long as they need, but I am going to keep living in my
most authentic way of being despite the discomfort these feelings bring.
Recently, I came out as bisexual. It took me 24 years to say those words aloud. I was
silenced by the fear that anything other than heterosexuality would leave me rejected and
abandoned. It took years of being out of the context of Christianity to finally unravel the
internalized homophobia that was imposed onto me. I have never experienced such an
embodied sense of freedom than when I came out. It felt like years of struggle to be upright
and conform were lifted off in three simple words. The corset was finally unlaced.

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Let me be clear, I am healing – that is, I am in process. The depth of disconnection
and restriction that I experienced (and continue to experience, as I live in a patriarchal
society) is profound. It will take a long time to return (almost completely4) to my embodied
knowing. I am inspired by other women who have returned to that place, and I am hopeful
that I am on my way there too.
One of the pillars of my story, that will be seen throughout my participants’
experiences, is that one’s sexuality and body journey are dynamic, fluid, and ever-changing. I
am learning more about my sexual body every day, and learning how to take up space with it.
As I asked my participants to create a self-portrait in response to their experience in the
project, I also created self-portraits to reflect on my experience of my body and sexuality, see
Figure 1. Finally, as you will hear from one of my participants further in their narratives
section, she describes her experience of leaving purity culture as she notes, “We don’t belong
to them anymore … we get to make our own rules.” So, here I am, belonging to myself,
making my own rules.

4

Noted here as “almost completely,” because I believe that one can never reach perfect embodiment; rather, the
goal is to be living in connected and embodied states more often than not.

LEARNING TO (DIS)CONNECT
Figure 1. Personal Self-Portrait

59

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CHAPTER FOUR: RESULTS
The research questions posed were (1) what are women’s experiences of becoming
sexually (dis)embodied, and (2) how are women’s experiences shaped by formal and
informal sexuality education? Using the Listening Guide, the participants’ interviews were
analyzed. In this section, the results of the analysis will be presented. Firstly, participant’s
experiences will be offered through narrative stories. Following, the voices that emerged in
the participants’ stories will then be outlined. Reflections from the member check focus
group will conclude this section.
Participants’ Narratives
The following descriptions are summarized and integrated narratives from the
participants’ interviews. The fourth step in the Listening Guide involves finding themes
among the participants and integrating those themes within each participant’s experience.
Coming from diverse backgrounds, the participants’ offered unique narratives; these
distinctive stories of their sexuality education will be presented, in order to provide context
and insight into the emergence of their voices. These narratives are outlined following the
chronological timeline of the participant; however, some of their narratives are recounted out
of order, with the intention to attune to the specific storytelling in the participants’
interviews. Despite the uniqueness of each participant, there were common threads amongst
the group. These threads, or themes, are integrated into each participant’s story, along with
excerpts from their interviews and I poems to help illustrate their experience. All participants
were given a pseudonym to keep participants’ identities anonymous. Some information from
the participant’s narrative or direct quotes may be altered, in order to protect privacy.

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Katherine
From a young age, Katherine's education about sexuality was uncomprehensive and
shrouded in shame. As Katherine recalls,
I think I can remember in general I grew up in a Christian school so like grade 6 it's
like we separate boys from girls. Boys, boys go with the boy teacher. Girls with the
girls, go with the girl teacher. Really, all we learned about was the like the diagrams.
There was absolutely zero education on the fact that women had any sort of pleasure
organ … And then we got like a small bag of yeah, like pads tampons, whatnot,
deodorant, and like we were released first, had to go to our locker and like, put it
away in like secret. It was like tip toe, you know, like open your locker, and everyone
was like putting them away and like don’t tell anyone. We go back to our class, we sit
down, we pretend like nothing happened.
In her Christian school, the separation of boys and girls and the absence of comprehensive
sex education left her with a lack of understanding about her own body. Voices of
disconnection and restriction emerged throughout her storytelling. This corseting extended to
her experiences in church youth groups, where discussions about love and sex were focused
on purity and avoiding temptation, rather than understanding healthy relationships and
consent. She continues in recalling her sexuality education through the lens of Evangelical
Christianity settings,
I mean also grew up religious obviously it's like going to youth group. So same kind
of like every year, February, it's like purity month, or whatever love month so we
always had like 2, one or 2 weeks around, specifically like, yeah, sex, we're talking

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about love … I think, too, I went to like K to 12 Christian education, and never
learned that women had a clitoris. 12 years of higher education – never learned that,
like nipples have simulation and had like nerve endings in them. Yeah. So, like had
no idea until I was probably about 20 years old that women 19 yeah, 19 or 20, Yeah,
that women had organs that had were attached to sexual pleasure. And we learned, I
probably knew that about men since, like maybe grade like 2 or 3 in a Christian
education system … And I think again, sex education in within a church setting, and
even a Christian school was like very heavy on STIs. But again, no education around
what to do to not have an STI right? So, we didn't know I didn't really know that
condoms existed in my Christian education, I just knew that if you had sex with
someone before marriage it was likely going to equal [pregnancy or an STI].
Throughout her experience in formal and informal sexuality education, voices of
disconnection and restriction continued to emanate. She noted that,
first of all, disconnection, obviously like learning from my like, youngest of age, right
that, like my body was bad. So, I think first of all, from day one regardless of even
knowing that I was a sexual being to be brought up in an environment where I am
labeled at the core of my being as bad is immediately a disconnect.
The external pressure of religious beliefs led to experiences incongruence with self.
Katherine felt that she was trying to be in touch with her body and her sexuality, but the
voices of imposition emerged which caused the distancing from her authentic self.
Katherine recalls an experience of sexual assault which led to further experiences of
disconnect from her body, and the voice of advocacy was heard in response to how the

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situation was handled by her university. She notes that, “this was this, like massive
disconnect of not only am I being told to have a disconnect from my body, but this like belief
of purity culture is actually now making me unsafe.” This theme within the voices of
disconnection and restriction was later conceptualized through analysis of participants
themes, as disconnection as protection. Essentially, Katherine experienced detachment from
herself and others, in order to maintain even a sliver of safety after her sexual assault.
However, this does not undermine the injustice that was present.
Katherine describes how she started to pull away from Christianity in her later years,
however the voice of shame remained. She recounts an experience of masturbation feeling
incongruent in her body, and eliciting the feelings of panic and shame. This phenomena of
exploration of sexual self to immediate shame was found throughout many participants’
experiences, which signifies the gravity and complexity of the harmful teachings of purity
culture. This experience is represented in one of Katherine’s I poems:
I discover my body
I’m bad
Katherine's journey to closeness with herself began with acknowledging and
deconstructing these harmful beliefs. She questioned the rigidity of her faith and societal
norms, seeking to understand her own sexuality and desires, and in these experiences the
theme of empowered connection with self emerged. Finding safety within her own body
became crucial, especially after experiencing sexual assault, which deepened her feelings of
disempowerment.

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Katherine's experiences also led her to become a therapist, allowing her to help others
who are navigating their own journeys of deconstruction. She describes a move marked by
the theme of empowered connection with self, where she tells clients who are in the midst of
spiritual deconstruction that “we get to make our own rules.” As she delved into
understanding her own body and desires, Katherine realized the importance of setting her
own rules and exploring her sexual identity without the confines of external judgments. She
pursued self-discovery through practices such as nude photography, dance, and engaging
with her partners in healthy ways that prioritize consent, communication, and pleasure.
Although she moved away from the imposed voice of theology of the body, this did
not make her immune to the imposed voice femininity ideologies. She struggled with body
image due to societal standards and even developed an eating disorder to fit into the
prescribed mold of desirability. She further describes her experience of needing to perform
both in her body image and her sexual orientation, as she notes:
I thought my whole life that my only option of sexuality was to like a man. And so,
my life changed and adapted to that, and performed in that way. That was that what I
was supposed to do, and that’s what women like to do. And women like wore push up
bras, even if they were uncomfortable. And we, you know, wore shoes, even though
they're uncomfortable, and we like shave our legs, even when we had rashes and all
this changing, performing.
The theme of disconnection from herself and others was heard as she expressed this need to
perform, which was found to be a major theme amongst participants. Voices of self-hatred

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and shame were weaved throughout her experience of needing to perform and fit societal
standards of femininity.
One of the most poignant statements that stood out to the research team when
analyzing Katherine’s interview was when she notes her experience of sexuality education
(both religious, and not):
I think, like all my education right again, taught me nothing really about my body, for
that it was bad totally, and I have this being that I don't know how it works, but I do
know that all the ways it does work is bad. I don't know how it works. I can't stop the
bad that right? So, it's like for a life. It's like having you know, an abusive parent
screaming at you at the top of your lungs, that you're horrible and screaming. How
can I not be? And then refusing to tell you what to do to not be horrible. And so
eventually, yeah, you're going to do everything to get out of that body and get away
because you have no other options.
Moving towards the end of the interview, Katherine’s voice of departing from the imposed
emerges, which offers a sense of hope and advocacy for the future. Themes of connection
with self and others evolved, as she described what needs to change in the education system
and purity culture setting. This sense of injustice and advocacy for what is missing, what
needs to be changed, and what needs to be taken away within sexuality education was found
among many participants. Katherine participated in the focus group member check; she has
given permission for her self-portrait to be included in her narrative.

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Figure 2. Katherine’s Self-Portrait

Chelsea
Chelsea’s earliest recollection of her sexuality education started approximately
around four or five years old during a church service. She describes,
my very first interaction with anything sexual that anyone ever told me about was I
was like, maybe like 4, 5, and I was sitting on a church pew in a dress, and I started
like touching myself a little bit through my dress, and just kind of rubbing myself.
And my dad looked over, and he like said, ‘I know what you're doing.’
She was rebuked by her father for touching herself, which created deep feelings of guilt. As
she grew up in a Christian home that emphasized purity culture, the guilt was experienced
whenever she masturbated for most of her childhood and adolescence. In seventh grade, the
formal education provided by the Christian school further embedded these feelings of shame

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by teaching that it was more righteous to not have sex outside of marriage. The sex education
lesson took place in her school’s chapel with her whole grade. Chelsea notes that the sex
education was vague, she “didn't even know that the penis went in the vagina.”
In twelfth grade at Bible camp, Chelsea confessed to the ‘sin’ of masturbation by
writing on a paper. She describes this experience,
we did this practice like practice, I guess, where, like we wrote down a sin on a piece
of paper and nailed it to a cross, and the leader said, like if you do that sin again, it's
like a slap in Jesus's face … I wrote masturbation, and I was like, I cannot slap Jesus
in the face. So that drove me for the first time since I was in grade 2 to stop for a
whole year…
In recalling this period of refraining from masturbation, Chelsea sarcastically stated that only
assistance from the Lord gave her the strength to refrain from masturbating.
When Chelsea speaks from the voice of yearning, she is immediately struck with the
voice of shame: “At times it was fantasizing about someone, and then feeling guilty.” This
prominent theme was common amongst participants. The experience of desire and
exploration is met with shame due to the imposed voices that taught participants that their
longing was sinful or that they are inherently bad for experiencing desire.
In young adulthood, Chelsea experienced shame regarding her sexuality particularly
in her first relationship. She notes that in her first relationship, “we like dry humped, and I
was so ashamed of it like, so, so, so, so ashamed.” The reader can feel the voice of shame
emerge. In Chelsea’s second relationship, her feelings towards her sexuality had started to
shift, which led to engaging in sexual activity earlier than in her first relationship. She notes

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that, “we progressed to oral within just under 3 months. And there was, I was kind of
transitioning into like, is this a guilt thing, or is this good like I don't know?” The voice of
confusion develops in conjunction with the voice of curiosity. This experience exhibits that
Chelsea is starting to untangle what was imposed onto her from her authentic self. Her
second partner requested moaning during sexual activity, which felt like a performance for
Chelsea. In Chelsea’s third relationship, she experienced a shift from performative moaning
into enjoying the activity. She also notes that in this relationship, “it was oral again, and I just
had so much fun.” The voice of joy appears when recalling her exploration of sexual
experience more recently. This experience also highlights that becoming a performer was
found to not be inherently disempowering for the participants. Rather, the experience of
disconnection emerged when participants were deemed the default performer, which will be
discussed more explicitly in the voices of imposition section below.
Chelsea also recounted how she had thoughts about being a lesbian. The voice of
confusion were heard, as she described, “But there's a little part of me that wonders if, I
would enjoy doing something with a woman.” She mentioned that she is convinced she is
heterosexual with a very slim possibility of being bisexual. Chelsea expressed her confusion
to her family about potentially being a lesbian and received an empathetic and supportive
response from her mother and grandmother. Her father was less supportive in his response.
Chelsea has undergone transformation in her feelings towards sexuality, which is
conceptualized in this research as the voice of departing from the imposed. She has made
significant strides in exploring her sexuality, where she expresses the empowering and

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freeing experiences she had had in her sexuality. She further describes her shifts from places
of restriction and shame to exploration and curiosity, as she notes,
my first encounters with what it was definitely gave me a very long time of thinking it
was wrong and stuff, and I’d say it was slightly damaging and that I've had to heal
from it and my newer sex education has just been in me exploring and like letting
culture teach me.
The theme of empowered connection to self surfaces, shifting away from the imposed voice
of theology of the body and purity culture. This shift is represented in one of her I Poems:
I started masturbating
I deserve to feel good
I feel
I feel
Chelsea is another participant who created a clay self-portrait during the focus group portion
of this study:
Figure 3. Chelsea’s Self-Portrait

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Chelsea notes that the first image represents her virginity that she protected. The swords are
pointing outwards, in an effort to protect her virginity. In her interview, she described herself
as a “vaginal virgin,” meaning that she had never had vaginal sex. She created the second
self-portrait to illustrate that since her interview, she is no longer a vaginal virgin. The third
and final self-portrait represents how she currently experiences a sexual concern similar to
vaginismus. Whenever she has penetrative sex, it hurts because her vagina is smaller. The
penises are meant to symbolize swords pointing inwards; the pain has become targeted. She
is now undergoing therapy to explore the sexual pain, and how to move towards enjoying
penetrative sex.
Sarah
Sarah describes her experience of sexuality education as very fragmented. She grew
up in a Christian household that held to the tenets of purity culture. She notes that her parents
never talked about it with her ever. She recalls her first formal experience of sexuality
education, as she notes,
the first time I ever had any formal sex education was probably in elementary school.
I think I was in maybe grade 5. And from what I remember it was mostly about like
the guys went in one room, and the girls went in that other room, and the girl teachers
taught the girls and the boy teachers taught the boys. And all I remember from that is
like at, you know, you might get your period, which means you like bleed out of your
vagina for a week every month, and here’s how to use a tampon and a pad, and you
might get body hair, you yeah, like your body will start changing.

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In elementary school, the focus was solely on anatomy and physical changes. The topic of
sexual attraction, romantic feelings, and sexual intercourse was entirely absent from the
curriculum. She notes that even in grade 12 biology, the emphasis remained on biology and
procreation, with heteronormative teachings. The voice of advocacy emerged as she recounts
these experiences. In her descriptions, there was an undertone that she deserved better
education than she was given. As well, she describes, “I was just kind of like, I don’t know
anything, what are you talking about. It was very awkward, I definitely did not feel like
comfortable or safe, and it was kind of just like, let’s get this over with.” The feelings of
unsafety and discomfort in this formal learning environment was found to be where the
voices of disconnection and restriction arose.
As a result of her early development, Sarah felt awkward and different from her
peers. The messages of purity culture added to her discomfort, leading her to associate shame
with her sexual desires. She expresses how within purity culture, “If you have a sexual
desire, then you have to like snap an elastic around your wrist to like dissociate that.” The
theme of disconnection from self characterized her experiences in these settings. Being a
lesbian further complicated her understanding of her sexuality, as she struggled to fit into the
narrow framework she was taught. The voice of confusion emerged prominently, as she
recounts,
all I knew is that it's supposed to be man and women, and anything else is not okay
and right. So, it was just like a lot of confusion and overall, just feeling like if I look
at someone or notice someone and feel attracted to them or feel like, oh, they're really
good looking. And then that's like got to shut it down, and it's wrong. Yeah. And so, I

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think like I felt very disconnected to my sexuality and sensuality because I was taught
this, this very narrow framework, and I just knew that I didn’t fit into that.
These experiences of confusion left Sarah feeling corseted and inauthentic to who she was.
Sarah learned to separate her attraction from her actions, suppressing her true desires
and conforming to societal expectations. Her sexual encounters with men left her feeling
disconnected and traumatized, as she describes that is what she “had to do.” The voices of
imposed femininity ideologies and confusion surfaces, as she described wrestling with her
sense of incongruence. She carried the belief that her feelings for women would eventually
fade away if she found “the right guy.” The pressure to perform in relationships, especially
with male partners, was prominent in Sarah’s story, as with most participants. One of Sarah’s
I Poems represents this experience:
I feel very disconnected,
I like, consented,
I could just not be in my body,
I was just watching
Is this what I was supposed to be doing?
I don’t know.
She felt like she was playing a role, being a chameleon to fit the expectations placed upon
her. This lack of authenticity and voice in her sexual encounters left her feeling
disempowered. As Sarah got older, she began to question the teachings she received and
sought alternative perspectives. She started to unlearn the narrow worldview she had been

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exposed to and began exploring her true desires. The voice of departing from the imposed
was heard when she recounts some of her present experiences with sexuality. Sara notes,
like in the past year or 2, I have actually started to finally feel like connected, like
experience sexuality that feels like right and authentic, and not forced and not
awkward. So, it really, I really had to unpack the shame and baggage, and also
coming out has really helped that.
There is empowered connection to self present in her experiences. This process of unlearning
and exploration allowed her to feel more embodied, authentic, and empowered in her
sexuality. She describes what this process has looked like for her as she beautifully states,
I think a huge part of it was just like deciding to leave and scrap it all, and like just
kind of start from scratch. So that was like a really first, a first really helpful step, and
I think I needed that. Yeah. And so, like it's looked like, I mean even partly like even
just listening to myself and like research is helpful and listening to podcasts or
reading books have been super helpful, but just listening to what my body wants and
you know as I experience sex as a woman with other women like, what do, ‘How
does my body feel when I’m doing that?’ And what's the difference? And I think
overall, I just kind of try to, I don't know. I just try to listen to like if this feels right in
my body, and I feel present, and I’m not trying to escape and I'm not like
spectatoring, then I think that's a good experience. So, I’m just gonna keep following
that feeling.

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Ultimately, there is a dramatic shift in Sarah’s experience, from being characterized by
shame and disconnection, to moving towards wholeness and authenticity in connection with
her sexuality and body.
Doris
Doris recalls her early experiences of sexuality education in Grade 9, as she notes that
she does not “remember getting a lot out of the experience.” She remembers that the people
in the class mostly treated the information as a joke. This lack of meaningful education left
her with unanswered questions. She relied on slightly older friends and her sisters to learn
about certain aspects of intimacy, but the overall environment made her hesitant to ask
important questions. Doris also recalls her mother's awkward and uncomfortable reaction to
her older sister’s dating experiences, which made her decide to keep her own romantic
relationships secretive. The theme of disconnection from others emerged when Doris
recounts her experience of keeping secrets.
In high school, Doris witnessed a shift where being sexual became a mark of social
status rather than an authentic experience of desire. The voice of imposed femininity
ideologies was heard when Doris described this shift. She recalls an uncomfortable encounter
at a party in high school where she felt pressured by a boy who started kissing her, and noted
feeling like participating was the expectation. The theme of disconnection from self surfaced
as she recalled this experience. The experience parallels with many other participants’
experiences; they felt like they had no autonomy, and they had to participate in the activity
because that is what was expected of them.

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Following a difficult relationship experience, Doris detached from her own sexuality
and decided to take a break from dating for a couple of years. She recalls that during that
time she “was very disconnected from those decisions in that progression, and it ended really
terribly surprise. And I feel like after it ended, I really was just like okay, We're not going to
do that.’” Despite the distancing, there was a glimmer of authenticity that emerged in her
story. Much like other participants, Doris describes how she lost touch with her self in the
relationship, but a sense of knowing herself and knowing what she needed emanated as she
noted that she will not be in a relationship like the previous one again. This emergence of
connection is conceptualized in this study as the voice of departing from the imposed, which
will be discussed more broadly in the following sections.
Despite this disconnection, Doris remembers moments of genuine freedom and
excitement, such as her first kiss. The voice of joy emerges, as she describes the giddiness
that accompanied exploring her sexuality and feeling close to another person. However, she
also reflected on times when she felt detached from her own pleasure, recalling instances
where she faked orgasms or engaged in flirtation for free drinks. In recounting this previous
experience of having to fake an orgasm, she notes
one particular situation that was yeah, wildly disembodied. Now that I have that
language to like to put to this situation. And when I think about it like nothing about it
was for me it all felt like a favour to another person.
The expression of her sexuality was done not for herself, but for another. This experience
became objectifying for Doris as she described that this sexual experience was not an

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exception, but the rule. She was the default performer, a concept that will also be further
discussed in following sections.
Throughout her experiences, Doris notices a common theme of feeling the need to
perform to fit societal expectations. She questions, “if I’m not a sexual person, if I’m not
sexualized, like what's the point?” Doris wrestles with who she is, outside of being
sexualized. Moreover, the sexualization of her body is so embedded into her psyche that she
questions the meaning of her sexuality without such objectification. Compounding this, she
notes that she struggles with comparison to idealized images on social media. The theme of
disconnection from self and imposed voices of femininity ideologies are prominent
throughout her descriptions.
However, she also finds empowerment in expressing herself through vibrant and fun
outfits, which she sees as an embodiment of her sexuality. She recalls how her experience of
wearing the clothes she wants to wear became a source of empowerment, as she describes,
I thought, ‘why am I not wearing my fancy clothes every single day, why am I not
dressing in a way that I feel good and look cute in totally every single day.’ And so, it
was just kind of like, yeah, embodying in that like, I have that autonomy to make that
decision.
The theme of connection with self emerged the use of clothing and is apparent in one of her I
Poems:
I wear
I feel
I wear

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I feel
I don’t know
I feel good
Ultimately, Doris acknowledges the complexities within her own relationship with sexuality.
She seeks a deeper understanding of her desires and autonomy, aiming to embrace her
sexuality on her own terms and rejects societal pressures.
Kelly
Kelly grew up in a non-Christian family, but had a Christian grandmother where she
received many purity culture values and messages from. At the age of 5, Kelly’s grandmother
told her that if she had sex before marriage she would go to hell. Kelly spent the rest of her
elementary years feeling alone and unable to talk about what was happening for her. The
voice of imposed theology of the body was prominent throughout her description, with the
specific characteristic of fear mongering. She describes how during her first sexual
experience, “that's all I could have in my head was my grandma telling me I was going to
hell.”
When she was 10 or 11, Kelly brought up masturbating to her mom. The response she
got was her mom bringing her a bunch of library books for Kelly to read on her own. Kelly
was curious and had so many questions, and so one evening at the dinner table she asked her
dad if he ever had wet dreams. As a 10-year-old, the question itself made her cry and she ran
away from the dinner table. The library books were returned because she was not “mature
enough” to handle the information, as noted by her mother, and Kelly’s questions were left
unanswered. The voice of confusion emerged throughout her experience, as well as the voice

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of shame. Kelly’s parents’ reactions may have led her to feel like she needed to hide and not
ask questions, in other words: shame.
She recalls in middle school how her sexuality education involved an older teacher
teaching the kids how to put a condom on a banana. She notes, “I don't remember learning
anything, so I was like, I’m never doing that.” Instead, Kelly found her own answers about
sexuality through pornography throughout middle school. These initially filled the gaps in
her sexual education but over time filled her with shame around the way her body looked as
well as her desire for sex. The pornography brought expectations around sex and sexuality.
Kelly expresses,
this is how women's bodies look, and are supposed to look, and mine didn't fit all of
those like parameters. And so, I had, I left that with a lot of like body image concerns
particularly related to sexuality, and I feel like over sexualizing myself.
The feeling of over-sexualization led Kelly to greater feelings of desire and
expressing that through masturbation. In these descriptions, the voice of yearning was found.
Initially, masturbation was an empowering experience for her. Kelly remembers a time when
she felt desire in her experience of masturbating. Although this was at church camp, with her
being in the top bunk and her grandmother in the bottom bunk, she recalls that it was an
intimate experience that she journaled about it in an effort “unearth this experience by
[her]self.” The voice of curiosity emerged, as well as the theme of empowered connection
with self that was not yet tainted by social and religious pressures around sexuality.
Kelly shared that when other people began to become involved with her sexual
experiences, she experienced more shame and anxiety. She compared the intimacy she felt

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when she was alone masturbating, to greater amounts of shame when being with others in
sexual experiences. She described how sexting became a part of her relationship with others,
and she started to take on a specific role of what other’s wanted of her. She notes,
I think, from all the things that I had seen and watched like, this is what you do. This
is what your value is, and I think that was just a general shift for me from elementary
to middle school, like right of feeling like my value, was more in my body, and so
like before that I think there was, I felt a lot of value from like athletics and
academics and stuff, and then people were like commenting on that less and more on
my body. And so that just became like, okay, this is this is what you all want. So here
it is, that kind of, that kind of energy about it.
The theme of disconnection with others, specifically the voice of shame, was heard
throughout her descriptions. Her sense of worth shifted from being about her achievements
and inherent value, to being about her body and what her sexuality could offer. Kelly’s
reflection on this shift is represented in her I Poem:
I didn't feel this way at 13.
I felt like
I was always the problem.
I feel like
I'm too sexual or
I'm not sexual enough.
When other’s voices started to speak into Kelly’s life and her sexuality started to be defined
and controlled by others, she became distanced from the intimacy she once felt with herself.

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As well, confusion and wrestling surfaced: she was either too sexual or not sexual enough to
please others.
In her first sexual experience, she could not get her grandmother’s voice out of her
head. She also realized now how pornography created expectations around what sexual
activity should look like for her. She notes, “It was like, okay, this is like supposed to be the
peak experience says all this porn I've watched. This is like what the women love most, and I
don't like it.” The voices of shame and confusion once again unfolds, as she wrestled with
how her experience was not aligning with pornography had taught her. These expectations
and performance related anxieties around sex continued throughout high school. She
described how the social beauty standards were affecting her to such an extent that she,
really seriously looked at Labiaplasty like, I really had an idea about what my body
was supposed to look like and had a lot of shame about what it looked like and like,
yeah, was actively taking steps to do that.
The voice of shame and imposed voice of femininity ideologies continued to unfold in her
narrative. This experience of wanting to alter her appearance, in order to conform to social
pressures led to an intense experience of disconnection from herself.
During college she made two key friendships that were more liberal and feminist and
showed her what a shame-free sexuality looked like. In her descriptions of her friends, the
theme of connection with others emerged. Moreover, there was an undertone of closeness
and being seen in one’s authentic self. These friends encouraged her to have a one-night
stand before she graduated. She described her one-night stand as unremarkable but largely an

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empowering moment. The theme of empowered connection with self was found in here in
her story.
In the present day with her husband, Kelly experiences her sexuality as ebbing and
flowing between connection and disconnection. When she “can get out of [her] head”, she
can receive oral sex without concerns about body image or performance with her husband.
She has also learned through sex therapy about how stress relates to her physiology and how
her and her partner function differently.
The voices of connection and openness are prominent in the final moments of her
narrative. There is an apparent shift for her in how she experiences her sexuality. She has
moved into feeling more freedom, than restriction, which brings a note of hope.
Celine
Celine's journey of understanding her sexuality is intricately tied to her faith. She
found comfort in the belief that God, as a sexual being, created humans in His image,
affirming the significance of our own sexuality. For her, sex is a transcendent and spiritual
experience that fosters a deep entanglement with another person. Growing up in a Mennonite
Christian private school, Celine received basic education about menstruation in fifth grade.
When she got her period the following week, she experienced an intense feeling of shame.
The formal sex education that followed in seventh grade was Christian-based and focused on
God's intended purpose for sex. While reproductive anatomy was discussed, there was a lack
of comprehensive information about safe sex practices.
Celine's early exposure to sexual images on the internet sparked curiosity, which led
to her noting “it felt good and it also didn’t. It also felt kind of scary.” She experienced

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complicated emotions surrounding her early exposure to sexual images and pornography. She
described that she may have developed a pornography addiction, which elicited deep shame
and guilt. The voice of shame was prominent in this section of her narrative. She bravely
confided in her parents who provided a supportive and accepting response. The theme of
connection with others was prominent in her description, as she notes,
that was such a pivotal moment for me. Because, yeah, they just like it. It went from
being something that felt like I was a terrible, awful person and like to the core and I
could never be loved to being like, oh, this is much different than I thought like. This
is normal. Everyone has like, probably tried this or like. Yeah, yeah. So, or if not,
then the desire is still shared by everybody like it just was, yeah, it was such a
positive experience for me.
In contrast to the church's messaging, Celine's parents offered a more open and lighthearted
approach to sexuality, which contributed to her healthier perspective. She depicts them as the
“antidote” to the harmful messages of the church; this description of her parents is
characterized by such a beautiful voice of closeness and being seen by others, which is
representative of the theme of connection with others.
Along with her parents, media played a significant role in her education. In one sense,
media worked to normalize sexuality and sexual acts. In another sense, media began to shape
her perceptions of body image and leaving her feeling distanced from her own desires and
sensations. Specifically, Celine was left confused around how larger bodies experience their
sexuality, as she describes:

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I never saw people in those TV shows who had bodies like mine, or bodies like my
parents. Because my parents are both like obese. So even though I had heard these
jokes and messages about my parents from them of like of like having sex. At the
same time, a little part of me was like, ‘Oh, but that must have just been in the past.
That must have just been when they were skinny because they were like fat people
don’t really have sex. Like how would they even do that physically?’ I remember
having that question in my head. And just feeling like, I think that really like was a
message for me has made sex and being a sexual being hard. Because people in these
movies and shows never really look like me.
The imposed voice of femininity ideologies was found, as Celine recalls the lack of media
representation of her body informed her views of sexuality and sex. Further, feeling selfconscious about her appearance during intimate moments hindered her ability to fully engage
with her own feelings and experiences. The voices of self-hatred and disgust emerged as she
reflected on parts of her own body that she does not think are sexy or appealing, as well as
when she reflected on noticing the way her mom’s body looked as she was growing up.
Celine describes empowered connection with her husband, as she experiences
pleasure, desire, and closeness in that relationship. However, Celine acknowledges that she
finds herself feeling more restricted than open presently. She notes that her current stress of
being in school and the wrestling with the previous messages she received from religious
settings affects her ability to remain present in her body. She expresses how she feels like
she, “should like move [her] body differently during sex. Because if [she] move[s] a certain
way, then [she] look[s] a certain way. And if [she] look[s] a certain way, then [she’s] more

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attractive.” The voice of imposed femininity ideologies emerges. The belief that she needs to
perform to be more desirable is heard in her experience. She also recounts her expectations
regarding how she was meant to turn on the desire ‘light switch’ once married, a concept
which will be further discussed in following sections. Essentially, her religious upbringing
communicated to her that she needed to suppress her desires before marriage, but once
married, she needed to know how to perform and please sexually.
Celine longs for a sense of embodiment and wants to bring her whole self to the
experience of intimacy. The voice of yearning surfaces, alongside Celine’s the voice of
departing from the imposed. At times, societal expectations and the pressure to perform often
cloud her ability to be present. Conflicting messages from the church, her parents, and media
have left her grappling with conflicting beliefs and understanding about sex and sexuality.
Despite this, Celine recognizes the value of her parents' normalization of sex and her school's
emphasis on relational aspects, which have positively influenced her “in-touchness” to her
own sexuality. She ends her narrative with a powerful tone of hope and desire for connection,
which is illuminated in her following I Poem:
I was
I feel
I’m taking
I want
I’m learning.

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Kerry
Kerry's journey of self-discovery and understanding her sexuality has been a deeply
personal and challenging experience. Growing up, she was taught that sex was exclusively
between a man and a woman within the confines of Christian marriage. However, the rigid
and legalistic nature of Christianity made her views on intimacy more complex. As she
explored her own desires, she realized she was a highly sexual person, but being a Christian,
she felt she had to repress those feelings, leading to guilt and conflicting emotions. Kerry
describes this experience as she notes,
I definitely think that the forbiddenness of it made it more tantalizing and exciting to
me. So, I feel like being a Christian, almost made me more sexual in a way like
repressing those feelings like those feelings combined with like the guilt. I think
conditioned me today in a way that like I still feel shame even in the context of
marriage when it comes to sex.
Kerry's limited formal sex education came from books given by her mother, and she even
learned about sexual intercourse through a dream at a young age. Informally, her father's salt
and pepper analogy highlighted the irreversibility of certain actions (once the salt is shaken
out of the shaker, it cannot be put back in). While she did receive a lecture on STDs in
school, it seemed insufficient and lacked intentionality. Only through personal experiences,
such as sexual intimacy and a human sexuality class, did Kerry begin to feel more informed
and empowered. Much like other participants, societal pressure to conform to male
expectations and a lingering sense of shame have corseted her. Kerry describes how her
experience of desire conflicted with the messages she had received from purity culture, as

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she notes, “it was from a place of like just wanting love and connection with someone or
wanting to feel desired. And I felt so ashamed of that.” The voice of shame and imposed
voice of theologies of the body were present in her narrative. She notes the belief that her
worth was connected to her sexuality was deeply ingrained, as she recounts “guys would
want me sexually, and then not want anything to do with me when it wasn't sexual, it's just
really ingrained like, oh, I’m not really valuable, all they want me for is that.”
The pain she experiences during sexual encounters adds to her anxiety and further
separates her from her own sexuality. The theme of disconnection from self, specifically the
voices of shame and fear are present. She notes, “as I entered into my first like real
relationship, I was then again, practicing faith or Christianity and anytime I would do
anything sexual, it was shrouded in shame. And then now, as an adult, it's shrouded in like
pain.” The bodily distancing that she experiences as a result of the pain is conceptualized in
this study, as disconnection as protection. In other words, she disconnects in order to keep
herself safe in her body and sexuality. The experience of sexual pain has been so pervasive in
her life that she notes, “every time there's been a connection, the connection doesn't override
the disconnection for me.”
Kerry describes some moments of “in-touchness” and closeness before she started
experiencing sexual pain. The themes of connection with self and others emerged as she
recounts,
I would say the very small bubble little pocket of that that I had was yeah like my first
month of marriage. Because I like I didn't feel shame. I felt liberated. I felt free.
There's no pain, except obviously, when we first started, because it hurt, but, like it,

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was just us being sexual beings, and like communicating in that way, and outside of
like in shame or guilt, just us in pleasure, it was amazing.
She was able to move past the shame and guilt that was instilled into her, and move into a
space of desire, wanting, and pleasure. The theme of connection with self is prominent. As
well, the voice of joy is apparent, as she describes how amazing the sexual experience was for
her.
The complexity of her relationship with her sexuality and her husband, and the
experience of pain within that, is represented in her statement:
I definitely feel the pressure to like, perform, and like I feel really guilty when, like
we do things. And I start feeling pain, or I start feeling disconnected. Or, like anxious
and uncomfortable, and I have to pull away, and, like [husband’s name] feels bad and
I feel bad, and he has also been conditioned in a way that, like the way he
communicates to me sometimes is very like male pleasure privilege, and like he
doesn’t really know. But like if he says that it's okay, it's okay. I'm like, don't
patronize me and tell me it's okay, like I understand you want pleasure, and you just
can't so it’s fine. I like it just feels very like I disconnect from him in that moment,
because I’m like we're in this together.
The layers of voices within this excerpt are profound. Kerry’s themes of disconnection from
self and others are the most prominent, as she reports pulling away and distancing herself
from her husband and his instilled beliefs. As well, the imposed voice of femininity ideologies
is layered in, as she describes the experience of needing to perform for another. The most
striking element found in this statement is the theme of empowered connection with self.

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Although difficult to spot, this theme transcribes when she expresses what she knows she
needs and deserves. There is an undertone of autonomy and power in her voice that is
striking to the listener.
Kerry yearns for change and acknowledges the need for advocacy in her sexual health
and education. She believes her upbringing and lack of comprehensive education have
contributed to her sexual problems, while also recognizing that her higher education has
cultivated empowerment and autonomy over her body. She explores how education can both
empower and inhibit one’s sexual journey, as she describes:
I think the education, like my sex human sexualities class definitely [made me more
empowered]. Like there was one night, my teacher talked to me about something, and
I came home, and [husband’s name] and I were able to have sex. So, I think definitely
there's something to be said about that. But then there's also it's like a very give and
take for me, because sometimes if I’m overly like, I think about it, and I think about
like what I’m being taught, and I feel frustrated because I’m like well, I can't do it. I
can’t experience the same sexual freedom and like I sometimes questioned if I’m
asexual because of like, how hard it is for me to get turned on lately.
Kerry speaks to the complicated effects of education, and how the realities of our bodies may
leave individuals feeling further disconnected from themselves and more prone to
experiences of aloneness or frustration.
Kerry was another participant who created a self-portrait in response to an I poem, in
the focus group portion of this study.

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Figure 4. Kerry’s Self-Portrait

She offered this statement alongside her portrait:
My thought process behind it was portraying my own views of self as a sexual object.
I took inspiration from a section of my I poem that stated I felt like I needed to
perform. I think this need came from always being sexualized from a young age and
viewing my own body as a means to garner sexual attention. I thought attention =
affection. This view of self is routed in my own over sexualization of my own body.
Anna
Anna recalls her first sex education experience with her mother when she was around
10 years old. She had no prior knowledge and was surprised by the explanation of how sex
worked; she struggled to understand the mechanics of it. The voice of confusion was present
in this description. She noted that she was “the most curious of [her] friends.” Although her

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friends found the topic disgusting and wanted to avoid discussing it, Anna wanted to know
more and explore what sex and sexuality were. The voice of curiosity emerged as she offered
this reflection. Influenced by her Christian upbringing, Anna reflects on another formative
sexuality education teaching:
But I do remember listening to like a man on the tape or the CD. I remember him
telling a story about how you see your purity is like a water balloon, and every time
you cross a line or do something, it's like poking a hole in the water balloon, and
eventually it all drains out.
The voice of imposed theologies of the body begins to develop in her narrative, which further
leads into the voices of disconnection and resistance more prominently unfolding.
As Anna entered puberty, the voices of shame and curiosity are heard:
you know, were my were my boobs growing was, was I like, all the all the questions
that you have as you're hitting puberty as a young girl and having a sense of
excitement about it, excitement about stepping into womanhood and I do remember
feeling shame about that excitement.
Influenced by teachings from purity culture, Anna associated her sexuality with a sense of
duty and service, believing that her purpose was to please men. She often found herself
disembodied during sexual encounters, sometimes intentionally zoning out or shutting off her
desires to avoid guilt.
The theme of disconnection from self is present in this piece of her narrative. Anna's
experiences were largely performance-based, where she felt the need to impress and satisfy
her partners while suppressing her own pleasure. Anna exemplifies this notion, as she

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describes, “I can't think of a time other than on my own, when a sexual experience I've had
wasn't performance based.” The voice of imposed femininity ideologies theologies of the body
are heard, as she recounts this sense of duty and performance. She notes, “It almost like my
duty. It's my role.” She faked orgasms and struggled to find satisfaction on her own through
masturbation. The theme of empowered connection with self appears, as she describes an
experience where she was able to reach orgasm using only her hand, which leads to deep “intouchness” with her body. There are layers of voices within this experience. Overall, there is
a sense of empowerment and openness in her body, and pride that she was able to reach
orgasm using only her hands. Within this experience, there is also shame and restriction.
These voices may be beginning to emerge due to the sexuality education that she received
around masturbation and remaining pure.
As she entered a committed relationship with her fiancé, they decided to abstain from
sex until marriage. However, Anna still grapples with feelings of guilt, swatting away her
partner's advances and feeling sorry for herself and him, as she notes,
I still like, find myself swatting his hands away or something, and saying I’m sorry,
and apologizing and always in my head, I think to myself I don't need to say sorry,
like this is my way to serve him. But still feeling like, yeah. I’m sorry that you like
that you can't do this and that you can't be connected, to desires this way. And I think
also I’m sorry to myself, too that I can't engage in this.
The voice of shame was present in this piece of her experience. There appears to be feelings
of guilt that she is wrestling with, and feelings of sadness that she is having to wrestle with

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these desires in the first place. She desires to find a balance between authenticity and healthy
boundaries in their relationship but struggles with deeply ingrained beliefs and expectations.
The shame surrounding her desires and the rigidness of her sex education contributed
to her seeking answers independently through online resources and pornography. She
illustrates this sense of exploration,
I think it caused me to like, seek my own education, because and definitely a lot of
questions that I didn't feel comfortable asking like yeah, like, should I, should I be
able to have an orgasm like? Have I reached that point yet, like developmentally? Or
why can’t I? Should it feel like this? Questions that I like didn't feel comfortable
asking my friends yeah, or my parents or my teachers. So that I just like Google on
my own or just watch porn to find answers.
Reflecting on her experiences, Anna recognizes the tension between her freedom and
corseting in her sexuality. She describes this tension,
I know that connection is so healthy and important, but I do recognize that in the
connection it wasn't fulfilling for me it was very shameful to feel connected, whereas
the disconnection was the goal.
She was raised with the belief that her sexuality was sinful outside of marriage but struggled
with the detachment from her body that was expected. The disconnection didn't work for her,
and she felt shame even in moments of genuine connection. Anna acknowledges the long
road ahead in unlearning performance and discovering a healthier and more genuine
approach to her sexuality. One of her I poems exemplifies this journey towards a more
embodied stance:

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I’m continually healing
I think
I can
Anna was another participant who created a self-portrait during the focus group.
Figure 5. Anna’s Self-Portrait

Anna described that the long strands represent voices. These voices are pushing and pulling
at the cover. The voices impact whether she has a negative, shameful, or closed view of her
sexuality, or whether she feels free from that. There is a complex web within the strands that
symbolize the different messages, contexts, cultures, or voices of others over her lifetime that
have fed into her current view of self. These messages affect the closedness or openness of
the beautiful and mysterious idea of a healthy sexuality, which is the cover. These strands, or
voices, either push this idea open, or pull it closed. There are bigger strands that are more
successful in pulling or pushing the cover, and there are smaller ones that still contribute to
the openness or closedness.

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S
S begins by discussing her understanding of sexuality, gender, and sex, highlighting
how she perceives sexuality as a blend of one's sexual orientation, gender identity, and even
sensory experiences like touch and sight. She recalls her early experiences of sexual
education in Chinese primary school, where the topic was taught awkwardly and without
much depth. S recalls this experience,
But for my experience, the science teacher isn't very responsible, like he's just
showing this picture. This is it like you guys can leave the class if you want, if you
need to. But this is what we are going to mention for this class. The boys are like, oh,
like cheering up, and they are so chaotic where I can still remember, like the noises
beside me; but it wasn't a very pleasant and informative and knowledgeable place.
As they progress into middle school, S observes her peers exploring relationships, but felt
less inclined to participate due to her parents’ messaging around relationships. She describes
her parent’s reactions to seeing her peers dating,
So, my parents would disregard them, and also like criticize their relationship. So,
I’m like, oh, so it is dis-encouraged. So, I did not really develop my sexualization or
my sexual awareness to a very later stage compared to my peers.
S mentioned a brief phase where she explored presenting herself as more masculine,
challenging traditional gender roles. S recalls this period,
But I have a period where I got like sexual confusion. I don’t know if that is the right
term to use but my definition of sexual confusion is a stage where I am exploring
what is the difference between male and female, maybe the socialization concept of

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boys, girls, males, females. So, at that time, I cut my hair off just to be cool and
similar to the boys, and I would do boys stuff, and even put stripes over my chest to
make it smaller. I don't know, like, because my chest is a little, it's a little bit larger
than like other girls. And at that stage I feel a little bit awkward with that, so I did all
kinds of things to make it a little bit smaller. And also, I would intentionally mimic
what is expected in the gender of male. So yeah, I have such kind of period like that
and doing sports definitely, where girls are more expected to be sedentary and quiet.
The voices of confusion and curiosity emerged in this piece of the S’s experience. However,
this phase did not last long, and she started feeling more aligned to their female gender again.
However, in high school, S continued to feel a connection to the male gender but did not
fully embrace it outwardly. She describes,
But I still feel ashamed by my big chest until maybe later, high school … But after
that for high school I still feeling a little bit more connected to the male gender, but
not really acting a lot in that way in my high school around 13, 14, 16 years old when
I was 16 years old. But when all girls are wearing skirts, where, like which is the
school uniform, I would buy a pants, and wear pants, which is very eccentric action.
But I feel more connected. I just don't like skirts even till now, and stockings my
parents asked me to wear stockings which I hate them.
The voice of shame begins to develop, when describing the size of her chest. As well, the
theme of empowered connection with self and the imposed voice of femininity ideologies
begin to surface. She felt empowered and autonomous over her body when wearing pants,

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but started to feel an imposition when asked to where skirts, as they make her feel
uncomfortable in her body.
S engaged in some relationships but struggled with uncertainty. This uncertainty
extended into her sexual feelings, desires, and yearnings, where she reflected on moments
when she felt vulnerable and curious. S explored sexual experiences and attractions, but still
felt a sense of confusion at times, as she expresses,
But it's an exploration like he's teaching me how to hold hands, but not really kissing,
that one was later. But I got to know like just a little bit more about that later, like in
high school, I was discovering a little more with other boys even. I, I think that's in
middle school. When I was like identifying myself more as a male, I tried kissing
some girls but I do not really feel anything.
Throughout her development, S faced challenges with societal and parental expectations
regarding her sexual orientation. Her family encouraged her to be heterosexual and expected
her to reproduce. She described the intersecting cultural dynamics that are involved in her
parents’ expectations of her, as she notes:
I would say right now they doesn't really want me to be a lesbian, because I am the
only child of my family and they want me to reproduce, because I was born within
the one child policy in China, so um it is the child’s duty. But to your understanding,
to my parents understanding for me to be a heterosexual. But for me. I kind of obeyed
their idea of girls like wearing dresses during my primary school…
The voice of imposed theologies of the body begins to evolve in her narrative. The notion of
duty characterizes this sense of imposition on her. Although, she does note some “in-

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touchness” present, S recalls an experience where sexual desires and feelings begin to
emerge,
I do not really feel that much until one day I was like doing some exercises, for
example like plank and like those exercises and I feel like I am high with those
exercises. So, that’s kind of the first time I am feeling like oh, this is interesting, this
is good for having sexual experiences. But like the first stage of doing the exercise, I
feel like I am really good at doing those exercises, and they would bring up like
sexual feelings. So, but later on I feel like I got connected with some like sexual
organs. So, I kind of feel like some early sexual feelings or desires appearing.
The experience of being in her body through physical activity seems to have allowed her to
tune into the sexual desires that were suppressed by previous messaging. The theme of
empowered connection with self surfaces.
Reflecting on her sexual education, S believes that formal teachings had little impact
on her experiences, as they primarily focused on basic biological knowledge. Instead, her
sexual education and personal sexuality exploration intertwined in a continuous loop, shaping
her understanding and exploration of sexuality. This description of her experience was
further developed into a model that is discussed more broadly in following sections.
Kate
Growing up, Kate realized that society's assumption of everyone being heterosexual
and cisgender was limiting, and it wasn't until her young adulthood that she discovered
alternative ways of being and experiencing oneself and relationships. Labels played a role in
helping Kate understand herself better, as she explored different identities such as bi-

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romantic asexual or pan-romantic demisexual. Kate married a non-binary person and chose
not to have children, challenging the heteronormative notion of sexuality and family.
Rejecting the need to fit into an exact label, she embraced the idea of fluidity.
Kate's experiences with sex education were mixed. Some of her school experiences,
like the classes in elementary and middle school, provided some basic information about
menstrual cycles. She describes,
that was more focused on like periods and menstrual cycles. And I feel like, yeah, my
education of it was just like, yeah, this is gonna happen to you for like 3 to 7 days
every month until you're like old … So, yeah it was just a lot of like we, well, I didn't
know what was going on.
The voice of confusion is already starting to emerge in her narrative. This voice continues, as
she recounts, “We had the PE teacher do a sex education class one day, and that was a
middle-aged man who told us that sex hurts.” Along with confusion, the voice of advocacy
also started to surface. It seemed that Kate was not satisfied with the education that she had
received and wanted better.
Contrasting with her formal education, media played a significant role in shaping
Kate's understanding of her identity. Shows like Schitt's Creek introduced her to the concept
of pansexuality, where the main character describes, “I like the wine, not the label.”
Additionally, Sex Education portrayed characters who grappled with their sexual orientation
and asexuality, helping Kate realize that she could still experience intimacy without a strong
desire for sex. She recalls that this scene resonates with her experience,

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I think season 2 had a scene where one of the students is saying like she thinks
something is broken with her, and then the therapist is explaining what asexuality is
and saying like, ‘well, I still want to feel romance’ and that connected with me, too.
So, okay, so you can still be romantic and like asexual ish. But yeah, her example, of
just like not feeling hungry. It's like, oh. yeah, no, that's kind of me.
The theme of empowered connection with self begins to develop, as she describes this sense
of embodied knowing, as well as a sense of closeness with others as she expresses being seen
and understood by others.
Kate's Christian upbringing promoted the idea that individuals were non-sexual
beings until marriage, and once married being sexuality activity was the expectation. Her
family and church experiences were characterized by silence and avoidance of the topic
altogether, emphasizing that sex was reserved for marriage. Although she didn't have an
extreme experience, she felt a subtle pressure to detach from her body and avoid discussions
about sex. She describes this experience of out-of-touchness,
So, it wasn't so much that anyone in particular was telling me to like disconnect with
my body but there definitely was an emphasis on like your looks shouldn't matter
because, like God made you who you are and you’re special. So, it doesn't matter
what you look like, which was conflicting from the media of like, look at these pretty
superstars. And then yeah, the purity culture of you are a non-sexual, being. And then
you're gonna get married and become a sexual being.
The imposed voice of theologies of the body and the theme of disconnection from self emerge
in this piece of her narrative. She was taught to suppress her desires and feelings until she

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was married, which ultimately led to restriction of herself. This perspective proved somewhat
beneficial when Kate began facing health issues like endometriosis, anxiety, and depression.
It allowed her to disassociate from her body, which sometimes helped her cope, despite the
potential drawbacks.
This study is characterizing this kind of experience as disconnection as protection. In
order to keep herself safe, at times Kate would detach from her body because she was
experiencing chronic pain, as she notes, “I would do more disembodiment during sex of like
kind of yeah, watching myself from a distance, almost as like an energy saver.”
Discovering that she had endometriosis was a pivotal moment for Kate. While her
doctor's suggestion of endometriosis led her to do her own online research, Kate realized that
many women faced similar issues but remained silent due to social stigma. The theme of
connection with others began to emerge, as she realized that she was not alone in her
experience. At the same time, the voice of advocacy was heard as she was frustrated that she
had to find this out on her own. Her personal experiences with pain, both physical and
mental, made her question societal expectations of constant sexual activity and highlighted
the importance of understanding different definitions of intimacy. Furthermore, the
exhaustion she felt after sex led her to calculate the energy expenditure required, questioning
whether it was worth it in certain situations. She describes how this influenced her
relationship with her partner,
And then so that obviously created some relationship issues of me and my spouse
having different sex drives, and only because we communicate a lot about it. We did
research and counselling that we came to the conclusion of like, it’s alright if we do

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not have the same sex drive, like what are some alternatives or ways we can still both
get some of what we want or compromise.
The voice of curiosity was present, as she longed to understand more about her sexuality and
desires, and longed to feel connected to her partner despite her chronic pain.
Kate wrestles with the assumptions that people place onto her sexual identity, and her
partner as well, and yet at the same acknowledges that she was once in the place of casting
assumptions onto others. She notes,
And people also assume that I am married to a man, and it’s just in the last year that I
have been offended like oh, you see my wedding ring so that you just like, ‘Oh,
what's your husband's name?’ It's like well, her name. But I also am very aware that,
like I was in that spot, and had those assumptions, not that many years ago, and it is a
journey for people.
The voice of advocacy emerges, as she wants to ensure that everyone feels included and like
they belong.
Ultimately, Kate's understanding of sex education required a process of unlearning,
relearning, and acquiring new knowledge. She recounts this process of learning as the voice
of curiosity surfaces,
And we're all just kind of going around figuring things out. We all have worldviews
full of bias, which is affecting the way you’re teaching me so, making sure that I have
like kind of that awareness when I hear something, instead of just believing
something or just not believing something or just being angry at something someone
said, like looking at the like, ‘Where is this coming from?’

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She realized that her previous education had been limited to a heterosexual, cisgender,
monogamous perspective, neglecting other identities and relationship dynamics. As she
explored a non-monogamous relationship with her spouse, she discovered that the notion of
finding one person to fulfill all needs was unrealistic, challenging the narrative she had been
taught. The voice of departing from the imposed unfolds as she concluded her narrative.
Voices
Voices provide a window into the multiple parts of one’s inner world and experience.
The multiplicity of voice represents the interplay between the multi-layered psyche of
personal experience and the social and cultural backdrop that marks one’s embodied presence
in the world (Gilligan et al., 2003). Each participant offered a multitude of voices and
combinations of voices that were unique to them; however, themes in the voices were heard
across the participants. In this next session, the three groups of voices that emerged through
the participants’ stories will be presented. Each voice group will be explored in depth
through the themes and sub-voices that surfaced. The voices were determined through the
research team’s discussion on what voices connected with the research question, by whether
the voice was present in at least two of the participant’s interviews, and by whether the
research team determined the voice was significant.
Three main voice groups appeared through the analysis process: voices of connection
and openness, voices of disconnection and restriction, and voices of imposition. Within the
voices of connection and openness, there were three themes found: empowered connection
with self, connection with others, and the voice of departing from the imposed. Within the
voices of disconnection and restriction, there were three themes found: disconnection from

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self, disconnection from others, and disconnection as protection. Finally, within the voices of
imposition, there were two sub-voices that emerged: theologies of the body and femininity
ideologies. Within each of these sub-voices, there were distinct components that will be
presented in this chapter. These voices were found to be moving, shifting, and co-existing.
The voices interacted with one another, and at times led the individual to experience other
voices. These intricacies in voice demonstrate the dynamic and fluid internal experience of
the participants, and will be further discussed in this chapter.
Voices of Connection and Openness
The voices of connection and openness were one of the most significant voice groups
to surface across the participants’ interviews. These voices were deeply felt by speaker,
listener, and reader. Characterized by agency, advocacy, being with oneself, and having one’s
aloneness undone, these voices came through when participants described the experience of
feeling in-touch with themselves and others and feeling a sense of freedom in their bodies
and with others. As well, there was an undertone of humanity’s innate pull towards healing.
There are three themes that emerged through this voice: empowered connection with self,
connection with others, and the voice of departing from the imposed.
Empowered Connection with Self. One’s empowered connection with self was
characterized by two sub-voices: 1) the voice of curiosity, and 2) the voice of yearning. To
begin, participants recalled a few needs that were essential to their experience of empowered
connection with self: the need for bodily safety and bodily autonomy. Firstly, this component
of empowered connection with self was found to be needed in order for participants to feel

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free to explore their bodies and sexualities. Katherine speaks to the need for bodily safety,
and the effects that unsafety can have on women’s sexuality:
And so, first of all, finding safety in my body that has been able to find safety again
within, like my sexual identity as well, because when we don't feel safe in our body,
nothing really feels safe. And so obviously we're not going to find our bodies as
places of pleasure.
This component of the theme of empowered connection with self would often emerge when
participants described their younger selves. Further, there was a level of innocence that
participants noted that was soon taken from them as they grew up into teenagers and women.
One of Katherine’s I poems depicts this process across the lifetime:
I connect to my body,
I can keep myself safe.
I think
I got older,
I was,
I discover my body
I’m bad
Many participants described having to actively seek safety in their bodies. For example, as
Katherine recalled her experience of sexual assault, she reflected on how she had to relearn
how to feel safe in a body that had been assaulted. Not all participants currently felt safe
within their bodies; however, those that did noted the ability to be present with their bodies,
listen to their yearnings, and sometimes experience a transcendent moment. The need for

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bodily safety was found to be a critical component in women’s ability to be attuned with
themselves.
Another element to the theme of empowered connection with self is one’s experience
of bodily autonomy. Participants shared experiences of asserting autonomy over their bodies
and making choices that aligned with their values. For example, in Doris’ experience
previously noted, she recalls how much bodily autonomy she felt she had, when she wore the
clothes that made her feel empowered. For other participants, they recounted bodily
autonomy in relation to feeling the freedom to say no to engaging in sexual activities. This is
illustrated in one of Celine’s I poems:
I have a right
I can say no,
I can say yes,
I don't want that
Further, Celine recalls how she felt unrestricted when communicating with her husband
about not wanting to have sex at certain times, as she notes, “I know with him I feel yeah, I
feel like empowered to generally say what I like. There's space for me to say what I want.”
She describes that he provides a safe relationship for her to feel empowered by the bodily
autonomy she can enact. Another participant, Kate, recalls a similar sense of empowerment
with their partner, as she notes “I can just say no if I’m not feeling up for it, and like they
know, I still love them, and like we have a strong enough relationship.” Bodily autonomy
became another essential component for participants to feel connected to their selves.

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Curiosity. Within the theme of empowered connection with self, the voice of
curiosity was found. Participants shared their experience of exploring their sexuality and
desires in a safe and supportive environment. Often this environment was when the
participants were with only themselves, but not always. For example, Kelly described a time
when she was first starting to explore her body, and the excitement that accompanied this:
I don't think like I had read anything like, even in those books. I don't think it talked
about like, oh, here's how women masturbate. So, I don't think I knew anything about
it like I felt like I was on like a frontier like exploring like this new human experience
because I didn't, I didn't know any better. And yeah, what an exciting thing to be like
discovering about human body.
She expressed how attuned she felt to herself and empowered when she was able to explore
her sexuality, not for anybody else, but simply for herself. She continued:
But it was just like, yeah, it just felt so like connected like, oh, this is what I feel I’m
just going with it, and there was no like, that to me didn't feel shameful at the time. I
think it felt shameful when other people were directly involved. But the like figuring
out on my own was like, I don't know it just felt like, okay, this is like mystery I'm
unlocking and like I’ll get to this next level.
Kelly’s experience exhibits how the freedom to explore one’s body and sexuality in a safe
environment allowed her to feel more attuned with herself. In the next quote, Katherine’s
experience displays how one’s “in-touchness” with self flows into closeness with others, and
thereby broadens one’s voice of empowered connection to self:

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I think, starting from when I was 20, I start slowly taking nude pictures of myself just
for myself. No one else. I'm slowly like, you know, built up the, like the energy to
like show my partners. And you know, stuff like that where, like I get to move my
body and look at it all angles. And can really know it and explore it.
Both of these participants’ excerpts depict the significant role that freedom to explore plays
in one’s empowered connection with their self. In the focus group, participants described that
within one’s voice of curiosity, there was also a sense of mystery. This mystery was
illustrated by the participants as uncertainty, which was originally placed within the theme of
disconnection from self in preliminary analysis. However, the participants noted that
elements of uncertainty can actually be more freeing than restricting. Allowing space for the
mystery and uncertainty plays a role in one’s empowered connection to self, according to
participants in this study.
Yearning. An essential part of theme of empowered connection with self was the
participant’s freedom to experience pleasure and desire. This part is characterized by the
participants’ wanting and longing, not only for being with another in a sexual sense, but also
being close to self, for oneself. Sarah offers a picture of pleasure and desire:
I think I’m like I'm trying to see it as like part of it is having a body, but it's not just
about what I do with my body. It's also the emotions and feelings, and the physical
sensations and trying to have a more well-rounded approach to it rather than just like
being about having sex or intercourse. It’s about all these other too, like connection
and passion, and whatever.

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Participants described a wanting to be with themselves. Another participant, Anna, offers a
similar image:
I was able to make myself having an orgasm with only using my hands, and I felt like
so connected to my body, but so much shame! It was like such, I was like; I can do
this. I am able to do this. I don't need a tool. I can make myself feel this way just with
my own body. I can have my body, and I can enjoy it. But there's so much shame in
what I’m doing right now, or what I just did. That was a really, it was like so much
connection, but so much like disconnection.
In Anna’s experience, there were layers of shame and detachment alongside the empowered
connection to self. These voices of disconnection and restriction will be touched upon in
following sections; however, the ability to know herself, for herself is noteworthy. Anna’s
experience displays how participants were able to find closeness with themselves and
empowerment through individual pleasure and desire.
Connection with Others. One’s connection with others was characterized by two
sub-voices: 1) the voice of joy, and 2) the voice of advocacy. Firstly, it’s important to note
that characteristic to connection with others was the participants sense of closeness and being
seen by others. Some participants described that diverse representation in the media was
found to help participants normalize their experience and feel less alone When participants
noted diverse representation in media and resonated with characters or celebrities it made
them feel like they belong, and this theme emerged. For example, Kate recalls her experience
of watching TV shows that resonated with her:

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Media experiences that have shaped me have been Schitt's Creek and Sex Education
on Netflix. Schitt’s Creek taught me the term for pansexual, which is my spouse,
identifies as, and I was like, “oh that makes a lot of sense.” … In season one there is a
very good analogy of wine. I like the wine, not the label.
Kate expresses how important it was for her to see pansexuality represented in the media, as
it allowed her to learn about ways to describe her own sexuality that aligned with her core
self. These interview excerpts display that sexually diverse representation in media allows
women to connect to their authentic selves and to be close to others. In following sections on
voices of disconnection and restriction, and imposition, there will be a strong influence of
social media and traditional media negatively affecting women’s relationships with their
bodies; however, it is important to note the positive impact that women can experience
through more diverse representation in media.
Joy. A sub-voice in the theme of connection to others is the participants’ experiences
of joy through their sexuality. This sub-voice was heard when participants recalled
experiences characterized by levity, giddiness, and celebration around their sexual
experiences and sexuality in general. Examples include the anticipation and giddiness of a
first kiss, or the joy and celebration accompanied by not feeling shame while having sex.
Doris notes the excitement that accompanied a new sexual experience:
I think of my like, my very first kiss that I have … Boy, was not important. like the
situation was not important. But I think it was just like very exciting. And like, yeah, I
felt like really in my body, and I could tell my heart was beating fast and I was like
smiling and giggly … And I remember there was like this moment like where he

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leaned in to kiss me like the first time, and I kind of like backed away and panicked,
and then ran away, and then continued doing what we were doing and then he tried
again later, and like, I’m glad he tried again.
This experience of joy in newness allowed Doris to connect, not only to herself, but to others.
As well, Chelsea described her experience of sexuality activity as fun:
I still haven't had full on sex, but I've done like oral and stuff … And it's just fun like,
sexuality is fun … I don't know. It's actually quite empowering and freeing to be able
to do that. And after having those experiences like I feel amazing.
Through the experience of play and fun in their desires and sexuality, these participants
display how one’s joy and celebration are a key component of one’s ability to be intimate
with others.
Advocacy. Another sub-voice in the theme of connection with others was a sense of
advocacy. Within this part, a sense of injustice unfolds that moved the participants into an
action stance. This voice centers on the participant’s experiences of feeling like what they
received was not fair. They reported that the sex education they received was not adequate,
and they wished they received a better one. For example, Kerry describes, “And I feel very,
very empowered in advocating for other young women. Because yeah, the reason why is
because I have had like none.” Other participants communicated a sense of injustice
surrounding their experience of women needing to perform all the time for others, while men
do not have to. This led participants to want to seek change for themselves and other women.
As well, some participants expressed a sense of injustice surrounding sexual violence, as
Katherine notes:

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I am a massive advocate, for, like justice within, like sexual violence, and also when
we refuse to teach men about women's bodies, and men about women's like women,
about men's about women's bodies in like, you know, gender normative, like terms.
We create situations where people harm each other without even knowing, and then
because they're such a shame spiral, we create now like a cancel culture. No one
knows what questions to ask or where to go to, to learn safety.
Participants described experiences of advocating for others, and stepping up to teach younger
generations, which facilitated closeness to others. This voice was found to go hand-in-hand
with one’s voice of departing from the imposed, as participants expressed a sense of wanting
something different than what they had, and then moving into action to accomplish it.
Aloneness Undone. Ultimately, when participants felt close and connected to others,
this experience led to their aloneness being undone. Some participants expressed how they
felt a sense of togetherness with their partners, some noted feeling known by their parents,
and some described “in-touchness” with their peers or friends. Kelly offers an experience of
connection to her friends that allowed her to feel empowered:
But then I think of you know, my friends, that I met in college, and it was like, oh,
they're kind of empowerment and liberation that they, yeah showed me as well felt
really connecting and like, okay, I can, you know have a one night stand if I want to
and they're not gonna be like, oh, my God, you slut like, are you kidding? Nobody
ever! That was never on the table at all. They were like proud of me. They were like,
look at you go, and you like you're doing it.

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Celine describes feeling understood by her parents; she notes that the shaming messages she
was receiving about her sexuality from the church were counteracted by her parents’
acceptance of her and normalization of sex. In both of these experiences, the participants’
experience of aloneness was undone through the connection with another. These intimate
experiences allowed the participants’ to depathologize their sexuality and sexual experiences,
which brought about empowerment and authenticity.
Departing from the Imposed. Within the voice group of connection and openness,
the voice of departing from the imposed emerged. The imposed voices will be further
explored in coming sections. This voice centers on the participants experience of moving
away from the previously instilled ideas and norms that were placed upon them (this includes
both imposed theologies of the body and femininity ideologies). Sarah describes her
experience of moving on from the messages she received from her Christian upbringing:
I mean part of it like I think a huge part of it was just like deciding to leave and scrap
it all, … but just listening to what my body wants, and you know as I experience sex
as a woman with other women like, what do, how does my body feel when I’m doing
that? And what's the difference?
This voice gets differentiated from the voices of yearning or curiosity, because it combats a
previously voiced experience of imposition. Intrinsic to the voice of departing from the
imposed is freedom from what was dictated, invoked, and sanctioned by another. There is an
undertone of rebellion. The participant is in an active stance of unlearning and relearning.
Further, the participants describe choosing to believe something different and live out

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something different. Katherine exhibits this departure from the imposed in the following
quote:
Where I have found connectedness in my sexuality once again has been in pulling
away from those rigid belief systems. I have been … I have a model that I have
started to live by for the past few years, that's like “we get to make our own rules.”
With people in community or clients or friends, or like whatever people are like, “Is
this okay? This is okay?” And I’m like “we like, we don't belong to them anymore.
So, we don't belong to that anymore.” We actually in that like get to make our own
rules.
Noteworthy of this component within the voice group of connection and openness is that
when detachment was voiced by the participants, there was an undertone of empowered
connection with self that arose. When the participant would describe restriction, this voice
would often pull the participant towards a wanting of something different, something more
whole and true. Inherently to know what feels wrong and what does not align with one’s
values, one must be even slightly in-touch with their inner worlds and bodies. This
phenomenon exhibits the interconnected nature of the three themes within the voice of
connection and openness; they co-exist within the participants and were found to intersect in
their voices.
Voices of Disconnection and Restriction
The voice group of disconnection and restriction was also found to be a significant
component to emerge across the participants’ interviews. These voices are characterized by
detachment, suppression, and distancing. A sense of disconnection and resistance came

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through when participants described experiences of out-of-touchness with their selves and
others, and experiences of corseting or regulation of their bodies. As well, a sense of
intentional distancing with one’s body and mind was found when participants recounted
experiences of chronic pain, sexual pain, and sexual assault. The three themes that will be
discussed in this section are: disconnection from self, disconnection from others, and
disconnection as protection.
Disconnection from Self. Participant’s disconnection from self was characterized by
four sub-voices: 1) the voice of shame, 2) the voice of self-hatred, 3) the voice of confusion,
and 4) the voice of fear. Participant’s sense of restriction of self is also conceptualized
through the lens of powerlessness. Firstly, participants described their experience of not
having bodily autonomy as corseting their authentic selves. Doris expresses this lack of
autonomy as she recalls an experience where she was at a party in high school and a boy
started making out with her:
I didn't have the autonomy to like, say no and get out of that situation because I feel
like that was just like the expectation and the standard. Yeah. And I just kind of think
of that as like peak disconnection.
This experience of the lack of autonomy led Doris to suppress her feelings about the situation
and perform for the other person. The participants’ experiences of performing are explored in
coming sections; however, it is important to note the intersecting nature of disconnection; it
begins to permeate every aspect of a women’s life and breaks down her sense of self and
agency over her body.

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Shame. A prominent voice in the theme of disconnection from self was the
participants’ experiences of shame. There were many versions of shame that emerged across
participants. For example, this voice was heard as participants described the belief that they
were inherently bad. Katherine notes that in some of her sexual experiences, she “feels good
and beautiful and connective, and yet I’m bad in that.” As well, participants expressed that
they felt that they needed to hide. They voiced that they were taught to only talk about
sexuality behind closed doors, which led to the experience of shame. As Kelly notes, “it's just
like this isn't something you talk about, like this is something you read about behind closed
doors.” The voice of shame also surfaced when participants noted their inability to conform
to rigid beauty standards. For example, in one of Kelly’s previous quotes, she recounts an
experience where she was considering cosmetic surgery to conform to beauty standards. An
interesting pattern developed between this voice and the theme of empowered connection
with self– participants described that when they were exploring their sexuality and feeling
very in-touch with their bodies, this would immediately be followed by an experience of
deep shame. Celine describes the shame she experienced after masturbation:
And then comes along with that like exploring your own body and masturbating. And
I remember just like the amount of shame and guilt that I felt about that. And like it
was so deep to my core for like years.
Katherine expresses how this incongruence with self leads to disempowerment and
vulnerability, as she notes, “it's not congruent because it feels good in my body. And yet the
shame and the panic of doing something wrong meets that, and then creates a disconnect.”

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One of Anna’s I poems displays the internal conflict of wanting to be free and feel pleasure
mixed with the experience of shame and disconnection from self:
I think
I was
I first had an orgasm,
I felt so much shame.
I think,
I don't think
I want
Self-Hatred. Another component in the theme of disconnection from self was the
participants’ experiences of self-hatred or disgust with their bodies. Kelly notes how the
messages she received growing up led her to an experience of self-hatred as she notes:
But yeah, it definitely led to a lot of disconnection with my body like a lot of like
hatred towards my body. And a lot of like, okay, this is what I’m supposed to do, this
is what people want, which yeah, probably was never a reality. But, like I, that's what
I believed was true.
Kelly continues, “so, I don't know, just like I felt like I was always the problem. And yeah,
broken in some way, whether it's like, I feel like I'm too sexual or I'm not sexual enough, like
something's wrong.” She describes how an inability to fit the perfect mold of womanhood
that society has set out for her has caused a great amount of out-of-touchness from herself.
As well, some participants voiced disgust around how their own bodies look, and how they

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perceive other’s bodies. Celine notes an experience of disgust with her own body, as she is
unable to meet the beauty standards laid upon her:
I’m in a place where I have like a little bit of a tummy, too, and then I’m like, oh, like
“am I disgusting,” I think, is the question.
These participants’ experiences display the effects of messages that women receive about
their bodies and how they lead to self-hatred, to disgust, and ultimately to disconnection from
self.
Confusion. The voice of confusion centers on the participant’s experiences of the
new and unfamiliar. Within this voice, participants discussed learning something new and not
knowing how to respond to the information. This often was a reflective not knowing, where
participants would recall past experiences of not knowing and having a present response to
that not knowing. Celine describes this confusion, as she notes:
I can see so many ways like it feels like a huge entangled web, but like, I think, with
my own discomfort, with my body like when like leading up to sex, or just like in
flirtation, or in actual, like sexual intercourse.
As well, participants voiced uncertainty surrounding their feelings towards other’s bodies and
grappled with beauty standards. This grappling continued with confusion around their own
sexual identity or orientation. This voice emerged when participants expressed not knowing
what felt good, what brought them pleasure, and whether it was okay that they felt pleasure
from certain things. Ultimately, it was found to be the theme of disconnection from self.
Fear. The final aspect of the theme of disconnection from self was the participants’
experience of fear. This component was seen when participants described experiences that

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provoked of sense of anxiety. Some participants noted this fear surrounding not being able to
meet the expectations placed upon women’s bodies, such as ‘performing’ during sex or being
able to reproduce. Kerry illustrates the interconnected experience between performance and
anxiety, as she described feeling the pressure to perform, but when her sexual pain arises, it
elicits anxiety and, further, distance from her partner. Others discussed fear around asking
questions about sexuality. For example, Kelly notes:
I'm like trying to figure it out. I'm trying to do what I think other people want, but I
don't feel willing, like, I'm too scared to ask anybody what they want and tell people
what I want like, I'm just kind of the silo, and I’m gonna do what I think I’m
supposed to, but also, I’m not supposed to do it at all like, huh!
These participants’ experience displays how fear and anxiety surrounding one’s sexuality and
sexual experiences can create disconnection with self.
Disconnection from Others. One’s disconnection from others was characterized by
two sub-voices: 1) disgust, and 2) aloneness. Also noteworthy is how participants described
feeling unseen by others, such as through the lack of media representation. More specifically,
this voice emerged when participants noted the lack of representation of people who label
themselves in similar ways to the participants. One participant expressed the lack of
representation for her body type in the media, as she notes, “I never saw people in those TV
shows who had bodies like mine, or bodies like my parents.”
Disgust. A component of the theme of disconnection from others is the participants’
experience of judgement or negative evaluations of other’s bodies. For example, Celine
describes how she views her mother’s body:

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I remember noticing on my mom like her stomach and being like not really having
like having a lot of confusing feelings about that, like even disgust I want to say, like
my own fat phobia that is internalized. And the way that I would see like her, her
stomach, and be like kind of grossed out, you know.
This sense of disgust, born out of the lack of representation of larger bodies being sexual in
media and in formal education, led to Celine’s experience of distance from her mother. This
experience shows how the messages that are internalized lead to subjective evaluations, and
ultimately cause division between people.
Aloneness. Participants described their experience of aloneness, and not feeling seen
by and close to others. This voice was characterized by the participants internal sense that
something was broken inside of them. Kate illustrates this experience of aloneness in relation
to learning that she has endometriosis; she notes:
Once my doctor suggested, like I might have endometriosis, and it was like me doing
my own research online of like online forums of like, oh, there's actually like
hundreds of thousands of women that are dealing with this, too. And we're all just not
talking about it because it's socially unacceptable.
Along with Kate’s experience, this voice also emerged when participants would recount their
experience of feeling like they were not allowed to ask questions or talk with others about
their sexuality. Sarah notes the societal shame that accompanies discussing sexuality, as she
describes:
I was trying to think back to like what was my sex education, and it seems to be very
fragmented. I guess, in my home it was not talked about at all, probably because my

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parents, like didn't really feel equipped or comfortable talking about it. Not, which
you know probably indirectly made it seem very secretive and shameful.
These participants’ experiences display how the lack of representation, social shame, and
stigma can lead to a social climate where women do not feel comfortable asking questions or
able to freely live in their bodies; in turn, this leads to aloneness and disconnection from
others for the participants.
Disconnection as Protection. For a couple of participants, the experience of sexual
pain, chronic pain, and sexual assault intersected with their ability to be in their body and be
in touch with their authentic sexuality. Detachment from oneself became a source of selfpreservation and protection for these participants. This component was also layered
throughout many other participants’ experiences, as they suppressed their needs and
conformed to what was asked of them, in order to protect themselves from the consequences
of rebellion. To expand upon the participants’ experiences of pain, Kate describes her
experience of pulling away to protect herself:
And I think part of it, too is that the expectation was that you would just always be
sexually active, and like wanting sex, physically and mentally. But like I said
sometimes, physically, I was in pain, like no I am not interested in having any sort of
sexual interaction right now and then, also mentally, like I have gone through some
deep, depressive modes and obviously then too, I did not want to be creating intimacy
with anyone in a sexual way.

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For both of the participants that experienced sexual pain, there was a sense of physical and
emotional pain that accompanied this voice. Kerry recalls her experience of disconnection in
order to reduce the pain she experiences, as she notes:
But I definitely feel like, because I experience sexual pain, as you know. I feel like
that kind of robbed me of my agency in sexual expression. So, to my core, I'm like
no, I'm still like a sexual being. But I find myself like running away from that part of
myself because of the pain that I experience.
In one of Kerry’s I poems, she illustrates the intersecting relationship between performance
and disconnection as protection:
I definitely feel the pressure to like, perform,
I feel really guilty
I start feeling pain,
I start feeling disconnected.
I have to pull away
These participants’ lived experience of pain display how women’s bodies have an inner pull
towards protection and healing, despite disconnection from self, at times, being the means to
which one is able to protect oneself.
Another aspect of disconnection as protection was Katherine’s experience of a sexual
assault. Katherine describes how she separated from her body and others following her
sexual assault, as she was not able to find safety in her body that was violated. However,
Katherine’s experience exemplifies this inner pull towards healing and protection, as she
notes:

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I actually think that was a hyper fixation based on actually so much trauma and
disconnect from my body and getting sexually assaulted, and then realizing nothing
makes sense, and then either as a trauma response or ADHD or autism, whatever you
want to call it. I was like, literally like, I will refuse to be this unsafe in my body ever
again, and I’ve got to find a way to be safe right.
The desire to feel safe again and be intimate with herself displays how the body is hardwired
to move towards healing; the body is a source of knowledge and maintains the ability to
protect itself.
Voices of Imposition
The voices of imposition were also found to be significant elements in the
participants’ interviews. These voices are distinct from the other voices that emerged,
because it is not truly the voice of the participant. The participant is the mere spokesperson
(consciously or unconsciously). Partly, it is the voice of the religious teachings, “moral”
standards, and social expectations that are placed onto women. As well, these voices center
on social pressures placed onto women – how they should look and act. The two sub-voices
that will be discussed in this section are: theologies of the body and femininity ideologies.
Theologies of the Body. Characterized by “duty”, suppression, fear mongering, and
the notion that one’s body is not their own, theologies of the body represent the religious and
moralistic teachings that were found to be instilled in numerous participants. There are three
components found in theologies of the body: women’s experience of duty to serve, needing
to suppress her needs and desires, and fear mongering. Firstly, participants described the duty

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that they felt to serve men and perform in their sexuality for men. Anna notes that she
believed for a long time that she was an object of service, as she recalls:
I do like, recognize in myself something that I’m continually healing from is an
attitude of like myself, being like an object of service, and like finding my identity in
in service and engaging in that through sex. For example, like you know, this this guy
wants to sleep with me. So that's like a service. It's like my way to serve … that that's
like, yeah, I think that's most accurate way I can describe. It almost like my duty. It's
my role.
S offers a similar experience with her partner, where she feels that it is her duty to have sex
with him. These participants recount how the moral teachings of Evangelical Christianity’s
purity culture were instilled into them from their adolescence. Anna even goes so far as to
note that she does not remember ever explicitly learning that it is a woman’s duty to please
and perform for a husband, but she recognizes that she holds this belief through years of
exposure to implicit messages and teachings from religious settings.
Another aspect of theologies of the body is the participant’s experience of having to
suppress their needs and desires, in order to please and perform for others. The notion of light
switch desires, which is a phenomenon where purity culture teaches individuals to suppress
their sexual desires before marriage and then immediately turn them on again once married,
emerged with this voice. Participants were expected to suppress their desires while single,
and turn their desires on once married. Sarah describes this expectation of remaining pure
until marriage:

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I think it, it's hugely informed my sexual experiences because that was like being
taught to, you know I have sexual desires, but I should also suppress them, but I can
only express them with this kind of person and only on these conditions of like being
married and like that's all I knew.
Another example of this imposed teaching was offered by Kate, as she notes, “the purity
culture of you are a non-sexual, being. And then you're gonna get married and become a
sexual being.” Sarah recounts one of the messages she received about how to suppress her
internal desires, “if you have a sexual desire, then you have to like snap an elastic around
your wrist to like dissociate that.” One of Katherine’s I poems exhibits the experience of
knowing what she wants, being told by society to want / do something different, and then
having to adhere to these standards:
I want
I want
I think
I think,
I'm told to do this
I’ll feel this way
Participants note that the suppression of desires, although feels normal, has caused
substantial disconnection from themselves. Also within this element was the notion that
women were to serve as the “sexual gatekeepers” for the men who became tempted by them.
For example, Anna describes how in her relationship with her boyfriend she was the
presumed gatekeeper for maintaining purity, as she notes:

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I’m much stronger than him in that sense he's he'll just go right to my boobs, and I
have the strength to go like this [she pretends to motion him away] whereas he’s like,
I have the strength to not go right for his penis, whereas, I know that he has that
strength, but he doesn't use it as much to stop from going to my chest.
These participants’ experiences display that the needs and desires of women are often not
honoured; rather, women are told to suppress their needs and conform to the social norms
that they live in.
The final aspect of theologies of the body is the notion of fear mongering in religious
settings. Many participants offered analogies that were told to them throughout their life.
These analogies often outline ‘virginity’ as the gold standard for upright women. Further,
participants noted fear mongering tactics that were used to keep them from acting upon their
desires, such as the fear of going to hell for having sex before marriage or masturbating, or
the fear of getting pregnant despite not having vaginal sex. Kelly recalls an experience of the
instilled teaching surfacing during a sexual encounter:
even just thinking to like my first sexual experience, that's all I could have in my head
was my grandma telling me I was going to hell, which is not conducive to a like a
good sexual experience in any way.
Chelsea recounted her experience of masturbation and wrestling with the religious teachings
that taught her masturbation was sinful:
Yeah, sex before marriage is wrong, and that you shouldn't even masturbate or
anything … Yeah, and so I always thought it was bad, and I struggled with
masturbation when I was actually at the age of 2 or sorry grade 2 and that just

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continued throughout my life, other than a one-year break in grade 12 where I gained
the strength to stop with the Lord's help (smile on her face, starting to laugh).
This experience exemplifies the messaging that saturated many of the participant’s lives.
They were taught to believe that exploration of their body was sinful, and in doing so they
were doomed to hell for eternity. Evidently, this caused suppression and disconnection for
many participants.
Femininity Ideologies. This voice is characterized by the social pressures and rigid
beauty standards that are instilled into women. There are two main components in femininity
ideologies: women’s experiences of being deemed the default object and/or performer, and
experiences of wanting to alter their appearance or behaviours due to social pressures.
Firstly, participants described how social media and traditional media promotes rigid beauty
standards that are unachievable to reach. Participants share experiences of being deemed the
default object and/or performer. Kerry recalls her experience of this phenomenon:
I definitely have always felt like pressure to be what men want me to be just very like
hyper sexualized, very like catering to the male gaze and like yearning for that
attention. And I think that, like I definitely felt like I had to perform, and a lot of the
times.
Celine also recounts her experience of needing to perform for others and her sense of
injustice that accompanies that:
I think I feel like I need to perform sometimes, because it's for it's kind of like for
him, even though I don't believe that it's like back there in my head, being like you
should just look good for him. And yeah, and I think that ties into to, I want to say,

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like this expectation that women need to like have their makeup done, and have their
hair done, and like, look nice, and be up in the latest fashion; and whereas men's
fashion like generally stays pretty much the same, and like they're not expected to put
makeup on, and they’re expected to do their hair like in all these fancy ways that take
hours. I think that idea for me has linked so much to like how I need to perform for
someone else.
As well, participants questioned what their purpose or value was, if they were not performing
for others, as Doris’ I poem exhibits:
I feel
I still maybe feel
I think of like
I don't look like that
I can't wear that
These experiences display that women are often deemed the default performer, which can
lead to disconnection from self and others. Specifically leading to disconnection from self,
participants voiced becoming the object of sexual interactions by default. They were the
default performer, the default pleaser, the default object. Anna makes a profound statement
about her sexual experiences as she notes:
And a lot of performance, a lot of faking having an orgasm or pretending that
something felt good, even if it didn't, or even if it hurt, pretending that it felt good to
avoid like creating awkwardness or embarrassing the guy. I would actually define all

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of my sexual experiences as performance … I can't think of a time other than on my
own, when a sexual experience I've had wasn't performance based.
The depth of out-of-touchness from herself that she describes is staggering. An important
note to make with this aspect of the voice of disconnection with self is that being the object
or performer is not inherently bad. Some women experience pleasure, joy, and empowerment
from performing. For example, Chelsea recalls an experience where a partner wanted her to
be more vocal during sex, as she notes, “Moaning, yeah, but it was, I actually was like
getting into it and like it was a, it was a mix of like expressing myself and performing at the
same time.” In the interconnected experience of sexual expression and performance, voices
of connection and openness emerged. However, the purpose of this section on the voice of
femininity ideologies is to highlight women’s experiences of being deemed the default object
and/or performer. When a woman chooses to perform, there is agency, choice, and
empowerment present. When a woman is presumed to be the performer and object, there is
suppression, disempowerment, and restriction present. For example, Doris describes how the
experience of being the default performer has caused her to question her inherent value:
Yeah, like all of those experiences and kind of like I think need to perform is like a
big theme in all of these memories that are coming up. And I think that like made me
feel like that's something I have to offer. And that's like maybe my worth is grounded
in that. Yeah, like if I’m not a sexual person if I’m not sexualized like, what's the
point?
One of Sarah’s I poems succinctly displays the internal experience of becoming the default
performer:

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I definitely feel
I had to
I guess
I just have to do that
I guess
I didn't know
I didn't know
I just felt so disconnected from who
I really was
I just,
all I could do was perform.
Another aspect of femininity ideologies is the notion that participants had to alter
themselves to fit into a mold. Participants voiced attempts to change their appearance through
makeup, clothes, or even cosmetic surgeries, in order to fit into societal standards.
Katherine’s experience with an eating disorder also exhibits the lengths that women are
pushed to go, in order to reach these standards:
right like what a massive thing to have to change right, starving myself, performing
and throwing up for years and years, and changing everything about me so I could be
small, and then not even able to connect to any sort of sexual pleasure, because there's
0 nutrients in my body.
These participants’ experiences display how women are expected to take drastic measures to
alter their bodies and behaviours in order to look and act the way that society wants them to.

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Finally, one of Sarah’s I poems succinctly summarizes how women can be in-touch with
their desires and needs in one moment, then be pulled away by the conditioning of society to
fit the mold in the next second:
I want,
I should want
The Cycle of Connection to Disconnection
Through analysis of the participants’ interviews, a prominent cycle emerged. Many
participants described experiences where they felt empowered and connected to their selves,
but then this was immediately followed by an experience of disconnection and, prominently,
shame or confusion. For example, in the previously noted experience of Anna, she recalls a
time where there is an interplay between the openness and restriction in making herself have
an orgasm using only her hands, which is empowering and enlivening; however, this is
immediately followed by shame and incongruence. Anna’s experience displays how there
was an experience of closeness and wholeness, but something surfaced that moved her into
disconnection from self, and a desire to hide. Sarah remembers a similar experience:
I could notice or feel attracted to women. But I could not express that, and I had to
just yeah, I don't know do it with guys like I, that's just what yeah, I had to do. And
so, there was definitely a like, I feel like I just kind of really separated that so, it
created like a really real disconnect from like, who I actually find attractive or who I
want to be with romantically or sexually, versus how I actually can or should express
that.

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Sarah’s experience exhibits the suppression that was emerging, which ultimately led to
distancing from herself, despite the initial awareness of her own desires and attractions. This
phenomenon was seen across many participants, which led to the creation of the model
below.
Figure 6. The Cycle of Connection to Disconnection

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This model hypothesizes the reasoning behind these participants’ experiences of connection
to immediate disconnection, and the return to desire for attuned experiences. Although not
explicitly described by participants, this model aims to explore potential explanations for the
observed phenomenon.
Focus Group Member Check
Four of the ten participants were able to participate in the focus group. The other six
participants were sent individual emails with the preliminary results, as the member check.
Along with the preliminary results, participants were sent the following questions: After
reading through the summary of preliminary findings, is there anything you would like to
change or clarify? What have the findings led you to reflect on, if anything? Is there anything
that you would like to include in the findings? Only three of those participants responded to
the email. They offered reflections such as feeling seen in their experience and closer to
others, as they had similar to experiences to them, as well as appreciating the DNA model of
sexual knowing and how it offers an interesting way to frame their experience.
The focus group served as a member check for participants to offer space for
reflections, clarifications, and feedback. The preliminary findings of the research, such as the
major themes and voice descriptions that emerged, were presented. See Appendix G for
focus group questions. The participants were then invited to review some of their I poems,
and create a self-portrait out of clay, in response. Although, the self-portraits are not being
analyzed, in inviting participants to use their body to create a visual representation of inner
experience, it provides a further elaboration of meaning in the research process. The
participants collectively asked if they could take some time (a week or so) to complete their

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self-portraits in their own time, the group came to a decision that they agreed to. Then, the
portraits would be shared amongst the group over email.
The focus group was a powerful and transformative experience for me and the
participants. I left the focus group feeling seen, understood, and energized. The participants
described similar feelings at the conclusion of the group. One of the questions that was asked
of participants was, “Is there anything that surprises you about the preliminary results?” Most
members of the group noted that they were not at all surprised by what had been found
amongst their interviews. All of the participants expressed how they felt like their experience
was well expressed in the overarching themes and voices that were presented. One
participant even asked for clarification from me at one point, as she thought I was only
describing individuals’ experiences rather than the whole groups. She was surprised to hear
that some of her experiences were themes found amongst the entire group.
Another surprise for one participant was the findings surrounding LGBTQ+
experiences. Specifically, this participant reflected their hesitation for participating in a study
on sexuality that was conducted within Trinity Western University, but she was surprised and
grateful to hear that other LGBTQ+ individuals were able to take up space in the study. This
reflection allowed her to feel safer within the study. The knowledge that others were
navigating similar challenges created a sense of connection and understanding, providing a
source of hope and solidarity. She went on to suggest that the study was missing key pieces
on trans individuals. Future research must be done on this population; this will be explored
further in the discussion section.

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Participants shared their experiences with sexual education, highlighting the disparity
between the emphasis on male genitalia over female genitalia. One participant noted that it
was easy for her to recall what a penis looked like, but it takes more effort for her to conjure
the image of a labia. Other participants were nodding their heads in agreement. This
reflection triggered a deeper exploration of their own bodies and a realization of the need to
connect with their physical selves.
The concept of purity culture was a significant theme in the conversation. Some
participants grappled with the tension between their values and the expectations of purity
culture, particularly in Christian settings. The discussions highlighted the difficulties faced
by those who were still within this culture, as they had to dissect their values while remaining
in these settings. Others, who had left purity culture behind, found themselves “having to
start from scratch” and develop their understanding of sex and sexuality. The focus group
embodied the diversity of the participants' spiritual journeys and relationships with their
bodies and sexualities. They were at different points in their lives and held a range of beliefs
and experiences. This variety of perspectives provided valuable insights into each other's
lives and struggles. The participants were able to offer reflections on when they were at the
points in life that others were describing they were at. The space developed into one of
encouragement and belonging.
When asked if there was anything that was missed in the research, one participant
expressed their specific anger and frustration toward the church, which they felt had
contributed to feelings of detachment and isolation. Specifically, the church's stance on
whether individual’s are allowed to explore and question their sexuality often left the

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participant feeling demonized and unsafe. The fear of being rejected or not accepted back
into the church added to their sense of aloneness. Another element that some of the
participants commented on that needed clarification in the findings was a sense of mystery.
They acknowledged that within one’s voice of confusion, there was also a sense of mystery.
Although the voice of confusion was found under the theme of disconnection from self, the
participants noted that elements of confusion and uncertainty can actually be more freeing
than restricting. Allowing space for the mystery and uncertainty that naturally exists with
sexuality, lends to a more whole and embodied experience.
Despite the challenges and anger expressed, the focus group was a space of deep
passion and intimacy. The participants were able to uplift and support one another, finding
connection and closeness in the shared experiences and the realization that they were not
alone in their struggles. The sense of hope and desire for “in-touchness” was apparent, as the
participants reflected on their shared experiences and the potential for healing and growth.
In conclusion, the focus group meeting was a transformative gathering. As the
participants reflected, it provided a uniquely safe and empowering space for participants to
share their stories, find common ground, and draw strength from one another's experiences.
The group served as representation for how transformative research can bring greater insight,
connection, and wholeness for the participants. The goal of the study was to bring about
further understanding for women’s experiences of sexuality education and embodiment, but
another goal of the study was to enliven and empower the participants involved in the
knowledge creation. The reflections from the participants in this focus group shine a light on
that goal being achieved.

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CHAPTER FIVE: DISCUSSION
In this research study, the following questions were posed: (1) what are women’s
experiences of becoming sexually (dis)embodied, and (2) how are women’s experiences
shaped by formal and informal sexuality education throughout their lifetime? This study
aimed to bring about a greater understanding of women’s experiences of sexual
(dis)embodiment and how sexuality education has informed these experiences. The Listening
Guide methodology was employed to answer these research questions. In line with feminist
research, and in highlighting the voices of the women and bringing them into participation in
the research process, the participants in this study reclaimed their power over their story and
their body. Therefore, not only did this study highlight the gaps in the current state of
sexuality education but also empowered women involved in the study through the inclusion
of their voices and participation in the research process. Through analysis, various voices and
themes emerged among the participants’ narratives. This chapter will situate these findings
amongst the broader literature in sexuality, embodiment, and education research. The
contributions to the literature and implications of the research, along with the strengths and
limitations of the study, will be presented. Finally, the future directions for research will be
offered.
Contributions to the Literature
In this section, the current study’s findings will be situated within the literature that
exists for sexuality education and sexual embodiment. As well, the contributions that this
study offers to the literature will be explored. There are five main contributions that will be
explored in this section, including research connecting embodiment and education, insights

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into the effects of purity culture and larger societal powers, a proposed model for the
development of sexual knowing, participants’ experiences of moving towards an embodied
knowing stance, and finally participant’s experiences of becoming active participants in their
sexuality education.
Embodiment and Education
To my knowledge, this is the first study to explore the connections between the field
of embodiment and sexual health education. Much of the emphasis in sexuality education
revolves around pathologizing individuals, disease prevention, and upholding
heteronormativity (Bay-Cheng, 2003; Kendall, 2014). While the current state of sexuality
education in Canada, the U.S., and international contexts seems discouraging, numerous
researchers and activists are foraging a path forward. For example, Grose et al. (2014)
highlights SBSE programs as a platform for educators, administrators, and policymakers to
challenge the social scripts and gender norms imposed on children and youth. Lamb (2010)
advocates for a shift in sexuality education away from mere skills training with a focus on
disease and pregnancy prevention toward sexuality education that invites students into a
dialogue about representations of their bodies in media, how gender roles and expectations
affect their experiences, and how their authentic selves can be expressed through their own
sexuality. Educators and policymakers must acknowledge that students are embodied beings
and therefore need to be taught in an embodied manner (Fields & Tolman, 2006). The current
study builds upon this literature and, in turn, offers an exploration of how sexuality education
has implicitly and explicitly informed their experiences of embodiment. A major contribution
to the literature is the participant’s experiences of embodiment and disembodiment and how

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they are shaped by informal and formal sexuality education. More specifically, this study
presents the form of internalization that occurs – that is represented by the imposed voices of
participants. Rather than suggesting abstract internalization, as seen in previous research, the
current study was able to uncover the imposed voice and explicitly trace this voice to the
participants experiences of disembodiment, for example.
This study serves as a catalyst for greater understanding of how embodiment and
education intersect. There is clear evidence that embodiment affects one’s well-being and,
specifically, sexual embodiment affects one’s sexual health and well-being (Siemens, 2018;
Tolman & McClelland, 2011). That is, nurturing sexual embodiment addresses key goals of
sexuality education. The participants in this study acknowledged that their voices of
disconnection emerged as a response to their heteronormative, objectifying, and patriarchal
education. Therefore, this study offered insight into how a more holistic and embodied
education would lead individuals into more in-touch and empowered stances of living. Much
of the research conducted on the connection between sexuality education and embodiment
has offered abstract formulations about the impact of inadequate sexuality education, and
more broadly looked at societal level influences. However, the current study offered an
explicit look into what women are experiencing from school, parents, peers, and media and
how they believe this has shaped their sense of embodiment and disembodiment.
Participants in Purity Culture
In light of this study’s intended purpose, which was to understand the formal and
informal educational experiences that have informed or disrupted one’s connection to their
body, the participant’s experiences offered a unique perspective into a specific culture.

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Essentially, I hoped to examine sexuality education’s role in embodied development in a very
broad sense; however, an unexpected and unique contribution emerged – the role of purity
culture in women’s development of embodiment. Therefore, purity culture will be addressed
more specifically in the following section.
Purity culture refers to an environment in many religious institutions (for my
participants, that was Christian settings) that is characterized by an emphasis on abstinenceonly-until-marriage, repression of sexual desires and expressions, and rejection of LGBTQ+
identities, among other shame and fear-based information and attitudes (Allen, 2013; Daniluk
& Browne, 2008). Eight out of ten participants grew up in a culture that was saturated with
messaging around remaining pure. During the formative years of one’s sexuality
development, participants noted that this greatly informed their ability to connect and remain
present in their body into adulthood.
Although eight of ten participants grew up in this culture, there were levels of
exposure to this culture and its messaging. Some participants had Christian parents and went
to Christian schools (Celine, Katherine, Sarah, Chelsea). Other participants had Christian
parents, identified as Christian growing up, and went to public school (Kate, Anna). One
participant had Christian parents, but did not identify as Christian growing up, and went to
public school (Kerry). One participant grew up in public school, with no Christian parents
but some influence from extended family that was Christian (Kelly). Finally, two participants
were not exposed to purity culture (Doris and S).
As the majority of participants were at the very least exposed to purity culture, there
was the potential that these two participants could have been outliers. However, it was found

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that their experiences of sexual embodiment were found to be quite similar to the participants
who grew up in purity culture. Often these participants spoke of the greater systemic
influences and patriarchal structures. For example, Doris spoke of the sexualization of her
body and how it affected her ability to enjoy and be present in her body:
Yeah, like all of those experiences and kind of like I think need to perform is like a
big theme in all of these memories that are coming up. And I think that like made me
feel like that's something I have to offer, and that's like maybe my worth is grounded
in that.
In parallel, a participant saturated in purity culture’s messaging, Sarah, offers a strikingly
similar experience:
I guess just because I didn't know or feel safe in like expressing my true sexuality, I
didn't know like how to really like have a voice with like sexual encounters or
experiences like I just felt so disconnected from who I really was that I just, all I
could was perform.
These two quotes display that regardless of purity culture’s influence, both women were
internalizing messages about how their bodies should be and, if they did not fit the mold, it
undermined their ability to express their sexualities. In another example, S notes “So with my
husband right now, like sometimes I will feel not that connected, but more of like doing my
duty with some sexual intercourses.” Similarly, a participant who was immersed in purity
culture, Anna, offered one of her experiences, “For example, like you know, this this guy
wants to sleep with me. So that's like a service. It's like my way to serve … It almost like my

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duty. It's my role.” Despite the cultural difference, both women felt that it was their duty to
have sex with a man.
The similarities across these participants experiences are undeniable. I suggest that
these similarities are present due to the underlying systemic power structures that exist, even
within Christianity, that is patriarchy. The social order of the participants cultural context is
characterized by privileging men over women. Further, patriarchy is marked by men’s
entitlement to, and domination of women. These social ideologies are kept in place through
misogynistic practices, which Manne (2021) notes “functions to police and enforce gendered
norms and expectations” (p. 7).
Participants immersed in purity culture did not only speak to the impact of
Christianity on their ability to be in touch with their body. For example, Katherine described
how her sexual assault affected her ability to be in her body. As 30% of Canadian women
aged 15 and older will experience sexual assault at least once in their life (Canadian
Women’s Foundation, 2023), Katherine’s experience speaks beyond her Christian context.
Her story of sexual assault and how it impacts her ability to be safe in her own skin is a wellknown experience for many women. These particular experiences exhibit that, although
many participants grew up in a specific culture, that was not their only influence. In another
example, Celine expressed how media’s messages about her weight played a pivotal role in
her sense of disconnection. Her experience speaks to a broader issue that lies outside of
purity culture - the rigid beauty standards and feminine ideals that are taught to women from
a very young age.

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Even further, as this study approached the research from an intersectional framework,
the layers of experience for women and intersections of identity and culture is attuned to and
embraced. Even if two individuals had grown up in the same school, same culture, same
worldview of purity culture, they would have radically different stories and experiences.
They would interact with their bodies in unique ways. The implementation of the Listening
Guide allowed for the multiplicity and uniqueness of their respective experiences to emerge.
Women’s beliefs and ideas around their body can never be researched outside of their
cultural context. Further, embodiment theory describes that through living in specific social
climates and power structures, our bodies are inscribed with specific expectations to enact
(Tolman et al., 2014; Young, 2005).
On face value, it is apparent that purity culture has become a prominent theme in this
study. However, when the nuanced experiences of each participant are considered, including
how the messaging particularly affected them, it brings the research into a richer, more
meaningful position. The goal of this study was not to generate results that could be reduced
into mere generalizations. Rather, as Mertens (2010) notes, the goal of the study was to
produce transferable results – which refers to whether the reader can extrapolate the research
findings to the “receiving context” (p. 259). The role of the researcher is to create thick
descriptions for greater transferability of data. The narratives of participant act as these thick
descriptions. I invite the reader to acknowledge the systemic role that purity culture has
played for many of my participants, and at the very same time, find the nuances of their
stories. In these nuances, transferability is found.

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In the end, if the transferability of results is limited due to the participant’s Christian
cultural context, one can still acknowledge the profound impact that an individual’s sociocultural landscape (and in turn, education) has on a women’s ability to connect with their
body. Here, I invite the reader to reflect on what messages they learned about how their body
should exist in the world, ask oneself, “who taught me this?”, and consider whether it feels
right and true to one’s authentic sense of self.
A Model of the Development of Sexual Knowing
How does one know what they desire, who they are attracted to, how they feel
pleasure, how their sexual anatomy works, what gender they identify as, what gender roles
are expected of them, or how healthy they are in their sexuality? These questions, and more,
exhibit the integral sexuality development questions that every person is faced with
throughout their life. Even, further, how does one develop a sense of sexual knowing? One
participant in this study, S, described how her sexuality education has informed her
experiences of connection and disconnection through the use of a 2-dimensional DNA
model. She noted:
So, for those in foremost sexuality education, I think they kind of intertwined in my
experiences where sexuality exploration for development in my life, because it was
like the DNA like double binded ladder. So, you cannot really have one in order to
like form a person like me right now. So, it was like a little bit of sexual education, or
informal of sexual education, and a little bit of like sexual exploration, and then it
combines one experience together.

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Through review of other participants’ experiences and reflections from focus group
members, I expanded this model to represent the development of one’s sexual knowing. It
should be noted that the term sexual knowing is not limited to knowledge of objective
information, but expands into phenomenological knowing of self, and connection with one’s
internal embodied wisdom. Figure 6 is a diagrammatic representation of this model. This
DNA model describes how we are constantly going back and forth between exploration of
our sexualities and receiving education. Additionally, with this model, I also used it to
represent the interplay of exploration and education with one’s weaving between connection
and disconnection with self. When exploration and education are working to empower
individuals – we see connection with self. When exploration and education are fragmented
and disjointed – we see disconnection from self.
Figure 7. A model of the development of sexual knowing.

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The thread following one’s experience of sexuality exploration is characterized by the
phenomenological discovery of one’s own sexuality. The exploration is sought out by the
individual, although may bring others into the experience in order to bring about greater
understanding of self. The experience tends to be more subjective in nature, and typically
experienced in the physical or social domains. For example, an individual may explore their
sense of desire and attraction through dating, or an individual may explore different gender
identities by taking on labels to see which fits. Essentially, sexuality exploration is learning
through the experiential.
The thread following one’s experience of sexuality education is broadened outside of
the individual, although they are included within in it. Sexuality education can be formal (inschool, curriculum) or informal (parents, peers, media). It may be imposed upon a person,
either implicitly or explicitly, or it may be sought out by the individual. From this study’s
findings, sexuality education tended to be more objective, but could often be characterized by
bias and uncomprehensive information. Individuals were typically experiencing education in
mental or cognitive domains of knowing. For example, students are experiencing sexual
education when they learn about sexual anatomy in school. Essentially, sexuality education is
learning through information.
Another layer of experience that is depicted in this model is the movement between
connection and disconnection, openness and restriction. When sexuality exploration and
education are intersecting, one experiences connection with self; this is characterized by an
experience of wholeness and coming together. This openness occurs when there is a sense of

interconnection between exploration and education. When both are working to empower

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and uplift the women's sense of self and connection. When sexuality exploration and
education are moving away from each other, the individual experiences restriction of
their self; this is characterized by an experience of distancing and suppression. This
occurs when exploration and education are moving away from each other, which leaves
the individual feeling disjointed and confused about their sexuality and sexual
experiences.
Although there is an evident distinction between sexuality exploration and education,
various experiences in one’s development can be characterized by both. For example, an
individual who watches pornography may be going through both threads of experience: they
are exploring what they like, who they are attracted to, what initiates their desire, and, on the
other hand, they may be implicitly learning what women should look and sound like, and
how ‘normal’ sex is performed. Essentially, there are some experiences where there is no
distinct line between exploration and education.
Embodiment theory lends itself well to further exploring this model. Specifically, as
embodiment brings together the biological physicality of human sexuality with the social
meaning that emerges from human experience (Tolman et al., 2014), this model brings
together the physical with the social; the informational with the experiential. As well, the
DTE can be integrated into this model and help explain the development of one’s sexual
knowing. The DTE offers the present study a lens through which to fully understand the
embodied transitions that occur throughout a woman's lifetime. For example, as previously
stated mental corseting is characterized by the integration or submission to social norms and
scripts (Jacobson & Hall, 2018). In this study, participants experienced mental corseting

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when they integrated the belief that they had to remain pure until marriage and once married,
they had to perform for their husbands. Women are mentally corseted when they are
objectified and expected to act in line with traditional objectified “feminine” ways of being
(Piran, 2017). Another way that the DTE could be used to explain participants experiences in
this study could be the physical freedom that some individuals experienced when they were
able to explore their bodies without shame present. Specifically, Kelly’s experience of
masturbating by herself illuminates that concept of physical freedom, as she notes that she
was trying to “unearth this experience by [her]self.” Essentially, the DTE provides an
additional framework for exploring these embodied transitions unfolding over the course of a
women’s life.
Finally, it is important to note that this model is just that, a model; the lived
experiences of individuals in their sexuality development is complicated and messy. The
threads blur, and the experiences can sometimes not be separated from one another.
Nonetheless, this model proposes a look into the phenomena that is taking place in one’s
development of their sexual knowing.
Embodied Knowing
An empowered and connective stance emerged from the participant’s narratives and I
poems, that is their sense of embodied knowing. This idea of embodied knowing is not a new
concept in the embodiment literature. More specifically, Merleau-Ponty in Phenomenology
of Perception (1945/1986) discusses the body as the means by which humans come to
understand and perceive the world. The world becomes known to us, through our bodies.
This particular contribution was found to be a convergence point for the voices of connection

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and openness. Participants in this study described that they had things to learn from their
bodies, and they needed to listen to them as a source of information. For example, Sarah
notes her move away from instilled teachings to living in a more embodied stance:
So, there was just such a like a dissonance, like I know that this is right, but it feels so
wrong, so actually turning inwards is totally antithetical to like what Christianity tells
you to do. But it's been the best thing to actually be like. Oh, my body has things to
say to me. My body knows.
Inherent to one’s embodied knowing there was a sense of presence in the body that
participants displayed. This deep intimacy with self is seen when Kelly notes, “I feel pretty
like capable and strong, and like kind of one with my body.” As well, connection in this way
is exhibited in one of Sarah’s I poems:
I think,
I just kind of try to.
I don't know.
I just try to listen
I feel present,
I’m not trying to escape
I'm not like spectatoring,
I think
I’m just gonna keep following that feeling

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There was a profound sense of empowered connection to self when participants described
their bodies through a mindful and attentive stance. This oneness with self allowed
participants to learn from their bodies and use their bodies to learn about the world.
The internal pull towards healing was found to be a significant component within
one’s embodied knowing stance. Participants recognized that their bodies are sources of
information and ways of knowing, a concept already present in the literature. This study,
however, underscores the idea that our bodies inherently know what we need for holistic and
healing purposes. For example, when the participants would express disconnection, voices of
connection and openness would often pull the participant towards a wanting of something
different, something more whole and free. Despite the impositions that were placed onto the
participants, an internal yearning for “in-touchness” and embodiment was found amongst the
participants.
There is a sense of bleakness that emerges when participants are faced with the overreaching impact that voices of imposition have had on their lives. This cannot be the end of
the story for them. Embodied knowing stands as a symbol of hope for participants, and every
other person desiring and working towards a more connective and whole state of living.
Despite the imposed, there is a way back to wholeness and healing.
Becoming an Active Participant
This study significantly contributes to the literature through the notion that
participants become active participants in their own sexual development, shedding light on
the necessity for individuals to actively engage in the unlearning and relearning of societal
norms and ideologies. This engagement aligns with the theory of the DTE, emphasizing the

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dynamic and participatory nature of the relationship between individuals, their bodies, and
their greater social context. A major theme in this study’s findings is the impact of a lack of
quality education on individuals, leading to a state of disembodiment and restriction. As
stated above, an individual’s innate pull towards healing and wholeness helps to shift
individuals out of disconnection and into a desire for connection. However, the participants’
experience does not end there. Rather, they become active participants in enacting this
healing.
Women undergo the formative years of their sexuality development in an
environment that fosters unrealistic body standards, suppression of desires, and disconnection
from oneself (Impett et al., 2006; Tolman et al., 2006). And yet, the participants in this study
shifted into a desire for a more embodied stance in adulthood, which was then enacted upon
into an unlearning and relearning process. This state was not passive consumption of
different forms of learning, rather the participants described a process of taking their
education into their own hands and choosing more whole ways of learning. These findings
also align with research by various proponents of embodiment theory, emphasizing the dual
nature of embodiment, where women are both inscribed in their embodiment by social
ideologies and norms and, simultaneously, inscribing embodied subjectivities of sexuality
(Lindemann, 1996; Perry & Medina, 2011; Perry & Medina, 2015; Tolman et al., 2014).
Essentially, this study highlights that individuals can become active participants in their own
unlearning and relearning processes, emphasizing the empowered agency and autonomy
required for positive embodiment.

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Implications
Educational Implications
Formal. It was anticipated that participants would report receiving an inadequate
sexuality education, as research into the climate of sexuality education displays that most
students are learning through lenses of heteronormativity, oppression, and reductive
biological models of sexual health (Bay-Cheng, 2003; Francis, 2019; Kendall, 2014; Lamb,
2010; SIECCAN, 2019; Wilmot & Naidoo, 2014). This was found to be true, as every
participant reported that the education that they received was inadequate in informing them
on the critical pieces of their sexual development.
In addition to receiving inadequate sexuality education, it was anticipated that many
participants would disclose that they have been constrained in their sexuality by femininity
ideologies. Social scripts and gender roles are present in almost every social arena that a
woman lives in and are more prominent during her transition from adolescence to adulthood
(Curtin et al., 2011; Tolman & Porche, 2000). As these ideologies promote the loss of a
women’s “voice,” the presence of femininity ideologies in their personal stories will most
likely foster and display the participant’s disconnection from their body (Curtin et al., 2011;
Schick et al, 2008; Tolman et al., 2006). This was also found to be present in many of the
participants’ experiences, as they described how media messages about beauty, purity
culture’s messages around remaining pure until marriage, and pornography’s messages about
how it is the women’s role to perform, to name only a few, were detrimental in their healthy
sexual development. Overall, these women’s bodies were corseted, objectified, and regulated
from a young age.

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It was also anticipated that if participants received inadequate and/or inconsistent
sexuality education during adolescence, they would more likely feel detached from their
body and physical states. As sexuality is an essential component of adolescent development
and formation of identity, the negative sexual socialization will diminish one’s ability to fully
develop and consolidate their sexual identity and connection to their sexual body in
adulthood (Tolman & McClelland, 2011). This was found to be true, as many participants
described how disconnected they felt from their selves and others. There was an emergence
of shame, anxiety, and disgust that plagued their relationship with their body, due to the
messages that they had received. The findings from this study exemplify that inadequate
sexuality education in childhood and adolescence informs the move towards negative
embodiment in adulthood. Offering a look into how formal strains of sexuality education
explicitly shape embodied sexual development, this study’s findings suggest drastic shifts in
classroom curriculum.
Sexuality education is an essential component of childhood and adolescent sexuality
development, and research has shown that adult sexual health outcomes are linked to one’s
development of sexuality in their adolescence (Fields & Tolman, 2006; Tolman &
McClelland, 2011). Therefore, the education that these women receive must be better. Rather
than corseting women, sexuality education should actively challenge these patriarchal norms,
allowing students to explore their identities free from heteronormative and oppressive
messaging. This aligns with the idea of "teaching to transgress," where the educational
process becomes a space for unlearning restrictive norms and empowering individuals to

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reclaim agency over their bodies and sexual identities (hooks, 1994). As bell hooks5 (1994)
writes about students,
They do want an education that is healing to the uninformed, unknowing spirit. They
do want knowledge that is meaningful. They rightfully expect that [teachers] will not
offer them information without addressing the connection between what they are
learning md their overall life experiences. (p. 19)
Students should not have to ask for a more holistic and embodied way of learning and
knowing – it should be the expectation. Students need teachers to bring their embodied selves
into the learning experience and integrate the informational with the experiential. We are
bodies in classrooms. We are bodies learning from other bodies and, yet, we often forget to
integrate the body into the educational script.
Participants expressed a desire for more embodied, LGBTQ+ diverse, and nonoppressive educational spaces. This desire points to the need for a broader educational shift
away from objectifying, regulating, and corseting women. Sexuality education must embrace
a more holistic approach, acknowledging and celebrating diverse identities and experiences,
and engaging with the bodies that are present in those space. The implications of this study
suggest that formalized versions of sexuality education need to shift to embrace the desiring,
feeling, relational body.

5

bell hooks’ name is intentionally uncapitalized, as she notes she wants her readers to focus on the content of
her work rather than her personal character.

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Informal. Formal versions of education have been extensively discussed throughout
the current project; however, it is essential to explore how informal strains of education have
informed women in this study. Moreover, the implications of how informal sexuality
education shape women’s embodiment need to be presented. As noted earlier, informal
sexuality education is comprised of parents, peers, and media (as this study is defining this
form).
Parents. To begin, some participants described the far-reaching effects that their
parents had on their sexuality education, and therefore development. For example, many
participants, such as Anna and Kerry, offered analogies that were told to them by their
parents to encourage abstinence. Internalizing these analogies led to deep shame and guilt
when the participants did participate in sexual activity. The parents of these participants did
not offer a secure, accepting space for the women to explore their desire and curiosities in
healthy and safe ways. Although not all parents created greater disconnection for their
children.
Despite receiving messages from the Christian settings that pathologized sexuality,
Celine notes her parents’ voices were “almost the antidote to what the church was telling me
but like in a way that's still lined up.” Parents have a great amount of influence over their
children and adolescent’s healthy sexuality development. As Celine’s experience
exemplifies, parents can either be the source of unhealthy messages, or the antidote to them.
Normalizing the development of sexuality is an integral component of fostering positive
embodiment in children and adolescents. As well, the participants’ experiences displayed the
interacting relationship between formal and informal strains of education.

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The implications of this research offer a deeper look into the profound impact that
parents have on their child’s sexual development. When parents offer a normalizing voice,
greater acceptance, connection, and openness are found. When parents offer a pathologizing
voice, greater rejection, disconnection, and restriction are found.
Peers. The participants’ experiences of peer influence on their sexuality education
were often implicitly described and, therefore, more limited in this study. Although, there
were a few notable implications of how peers shape an individual’s sexual education and
embodiment. Often when participants noted that the first time they learned about sexuality in
school, they were surrounded by their peers.
As in S’ narrative, she recalls her peers laughing out of discomfort when learning
about sex in the classroom. Anna describes how one of her classrooms was so grossed out
with the topic, she threw up. The topic of sexuality education became synonymous with
feelings of disgust and discomfort. These feelings are felt in the classrooms. I feel them when
I enter classrooms to teach about sexual health. Even still, I am questioning whether the
discomfort that children and adolescents experience during sexuality education is normal
because it is an inherently uncomfortable topic, or have we made the topic so taboo that there
is no other option than to feel uncomfortable. I suspect that if conversations surrounding
sexuality began younger, using age-appropriate language and topics, the discomfort
experienced in classrooms alongside peers would be minimal.
On a more personal note, in my position as a youth sexual health educator, I have
directly witnessed the influence that peers’ reactions have on girls’ learning in the classroom.
For example, in a presentation on consent, I tell a story about a 15-year-old girl who was

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sexually assaulted by four boys. In a classroom of 20 Grade 10 students, a group of boys
burst out laughing at this girl’s story. I looked at the girls sitting in that same classroom, and
you could see their bodies shrink into themselves. If not their experience, these women
would at the very least know someone who has been sexually assaulted. To hear these boys
attempt to erase the pain of their experience by laughing at this story was agonizing. One can
only imagine the messages that these girls are receiving about their bodies: women are
objects of service, men are more concerned with their pleasure over a women’s pain, and on
and on and on. The level of unsafety amongst peers in classrooms greatly influences girls’
experiences of learning in classroom, in the hallways, and in online spaces.
Media. Becoming one of the most influential sources of information for children and
adolescents, media plays an extensive role in sexuality development. In many instances, the
effects of media are explicitly stated by participants, as Katherine notes:
why did I develop an eating disorder? Because we live in a body, and we live in a
world that yeah tells us at all times that we are going to be desired more sexually
when we are smaller, right, and when we fit the societal like body standards.
Media’s messages about women often depict over-sexualized, skinny, flawless versions of
their bodies. There is extensive research into this phenomenon in media, with theories such
as objectification theory emerging. This field of research and the current study exhibit the
deep impact that media can have on women’s body journeys. Despite this, the current project
exhibits an intersecting implication.
On the other hand, there is an opportunity for media to be connecting for women. As
presented earlier, Kate’s experience of seeing pansexuality explained and portrayed by a

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character in a TV show allowed her to feel empowered in her sexuality identity. Participants
learned they were allowed to express their authentic sense of self when they resonated with
representations of their identify in media. The implications of the research are found in the
intersecting relationship of media: social media, TV, movies, ad campaigns, etc. can be
devastatingly harmful or they can be incredibly uplifting. It is both the responsibility of the
maker to create media that inspires and edifies and, at the same time, the responsibility of the
consumer to critically examine what is being explicitly and implicitly learned from the
media.
Clinical and Research Implications
There are a number of research implications that emerge from this study. Firstly, the
proposed model on the development of sexual knowing offers future researchers and
practitioners in psychology a framework for understanding the intersecting relationship
between sexual education and exploration. For professionals in this field, the model provides
an emerging scaffolding of sexual knowing which can be used to normalize the connections
and disconnections that are experienced throughout the course of one’s sexual development.
Through this model, counsellors, sex therapists, and sexual educators can become informed
on how to offer a path forward for bringing clients or students back into embodied and
uplifting stances when the disjointed nature of their education and exploration may leave
them feeling distanced from themselves and corseted in their bodily experience.
As well, for educators and policy makers, the model puts forward essential elements
that are often missed in classroom education, such as teaching students to become critical
thinkers when learning about sexuality, normalizing the development of sexuality (in other

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words, one does not need to have everything about their sexuality figured out), providing an
avenue for self-reflection where students can examine their experiences of connection or
disconnection with their sexual selves, and encouraging the phenomenological exploration of
their sexualities in safe and healthy ways.
Implications for Women
Drawing from the work of Lamb (2010), this study serves to challenge the notion that
women must reach perfect embodiment in order to be good and worthy. As noted by Lamb
(2010) in her critique of feminist ideals, research into women’s healthy sexuality has once
again placed an unmanageable number of ideals onto women. For example, feminist ideals
profess that women must not be passive, must be completely embodied all of the time, not be
influenced by media, reject objectification, feel and recognize all desires, and “exist always
as a subject and never as an object” (Lamb, 2010, p. 299). These ideals may not work to
build up and empower women but may continue to dismantle their internal wisdom.
This work was not undergone in order to create greater standards for women, rather to
allow for subjectivity and fluidity in sexual experience. The intention of this study was not to
establish a new norm requiring women to be embodied at all times. Rather, this study
recognizes and embraces the reality that embodiment exists on a spectrum. People, including
women, naturally move in and out of embodied ways of being, and this fluidity is considered
healthy and normal. This perspective challenges the rigid expectations placed on women's
bodies and sexuality, offering a more nuanced understanding that aligns with the
complexities of lived experiences.

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Strengths
One of the most significant strengths of this research study is the use of a feminist
methodology, the Listening Guide, as the research was approached from a feminist,
intersectional, and mutually collaborative framework. The utilization of the Listening Guide
inherently aligns with this approach, allowing for a more participatory and inclusive method
that values and integrates diverse voices. The voice becomes the site of understanding
women’s embodied being in the world. The voice represents the interplay between the
psychological process of one’s inner experience with the social and cultural backdrop that
marks one’s embodied presence in the world (Gilligan et al., 2003). As the study explored
how one’s body has been the “tool” and the “text” in the world, the Listening Guide served
as an appropriate and effective methodology for inquiry.
Alongside the strength of implementing the Listening Guide, another strength of this
research study is the transformative impact that is served for participants. More specifically,
the facilitation of the focus group was incredibly transformative and impactful for the
participants and the researcher. The focus group allowed participants to feel seen in their
experience and feel closer to other women who had experienced similar events. It provided a
safe and empowering space for participants to mutually collaborate on their contributions to
the research and reflect on how they want to exist and be in the world. One of the
participants, Katherine notes this transformative impact of the group:
We don’t normally talk about these things … When we keep having these
conversations, we create safety, and I don’t think pleasure can exist without safety.
This is a safe environment here, that we can create and expand [from].

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The group served as a representation of the impact of transformative research, despite not
making societal level effects; in fact, I would argue that to empower a woman and offer her
space to authentically exist in her body is just as significant. The societal level change begins
from individuals who exist in a state of empowered connection, and who can then advocate
for a world that is more whole and embodied.
Limitations
Participants in this study are asked questions about their sexuality which may have
evoked some discomfort for the participants, as the topic is seen as taboo in many social
circles. Therefore, participants may not have shared their authentic selves during the
interview or focus group process. To help overcome this limitation, I self-disclosed personal
experiences of sexual (dis)embodiment and my experience in sexuality education, as well as
created a space characterized by respect, trust, and safety through the process of interviews
and a focus group. Many of the participants used experiences described in my story as a
springboard to introduce some of their experiences. For example, I noted my experience of
spectatoring when having sex, which led to many of the participants expressing how they
resonated with this phenomenon.
Participants in this study had to identify as women. This criterion excluded the
perspectives of individuals that identify as men or as non-binary. Men and people of nonbinary gender identities also have unique perspectives to offer on their experience in
sexuality education and how that informs their sexual embodiment presently. However, this
area of study will need to be examined in future projects, as this was outside the scope of the
current project.

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A recruitment limitation of this study may have affected the results of the study, and
this study’s contribution to the literature. Specifically, one of the notable contributions is the
internal pull towards healing that many participants exhibited. This state of embodied
knowing has already been found in the literature; however, this study proposes additional
insight into the innate pull towards freedom and wholeness. Although, through this study’s
recruitment strategy which screened for participants who desire to connect with their bodies,
might have influenced the group of individuals who chose to participant. In other words,
there is an obvious finding of internal pull towards healing because that is what was screened
for. Although, this limitation does not undermine the fact that participants chose to act and
move towards a more embodied stance. Simply desiring to connect does not mean one is
going to act upon it. However, it was found that participants were making tangible move
towards an embodied state, which reaffirms the importance of that contribution to the
literature.
Another limitation that this study was faced with was the researcher’s association
with Trinity Western University, a well-known Christian institution. Some participants
expressed hesitation, particularly those within the LGBTQ+ community, in participating in
the project and disclosing their personal experiences with sexuality due to the institutions
historical and present approach to the LGBTQ+ community. Although, as the researcher, I do
not align with TWU’s perspective (and even more, actively reject it and see it as
discriminatory and dangerous), participants may not have fully disclosed their experiences
due to the institutional connection. This lack of complete disclosure may have influenced the
depth of insight and voice that led to this study’s findings.

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Future Directions
It is hoped that the above findings of the study are not the end of the transformative
impact of this research. In regard to future directions, more research must be done on
formalized sexuality education, and more explicitly asking participants what is missing and
needed from their in-school sexuality education. The researcher may have the opportunity to
begin sexuality education curriculum development, that is approved by the Ministry of
Education, alongside an organization in British Columbia that provides sexual health
education to children and adolescents. This curriculum is brought to classrooms across the
lower mainland and offered to work towards the goal of a more embodied and inclusive
sexuality education. In order to offer sexuality education that informs more embodied ways
of being, educators and curriculum developers must understand the student’s evolving needs
in relation to their healthy sexual development. Therefore, future research must aim to
explore the needs of students.
Another future direction that emerges from the current study is further research into
transgender and non-binary gender identities. Although there was a small amount of diversity
in sexual orientation among participants in this study, transgender and non-binary individuals
are often overlooked and under-represented. They offer different perspectives on what is
needed in sexuality education and will have unique experiences in how their education
informs their sexual embodiment. They have intersecting experiences of gender, body, and
sexuality that are essential areas of further research. The diversity found within the LGBQT+
community offers enlightening perspectives on how the current state of sexuality educations
fails students. As seen in this study, women are developing their identities in an environment

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of heteronormativity and patriarchy. When the added intersection of a queer identity is
present, individuals may experience more detrimental and damaging messages that are found
during their identity formation. Therefore, research into this community’s experiences in
their sexual embodiment is essential.
As noted in the implications section, the findings of this study offer professionals in
the field of psychology, as well as educators, a framework for understanding the
development of sexual knowing. In terms of future directions, subsequent research ought to
explore how the model can be incorporated into curriculum and professional counselling
practice. Analyzing whether the models is found to be an effective frame could be a potential
springboard for exploration.
As well, future directions of this research must include strengthening advocacy efforts
for sexuality education across Canada. Through this project, not only have my participants
been transformed, but I have been transformed as well. My passion for sexuality education in
this country has only grown stronger. I hope to continue to advocate for greater access to
high quality, comprehensive sexuality education in schools, in peers groups, in media, and in
families. Through working alongside an organization that provides sexual health education to
youth, I have already begun this advocacy work. In terms of future directions, I plan to
become a registered sex therapist and continue to research alongside institutions and
organizations that promote healthy sexuality development. As a sex therapist, I plan to work
with children, youth, and adults navigating the complexities of their sexual development. For
example, working with youth negotiating their sexual identities and using the findings of this

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research to help uplift their embodied knowing. In continuing research, I hope to address the
intersection between embodiment and specifically, the LGBTQ+ community.
Conclusion
In this research study, I aimed to bring about a greater understanding of women’s
experiences of sexual (dis)embodiment and how sexuality education has informed these
experiences. The connection between women and their bodies has been neglected in
sexuality education and it has detrimental effects on a woman's sense of wholeness and
health (Aggleton & Campbell, 2000; Garland-Levett, 2017). Internationally, many sexuality
education curricula operate from heteronormative and oppressive lenses, which teaches
marginalized groups that they do not fit into the social landscape when they are being
authentically themselves (Bay-Cheng, 2003; Francis, 2019; Kendall, 2014; Lamb, 2010;
Wilmot & Naidoo, 2014). Therefore, listening to the voices of women brings insight into
how women experience the current landscape of sexuality education—what corsets them and
what frees them.
Understanding women’s authentic experiences of embodiment move us away from
constraining women with objectified ‘feminine’ ways of being, to viewing women simply as
a being in her body, with herself, for herself. Further, it encourages the larger society to see
women not as objects to view, but as subjects to hear and listen to (Impett et al., 2006). This
research not only contributes to sexual embodiment literature, but it also serves as a call to
action in sexual education in school, and the broader social climate. In exploring women’s
experiences of sexuality education, it became evident that a heteronormative and
uncomprehensive approach to education exists in both formal and informal landscapes. As

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such, women from all backgrounds are bombarded with messages about their sexuality and
bodies, that are internalized and subsequently performed. Therefore, this research serves as a
starting point for shifts in the realm of sexuality education and embodiment.
In highlighting the voices of the women and bringing them into participation in the
research process, the participants can reclaim their power over their story and their body.
Therefore, I hoped to not only highlight the gaps in the current state of sexuality education
but to empower the women involved in the study through the inclusion of their voices and
participation in the research process. Throughout the focus group process, the participants
described a greater sense of understanding for their selves. The implications for conducting
research in this way also shape our larger social climates one step forward in recognizing the
need to become more connected and attuned with our bodies. It is my hope that readers of
this research will also be transformed. In hearing the voices of women grapple with living out
their most authentic versions of themselves, I suspect that readers will be struck with their
own sense of reflection on their authentic sexual selves. They may begin to ask if they are
being corseted, regulated, objectified in their sexuality, and if so, how do they move into
embodied states of being and knowing? The transformation does not end there either, readers
will have conversations with their loved ones, friends, peers, which creates a ripple effect of
self-reflection and transformation. As the researcher, I am in awe of the transformative
effects that the participants’ voices have prompted. It is my hope that they continue to
expand, transform, and revolutionize the way that women, and all individuals yearning for
connection, take up space with their bodies.

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https://doi.org/10.1037/14341-004
World Association for Sexual Health. (2014). Declaration of sexual rights. World
Association for Sexual Health. https://worldsexualhealth.net/wpcontent/uploads/2013/08/Declaration-of-Sexual-Rights-2014-plain-text.pdf
World Health Organization. (2017). Sexual health and its linkages to reproductive health:
An operational approach. World Health Organization.
https://apps.who.int/iris/bitstream/handle/10665/258738/9789241512886eng.pdf?sequence=1&isAllowed=y
Ussher, J., Hawkey, A., & Perz, J. (2018). Sexual embodiment in girlhood and beyond:
Young migrant and refugee women's discourse of silence, secrecy, and shame. In S.
Lamb & J. Gilbert (Eds), In The Cambridge Handbook of Sexual Development:
Childhood and Adolescence (pp. 113–138). Cambridge University Press.

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Yost, M. R., & Chmielewski, J. F. (2013). Blurring the line between researcher and
researched in interview studies. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 37(2), 242–250.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0361684312464698
Young, I. M. (2005). On female body experience: “Throwing like a girl” and other essays.
Oxford University Press.

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APPENDIX A: Recruitment Advertisements
Print Posters Advertisement

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Social Media Advertisement

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APPENDIX B: Initial Contact Protocol
-

-

Introduce myself as a master’s student in counselling psychology from Trinity
Western University
Explain that participation will involve an interview of approximately 90 minutes and
optional attendance at a focus group (1-2 hours in length) to take place at a later date.
Provide information about the purpose of the study.
o I am looking to hear about your experiences with sex education across your
lifetime. This would include formal in-school experiences, as well as the
education you may have received from parents, peers, media, and the larger
social setting you grew up in. With this backdrop in mind, I also want to hear
about your experiences of feeling connected and disconnected from your
body.
Indicate that I need to ask a few questions to ensure that they are a fit for the study:
o Do you identify as a woman?
o Are you between the ages of 19-30?
o Do you desire to feel connected to your body?
o Are you able to reflect on your experiences of sex education, and/or the lack
of sex education across your lifetime?
o Are there any reasons to believe that a subject that may be discussed in the
interview may become overwhelming for you, such as sexual abuse?
o Are you willing to commit to an interview of approximately 90 minutes?
o Is there anything I can do to make the interview more comfortable for you?
Offer accommodation options.

If they meet inclusion and exclusion criteria:
- Ask them if they are interested in participating and if they have any questions.
- Thank them for their time and arrange the next steps to set up an interview.
- Ensure that the participants will have a safe and private location of their choosing to
participate in the interview
If they are not a fit:
- Thank them for their time and vulnerability in expressing interest in this study.
- Briefly explain why they are not a fit.
- Offer to be in touch with the results of the research.
- “if you are interested in this topic, here are some more resources that this research
team has been looking at…” articles, podcasts, websites

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APPENDIX C: Consent Form
Learning To (Dis)Connect:
Women’s Experiences of Sexual (Dis)Embodiment Following Sexuality Education
Principal Investigator:

Haylee O’Doherty, M.A. Student in Counselling Psychology,
Trinity Western University.

Supervisor:

Dr. Larissa Rossen, Ph.D., Associate Professor, Department of
Counselling Psychology, Trinity Western University.

Purpose: The purpose of this study is to investigate women’s experiences of feeling
connected with or disconnected from their bodies. The sexuality education that one receives
throughout their lifetime informs the way one perceives and feels about their body. One’s
sexuality education can have considerable effects on one’s ability to connect with their body.
This study is seeking women who are between the ages of 19-30, currently residing in the
United States or Canada, who can reflect on these experiences of connection or
disconnection, within the context of their sexuality education across their lifetime.
Procedures: As a participant, you will be asked to participate in an interview that will take
approximately 90 minutes. Before the interview can take place, there will be a brief screening
process that will take place over the phone, to ensure you identify as a woman, are between
the ages of 19-30, you desire to feel connected with your body, you reside in Canada or the
United States, and you will not feel triggered by the content of the interview. The interview
will take place over Zoom. The interview will be recorded, and then stored on encrypted
hardware under a pseudonym of your choosing to ensure your confidentiality. In this
interview, you will be asked to share some of your formative experiences of your sex
education, what some of your experiences of connection and disconnection with your body
are, and how your sexuality education has influenced these experiences. After the interview,
you will be given the chance to reflect on your experiences or ask questions. Your interview
will then be transcribed where all identifying information will be removed to ensure your
anonymity. After the interviews of all participants have been analyzed by the research team,
you will be asked to voluntarily participate in a focus group over Zoom with other
participants in the study that will take 1-2 hours. In this focus group, the study’s preliminary
findings will be presented and the participants will be given the opportunity to reflect, make
changes, add further insights, and provide feedback for the analysis. As well, in this focus
group, you will be asked to create a self-portrait with clay (which will be provided to you)
which will not be used for analysis but rather serves to elaborate the meaning of the study’s
findings. If you choose not to participate in the focus group, an email with the preliminary
findings will be sent to you and you can offer feedback and reflection through that medium.
You will also be asked if your self-portrait can be included in the results of the study; a
consent form for this will be signed after the completion of the self-portrait. When the study
is complete, the results will be made available to you.

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Potential Risks and Discomforts: Your participation in this interview may cause potential
discomforts. You will be asked to reflect on experiences of disconnection with your body,
which may cause some discomfort or emotional dysregulation. As well, you will be asked to
reflect on your sexual feelings, desires, and yearnings, as well as experiences of needing to
‘perform’ in your sexuality, which may elicit some discomfort. You may have experiences of
sexual abuse or assault, which may cause discomfort. If at any point you feel uncomfortable
or distressed, the interview will stop, and you will be able to choose to continue when you
feel ready or end your participation.
Potential Benefits: The hope of this study is to empower the women involved through
inclusion of their voices and create space for their experiences to be heard. In the focus group
process, you may also be able to feel a sense of community and mutual empowerment, which
aligns with feminist theories that frame this study. Understanding women’s authentic
experiences of embodiment move society away from constraining women, to viewing women
simply as a being in her body, with herself, for herself.
Confidentiality: Any information that is obtained in connection with this study and that can
be identified with you will remain confidential and will be disclosed only with your
permission or as required by law. You will be asked to choose a pseudonym which will be
used to represent you in all documents related to your interview. Both interviews will be
video, and audio recorded and stored on a password-protected computer and/or encrypted
and password-protected drive.
Interview transcripts will not include any identifying information. Documents relating to
interviews will be kept on a password-protected storage device and only members of the
research team will have access to these documents. Only the principal researcher and her
supervisor will view the video recordings, and all audio-visual recordings will be destroyed
once the project is completed, while interview transcripts will be kept for future research.
Upon your request, a copy of the final study results will be provided to you.
When conducting the interview over Zoom, please note that:
“All responses to the survey will be stored and accessed in the USA. This company is
subject to U.S. laws, in particular, to the U.S. Patriot Act that allows authorities
access to the records of internet service providers. It has been deemed unethical by
Canadian Research Ethics Boards to save research data on a USA server for a longterm period, according to Canadian law and research ethics. However, it has been
determined that for a short-term period, maximum of ten days, is acceptable to keep
research data before it needs to be downloaded to a Canadian server. If you choose to
participate in the interview, you understand that your responses will be stored and
accessed in the USA for a maximum of ten days before being downloaded to a
Canadian server. The security and privacy policy for Zoom can be viewed at
http://www.zoom.us "
Remuneration/Compensation: A $15.00 Starbucks gift card will be provided for
participating in this study.

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Contact for information about the study: If you have any questions or desire further
information concerning this study, you may contact Haylee O’Doherty (Redacted) or her
researcher supervisor, Dr. Larissa Rossen (Redacted).
Contact for concerns about the rights of research participants: If you have any concerns
about your treatment or rights as a research participant, you may contact the Ethics
Compliance Officer in the Office of Research, Trinity Western University at 604-513-2167
or HREB@twu.ca.
Consent: Your participation in this study is voluntary and you have the right to refuse your
participation or choose to withdraw from the study at any time through communication over
the phone, email, or in person. Refusing to participate or choosing to withdraw from this
study will not affect your relations with the researcher or research team negatively. Please
note that withdrawal from the research will not be possible after the researcher has included
your information in the dataset, however, your identity will be protected throughout the
research process through the use of your selected pseudonym. If you withdraw from the
study, the data gathered from your interviews will be immediately destroyed.
Signatures
Your signature below indicates that you have had your questions about the study answered to
your satisfaction and have received a copy of this consent form for your records. Your
signature indicates that you consent to participate in this study and that your responses may
be put in an anonymous form and kept for further use after the completion of this study.
________________________________________
Research Participant Signature
___________________________________________
Printed Name of the Research Participant

_______________________
Date

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APPENDIX D: Interview Protocol
Introductory Script: Thank you for choosing to participate in this interview. Before we
proceed, I want to remind you that, at all times during the interview, you may choose to
disclose or not to disclose any information, depending on how comfortable you feel. You
also may request to take a break or to discontinue the interview at any time.
Informed consent.
Preamble: As you know, I am interested in women’s experiences of becoming sexually
embodied or disembodied and how sexuality education has informed those experiences. This
is the first of two interviews, and the purpose is to collect information about what you have
experienced and how it has affected you.
Describing embodiment in lay language, with a personal experience of embodiment and
disembodiment.
q
q

As a way to begin, I wanted to get an understanding of what being a sexual being
means to you.
Would you be able to describe an experience of sexuality education?
- Which experience was most formative?
- Who were the primary educators?
- What was the setting?
- How old were you?

Describe how the study is defining sexuality – 5 circles of sexuality.
My interest is how this backdrop has contributed to shaping your sexual embodiment. I’m
now going to ask you to describe some of your experiences of connection and disconnection
with your body.
-

What are your experiences of connection and/or disconnection to your sexual
feelings, desires, and yearnings?
o What were the expectations of that situation? When? With whom?
What are your experiences of needing to ‘perform’ or change your sexuality?
o What were the expectations of that situation? When? With whom?
How has your sexuality education informed these experiences?
o Referencing back to formative experiences discussed earlier in the interview.

Summarize what has been discussed up to this point with the participant and offer any
further reflection or changes, as necessary.

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APPENDIX E: Demographic Questionnaire
1. What is your age? __________
2. What sexual orientation(s) do you identify with, if any? __________________
3. What is your ethnic and cultural identification? __________________
4. What is your highest level of completed education? _____________________
5. What is your marital status? __________________________
6. Who lives in your household? _________________________
7. What is your employment status? _______________________

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APPENDIX F: Debriefing Form
Thank you for taking part in the present study seeking to understand women’s experience of
connection and disconnection with their sexual bodies. Your participation and willingness to
share your experience are invaluable to this work and very much appreciated!
After all the individual interviews have been conducted, an email invitation will be sent out
for optional participation in a focus group. At this event, I will share preliminary findings and
themes that have emerged from the data. Space and time will be provided for feedback,
reflection, and engagement with the researcher and other participants.
If you have any questions or desire further information concerning this study, you may
contact Haylee O’Doherty (Redacted) or her researcher supervisor, Dr. Larissa Rossen
(Redacted)
If you have any concerns about your treatment or rights as a research participant, you may
contact the Ethics Compliance Officer in the Office of Research, Trinity Western University
at 604-513-2167 or HREB@twu.ca.
If this process has left you with feelings of emotional or mental distress, below is a list of
resources and clinical counsellors who can walk with you in working through these emotions
and thoughts. The listed counsellors operate on a sliding scale to provide counselling that is
accessible.
Fraser Valley Crisis Line: 1-604-951-8855 or 1-877-820-7444
The crisis line is a free service, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Fraser River Counselling: 1-604-513-2113
https://fraserrivercounselling.ca
Shoreline Counselling: 1-604-371-4145
https://shorelinecounselling.ca
Soul Matters: 1-250-221-2015
https://www.soulmatters.ca
Thank you again for your generous participation and contribution to this project.

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APPENDIX G: Follow-Up Focus Group Interview Prompts
Thank you all for meeting for our final interview. This focus group is intended to be an
opportunity to not only go over the results of your individual interviews and determine if you
feel they are an accurate reflection of your experiences, but to also hear from others and their
own experiences of sexual embodiment and sexuality education. It is hoped that through this
process, you may each walk away from this study with a sense of community and feeling
more empowered. We will first do introductions in which each person here will say their
name and a little about themselves. We will then review the study’s results, as well as the
summary you received of your first interview to check that you feel it is accurate and reflects
the content we covered. During this time, you will each be given a copy of your I poems
generated from the data analysis process. In reflecting on your I poems, I will also set aside
some time for you to create a self-portrait. Finally, I will ask you a few questions and offer
you an opportunity to debrief and ask me any questions.
Questions:
1. After reading through the summary of preliminary findings, do you feel it is accurate
and reflective of the content we covered?
a. What stands out to you?
b. Is there anything you would like to change or clarify?
c. Is there anything that surprises you?
2. What have you discovered or have you had any greater insights through this process?
3. What has this process led you to reflect on, if anything?
4. Is there anything that has not been talked about that you would like to include the
findings?
5. Do you have any questions for me?
6. What are you taking away from participating in this process?
Self-Portrait Procedure:
Now, that you have had time to reflect on the preliminary analysis and your I-poems. I would
ask that you respond to your I-poems through a self-portrait. A self-portrait is not necessarily
a picture of your face or your body. Rather, the portrait is a representation of your Self (body,
mind, and soul). I have provided clay for you to sculpt your self-portrait.
Please take around an hour to complete your portrait. If completed before everyone else, you
can either wait for others to be done for us to discuss or you can leave if needed. After your
self-portrait is complete, those remaining here will discuss their portraits if they would like.
I would also ask that before you leave, you discuss with me whether I can photograph your
self-portrait to be used in conjunction with the I-poem(s) that was responded to, and include
these in the final project document. I will have you sign an additional consent form if you are
willing to include your piece in the project.

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APPENDIX H: Self-Portrait Photograph Consent
Purpose: The purpose of photographing your self-portrait is to include alongside the I-poem
that you created your piece in response to; these will be included in the final document. The
self-portrait serves as an elaboration of meaning for your data and specifically, your I-poem.
Confidentiality: Any information that is obtained in connection with this study and that can
be identified with you will remain confidential and will be disclosed only with your
permission or as required by law. The self-portrait will be displayed under your prechosen
pseudonym which will be used to represent you in all documents related to your interview.
The photograph will be stored on a password-protected computer and/or encrypted and
password-protected drive.
Contact for information about the study: If you have any questions or desire further
information concerning this study, you may contact Haylee O’Doherty (Redacted) or her
researcher supervisor, Dr. Larissa Rossen (Redacted).
Contact for concerns about the rights of research participants: If you have any concerns
about your treatment or rights as a research participant, you may contact the Ethics
Compliance Officer in the Office of Research, Trinity Western University at 604-513-2167
or HREB@twu.ca.
Consent: Photographing your self-portrait is voluntary and you have the right to refuse or
withdraw your piece from the final document. Refusing to have the principal investigator
photograph your self-portrait study will not affect your relations with the researcher or
research team negatively. Please note that withdrawal from the research will not be possible
after the researcher has included your information in the final submitted project document,
however, your identity will be protected throughout the research process through the use of
your selected pseudonym.
Signatures
Your signature below indicates that you have had your questions about the study answered to
your satisfaction and have received a copy of this consent form for your records. Your
signature indicates that you consent to have your self-portrait photographed, included in the
public document, and that your art piece may be put in an anonymous form and kept for
further use after the completion of this study.
_________________________________________
Research Participant Signature
___________________________________________
Printed Name of the Research Participant

_______________________
Date

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APPENDIX I: Data Analyst Confidentiality Agreement
As a member of the team using the Listening Guide to analyze transcripts, you will be in
possession of personal, and at times sensitive, information about individuals, possibly
including their identities, locations, as well as their study transcripts. You are expected to
keep all information confidential, and dispose of all materials appropriately and in a timely
manner.
I, _______________________________, agree to maintain full confidentiality in regard to
any and all recordings and documentation received from Haylee O’Doherty related to her
project on women’s sexual embodiment and sexuality education. Furthermore, I agree:
•

To hold in the strictest confidence the identification of any individual that may be
inadvertently revealed during the transcription or recorded interviews, or in any
associated documents;

•

To not make copies of any recordings or computerized files of the transcribed
interview texts, unless specifically requested to do so by Haylee O’Doherty;

•

To store all study related recordings and materials in a safe, secure location as long as
they are in my possession;

•

To return all recordings and study related documents to Haylee O’Doherty in a
complete and timely manner;

•

To delete all electronic files containing study-related documents from my computer
hard drive and any backup devices.

I am aware that I can be held legally liable for any breach of this confidentiality agreement,
and for any harm incurred by individuals if I disclose identifiable information contained in
the recordings and/or files to which I will have access.
_______________________ ____________________________
Signature
Printed Name

___________________
Date